He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe what he had actually thought in his head. He sat in the hospital chapel and suddenly the tears streamed down his face,
"Oh God, I am so sorry. I didn't mean it." He held his head down,
"I'm not a horrible person." He sighed loudly,
"Damn, look at me. I'm still thinking about myself. Just let her be ok. If you're going to take someone you can let it be me. I mean, I haven't lived that long and I haven't I seen all there is to see in this world but I've seen my share and then some." He took a deep breath,
"She hasn't seen anything and her mother deserves to see her grow up. Please don't take her away from her mom." He had never wished something so awful on anyone, at to wish it on a small innocent child of all people was worse. No, what was worse was that it was his own daughter,
"I don't want her to die. Please don't let her die." He heard someone clear their throat and turned to see Josh,
"Man, if you need anything I'm still out here." He nodded and before Josh could leave he called out,
"Hey man, do you...do you know like what I'm supposed to say?" Josh shook his head,
"Whatever's in your heart I guess." Nick shook his head,
"I don't know what to say. This, this isn't my thing." Josh nodded and walked in slowly. He sat down next to Nick on the pew,
"Just say what you feel, it doesn't have to have ye and all that in it. Speak from the heart, he'll understand, he'll hear you." Nick nodded and took a deep breath,
"I just want her to be ok, you know? I mean, I know I haven't been there like I should but I don't want to lose her." Josh nodded,
"Yeah, she's the cutest baby ever dude. Are you sure she's yours?" Nick looked over at him and Josh shook his head,
"I didn't mean it like that. I know she's yours. Quinn's a good girl. I mean, if it weren't for Larry you wouldn't even know." Nick nodded his head,
"Yeah, I know. Man, sometimes I wondered if she is mine. Even when she stopped breathing, I wondered. I thought some pretty awful things." Josh nodded his head,
"Like what?" Nick began to cry,
"I don't want to say, too fuck-" He suddenly remembered where he was,
"Sorry, I mean, it's too bad. I don't even want to say what I thought." His friends may not be saints but he couldn't, even to them, admit that he thought his life would be better without his daughter on this Earth. Josh placed his hand on Nick's shoulder,
"Man, whatever it is you're going through just let it go. You have a daughter, you might not have been ready but she's here. You have to just accept it. I can't act like I know what you're going through, cause I don't but you like kids so what's the big deal about having one of your own." He wasn't sure why he couldn't get over it but he knew he needed to,
"I don't know. I just want her to be ok though. I really do." Josh pulled him into his arms as he cried,
"I know you do man, I know you do. She's going to make it. She's going to get through it, she's a Carter. You Carters get through everything." He nodded,
"Yeah, we usually do. It's not pretty, but we usually do." Josh patted him on the back,
"And that's all that matters."
Nick was sitting in the waiting room with everyone when he saw his picture on the TV. He listened as the reporter told what he had been hiding for months,
"Backstreet Boy Nick Carter is a father. That's why he left the Backstreet Boys' tour. His daughter, MacKenzie, is sick and requires surgery. She was put on a respirator last night and remains in critical condition at Jackson Memorial Hospital in Miami." They began to show still photos on the screen of Nick, Josh and Larry walking towards the hospital. He stopped breathing as more pictures were shown including one of Quinn and her brother standing outside,
"The little girl's mother, Quinn Garner, lives in Miami with their daughter." How in the hell it got out he didn't know. How did they get the information? How did they know about her condition, when it happened, Quinn and MacKenzie's names? Elliott threatened to go to the media but that was only if he didn't get to Miami and he did what he was ordered to do. Besides, he wouldn't do that to Quinn. He loved Quinn more than he hated me, Nick thought. He slowly looked around the room and all eyes were on him, including James'. He couldn't read his face but he knew that James was just finding out that he was MacKenzie's father. His mouth went dry and he didn't know what to say, what to do. He glanced around the room and it was obvious James and Quinn's mother were the only ones who didn't know he was the father. He watched as Quinn placed her hand on James' arm and he snatched it away quickly before standing up and storming out. She lay her head on the back of her chair and shook her head.
"You need to call your PR people." He frowned at Larry,
"Why?" Larry pointed at the TV,
"Now that it's out I'm sure they are going to be flooded with calls. They'll need something from you so they can make an official statement." Oh yeah, that never crossed his mind, he didn't even think of that. His mind was so scattered at this point. His daughter was sick, he felt like the devil for what he said about her and on top of it all he was going to have to deal with the media.
"Yeah, ok, I'll do it later." Larry looked at him, his face full of uncertainty,
"I will call ok? Just not right now. I'll call." He didn't want to be in the room but he didn't have the strength to get up and support himself. He didn't have the guts to stand up and bring attention to himself. He felt a hand on his back,
"Are you ok?" He looked over at Larry,
"Why?" Larry sighed,
"You sound like you're going to be sick. You were making some weird noises." Nick shook his head,
"Actually I feel like I'm about to pass out." He lay his head back and closed his eyes,
"I'm going to get you some water. Josh look after him." Josh, who was sitting on the other side of him, patted him on the back,
"It's cool man. Don't worry about it. It was going to come out sooner or later. You knew that." He nodded, actually there was still a small part of him that wished that it wouldn't come out.
"Maybe it won't be a big deal." He looked over at Josh and he knew that was an absurd thing to hope for,
"Dude, you're an unmarried Backstreet Boy. Who, on top of all that, left the tour without letting the fans know why, to be with your sick daughter who is in need of surgery. Your sick daughter that no one knew existed." Ok, yeah, he was stupid to think for one moment that this would blow over after a day or two.
"God, this is going to be an absolute fucking nightmare." Josh nodded,
"Yeah, and then when they find out that she's engaged, they're going to make it into a soap opera." Nick rolled his eyes and groaned,
"Ok, you can stop proving the point." He sat there and stared at the ceiling wishing he could just make himself disappear, this was the worst and he had no one to be there for him. The room was full of support for Quinn and once again, he had no family for comfort. They were all too busy doing their own things.
Chapter 53
Reunited
Stories
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