Created: Feb. 8th
There's no way you can do this crazy shit they show with a Reebok or No Surrender or whatever other shoe. Only a Nike shoe will do, despite the fact that it's the exact same in every single way.
It's funny to think that some advanced form of life on another planet has probably studied Earth. They'd probably try to make a scientific report about how our world works, but realize that it's so insane that no one would believe it, and instead sell the report as science-fiction. Here's and excerpt from such a book:
"The wealthy inhabitants seem to stare for hours at video screens, watching taped performances known as situation comedies or 'sitcoms' for short. In these performance, some unlikely situation arises and the inhabitants laugh. We don't quite understand why they laugh, especially since many of these inhabitants have already viewed the performance many times.
"The performances are frequently interrupted with 'commercial breaks'. These commercials inform the inhabitants about products. It works similarily to our own videoscreens, but these commercials have some bizzare qualities:
"For one, most of the commercials don't explain why the advertised product is superior to similar products. Secondly, there is a very finite number of commercials. It's baffling why the commercial producing companies would waste money informing the viewers about the same product over and over....."
That's enough of that garbage. The point is, 90% of all commercials don't even explain why I should buy their shit over similar shit.
My favourite is the one where the thing is the official thing of some bullshit league. Did you know that the Mach 3 Razor is the official blade of the NHL? I didn't even think the NHL would have an official blade. How did the NHL go about this? Did they poll all the players on what their favourite blade was, and they agreed it was Mach 3?
Or did Mach 3 pay them to make it the official blade, and if so, why would I buy a blade made by a company that has to charge me more so they can pay to be the official blade of the NHL?
That's another thing: I don't need 3 blades to shave. I take it whoever buys this is the same guy who pays for bottled water and is saving up for a Segway.
Honourary Mention goes to the couple of negative ads I thankfully only saw once each. This is where the cool teens are wearing Levis jeans or what have you, and they talk about how much they hate commercials, but how much they love the jeans. I almost wound up in a hospital for hitting myself too hard in the face.... against the TV.
