 |
| Goofy-Ass Story By Sam[antha] Lyons One day a bike rider by the name of Pumpkin Rad Pete came down to the skatepark in a ghetto ass town named Revert. Revert had a lot of dirty people, looking to inbreed. Everyone in Revert hated gay people and jews. That was just how Revert was. Really old school. Pumpkin Rad Pete rode up to his good friend Gnarly Ass George. "Hey Gnarly Ass George!" Pumpkin Rad Pete said. "Yo, sup wit muh bitch, Pumpkin Rad Pete!?" he replied. "Nuttin, just jiggin wit muh bi-sicle, dawg." "Word, I hear dat. I be feelin' like shiz-net, doo." "Why be dat?" Pumpkin Rad Pete asked his friend. "Them hoes at da dirty jumps on the south side be wack." Gnarly Ass George was speaking of thoughs riders at the Lil Sausage Trails. He didn't like them, because they didn't talk a lot of shit. Gnarly Ass George tried to pick fights with them a lot, but it never happened because the kids at the Lil Sausage Trails were always happy. "Twat happen dis time, dawg?" Pumpkin Rad Pete asked his friend. "Awe, yknow, they be all smiling and dimply n shiz-net. It be wack, dawg." "Word. So twat we do 'bout it?" "I be tinkin, yo, that we should go tear down dem jumpy jumps." "I hear dat, dawg. Dun like none of dat jumpy jumping shiz-net." "Word." So Pumpkin Rad Pete and Gnarly Ass George decided that they would go to the Lil Sausage Trails and wreck all their jumps that the happy lil creaters spent so long perfecting. "La la la la la la la la la..." Smily Sunshine Kid sang as he worked on a lip. Totally Happy Tad came up beind him with a wheelborrow full of dirt. "What a lovely day, don't you think, Smily Sunshine Kid?" he asked with a huge grin. "Yes, I surely believe it is. Do you hear the birds chirping? Sounds ever-so nice." "I agree, man." Smily Sunshine Kid and Totally Happy Tad mixed the dirt with some water and threw it at the top of the lip and smoothed it out. "I'm ever-so gleeful at the shape that our dirt jumps shall turn out. They shall be wonderful to ride on." "Word, dawg,"Totally Happy Tad replied. Smily Sunshine Kid gasped. "Excuse me?" "I mean, I agree. I don't know what came over me. I've been so stressted with work, it just came out." "Well, just don't let it happen again, or we will never be able to get into heaven." "Oh no! Not that!" Totally Happy Tad dropped to his knees and began to pray. "It's okay," Smily Sunshine Kid said as he finished the lip. "Let's go home and drink some lemonade and let this dry overnight." "Oh, lemonade! Yummy!" Totally Happy Tad said with a big smile. So the two friends left the jumps and rode their bikes home to get a refreshing drink and read the bible. That night, when it was dark and the locals of Lil Sausage Trails were tucked in bed and sound asleep, Pumpkin Rad Pete and Gnarly Ass George made their way through the woods to the dirt jumping spot that people like Smily Sunshine Kid and Totally Happy Tad worked so hard to build over the years. The both wore all black and carried pitchforks and shovels. "Yo, getz dat lip, biz-natch. Looky like dey just finy-ished it," Gnarley Ass George said. "Dawg, I know what I be doin', dun push me like youz got a stick up yo ass," Pumpkin Rad Pete replied. "Dun youz get smarty wit me, shorty!" he yelled back. "Dawg, twatever." Pumpkin Rad Pete grabbed his pitchfork and raised it. He then throw it down into the freshly built lip, but it hit something really hard and the vibration came up and hurt his wrist. "Yowzaz!!" he squeeled. "Shuty up, dawg!" Gnarly Ass George hissed. But it was too late. All of a sudden the entire area of the jumps lit up. "Awe, crap nuts! We be caught," they both said. They thought that the Lil Sausage locals were coming and would start preaching to them, but they were wrong. "Hault! Who wrecks thy jumps!?" a booming voice asked. The two couldn't tell who was saying it. It seemed like the voice came from all over. "I ask thee again, who wrecks thy jumps?" the echoy voice said again. "U-u-u-u-u-ummm..." Gnarly Ass George said. "A-a-a-a-a-ahhh..." Pumpkin Rad Pete said. "Say, aren't thee from Revert skatepark?" the voice asked. "Y-y-y-y-y-es..." "Thee does not go to church to praise thee." "What!? Dis be God?" Gnarly Ass George asked. "So thee do believe in thy exsistence." "Awe, puh-leese!" Pumpkin Rad Pete said finally. "Who be dis? Happy crew, youz need to cut dis shiz-net out." "Did thee just say a vulgar word?" "Damn straight, dawg!" he replied. "None of that!" All of a sudden the earth started to rumble. Gnarly Ass George and Pumpkin Rad Pete fell to the ground and covered their heads. Just then a flash of lighting struck, and hit them both on their rear ends. They squeeled. "Let's get out of here!" Gnarly Ass George shouted. "I agree!" Pumpkin Ass Pete shouted. They both ran back to their truck as fast as they could. Ever since that day, Gnarly Ass George and Pumpkin Ass Pete have stayed in Revert and haven't bothered the Lil Sausage Trails locals, or talked smack about anyone ever again. Their are both now devote christians and drink lemonade. Read the last word>> <<Go home Send your random thoughts and essays and stories and whatever to [email protected] . They don't need to even be about BMX, they can be about whatever you want - such as make up tips and how to be a better drag queen. |
|