I realize how my life has changed
and developed
in the last 19 years.
Think back...way back.
Childhood.
I remember it...
vaguely....
I guess I sometimes even miss it.
It's been a long time since I've gone that route,
and I worry that someday
I won't be able to remember it at all.
It seems that adults are always too worried
about
what is going on around them
to occasionally pull those memories out...
and take the time to remember the simple joys
and pleasures of the world.
And then they wonder where it all went.
I too am guilty.
I shove those memories
into the back of my mind.
They are crowded into a corner of my head
marked "unknown"...
and ...over time,
the cobwebs gather, the moss starts to grow...
and now I sit here trying to bring them back...
and I can't.
I remember the smell of the freshly cut grass...
the soft bubbling sound of the creek I played in...
the second story window
I tried to make my brother jump out of,
telling him the snow would cushion his fall...
Yes, those things I remember...and there are others.
But they are fuzzy now...
no longer the vivid pictures I used to envision.
There is a realization that comes along
with becoming an adult.
Maybe more than one, I don't know.
But I do know that I feel separated from the person
I was as a child...
as though I was never really her.
When I think back, I see myself from
a third person point of view.
It is as though I were someone I knew...
someone I spent time with,
but never really the same person.
It makes me sad to know that part of my life
is gone and no matter how far I try to reach...
...I can never bring them back.
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