| My Completely Low Tech |
| Rant Page |
| This page is a result of boredom, listening to too much Elvis Costello, and Harrison insulting those of us who posted song lyrics in our AIM profiles. Furthermore, this is the fruit of my exceptional intelligence, creative genius, and unabashed humility. In my AIM profile I will post random thoughts or philosophies every so often, and archive past ones on this site. Since you can only fit so many characters in the AIM profile, they will be bite-sized reader's digest thoughts. I think you can cope MTV generation. Let's see how long this will last, shall we? Graham |
| First post. May 26, 2003 |
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| I'm noticing lately that there is a great deal of negative stereotypes against men in our world. I'm sick of the posh insults against our sex. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a chauvinist; I'm just a masculinist. Does that strike anyone as odd that we have feminists but not masculinists? I understand history (or herstory) but I think there is a horrible backlash from feminism. Why are men portrayed in media as uncommitted brutish sex fiends? I saw a web site that supposedly told you what "Men Were Really Saying." Apparently, "I Love You" means "Let's have sex." Did I not get the memo? |
| Want to read the latest rant? Read my profile, "Graham Da Crakah" or just IM me, I'll be sure to have a bone to pick about something. |
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| How many people have actually came to this website? Probably not many. Want proof? |
| May 27, 2003 |
| Continuing with the masculinism. If I see one more sitcom where a husband forgets his own wedding anniversary I'm going to throw a brick at Tim Allan's face. Men care about relationships just as much as women. True they are not relationship driven like women, so they do not have as many. Crazy me, that would make me assume that the few genuine relationships men have would be of the highest priority to them. They say that after a divorce the men are often the most devastated because they neglected most of their friendships in favor of their marriage. I want to see a Lifetime movie about that. |
| June 1, 2003 |
| Today at work a girl commented to me, "You know, you look like Dave Matthews." I wasn't sure how to react, but I think initially I was pleased. Think about it, Dave Matthews is a talented musician who has fame and fortune. But then I realized, that doesn't mean that I am a talented musician who has fame and fortune; me looking like him doesn't have anything to do with how successful he is. Instead, I look like a slightly grumpy goofy man with a high forehead. But wait, I thought. This comparison is a vast improvement on my past look-a-likes including; the late Chris Farley, Drew Carrey, Jack Osborne, and the cartoon Dilbert. I'm moving out of the fatty vein of celebrities into the slightly unattractive area. I'm movin' on up like the Jeffersons! |
| June 7, 2003 |
| This past Saturday at work I was getting pretty bored. So what did I do? I solved math problems... That's right, I did. At first I doodled what appeared to be squiggly lines--but they weren't. They were sine and cosine graphs! Then I got the bright idea to solve a triangle I created! Even better, I made it a word problem: "If a flag pole is 20 feet tall and the sun is 30 degrees up from the earth, how long is the shadow of the flagpole?" I solved it. We can compare notes. Oh, but that wasn't enough, I solved a rhombus as well. However, solving the rhombus was just the start. I had to find the length of the dissecting line, because otherwise it'd be too easy. (See figure below.) |
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| June 10, 2003 |
| I think one of the best things in life is finding that you are not alone--that is, a sense of universality. When we connect to a song, movie, lover, novel, play, painting, or friend; we achieve a loss of self in exchange for a gain of harmony. There is nothing more soothing than knowing that someone else has felt or feels like you do now. More or less, this is the goal of our lives--to verify that we are not alone. Love is the ultimate pursuit, an attempt to connect completely with a person: two literally becoming one. Friendship is the secondary action. If Love is a perpindicular intersection of selves, then Friendship is the parallel experience of two individuals. |
| June 14, June 2003 |
| My Day at King's Dominion written by Graham Age 8 |
| 1 Theme Park 2 Guys 10 Hours 13 Rides: 1 Shockwave 1 White Water Canyon 1 Log Flume 1 Berserker 2 Grizzly 3 Flight of Fear 4 Hurler (3 in a row) 4 Rebel Yell (3 in a row) 4 Drop Zone 4 Hypersonic XLC (1 time in front) 4 Volcano 13 Anaconda (10 in a row) 42 Rides in All 14.285 Minutes Average between each Ride 1 Sick Farmer's Tan 75 Dollars Poorer 1 Crazy Day at King's Dominion The End |
| June 20, 2003 |
| I am starting to find that the best emotions we feel are not singular in nature. Let me explain by using musical terminology. Take the emotion of love for example; it is rare when we simply feel love. If we think of love as the melody, we often have several different harmonizing emotions. The bassy emotion of fear and doubt may underscore love while hope and faith soars above in soprano fashion. This is not to say that there will always be doubt or hope because the emotions that accompany love change; much like a musical composition. Sometimes we lose hope and a dissonant chord of love, doubt, and despair occurs. Other times a light blend of love, hope, and trust becomes operatic in beauty. The truth is, our emotions need to change periodically to compose a symphony of feeling. |
