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FADE IN:
EXT. GIANTS STADIUM - NEW YORK - NIGHT
The stadium is brilliantly lit up and filled to capacity with
an effervescent crowd of professional football fans.
The Gotham Giants football players jog onto the field to
receive the opening kickoff from the Metrodelphia Eagles.
GAME ANNOUNCER1 (V.O.)
Tonight, we have a battle in what
could be described as one of the
bitterest rivalries in all of
football.
I/E. STADIUM BLEACHERS - NOSEBLEED LEVEL - CONTINUOUS
A beer guy stands at a railing looking out onto the field
below. An empty serving tray is harnessed to his back.
GAME ANNOUNCER2 (V.O.)
That's right. There is no love
between these two teams, and that
animosity always shows up in the
intensity of the players. But
there's a whole lot more at stake.
The beer guy smooths out the crinkles in the dollar bills he
has collected so far. Fans jostle past him.
GAME ANNOUNCER1 (V.O.)
Talk about an understatement. The
whole season for both these teams
is riding on the outcome. The
winner makes the playoffs. The
loser goes home for the season.
The beer guy is RICHARD "PEB" BEACH (30ish). He carries his
average build and above average looks without pretension.
Peb stares at his straightened wad of bills for a brief
second as if contemplating stealing the money. Instead, he
secures it with a money clip and puts it in his change apron.
Peb heads out a stadium exit to refill his serving tray with
more beers. He talks into a wireless headset as he goes.
PEB
Bobber, I can't believe how much
people pay for one beer. I could
buy a whole twelve pack at A&P.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
SILVAN JOYCE (late 30s) chuckles to himself. He wears a
wireless headset. His 200+ pounds hang well on him, thanks
to the workouts that offset his four square meals a day.
He fidgets in front of a coffee table watching the game via a
large TV. As a subscriber to an interactive webcast service,
he's able to use his laptop computer to view the same game
from multiple live camera angles.
SILVAN
Cans maybe, bobber. Not bottles.
INT. STADIUM CONCESSIONS STOCKROOM - CONTINUOUS
Peb loads up his harness with more pre-poured cups of beer.
PEB
(into headset)
So what? Just pour it in a glass
and no one can tell the difference.
Peb's supervisor walks over entering the nightly sales data
into his Palm Pilot. Peb hands him a compact wad of bills.
PEB
(to supervisor)
Thirty units.
SUPERVISOR
Is that all? Prohibition ended a
long time ago. Your reason for
existing is to sell beer - and lots
of it. Give me your pitch!
Peb screams out his sales pitch:
PEB
Ice cold beer here! Suds for
studs! Bubbles for babes!
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Silvan winces in pain as he yanks his headset off.
INT. STADIUM CONCESSIONS STOCKROOM - CONTINUOUS
SUPERVISOR
Beach, this is supposed to be a
family event. Lose that sexist
language. Sell, sell, SELL.
The supervisor moves past Peb to collect from another server.
I/E. STADIUM BLEACHERS - LATER
Peb collects money from a FEMALE FAN as two other gorgeous
women walk past him.
PEB
(into headset)
Bobber, the B. P. S. I. is
incredible.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Silvan smokes the last of a stubby cigar.
SILVAN
A high ratio of Babes Per Square
Inch is a sign of critical mass in
professional sports. They lend a
certain level of sophistication to
the game.
I/E. STADIUM BLEACHERS - CONTINUOUS
Just as Silvan finishes that comment, the fans erupt into
thunderous applause over some play on the field. The FEMALE
FAN "high fives" a friend next to her, sloshing her beer on
fans in front of her. She thumps her chest in glee.
FEMALE FAN
Hooo Waaaahh. That's what I'm
talking about!
Peb smirks.
PEB
(into headset)
Bobber, mass is critical. I
repeat, mass is critical.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Using his laptop, Silvan selects a live camera pointing to
the Giants sideline. He watches as BIG MOE, the Giants'
right offensive tackle, sits down heavily on the bench and
motions to a team aide that he wants something to eat.
Silvan leans forward to make sure that he is seeing it right.
I/E. GIANTS SIDELINE BENCH AREA - CONTINUOUS
Big Moe bellows to an aide as he wipes his face with a towel.
BIG MOE
Bring me the usual. And DON'T
FORGET THE RELISH.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
SILVAN
Bobber, Big Moe just signalled for
his usual mid-game snack. Are YOU
ready for some football?
