The way of the world
It's Official. I talked with my landlord yesterday and he informed me that at the end of the month he is going to begin eviction proceedings. So... I guess that's the end for me here in Chicago. Just one problem. I have no where else to go. I guess now, I must gear up to put all my stuff in storage and get it there. I also have decided, even after all of the drama that has preceded it, that I will give Jupiter back to Diane. She can at least take care of him.
There is this part of me that just wants to say FUCK IT. What's the point. I have tried so hard to keep my head above the darkness that I descended into once, but it seems inevitable that I end up back there. And I don't care. I have burned myself out. I have already started this retreat from everything else in the world, why not make it complete.
I have lived my entire life with luck pushing me along. It seems now that there is no more "luck" in my life. All I want to do is just lie in bed and wait for the world to crash around me.
I found my fathers death certificate yesterday while I was sorting through some papers. Nov. 21 1947 - Feb 4 2003. On the anniversary of his death this year I ended up freaking out and... well some of you already know that story. I still am not over it. And I never will be. When my father was my age I was already 5. I have no children now, nor do I think I will at all.
Where is all of this rambling going? Nowhere really. I have no way to focus my thoughts and tell you all EXACTLY what's rolling around inside my cranium. I DO know this. The end is a lot closer then you think. At least for me I know that this life I have led has led to a lot of great friendships and just as much heartache, but that is what life is all about. I am so tired now and every bone in my body is screaming at me just to give up. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. Everything has become less meaningful to me. I am just tired, and I want to sleep.
There is this part of me that just wants to say FUCK IT. What's the point. I have tried so hard to keep my head above the darkness that I descended into once, but it seems inevitable that I end up back there. And I don't care. I have burned myself out. I have already started this retreat from everything else in the world, why not make it complete.
I have lived my entire life with luck pushing me along. It seems now that there is no more "luck" in my life. All I want to do is just lie in bed and wait for the world to crash around me.
I found my fathers death certificate yesterday while I was sorting through some papers. Nov. 21 1947 - Feb 4 2003. On the anniversary of his death this year I ended up freaking out and... well some of you already know that story. I still am not over it. And I never will be. When my father was my age I was already 5. I have no children now, nor do I think I will at all.
Where is all of this rambling going? Nowhere really. I have no way to focus my thoughts and tell you all EXACTLY what's rolling around inside my cranium. I DO know this. The end is a lot closer then you think. At least for me I know that this life I have led has led to a lot of great friendships and just as much heartache, but that is what life is all about. I am so tired now and every bone in my body is screaming at me just to give up. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. Everything has become less meaningful to me. I am just tired, and I want to sleep.
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