| June 30, 2003 |
| The post when I told of my day at King's Dominion reminded me of my first published poem. I wrote it in second grade when my teacher asked the class to write a poem about winter. My teacher was so impressed with mine that she sent it to some crappy magazine and got all the money. Punk. Anyways, here is my first masterpiece: Snowman Snowmen melt in the summer, Now our snowman is done. Oh, how I love December When cold flakes hide the ground! Maybe we can make another one, A snowman tall and round. No one is like you are snowman; that is why I love you. Now if you look closely, you can see the metaphysical issues of death an resurrection being played out alongside the struggle against inevitability--and a neato acronym! |
| July 14, 2003 |
| If you have been drinking Pepsi lately, you may have noticed a ten digit alphanumeric code (read: a highly undecipherable mess of letters and numbers) underneath your bottle cap. Now, if you take the time to log onto billionsweeps.com and enter the code, you are enterted in a chance to play in a televised contest. If you are one of the lucky 75 people chosen arbitrarily, you will choose a six digit number, which will be compared to a randomized six digit number. One person with the number closest to the randomized number will recieve $1,000,000. No, I did not forget three zeros. The only way you can win a billion dollars is if your six digit number matches the randomized number perfectly. Chances of winning: astronomically small. |
| July 15, 2003 |
| Check out the pictures of my upcoming short film, "Screenplay." I warn you, these pictures may be scary for some (very wussy) viewers: they are pictures of the crime scene, so take heed! (And also beware of the cheezy one-liners following) Fats McGee dead in front of the fridge. She's so sweepy, she doesn't know what she's saying. Splish splash I was taking a bath... until I was MURDERED! You're supposed to let that soak before you clean it. Bloody noses suck! Ketchup on the doors, the new decorating fad. I cut myself while shaving. |
| July 19, 2003 |
| I was eating some macaroni salad last night, and I realized after about four bites, I couldn't eat anymore. It's not that I was full and it was not that it was bad macaroni. It was just that I cannot eat that much macaroni salad, my tastebuds get sick of the taste extremely quickly. A week ago we had purchased some weird new guacamole potato chips. They smelled and looked horrible. But me, being the ever-adventurous taste tester, gave the chips a try. The first handful gave me a slight grimmace, but I ate it. The next day I returned and ate some more. Sadly, within a week the chips had perished at my hands alone. I ate them all. Survey: Are there any foods you like, but can't eat much? Or a food you hate, but eat too much of? I doubt any of you will reply, but let's see. (You guys suck. No one replied to this. I offer you instant fame and you turn it down. Punks) |
| August 11, 2003 |
| I am a failure. Why can't I admit it? I tried my hand at a comedy club open mic night. I auditioned and didn't make it. There are a lot of other conditions and instances, but when it comes down to it: I failed. I was not up on stage telling my jokes to a crowd of people. Plain and simple, I failed. I failed to get into Duke University. Despite my excuses of not putting effort into the application and sending it in at the last minute, I still failed. I am not currently enrolled at the prestigious Duke University. I failed. I have failed at relationships. It is not the other person's fault. A lot of times, I am to blame. I don't accept responsibility for my short-comings. I have failed. I am a failure. I am learning to accept that now. Depressed yet? Don't be. (A side note, when I was updating this to the webpage, I notice I failed to spell "accept" right. I spelled it "except." Man, that didn't help at all. I wonder if some of you noticed it and didn't have the heart to tell me.) |
| Look! Now you can |
| August 25, 2003 |
| We're starting to near the end of summer, so I guess I'll relate what I've learned over the past three months. 1) Patience. Whatever you worry about ultimately seems silly, foolish, or futile. Just do your thing and chill. I believe Socrates said that. 2) Objectivity is rare. It is difficult to take a step back from who we are, who we're with, and what we are doing. But when we do, oh man, that's the good stuff. You'll blow your butts out if you do (yes, all of your butts). 3) Ambition is dangerous. I think some of us sell ourselves short--for those of us like me, we think we're the best thing since Pop Tarts. Both groups need to adjust our views, we can do great things; but we aren't entitled to them. It's okay to dream, but it's okay to lose too. It's been a great summer. By the way, check out the "guestbook" where you can post your own rants! |
| August 31, 2003 |