I/E. STADIUM BLEACHERS - CONTINUOUS
Peb hands the last couple of beers in his serving tray to
some surprised fans.
PEB
On the house.
Peb rushes out toward the concessions stockroom.
PEB
(into headset)
Promise you'll write to me in
prison.
On his way, he passes a fellow concession worker flirting
with some pretty teen girls. Among the girls are Peb's next
door neighbors: ANGIE and PEYTON.
PEB
Oh Ty, do you mind if I get that
Big Moe order?
Ty does mind apparently, and he starts to move away from the
girls who reach for him to keep him from leaving them.
TEEN GIRLS
"Don't go." "Which one of us do
you think is the prettiest?" "Look
at my new tattoo."
Ty decides to stay and waves Peb on. Unnoticed by Ty, Angie
winks at Peb.
INT. STADIUM CONCESSIONS STOCKROOM - CONTINUOUS
Peb stows his serving tray and harness on a shelf. His
supervisor notices and walks over to him.
Peb grabs a wad of bills out of his pocket.
PEB
Here. Thirty units. I've gotta
GO. Bad.
He half hands half tosses the money to his supervisor and
rushes toward an employee-only stairwell.
SUPERVISOR
Beach! It's still the third
quarter.
INT. STAIRWELL - CONTINUOUS
Peb gallops down the stairs.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
SILVAN
(into headset)
Remember to get Viscus over with
Johnson.
(beat)
Bobber?
INT. GROUND LEVEL CONCESSION AREA - CONTINUOUS
Peb taps his headset as he exits the stairwell.
PEB
(into headset)
Operation Paper Lion going silent.
Peb takes off his headset and puts it in his pocket.
He looks around at the tall stacks of hot dog buns on movable
trays. Against the wall, on shelves, are large canisters of
unopened condiments.
Peb walks through a swinging doorway just in time to see an
employee place the last of six hot dogs into a cardboard
carrying tray. All the hot dogs are smothered with relish.
Peb rushes over.
PEB
Big Moe's order?
The CONCESSIONS EMPLOYEE looks at him suspiciously.
CONCESSIONS EMPLOYEE
Where's Ty?
PEB
He asked me to do it.
The employee hesitates.
PEB
C'mon, there's a big boy out there,
and he needs his chow.
Peb grabs the hot dogs from the employee and runs into an
adjoining service tunnel that opens onto the playing field.
INT. SERVICE TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS
Peb dashes toward the field. Just inside the tunnel opening,
he comes to a utility bathroom built into the tunnel wall.
INT. UTILITY BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Peb enters and sets the tray of hot dogs down on the edge of
a grimy sink.
The little room, lit by a naked 60 watt bulb, is stocked with
mops and plastic containers full of sand and sideline chalk.
He reaches for a gym bag that is nestled behind the toilet
and begins tearing his concession clothes off.
He bumps the tray of hot dogs and they fall into the sink.
Scrambling to get them back on the cardboard tray, he brushes
greasy dirt from the buns and scoops into place the clumps of
relish that have fallen into the sink.
INT. SERVICE TUNNEL - MOMENTS LATER
Looking rather lumpy, Peb comes out of the bathroom wearing
different pants and a Giants jersey under his concession
vest. The baggy pants cover his cleated shoes. He fails to
notice a long strand of toilet paper trailing from his pants.
Peb strides up the tunnel ramp and onto the field.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
The noise of the crowd is deafening.
A security guard, standing at the opening, motions to Peb.
PEB
Food order for Big Moe Number
Seventy-Nine. Likes 'em hot.
The security guard yells into his walkie talkie.
SECURITY GUARD
Confirm food order on field.
As the guard waits for a response, Peb looks out at the field
and feels the electricity of seventy-thousand roaring fans.
EXT. SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE STADIUM - ANOTHER TIME - DAY
Under a breathtakingly-beautiful blue sky, a lone motorcycle
rider navigates an obstacle course of orange cones set up
into a pattern on an asphalt lot.
The sunlight creates a mirrorlike reflection on the rider's
tinted helmet visor.
BACK TO FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT
The guard gets his confirmation and waves Peb forward. He
watches Peb walk toward the Giants sideline bench.
SECURITY GUARD
Hold it!
Peb stops, afraid to look at the guard.
SECURITY GUARD
You got something hanging down in
back.
Peb reaches back and feels the toilet paper. Embarrassed, he
stuffs it back down into his pants.
PEB
Thanks.
