Created: Sept 12th.
Kit Kat Crisp Wrap:
This wrapper doesn't looks like it would have a prayer of keeping Kit Kats crispy, and it doesn't. It's a single wrapper that's thinner and more reflective than the regular wrappers, which makes the chocolate melt faster! The bastards at Nestle (I think it's Nestle) know this.
The wrapper is cheaper, those fat cats are just trying to save on costs, but are these savings passed on to the consumer? No! So now I'm left with a melted Kit Kat that costs more than a dollar, is in a hard to open wrapper, and is supposedly (but not) more crisp.
Vodka Made with Spring Water:
Yeah, okay, I guess whoever drinks this alchoholic beverage is afraid that the chlorene found in tap water is going to kill their brain cells. And in case you still don't get what I'm getting at: alchohol kills brain cells anyway!
You know what? I'm not even against alchohol. It's great, it's the whole spring water craze I don't get. A bottle of "spring water", which is usually just filtered tap water anyway, can cost an upwards of $2. You know how much water cost 10 years ago? Nothing! What's next, we're going to pay for bottled air? Yeah, go ahead and laugh. You'll remember the day you read this article. I'm a prophet.
The Increasing Complexity of Snack Bars (Shouts to Ben Lee):
Back in the day, you sat down to eat. But since we live in a better world, we now don't have time for that, because in a better world, we live like slaves to time. So Someone decided to create a cross between a Fig Newton and a Granola Bar and voila, you have a snack bar. Bravo. Of course you have to eat a trillion of them to feel full so you're just wasting time anyway, but I'll live with that, this is good enough.
Then someone decided, you know what? There isn't enough shit on this snack bar! Let's add almonds and flakey pieces of oats that fall off and make a mess and god knows what else? Kellogg's (huge participants of the "Green Revolution" by the way), decided that they should put this thin white film on their vector bars. What is it? Milk? Yogourt? Who knows? Who cares? It's worse for you than tap water, that's for sure.
The Constant Modification of the Oreo:
The Oreo should consist of three parts: a black hard cookie-like round object, the "white stuff", and then an identical black hard cookie-like object.
No "double stuffs", no "coloured filling", definately no "double stuffs where both stuffs are different colours". No "one stuff being split into two colours", no "two stuffs being split into two different colours each" (all right, I made that one up), and no turning an Oreo into an Ice Cream sandwich*.
Regardless of anything, I will eat an Oreo in one or two bites, so I'm not going to notice your precious precision changes. Just make a plain Oreo cookie and charge less, is that so hard to do?
* Note: I actually love Oreo Ice Cream Sandwhiches, but I'm serious about the other stuff.