| Ricky Roma: We spend our lives either looking forwards or backwards... where is the moment? (Glengarry Glen Ross) I spend my life dreading what will become of me or regretting what I did. I tend to worry about my career instead of trying to get the best of my education. I tend to feel guilty for not trying harder earlier instead of embracing the opportunities I have now. Ultimately, what I need to focus on is the now. Forget the ten year plans; forget the reconciliation of the past. I need to be here, I need to be now. C.S. Lewis warns us against worrying about the future: we cannot fathom what will happen to us, so it's a waste of time. The past can only teach us so much, so it's a limited guide. Where do we stand? Here, now, with the one hope. (By the way, today is my 20th birthday. I'm no longer a teenager) |
| September 5, 2003 |
| Homeostasis is all I ask. That's all I want. A little bit of consistency. Consistency from whom, you ask? Myself. Why can't I just maintain a certain mood, emotion, drive, ambition, hope, fear, goal, prize, means, or end? I am so angry with myself for being human. The stupid motion of life annoys me sometimes. This is what makes today different from yesterday, but I don't want that. I want yesterday to feel like today, and for today to feel like tomorrow. Uniformity. Conformity. Do I really desire this? Right now I do; but ironically, later I know I won't. Stupid, isn't it? Guildenstern: Consistency is all I ask! (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead) |
| September 15, 2003 |
| For the most part, adults in college annoy me. I'm not saying every single adult taking higher education is irritating; but a whole frickin' lot of them are. Let me explain: adults in college have been "out of the game" for a while, so they try to compensate. As a result, they use "big words" and "complex sentence structure." In reality, they just come across as verbose and loquacious. I'm cool with you guys taking college classes, heck, I'm all for embettering yourself--but shut up!!! No one cares about the long-winded monologues you spew... and that includes the professor! Trust me, he's on my side! So do us all a favor; write down what you want to say; edit it a couple of times, work it over, and then you can speak. Until then, no talky. |
| October 8, 2003 |
| We will never "arrive" in this life. Everything we strive for is not an end. They are only temporary lapses on a long journey. Take education for example. Graduation is not an end, not in high school or college. They are just stepping stones to higher responsibility and greater stress. We look forward to this "end", but once it comes, we realize that there is much more ahead. Once I graduate, I have to find a job, apartment, and groceries. Relationships are the same. We aspire to a dating relationship, then we aspire to an engagement, then a marriage. Then have we arrived? Nope. You just have the rest of your life to try to maintain a fragile relationship. Life is a journey forward. The only time we "arrive" is when we die... and that's not a bad thing (Kill Bill is this Friday... I can't wait!) |
| October 24, 2003 |
| I'm taking a class called "Financial Stewardship." In this class we learn about budgeting, investing, and spending. One of the projects we had to do was about the stock market. We were given $100,000 hypothetical dollars and had to invest it in 8-10 companies. No more than $20,000 could be put in more than one company. I started off rather stereotypically; Target, Sony, Procter and Gamble--the big ones. I got adventurous and invested in Backyard Burger (who are doing quite well, actually). Then my dorkiness came through. I searched for my name, and sure enough there is a Graham Corp. They got $20,000. Then good ole Marvel got their own 20 C-notes. So now I'm supporting a company that makes jet engines and Spiderman's corporation. (Kill Bill was awesome, check it out. If you want to follow my stocks, here are the abbreviations: TGT, SNE, DELL, GE, PG, MVL, GHM, BYBI) |
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| November 14, 2003 |
| We have a campus wide internet posting program here at TNU. Mostly it's dominated by computer geeks like myself; however, every once in a while, some random people will break through the ranks. One of them is Neal Armstrong, an affable fellow with whom I have several classes. Despite this, his grammar is the source of nonstop hilarity, "reminds me of the time i went over to nate house the smell does." Thank you, Yoda. His friend Chad Beard is similar, "I am saying that I am no joker but come on, if I wanted to hear bad jokes than I would listen to them from somewhere at Trevecca, wait I am at Trevecca. That must mean I do not have to go anywhere at all now do I." Wow. Check out my translator. |
| November 30, 2003 |
| My roommate and I wrote a song together: the lyrics are genius. Guys Just Want to Have Sex (mp3 zip) Guys just want to have sex Just want to have sex It's all they want to do. Guys just want to have sex Just want to have sex You know it's true. He also made a song when he was 15 years old. Can Hand Man (mp3) Have you ever seen a man With a can for a hand? He makes lots of noises When he walks. He makes lots of noises Yes he does. He's a can hand man. Click the links beside the titles to download. |
| December 8, 2003 |