SECURITY GUARD
Good thing you're not in the
spotlight, eh?
Peb reminds himself to breathe as he continues toward the
sideline.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Silvan watches the sideline camera feed. When he sees Peb
walk into view carrying the hot dogs, relief washes over him.
SILVAN
He made it. He made it.
(into headset)
Bobber, I got you on visual. Come
back.
(beat)
Get those ears back on, bobber.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
As Peb makes his way, he struggles to get the headset out of
his pocket without attracting undue attention. He puts it on.
PEB
(into headset)
We're back online. How we lookin',
bobber?
SILVAN (V.O.)
Bobber, unreal. You should be able
to see Big Moe just ahead.
PEB
Hard to hear. I see him.
Peb moves behind a row of players until he reaches Big Moe
and hands him the tray of hot dogs.
PEB
Way to go, Big Moe.
Big Moe grabs a hot dog and gobbles it down.
BIG MOE
Oh yeah. Tastes a little better
than usual.
He takes another hot dog and chomps on it.
Peb wanders away to find Jerry Viscus, one of the Giant's
star wide receivers.
PEB
(into headset)
Where's Viscus?
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Silvan points to the laptop monitor as he relays information
to Peb.
SILVAN
Near midfield. Johnson's warming
the bench behind him to the left.
PEB (V.O.)
Bobber, what are our chances if I
CAN'T get these two together?
SILVAN
They drop from eight percent to
negligible.
Peb is dismayed.
PEB
Eight percent sure seemed more than
it does now.
SILVAN
Bobber, Viscus has missed the
huddle twenty-six times in his four
year career. All but one time
occurred when he was jawing with
Johnson.
PEB
Any guesses on their topic of
conversation?
SILVAN
I don't know, the 2000 election?
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
Peb freezes in his tracks.
PEB
I just realized how crazy this is.
It's not gonna work, bobber.
SILVAN (V.O.)
You're right, bobber. Proceed
immediately to the nearest security
guard and turn yourself in.
Fortified by Silvan's sarcasm, Peb walks past Johnson. From
behind, he taps the shoulder pad of JERRY VISCUS (mid 20s).
Viscus looks around to see Peb.
VISCUS
Who are you?
Peb shrugs and tries to act normal for the situation.
PEB
Stadium employee - doesn't matter.
I think Johnson over there has some
words for you.
VISCUS
Coach told me to stay away.
Peb tries not to appear crestfallen.
PEB
Whatever. Good luck with the game.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Silvan exhales disappointment.
SILVAN
Anything can happen, bobber. No
one's at the kicking net.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
Taking off his concession vest and hat as he goes, Peb walks
over to a metal frame covered with netting used by the team
kicker to warm up his leg.
PEB
Here goes the shit.
SILVAN (V.O.)
I'm the eye in the sky. Go,
bobber, go.
In a well-practiced motion, Peb rips his velcro-clasped pants
off to reveal that he is wearing a complete football uniform.
He pulls from his pocket a small container of face paint and
applies two black streaks to his eyes, discarding the rest.
PEB
Face paint applied.
SILVAN (V.O.)
Bobber, it's a night game.
PEB
Looks cool though.
Risking injury, he stretches his non-athletic muscles.
SILVAN (V.O.)
Oh no! DUCK DOWN!
A small group of VIPs pass by. A FEMALE VIP (mid 20s),
wearing designer clothes, looks Peb's way. Turning his back,
he grabs a football and tosses it up in the air to himself.
FEMALE VIP
Peb?
He fails to catch the falling ball and it goes bounding
toward the front row of the bleachers, away from the VIPs.
Peb runs after it. The female VIP shrugs.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Silvan watches, horrified.
SILVAN
Leave it, bobber! Anonymity is our
friend. Inflate pads.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
Peb moves toward the main group of players assembled on the
sideline.
He picks up a helmet that is lying under a bench and places a
small blue sticker over the number stenciled on the back. He
tries it on and finds it wobbly but adequate.
He pulls out a small device with a button on it and wires
leading back into his pants. He presses the button and his
fake shoulder and chest pads inflate underneath his jersey.
PEB
(into headset)
Bobber, the cell phone just lost
its clip. Slid down into my crotch.
INT. SILVAN'S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
SILVAN
T - M - I, bobber. Please keep all
emissions and transmissions
private.
Silvan does a double take at his laptop monitor.
SILVAN
You're not gonna believe this.
