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WELCOME EVERYONE TO
Man of the Year:
this prestigous award goes out to ryan gallaway.
a boy of folly and mischeif, ryan was a shoe-in for man of the year. but
what, you ask, has ryan accomplished in order to gain this recognition?
it all started in 7th grade. from humble beginnings, this lad slowly
etched his way into to fabric of history. he used to come to my house to
hang out with my brother, and they would play blanket blob. my brother
would end up punching ryan, and he'd fall to the ground and act like he
was dead. i am not completely sure as to why this happened, but i guess
the mystery that is ryan only adds to his charisma. when ryan was a
freshman, he was re-introduced to smoking marijuana. this drove him to do
several noble things. one will not soon forget the night in which he stole
his parent's mini-van and was caught. one also will not soon forget the
second time he did it, planting him and an innocent man in jail. but we
are all thankful for the hundred of dollars he has stolen from his dear
parents to purchase food and outlawed substances. thank you, ryan. you
truly are a man among men.
Business of the Year:
business of the year goes out to scott king's chauffering service. for a
small fee (not necessarily money), you can be transported to anywhere in
the near-area. service with a smile, and never over-crowded.
Pimp of the Year:
goes out to little kitty. although he's not so little anymore, this cat is
a straight pimp. lindsay henderson, longtime girlfriend of scott king,
often has a hard time choosing between the lust she feels for little kitty
or the love she feels for scott. i even question my own sexuality when it
comes to that little critter, but unfortunately little kitty doesn't swing
that way. scott got into a fist-fight with him and got his ass beat, so
that should tell you right there that little kitty is not one to be
trifled with. kevin is a lucky guy.
Grif of the Century:
this highly valued honor goes out to grif fitzgerald. only he can be the
grif that is so highly honored. the award ceremony for "Grif of the
century" will be held at the newly-updated Mount Grifmore on November
15th at 7:00 PM CST. the event will be televised nationally on CNN and
MSNBC, as well as your local news channels.
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