I look over at him, at first I was going to justify it, to apologize but why should I,
"Yes, you are. Why are you being so mean to me right now?" Suddenly my angers disappears and the desperation of understanding where he is coming from is obvious as I almost begin to whine,
" What did I do?" He walks over and leans against the wall,
"Fuck it, I'm just gonna say it. I liked you...alot. I thought you were pretty cool and I really respected you. I mean, when we saw each other we watched movies, we did things together. I mean, I really got to know you." I'm still not breathing,
"I got to know you and you are such a cool girl, I've never known anyone like you. You like sports, I mean really like them and know names and rules and I've never known a girl like that. You don't play them girl games and stuff and make shit hard. You're so smart and I learned a lot from you and you never made me feel like I was too young or too stupid. I mean, I could ask you stuff and you didn't make fun of me for asking or for not already knowing." He sighs and runs his hand through his hair,
"Or maybe I have met girls like you before but they fucked up and slept with me too soon or let me run over them. That's why you were different, you don't put up with that bullshit I do to most girls. I respect that, I like that. I wish girls knew that, stuck up for themselves, played hard to get a little. Made me chase them a little bit." I cross my arms,
"Oh it has nothing to do with me being black?" His comments that night never left my mind, I can't help it,
"No." I raise my eyebrows and question his answer and he sighs,
"Ok, yeah at first. I admit I was kinda caught up in that. I thought it was cool, I mean, me? A black girl likes me? Blonde hair blue eyed me? That's usually Kevin or AJ or somebody, not me." I sigh and I realize for the first time that I hadn't eaten anything and I'm grateful because it would be on the floor right now,
"So, why the attitude right now?" His mouth shows the strain of his irritation once again,
"After Mexico, it got a little crazy. We had some time off and I didn't call you and I should have, I'm sorry about that. I was thinking it through and I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do and stuff. Kristin went to Japan and we talked about you and I figured it out." He stops and leaves me to ask,
"Figured what out?" He looks over at me,
"That I liked you and that I wanted to spend more time with you. Maybe try a relationship. It's been a while since I've been in one but...everyone likes you, you're good with the fans, you're not needy and want my attention every minute we're together. I mean, I wasn't looking to find someone but you just came out of nowhere." I can't believe this, this is like a dream. For the past nine months this is what I wanted, this is what I wanted to hear.
"Not everyone would be cool with seeing you with a black girl." He nods and sits down next to me,
"Kristin told me you knew about that meeting, I didn't know you knew. Who told you?" I smile wryly,
"I was in the bedroom, looking for my watch when you all came in and had your meeting." I can hear the breath leave his body,
"Oh man, damn, I'm sorry about that." I shrug,
"It doesn't matter, we're not together." That was it, that set him off again,
"Yeah, you're right. I know you don't want to be with me." I stand up and turn to look at him,
"There's the attitude again, why are you mad at me? And what makes you think I don't want to be with you?" He stands up,
"Why did you change your phone number?" Oh my God,
" I got back from Japan and tried to call you and the number didn't work anymore. Eric didn't have it, Larry didn't have it. Then I figured if you wanted to talk to me you would have just called me so obviously you didn't want to." I don't believe this, this can not be happening. This can't be why he hasn't called me. By the time I lost my phone I had given up on calling him and given up on him wanting to talk to me period,
"I called you and left messages while you were in Japan, I emailed you. I lost my cell phone and had to replace it. I decided not to call you after you didn't return my calls, I figured you didn't want to talk to me. Larry and Eric have my new number now." He sighs,
"I haven't talked to them since Japan. Look, I couldn't use my cell phone in Japan. I stopped using my email, I barely used it anyway, especially since we're on vacation now. I get to hang out with my friends and family. Once I got back from Japan there were so many I just deleted them all. I figured you changed your number and didn't tell me because you didn't want to talk to me and I wasn't going to fucking chase somebody. " He walks towards me and lifts my head so I'm looking at him and captures my face in his hands. My mouth opens and I nervously run my tongue over my lips as he leans in and begins to kiss me. I wrap my arms around him and tight as possible and we begin to walk towards the bed. Instantly his hands run rapidly over my body as I lay on top of him and I can feel he is already aroused. Our clothes come off and suddenly he jumps up,
"Hold on." He walks over to where his pants landed on the floor earlier that morning and pulls a condom out of his wallet. He stands near me and puts it on and then covers my body with his,
"I missed you." he breathes in my ear as he enters me, all I can do is moan in response. It doesn't take long before we are totally into it, into each other. We're both vocal, his moans drown out my own though. I must admit I never get enough of hearing him while we have sex, his high pitched moans, especailly when he has an orgasm he sounds like a girl. My thoughts are interrupted by the knock at the door,
"Hey Nick, we're going to McDonalds, you guys want something?" He didn't stop as he answered,
"Uh, yeah, just get us anything." I bite my lip as I try to keep my moans down to a minimum,
"Dude, uh, you got the keys in there." He groans in my ear and continues on,
"Nick, go give him the keys." He groans his displeasure at having to stop and cracks the door just enough to hand his friend the keys. He turns me over, pulls me to my knees and enters me from behind. It's like a dream being with him again and I don't want to think of anything else.
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Mixed Feelings
Chapter 79