I guess I'll be joining the pool of newly brokened hearts (again).
Dax and I hit a point in our relationship where he didn't see it moving forward. We talked about meeting, we even talked about one of us picking up our lives and moving permanantly. Maybe I was more serious about it than he was because last night we said our last goodbye and all I could do was hang onto the silent phone and cry.
There were times when I just wanted to throw a few clothes in my suitcase and hop on the next flight out of here. There were times we would talk on the phone until the sun practically rose behind the headboard of my bed. There were times we shared something very, very intimate. Something you dont share with anyone. (don't laugh) We made love over the phone. There were times, like last night, when he said 'goodbye' that I just wanted to yell out 'I love you, you big asswipe!'
I know it sounds crazy to love someone you've never met. Hell, when I wrote that entry about you... I did feel that way. But I have since corrected myself (yet again) Love isn't all or none. There's different kinds for different people and different stages of different kinds.
I don't know how else to explain what happened to my heart when I put the receiver back in its cradle.
I don't know where to go from here. I never expected to fall for him in the first place. It was kind of a freak thing that started to happen without me even realizing it. Suppose I'll do what I do best; just get out there and find things to occupy my time in order to fill the void until those things that are just occupying time become what I really want to be doing.
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