Viscus is next to Johnson on the
bench. You're good to go.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - CONTINUOUS
As Peb digs down in his pants for the phone, he dislodges the
strand of toilet paper that he had tucked in earlier.
Retrieving the wayward phone, he disconnects its headset wire
and drops it into a Gatorade vat. He yanks the headset from
under his helmet, winces, drops it to the ground and grinds
it into smithereens with his cleats.
Peb walks up to the sideline just as the Giants defense comes
off the field. Discombobulated by nerves, Peb presses the
inflate button adding pressure and volume to his fake pads.
The OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR, standing near Peb, puts his hand
up in the air to signal the unit he wants on the field.
OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR
Team Two Blue! Team Two Blue!
Peb looks over his shoulder at Viscus who is in a heated
argument with Johnson. They are completely unaware of their
surroundings, caught up in some life-or-death debate.
EXT. SOMEWHERE OTHER THAN THE STADIUM - ANOTHER TIME - DAY
The bright reflection on the motorcycle rider's helmet visor
begins to fade and a pair of unblinking eyes focused in
concentration appear.
I/E. FOOTBALL FIELD - NIGHT
Peb's jaw is rattled by a fellow player who pounds him on the
back and propels him out onto the field.
GIANTS PLAYER
Let's go, Viscus.
Peb jogs out onto the field and arrives late at the huddle.
He gets there just as the team breaks to run a play.
The quarterback motions him to the far side of the field and
gives him a hand signal that Peb deduces is full of meaning
but that's as far as he gets with it.
As Peb runs to his position, he digs a mouthpiece from his
pants freeing the toilet paper to flutter out behind him.
Peb comes to a stop at the line of scrimmage. Like a soldier
who sees himself surrounded with no offer of quarter, he
waits for the fateful snap.
GAME ANNOUNCER1 (V.O.)
This could be the most important
drive of the season for the Giants.
Trailing by seven, they need a
touchdown.
The Eagles cornerback runs up close to the line so he can jam
Peb. Fearing detection, Peb keeps his head down.
The ball is snapped and Peb runs down the field. He gets
jammed by the cornerback, but only for a moment, as the
inflated pads cause the cornerback to bounce off him.
Peb sprints down the field headed for the endzone.
GAME ANNOUNCER2 (V.O.)
It appears to be a broken play.
Collins missed getting the handoff
to Barber. Collins scrambles and
looks down the middle.
Peb looks back and realizes he's virtually alone. So does
Quarterback Collins who throws the ball to him.
GAME ANNOUNCER1 (V.O.)
He throws it to a wide open Viscus!
PEB
Whoa. Oh, no.
With toilet paper streaming out behind him, Peb sprints
forward trying to catch the ball. Ignoring the pain signals
from his atrophied muscles, he somehow manages to catch it.
GAME ANNOUNCER2 (V.O.)
He's got it! He's at the thirty.
GAME ANNOUNCER1 (V.O.)
Defenders gaining fast.
GAME ANNOUNCER2 (V.O.)
Twenty. Ten.
Peb is about to lose a lung. He gasps for air.
Peb gets CRUNCHED simultaneously by three Eagle defenders. A
loud pop deafens him as the inflatable pads explode from the
force of the impact.
GAME ANNOUNCER2 (V.O.)
And tackled at the goal line.
ALL OF THE ACTION FREEZES WITH A LOOK OF SHEER TERROR ON
PEB'S FACE. HIS MOUTHPIECE IS SUSPENDED IN MID AIR, KNOCKED
LOOSE BY THE EAGLE DEFENDERS.
THE NOISE OF THE STADIUM STARTS TO FADE AS WE ZOOM OUT FROM A
CLOSEUP OF PEB'S FACE.
PEB (V.O.)
I can see the headlines now: Man
commits suicide by proxy. Details
and film at eleven. May not be
suitable for some viewers.
CONTINUE TO ZOOM OUT UNTIL WHOLE STADIUM IS VISIBLE.
PEB (V.O.)
I should've sprinted out of bounds.
As soon as the ball was snapped, a
financial transaction took place
that put me on the sunny side of
fifty Gs. Fifty thousand degrees
of life-affirming heat.
CONTINUE TO ZOOM OUT UNTIL THE WHOLE LIT-UP CITY IS VISIBLE.
PEB (V.O.)
My dad used to say: "Desperation is
like male pattern baldness. It's
in everyone's genetic code. You
just gotta live long enough."
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