| Christian Crisis I was raised a Christian of sorts, went to bible school and church for part of my childhood. I never found bible studies interesting, yet I believed in God, the Christian God. As I grew older and I stopped going to church for family reasons (nothing having to do w/ family's beliefs or upbringing), I realized that I wasn't interested in bible studies but still believed in God. I'm probably skipping a phase, but eventually I realized that I'm not a religious man -- that is I don't care to study the bible and have never really even read it but I believe in a God. As a child if I ever prayed it was for selfish reasons, asking for something I really wanted. One night a couple years ago I prayed for the well-being of someone close to me, which was kinda different for me to do. I prayed every night afterward and pretty soon it got to a point where if I didn't pray it felt as though I was missing something -- it just felt wierd. Soon after that, after much contemplation, the specifics of which I can't quite recite, I concluded that I believe in a God, not necessarily the Christian god, b/c there are so many gods in the world that I found it self-righteous and ignorant to say only the Christian god is the right god. Who's to say that Allah, Zeus, Buddha, or JC's pop aren't the same god, that there is one spiritual force that we are all connected to? All the faiths (to my knowledge) basically hold the same fundamental beliefs... Well, my introspection festered. At the same time as this progression I did a 180 and decided to concentrate on treating everybody w/ respect, doing good for others, never making fun at the expense of another's emotional well-being, etc. -- all for the sake of being the best person I can possibly be, not b/c of a god, rather b/c I felt that was the way to live life. Someone once said, "There's always time to do the right thing." Another said "If someone speaks evil of you so live that none will believe it." And I believe(d) in this for the sake of my humanity not my spirituality. |
| MY BELIEFS |
| Don't think that I've based all my beliefs in God on a couple books. No, I have thought a lot on my own. To sum it all up I once discovered a term that my ideas or ambivalences fell into for a while: Agnosticism. An Agnostic is one who believes we do not have enough evidence to say whether or not God exists. In a way, that was me, because I was torn. Though my religious convictions have progressed, I still find it hard to believe in something the proof of which lies only in a book written by men. I also find it dangerous to bow down or worship anybody (and really, I don't bow down to anybody). I'm uninterested in theology and cringe mildly when encountering people who are devoutly Christian. I strongly disagree w/ many convictions of Christianity, such as the rejection of homosexuality, the idea that people who commit human errors automatically burn in hell (some forms of Christianity believe we'll all burn in hell no matter what we do), and a few others. I believe in humanity: people make mistakes and are imperfect; doesn't mean they're evil, but sometimes all they need is a little forgiveness. But along w/ all of these ideas that make me sound atheistic (the absolute certainty that God does not exist), I find it difficult to let go of the idea of a God. Therefore, I've been looking into various religions, trying to see if any relate to my ideas. I've found one that I'm curious to learn more about: Wicca. The Wiccan religion works side-by-side with my spiritual love of nature and rejection of heirarchial religions. I've dabbled in Wiccan spirituality and so far find nothing I disagree with or hard to swallow. There you have my religious beliefs thus far. Happy? |
| Agnosticism & Wicca |
| Here's an explanation of my religious beliefs and its evolution. |
| A couple years ago, my thinking deepened. I thought and thought more about the existence of God. Here's what I'm starting to believe, although I'm a very conflicted man: it has become more likely to me that God is a man-made idea, created to bring people comfort. I generated some of my ideas from my thinking about the writings of Fyodor Dostoevsky, who believed in Russian Orthodox Christianity. I find some strength in the reasoning of the character Smerdyakov in Brothers Karamazov. He asks his teacher when he's a child, "[I]f God created the world on the first day and the sun, the moon, and the stars only on the fourth day, where did the light come from on the first day?" And in a later conversation he says, "It says in the Scriptures that if you have as much as a grain of faith and if you ask the mountain to move into the sea, it will do so at once and without delay, the second you ask it. So... since you're a believer and I'm an unbeliever -- for which you keep reproaching me -- why don't you try asking the mountain to slide not even all the way into the sea... but just down into the stinking little river... If you do, you'll see for yourself that nothing will move, that everything will remain where it is, even though you shout all you want, and that should prove that you too...do not have the true faith, which you like to reproach others for lacking. And again, if we remember that in our times, not just you but absolutely everybody is without faith... and that there is no one who could make the mountains slide into the sea...well then, if nobody has faith, does it follow that God will damn the whole population of our earth... and that with all His infinite mercy He will forgive no one?" (The Brothers Karamazov) Though this long citation is from a character whose nihilism (the denial of all emotion and art and belief only in science and reason) negates everything and hints toward athiest socialism -- all of which I don't believe -- I do think that it brings up some interesting points. In Ivan Karamazov, Dostoevsky brings up other interesting points. Ivan accepts God, but rejects the world of suffering God has created. To him, the suffering of children who have yet to sin proves the lack of harmony under God. Ivan proves his logic when his brother, the "perfect human", admits even he would not sacrifice one innocent child in order for a world to exist in which all men would find peace and tranquility. But don't think that Dostoevsky was an athiest. As I've mentioned, he believed strongly in the achievement of "a Kingdom of God on earth, governed by principles of brotherhood and love... through means prescribed by Christian faith" (Toward Another Shore), rather than through means of reason and science. And I believe in some of the points he makes through religious characters, despite their religious aspects. Through The Mysterious Visitor, Dostoevsky claims no science or pursuit of material gain will enable men to share fairly and respect each other's rights. I agree fully. I also feel Ivan's brother, Alyosha, is an ideal to work toward, with the exception of his religious convictions. |
| Dostoevsky & Me |