She opened her eyes that next morning and the first thing she saw was Nick hanging off the couch. He looked so uncomfortable; he was one half turn from ending up on the floor. It was a surprise, a welcomed one, when she found out he was still at the hospital late last night. He looked so peaceful even in such an awkward position.
She wished she could apologize to him in his sleep while he looked so calm. He looked like a little kid taking an afternoon nap. He looked like someone she could ask for forgiveness from unlike the person she witnessed the night before. After the way he talked to her, and she deserved every bit of it maybe more, she was a little more hesitant about approaching him about anything. Who knew he had such a temper. It was a little intimidating. Once he left the room that night she collapsed on the floor from the adrenaline rush. Her heart was racing from the emotions.
Between her father�s words and Nick�s words she felt like she just wasn�t the person she thought she was; the person she sometimes prided herself on being. She always believed she was a good person. Someone who never hurt other people but that way of thinking had quickly been challenged ever since she slept with Nick. He seemed to change him. Maybe he, himself, didn�t change her or even want her to change. It was the effect he seemed to have on her. He, their situation, basically brought out the worst in her. Jealousy, insecurity, submissiveness. She was everything but strong and independent.
Her father called her immature and unforgiving. She never thought of herself as someone who didn�t give people chances. In fact, she thought she gave Nick too many chances. So many times she thought she should have just turned her back on Nick and moved on; stopped trying to make him a part of Mac�s life. However, the other part of her told her no matter how many times it took and even if it were one person�s effort (her own) she had to make sure her daughter had two active parents. If that meant she did ninety percent of the work to make that possible then that�s the way it would have to be.
She was drained. Drained from all her efforts, drained from her daughter�s struggles and drained from all the fighting. She didn�t have it anymore. Whatever it was that she needed she knew she didn�t have it. She was tired. Mentally and physically. She wanted to sink into a bed and sleep for months. As she picked up her bag Larry walked into the room and smiled at her. Once she was standing before him she smiled,
�You didn�t have to come so early.� He shook his head,
�I didn�t. I never left.� He nodded his head towards Nick and she nodded.
�Yeah, I guess you wouldn�t have left him alone. But thanks for staying all the same. I�m going to freshen up.� He stepped aside and she exited the room.
As she stood in the bathroom and looked in the mirror she scared herself. She knew she wasn�t going to win any beauty pageants but she didn�t realize how ghastly she actually appeared. She dug through her bag and pulled out a brush. As she brushed her hair, her ponytail holder secure in her mouth, she could see the dandruff fall down to her shoulders. She had neglected everything except taking showers and brushing her teeth; there were even a couple of days when those two basic things didn�t get attention. She hadn�t even shaved in over a week. It was a good thing she wasn�t having sex or sharing her bed with James.
James hadn�t really been around all that much. Before, he was around the hospital all the time. Now, he was working long days to make up for all the time he missed. He called three times a day, at least, and still came by every day but his visits were for about an hour before he went home, crashed and started his long days all over again. She really appreciated his support and completely understood that he couldn�t be there as much as he wanted. There was only so much time your employer will give you because your girlfriend�s kid is in the hospital. The weekend was coming up, he surely would put in more face time then. She missed him. She was ready for this turmoil to dispel so their lives could return back to normal.
She entered into the waiting room and it was like entering into the twilight zone. Her father, Larry and Nick were all sitting around laughing and talking.
�What�s going on in here?� At that brief moment she felt like an outsider. They all looked up at her and their laughter diminished to smiles as her father cleared his throat and answered her,
�Talking football. Nick is quite the football fan. He has good taste, he�s a Bucs fans too. Did you know that?� A few days ago she would have been livid, even at her father, for even thinking about football but now she was simply too exhausted to make a stink about it.
�Yeah, I think I heard something like that.� She locked eyes with Nick for the first time and his smile seemed to leave immediately. She knew for a fact now, it wasn�t going to be easy making up with him.
�He was telling me about a charity basketball game he threw and Sapp was there.� Her father was the biggest Warren Sapp fan on the planet.
�Tell her what happened.� He directed Nick as he nudged him gently. She gave Nick her full attention and waited to be amused. He shook his head and shrugged,
�It was nothing really. We were in the locker room and he came out dressed in a woman�s bikini with makeup and a wig because he lost a bet.� He was punishing her. He didn�t even want to talk to her. Nick loved telling stories more than anyone she knew. He would go into full detail and tell you everything from everyone who was in the room, what they were saying to what they were wearing. He was a true story teller and she had no doubt he put on a performance for her father. She smiled at her father, as much as she could, as he walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her.
�How are you doing?� She gave a valiant effort but she knew it was a failed attempt,
�I�m ok daddy. Just can�t wait for Mac to get out of here.� He pulled back and smiled sadly at her letting her know he was aware her heart wasn�t as bubbly as the sound of her voice.
�Take a walk with me.� She nodded and placed her bag in the nearest chair before leading the way out of the room.
�So what do you want to talk about?� she asked as they walked down the hallway.
�Nick.� One word, one name and it hit her like a ton of bricks.
�What about him?� Her mind raced. What were they talking about? Were they talking about her? Did he tell her father about her wild antics the night before?
�He was so animated before you came. As soon as you entered the room he was a different person.� Now her father was on Nick�s side. All she did was walk in the room. She even made an effort to smile at him.
�We just have�its just a rough time now. That�s all. Look daddy, I want to make it better but I don�t think he wants to even deal with me anymore.� She kept walking but he stopped. Once she turned and saw the expression on his face she knew she was in for another lecture.
�Quinn, I�m not going to keep telling you this. He�s Mac�s father and she needs him. So do whatever you have to do.� He gave her a stern look,
�Or I�ll talk to him myself.�
Chapter 80 cont'd