Created: Sept 29th, Last Updated October 18th
Ice Cream is Addictive -- It has been conclusively proven that when one eats just spoonful of ice cream, he or she is likely to finish the entire "bowl". The so called "harmless" flavours such as vanilla are just as addictive and harmful. Ice Cream is also a "gateway food", which leads one to eat harsher foods like Sundaes and Drumsticks.
Ice Cream causes permenent damage -- Ice Cream contains fat. Fat has been linked to serious ailments such as heart attacks and strokes. Even if you have ice cream as a teenager the fat will be stored in your body forever. The so called "harmless" flavours such as vanilla have been proven to be just as harmul and addictive.
Eating Ice Cream supports terrorism -- If you were a true American, you wouldn't need an explanation.
Ice Cream is mind altering -- Eating large quantities of ice cream leads one to have an "ice cream headache", which makes them dizzy and confused. In an alarming study, 99.98% of all traffic accidents involved someone who had eaten ice cream in their childhood.
And despite rumours to the contrary, we were not paid off by candy bar companies to initiate this law.
-------------------------------------Back to Reality------------------------------------
Smoking "weed" or whatever you want to call it has got to be the most victimless crime I've ever heard of. I don't even do it and anti-weed commercials still piss me off. The only damn reasons the U.S. gov't even bothers to throw out are empty-minded. "It has chemicals in it". Oh no, not chemicals! And get this: a cigar of weed has four times as much of one type of tar than a cigarette of tobacco. Oh really? So how many people smoke a pack of blunts in one day? It's like the government is telling you what you can and cannot do with your own life. I think 5 years in prison is a whole lot less healthy for a guy than smoking some *checks list* Zig Zag man.
Anything that you like is going to be addictive. Tobacco is addictive. Aspirin is addictive. Video Games are addictive. And for God's sake, if anyone is lively enough to drive after taking a few hits, they're obviously some sort of higher being who isn't not succuming to the effects too badly anyway. What really burns me is the studies they do:
"In one study . . . of 150 reckless drivers who were tested for drugs at the arrest scene, 33 percent tested positive for marijuana and 12 percent tested positive for both marijuana and cocaine".
Okay, so since 12 percent also tested positive for cocaine, that means at most only 21% had only marijuana. And out of that 21%, a great many probably had alchohol (or another untested drug) as well. I'd go as far as to say that, since most people who smoke marijuana also drink alchohol, that there might have been like 10% or less where weed was the primary cause of reckless driving.
And before you e-mail me with "BUT MADDOX I MEAN GREG MORE PEOLE DRNIK ALOCHOL TAHN DRUGS SO 10% ISS SITLL ALOT LOL" consider that this was a sample of 150 bloody drivers! They might have done 200 freakin' studies of 150 drivers until they got the still measly and misleading result of 21%. Pathetic.
There are only three possible reasons that the U.S government could possibly be so damn persistant against "Hitting the Hay"
1. They're concerned for your safety
2. They're being bribed by pharmeceutical companies
3. They're oppressing you
You don't have to smoke weed to be against anti-weed campaigns. After all, the government is spending your tax dollars to crack down on this "crime" before it somehow kills millions of people.
Now eat your ice cream with pride.
