At first we tried to visit the new little family every few weeks. We tried to alternate these visits with those of Julie's parents and in between the Children's Aid visits so that there was a great deal of supervision. However, it quickly became apparant that either the Children's Aid was not getting into the apartment as originally planned, or that the assigned worker was just plain blind. Their beautiful little new apartment was gradually turning into a hovel. It started to get to the point that every time we visited we would literally take bags and bags of garbage from their balcony and floors. I would wash dishes, walls and floors, clean toilets, sinks and walls, make beds & do unbelievably huge amounts of laundry. Every time we left I would cry. I couldn't understand how it could be this way with us all going into the apartment so often. Finally, Terry and I decided that this wasn't really helping the situation. So, I spent a few weeks teaching them to do as much as I could on their own. I set them up a schedule of housekeeping chores.
Then, I spoke with Julie's parents and asked them to co-operate by not buying them any more food or doing any more housework for them. We agreed that if required, we would never see the baby do without the basic needs of life. Therefore, if Joseph or Julie claimed they had no money for food, we would buy milk, soft baby foods and pablum, as well as diapers and other baby supplies. In addition, I invited them to visit every Saturday morning, and they would stay for lunch and supper. This gave us the opportunity to keep an eye on the baby, looking for signs of abuse. (I had already contacted the Children's Aid and was told there was nothing that they could do without physical signs of abuse.)
In all this, I noticed that Joseph seemed to have sole care for Alexis. Julie hardly ever touched the baby. Breastfeeding continued to be a quick "chore" with no cuddling, eye contact, talking or smiling. Julie complained all the time about how hard it was to have a baby, even though Alexis rarely cried. The baby was so obviously understimulated that she rarely made a sound. Whenever I could, I would spend hours singing to her, telling her stories, bouncing her, showing her toys and as many other different things as I could. I would dip her hands and feet in water, or touch them with all kinds of objects of different textures hoping to stimulate her mind and thought processes. I began to see some responses, but if she goo'd or gaa'd Joseph often would take her and hold her without much contact. As time went on, after I explained my concerns repeatedly to them, I must admit Joseph became the "doting" father. And believe me, there was no question that Alexis was HIS baby. He held her constantly. It was almost eerie. She even slept in his arms. It was like he was afraid to let her go.
Not long afterwards, I began to receive frantic telephone calls from Julie's mother. Julie's parents had continued to go to the apartment and help with housework, take them shopping and buy them food. Now, they were frustrated and kept trying to talk to the couple to no avail. The apartment remained abnormally hot, disgustingly filthy and full of garbage. There was never any food or milk. The baby was never washed or dressed in anything other than a diaper. Cockroaches and mice were running everywhere. I maintained that we were best to stay out of it and just keep a watchful eye on the baby and her well being. Julie's mom was very angry at my response, and I understood her frustration but I just couldn't keep up with it all. Terry and I were planning a wedding and between our full time jobs, our own household chores, wedding arrangements, the weekend visits and being available for my mom and my eldest child (who had both been going through some very emotionally trying times of their own) we just could not do any more than we were doing. I was emotionally drained. |
