Hello to all of my trivia family,
Most of you did not know Tony_525 and those of you who did know him already know he has gone to be with Jesus. However none of you knew how very close Tony and I were. You see most of you have no clue of the struggles I went through in a 13 yr marriage that sadly resulted in some very tragic emotional scares that left me rejecting men and feeling that all men were evil and abusive. You see for many years I would not allow myself to become close to men not any man other than my own father and my brother and in all honesty I had many questions even concerning my own father. I wondered of my my older brother and for sure my younger brother with whom I am not very close to even today. But you see Tony and I well we shared a very close relationship shortly before his passing simply because God had allowed Tony to pick up on my emotional scares that I had kept hidden for 40 years. All my feeling this man picked up on he saw straight through me like noone had ever done before he saw all the hurt and anger that even those I church with in real life had never ever picked up on with exseption of one young woman. Somehow he knew I had never shared these feelings with anyone. And he knew enough to know that no matter how much he wanted to help me and reach out to me that I would not allow myself at that time to get close to him. I simply wanted nothing to do with men any man and he some how knew that. So that�s when in his loving gental way he refered me to a dear and very speciel sister on pal talk. He told me that I would be able to share with this sister and that she would listen. When I basicly spat in his face and told him noone would listen and even if she did I told him she not believe my story. Tony's responce was in his loving gental way said yes she will believe you and she will listen to you. I promise you he said please sister Cathy give her a try go and counsel with this sister. When I jumped on him asking him how he was so sure this woman would listen he simply said God has already prepared her heart to listen to you and she does not even know it.So thinking he was crazy and same as all men I ignored him and continued to keep all my hurt and anger buried deep within me. However a few months latter I though so what do I have to loose and I begain to slowly come out of my shell and started testing the waters with this beloved sister never telling her once that Tony had sent me to her. Much to my surprise just as Tony had said it appeared she really listened to me and believed me. I cried so hard that first night just because someone believed me cared,and listened. I cried myself to sleep that first night after we talked telling the Lord over and over again Lord she really cares , she really cares , she listened to me I just could not believe it. The next night when I saw this sister I found myself pouring out the whole story to this beloved sister and today this sister has become my inspiration for getting through and over coming many things that I have suffered in this life. She with the Lords help has been a stable shoulder for me to cry upon and litterly pour my heart out to. At one point she thought I was leaning on her to much and this really disapointed me because I thought she knew me better than that. I knew for certin in my heart that I was not leaning to much on her after all where had she been for the last 40 years.of my life. I depended fully on the only one I could and that was God and God alone. But she just was unable to understand the relief of preasure I was feeling simply because for the first time in my life someone cared enough to listen to me,. Someone believed my story and would take time to pray, talk and listen to me. She has become my left arm and to this day and even though I don't share with her as I used to for fear she will again feel I am leaning to much on her she is truly very dear to my heart. I have because of the disapoinment gone back to clamming up and hiding in my shell somewhat but not bad as I used to be. She has played a majior part in helping me to relise that not all men are evil and abusive.This realization thus led to the close nit relationship that Tony and I shared. You see Tony knew that if he could get me to open up to this wonderful woman of God that him and I would indeed become close and indeed we did. Opening myself up to this woman was very painful and diffacult for me. However it changed my life forever and allowed me to let not only Tony but my older brother as well as my own father and a decon friend become a part of my life. Tony and I we also shared many of the same health issues together and this also brought Tony and I together once I was able to let men into my life. Mainly Tony and I shared the struggle to breath every sec of every day you see few people will ever understand these difficulties but Tony he understood because he lived it every hour of every day as I do. Tony was an awesome man of God and had it not been for Tony and this dear sister he sent me to I would not be where I am today. Tony had a wonderful sense of humor right up untile after a long struggle he lapsed into acoma. He would make me laugh so hard I would have to get my oxagen or a inhailer in order to breath he was always joking and wanted me to say oneminus or some other bible names I could not say. He was always happy even though I knew he was litterly fighting for every breath he took. Tony was with out any doubt a perfect exsample of one who not only knew the joy of the Lord but he was a exsample of one full of it as well. Tony was so deadacated to Mike's old trivia room {no longer in exsistence} that he would get out of his sick bed to help ask questions even though he had to wear his oxagen mask to help. Tony and I spent many hours in private room alone after my healing of men praying talking, laughing, crying and sharing together he was always such a blessing. Once again Tony unlike others knew what I struggled with from day to day because he simply had the same struggles. He always knew from the begining when I was struggling to ask and would pm me telling me to sit back while he asked. I seemed to always be able to hide it from others (still can lol) until I can hardly breath anymore but not Tony he knew from the begining. Tony had 2 wishes that he shared with me before he went into acoma number 1 was that he made me promise him that if Mike's trivia room ever closed I would open another trivia room and so that�s why I am open today. Number two wish he shared with me was that he wanted his wife to let trivia room know what was going on with him and indeed Wilma his wife did just that. I can not lie I miss Tony so very much his great companionship, friendship, and jolly spirit, his words of encourgement that some how seemed to keep me going. So even today when things become hard for me I often think of the talks Tony and I had. I do try not to be sad for Tony because I know that he has fought the good fight and has finished his course he is now with Jesus waiting for me to join him there. I have no doubt the he is singing the very song that he would always make me sing to him in those priviate rooms. He would always say come on sis |
