Like everything else I try to do these days, I've ruined it. I don't understand why I can't seem to get it together.
Wade says I'm doing everything right but if I was, would he still be taking things slow with me?
Granted, it hasn't even been a year since they split up. Maybe I'm just the queen of movie romance. I keep thinking that
he's supposed to fall head over heels for me and sweep me
off my feet. She's not supposed to be a factor anymore. His every thought is supposed to be of me.
It's not that way. He still talks about her, which would be okay if he didn't talk about her
like he wishes it was her he's with instead of me. He says he's trying to be honest with me and that he enjoys my company
yet I still feel like he wants her instead of trying to move past it and go on.
I'm terrified that once he's finally over it and ready to move on, he'll want to move on with someone else and there won't be a place for me.
I live in constant fear these days. From one moment to the next I don't know what he's thinking. I try to get inside his head and when I do,
it ony serves to make me feel worse. I imagine him sitting at home, thinking of the times they had together, wishing she was back in his home, his arms, his bed.
I'm a poor substitute for her. I don't know what I should do or how I shoud feel anymore. I'm lost. I've run into a situation with too many possibilities and I don't know
which one is right. I could be headed for the biggest heartbreak of my life. At this moment, I feel I'm on the fast track to disaster.
I asked him to stop over tonight because I have something to give him. (nevermind
that I already ruined it.) He seemed so distant on the phone. So hurried, so bothered. And now, he's very late.
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