Eric catches up with me and wraps his arms around me,
"Come on, let's go to your room." I shake my head as the tears fall down my face, "I don't have my key." He nods and rubs my back,
"That's why I came up, you gave it to me." I simply allow him to lead me while I continued to cry.
Lying in bed, with Eric's arms wrapped around me made me feel a little better. I told him I would talk but insisted the lights were off. I didn't want to see an 'are you stupid?' look when I told the story.
"So, what happened?" I wipe nose for what seems to be the hundredth time,
"At the club these girls were in the bathroom talking about Nick being with me, that he thinks he's black, that he wouldn't be seen in public with me, blah, blah, blah. They weren't very happy with the thought of him and a black girl." He squeezes my shoulder,
"Did you tell him?" I snort,
"Yeah and he used it to take advantage of...I almost slept with him. I was about to but his phone kept ringing and I told him to answer it, he didn't want to. I guess it was like my warning, thank God the phone rang."
"Is that when you had time to think about it and changed your mind?" I sigh,
"No, I went in the bathroom and I came out and he didnt know I was there...and I heard him talking about getting a black girl and how he was going to tell them all about it. I guess it was his friend." I can hear him let out a long breath,
"Then what happened?"
"I walked out and we started talking and you showed up. I told him I didn't want to be his black experience and left with you. I can't believe he played me like that...fucking asshole."
"His black experience?" I nod,
"Yeah, he was curious about sleeping with a black girl and-" Eric turns me around so I'm on my back and I look over in his direction even though I can't see him as we lay in the dark,
"I don't think he would do that, especially with you. You really like him huh?" I start to cry all over again,
"I know I shouldn't but I do and I don't know why. It's not like we have stimulating conversation. We have nothing in common except we like a lot of the same 80s songs...I don't know what it is...I can't even say the sex because we haven't had sex." He pulls me in his arms and tries to calm me down but it's useless,
"Is it because he's Nick Carter? Is that why I like him?"
"I think it's a little more than that. If it was all about that, it would have worn off by now...AND it wouldn't have bothered you...what he said."
"I'm so stupid." He rubs my back,
"Shhh, you're not stupid. Come on, you like a guy there's nothing wrong with that." Just then a knock on the door startles us both,
"I'll get it." Eric jumps up and opens the door and I can see Nick,
"Hey man, I don't think she wants to talk." I close my eyes and roll over, my back to the door,
"Dude, I just need to talk to her for a minute, that's all...come on, please." The door closes and Eric comes over and whispers,
"He really wants to talk to you. I'm gonna go, if you need me call me." I nod my head and he kisses me on the forehead. The door open and closes and I feel him sit on the bed,
"Baby, I'm sorry." I sit up still too frightened, too embarrassed to turn on the light,
"What are you sorry for Nick?" He stammers at first and finally sputters out,
"I...for upsetiing you...I mean, I don't know. Whatever I did...I would never hurt you." I shake my head and cross my arms over my chest,
"Save the line ok?" He sighs,
"It's not a line. I'm not trying to do you wrong. Why are you so mad?" I feel his hand on my hip and sit up and swing my legs on the floor and keep my back to him,
"Nick, I'm not trying to be a one night stand. I don't want that...or some month fling. I can't handle my emotions like that." There was silence and I continue,
"I want to be your friend." He stands up, walks over to me and pulls me up to my feet,
"You are my friend. I don't want to hurt you. I wasn't trying to...I thought you wanted to...if you don't I understand, I respect that." He lets go of my hand and walks over to the wall and turns on the light. I squint for a couple of seconds and suddenly he appears before me,
"Hey, you ever been to Mexico?" I shake my head,
"No, my high school senior trip was there but my friends and I went to the Bahamas instead." He smiles and grabs my hand,
"Not this Wednesday but the next Wednesday we're in Mexico City, we're doing two shows in an arena with 70,000 seats...we sold out both nights. Come." I look up at him,
"Nick, I don't think..." He begins to smile again,
"Come on, it'll be fun. We'll be there for...let's see we get there Wednesday and we leave like Sunday." I shake my head,
"Nick, I don't know...I need to take the whole week off and-" He looks so animated and I'm so tired,
"Not Monday or Tuesday...you can fly out to LA Tuesday night and fly with us Wednesday. Come on...a free trip to Mexico." He looks so excited,
"Ok." His smiles brightens the room,
"But only if I can get the days off Nick." He nods and I separate myself from him and climb in the bed,
"I'm really tired I'm gonna go to sleep." He nods and looks over at me. He doesn't even say good night, I think, as he turns off the light on his way out. Only the door never opens and I feel him climb in bed with me. I close my eyes as I wonder what the hell just happened. Did we resolve anything, I don't think so and on top of that I'm going to Mexico AND he's sleeping in my bed. I'm thinking the only thing he plays better than me are the drums.
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Mixed Feelings
Chapter 65