| The other night I saw a billboard for the National Guard. It was divided in half. On the left side there was a single word: "Citizen." There was a picture of smiling people in casual clothes. They looked happy. On the right side was another word: "Soldier." The picture was of the same group of people, but in uniform and frowning. The National Guard should fire their marketing team--or shoot them, whatever they do. If you want people to join the National Guard, switch it up. Have the citizens frowning or the soldiers smiling. Even better, have the citizens doing normal boring things; like flipping burgers or sitting at a computer. Then have the soldiers sticking a bayonet up Hussein's butt or pistol whipping a gagged Osama. Tell me where to sign up. (Below is my personal rendition of the ad.) |
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| January 5, 2004 |
| The top ten Celebrity searches on the internet have been released. They are: 1. Britney Spears 2. Paris Hilton 3. 50 Cent 4. Eminem 5. Jennifer Lopez 6. Oprah Winfrey 7. Hilary Duff 8. Pamela Anderson 9. Orlando Bloom 10. Justin Timberlake Here you have it, proof that teenie-bopper girls and horny middle aged men dominate the internet! No. 1, 2, 5, 7, 8: Dudes trying to see them naked (yes even HIlary Duff). No. 1, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10: Girls trying to listen to music or see shirtless picks of these hot studs. I think Oprah was the most random; my theory is that when the wives of the horny men "check their email" they are also checking how to "heat up the bedroom romances" from Oprah. No one wants to see her naked anyways. |
| January 11, 2004 |
| I was thinking about it the other day, and there are certain things and accessories that automatically enhance your cool points--no matter how "good" or "bad" they are: cool is just plain amoral. (Click them for picture examples.) 1. Chewing gum 2. Using a toothpick 3. Talking on a cell phone 4. Wearing a leather jacket 5. Holding a beer bottle 6. Smoking a cigarette 7. Shooting a gun 8. Fighting with a sword 9. Kissing a hot girl 10. Combing the hair Grease style 11. Sporting sunglasses Now, if we could combine some or all of these things, then we would create an uber-Fonzie/Samuel L. Jackson super creature. Can the world handle this much cool? |
| February 2, 2004 |
| After the last entry my room mate, Josh, recommended that I do a follow up: things and accessories that automatically make you look gay (for a dude). 1. Listening to Cher, Celine Dion, or any other diva 2. Watching/Reading/Rehearsing a play 3. Drinking bottled water 4. Wearing capris 5. Laughing at Will and Grace 6. Asking, "Does this match?" 7. Thinking that Liza Manelli is Wonderful 8. Using a loofa 9. Kissing a hot dude 10. Arguing over the best musical Now, some of these may apply to you; some of them even apply to me. Don't be afraid--it's possible that you are not gay. But chances are... you like men. So relax, turn on some Rufus Wainwright, read GQ magazine, and exfoliate your skin. |
| February 9, 2004 |
| I found a great new friend online. Her name is ZolaOnAOL. She is a bot. Her AI is actually pretty good, and leads to some interesting conversation. Check out my conversation with her. |
| May 23, 2004 |
| I realize it's been a long long time since I've updated this thing. I'm sorry, I've had plenty of ideas to write, but you know it is. Here is a very old rant that's been on my profile for an eternity. I'll try to keep up with this, guys. Me in different hairstyles The Business Woman (or the Martha Stewart) The Butch Cut (or the Rosie O'Donnel) The Explosivo (or the Kelly Osbourne) The Game Show Host (or the Bob Barker) The Pillow Biter (or the Dude from Queer Eye) |
| May 25, 2004 |
| After growing my hair out for two shows that I did in the winter, it was finally time to chop the mane off. I decided that a long as I was cutting it, I might as well give the "business in the front, party in the back" hair-do a try. Thus, for one day of my life, I had a mullet. Here are the results: Surprised Confused Thinker Unconscious Hey kids! Check this out! Now you can make your own redneck stories with the pictures provided! One day, Bubba was passed out from a long night of binge drinking. Suddenly, he got an idea! Unfortunately, as soon as he sat up he forgot what he had just thought of. He tried as hard as he could to remember. Eventually he gave up and passed out again. The End. |
| June 11, 2004 |
| Last night I found an artist by my same name, Graham High, that was a sculptor and wrote Haiku. I decided I'd give the poetry a try. |
| Handcuffs bruise my wrists She told me she was eighteen The cop does not care. I did not study "Dude, let me see your answers" "No," says the teacher. Smell of sewer waste A mess of rags and papers Poke the dead hobo. Crowded together The elevator stinking Hey, don't look at me. |
| July 2, 2004 |
| Why my sister's new job reminds me of a freaky mid Twentieth century novel: They gather in a room, clapping their hands, standing up on chairs screaming, "I'm insert name here and I'm grrrreat!" (Pass the soma or go to the hate rally) The boss dude will fire you on the spot if he asks you, "How are you?" and you don't answer, "Grrrreat!" (Brush up on your doublespeak, please) He fired my sister and rehired her five minutes later, even though it was his fault the entire time. (Big Brother controls the future through the past) To conclude; the people at my sister's workplace are either constantly crapping their pants out of fear or totally engrossed in the cultish atmosphere--hopefully my sister won't end up in the Ministry of Love. |
| HAS BEEN MOVED! In case you didn't get the memo, I am now on Xanga like everyone and their grandma. |
| I'm now on Xanga, so go there instead. |