| What�s with your obsession? You ask and wonder why Time to hear, time to listen Understand this confession It was not I that craved to die But the evil & the sin The darkness kept within A shell meant to melt You should know And see the fear I felt What is that stalking in the dark? A nameless shadow without form The daemon come without a heart To reckon up the score I surround myself in pillows And peer between them through a slot For I believe as all children What cannot be seen, cannot be got I hunker down and hold my breath You�ll never know the terror To look inside the eyes of death Two glowing orbs inside a shroud He rises up without a sound Painted black against the backlit moon Gliding up the bed He�ll be upon me soon Oh God, I can feel his fingers His clammy palm and razor nails Just above my face he lingers And I see it; I can see it in his eyes Years from now and further on My future that o�re the horizon lies� |
| Placed alone in a chair amidst a crowd I sit and stare draped in a dimness A face appealing their forgiveness They have raised a din so loud But I cannot be heard without a word So I will sweat and bear the pain Evoke a voice to die in vain Why do not you dare to hear? You should listen And proffer up a caring ear What is that stirring in my presence? Is naught at all it seems For I am alone in form and essence Which no amnesty redeems I surround myself with emptiness And turn my thoughts a darker hue For I believe as all adults To thine own self alone be true I bow my head and write a verse You�ll never know the burden With which I bear this curse A mind that craves release But never comes to ease Suffering always for want of company Sliding down in disdain There is no help for me Oh God, Why leave me like this? They in unknowing heaven And me in the abyss And I know it; I feel the detestation Years from now I�ll remember How I came to have this fascination� |
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| Explanation: This is one of my own form poems. It's called a "Diatic". The name signifies that this is actually 2 poems. The name "Fear and Confession" is actually "Fear" and "Confession" because the 2 poems can stand alone as seperate pieces, but I place them side by side so the reader can't help but read both selections. Either of the 2 can actually be read first, it doesn't matter which order they are read in because their opening and ending lines link in a circle. The 2 pieces are linked through a common voice...the voice in "Fear" is the voice in "Confession", but what seperates their messages is their tone and age. The voice in "Fear" is a younger more timid figure, like a 9 year old for example. While the voice in "Confession" is older and more brooding, like maybe a young adult in their 20's. I wrote these 2 poems in a short amount of time but had dwelt on their construction for weeks. People had mentioned to me that they were noticing that I was darker and seemed more jaded in character. I said "Well DUH!". I didn't see why people had such a hard time understanding why I was peeved. I can't simplify it any more than this: YOU go live alone at 18 years old in the 3rd largest US city in a place where you are the minority, where you carry a 10 inch French knife not just because you need it for school, but because chances are you will need it on the street for protection...not an exaggeration, been there...you live for days at a time without human contact, yeah you talk to people at school but they're interested in everything you detest and you come home at nite to sit and wait for just one stupid phone call that never comes...go...GO and live like this for a year...and come back and then I'll listen to your excuses if you don't choke trying to sound them out. People say, "That's really harsh and unfair"...no kidding...you think life here is any less? Both college kids and adults no longer have anything on me...they can't use that old phrase..."Life's not fair"...because you don't get to use that until you've lived it like it really is. People say, "Well maybe friends are too busy...they have a lot to do...what do you expect of them?...they can't be involved in your life 24/7" and you know what I say to that ....BULL...learn a phrase I did...no excuses...stop telling yourself it's ok. A chef told me something once about a piece of meat I cooked that was a lil too far done, "No Excuses, you control the heat...you put it on the fire or off it...you decide how Done it gets and how it gets done...make it what it needs to be or forget it." Same thing applies to friendships...you make em what they are, they aren't like a Fine Aged Wine that sits for years and years untouched and then when its 80 years old finally gets enjoyed becuase it sat on its butt unused...NO..a friendship is like a steak, you gotta work to make it come out the way it should...you got to keep your eye on it and turn it and season it with love and attention. Look at the people you love most in your life...are they the ones who you're investing an hour a week with or 20 hours a week with?....are they the ones who you don't even know their middle name or are they the ones you could tell me their favorite ice cream topping or the last book they read? People want to know WHY I've been darker in what I write and say...it's because I've learned that some don't feel the way I do about loving my neighbor even from this far away. I'm busy too, I don't have time to write and do my photography...but you wanna know why it gets done...because I MAKE IT...you make time for the things you love and the things you love make your time worthwhile. I ask that everyone who reads these 2 poems to read them again more than once. Come back every day and read them again and each day for a week look at the friends you come in contact with and ask yourself why they mean what they do to you and how bad it would hurt if they weren't there. Hopefully now you all will know why this side of life affects me so deeply and I hope each of you may grow closer to at least one other person you love. |