Back home Sunday night I had a message from Chris on my answering machine to give her a call, she left it this morning. I sigh as I turn on the stereo and dump all my stuff on the floor in the corner of my room. I decide to leave it there, I'll deal with it later as I step in the shower. No matter what I tell myself if I end up in Mexico I know I'm going to sleep with him. The train is coming down the track and for whatever reason I can't step off and get out of the way. He's going to hurt me and I know it, so why can't I help myself? Despite knowing better, I'm doing it anyway. I know he isn't going to be with me and just me. I know he doesn't feel for me what I feel for him. I know he wants to be single. I know he will lie to me in a heartbeat to avoid a problem and keep me in line and him on my good side. So why am I going along with it? Maybe I'm being to hard on him, maybe he does care. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.
I turn off the stereo and listen, I thought I heard...it was the phone, I run over and pick it up,
"Hello?"
"Hey, were you in Las Vegas with Nick?" It's Chris, I've wondered how she was going to take the news of me going and not even bothering to tell her,
"Yeah, how did you know?" A noise came through the phone and I wasn't sure what it was,
"You're all over the net as his latest girl." My heart races as I go over to my computer and turn it on,
"What?"
"Yeah, pictures of you with Nick in the lobby one night. A few girls got your picture and there are stories about how Nick asked you if it was ok if he signed and you told him yes. People are pissed about that." I shake my head,
"It wasn't like that, he didn't ask me anything. I was going to the bathroom and he thought I was ready to leave and asked me was I ready and I said no keep doing what you're doing." Chris sighed,
"One girl thought it was really wrong of you to say Justin Timberlake looks better than Nick. And girls were saying if you feel like that you should be with Justin and that obviously you're with Nick because of who he is not because you care about him. That you are another one of these girls that uses poor Nick." I roll my eyes, poor Nick my ass. Nick may look like a dork sometimes when it comes to girls but more times than not the girl is the loser in it all, not him.
"I don't believe this." Chris laughs,
"Are you on yet?" I groan,
"Almost."
"They said you were mean and was making fun of Nick's clothes behind his back and making him look stupid in front of the fans." I log on,
"What site are you on?" She laughs,
"The train wreck, where else would this stuff be?" I sigh and shake my head,
"This girl said Nick's shirt was nice and I was standing behind him and shook my head and he didn't see me, thats all it was." Chris laughed,
"I'm looking at some of these pictures and the shirt IS ugly." I smile,
"See?" I put on the headset so I can surf and talk to her, then I see an instant message she sent me with a link. It was of one girls' pictures of me, one with me near Nick and the other of my back as Larry is walking us out. Chris starts laughing,
"This one girl said Larry was behind you and that you aren't the star Nick is and you were keeping Larry from protecting Nick." I sigh,
"What the hell was going to happen to Nick? Someone was going to hug him to death?" Chris laughs,
"You're crazy, you've caused quite a bit of attention. They said you were breathing down Nick's neck and that Kristin doesn't do that to Kevin and she's his wife, she leaves and you should have left Nick with his fans so they could have time." I didn't think anything of it, maybe I should have went and sat in the car and waited,
"There was a girl who was there with her friend and she said they're blowing it up, it was no big deal. That Nick started the Justin joke." Thank God for sensible girls,
"She said you were really nice, you were smiling the whole time Nick was with the fans...of course someone said it was a smile to make the fans jealous and say he's mine. Damn, some girls are stupid. And the girl said Nick said you guys were just friends." I nod,
"I like her." Chris laughs,
"Someone said you were dressed inappropriately...where did these girls learn these big words? And that by the way you were dressed it was obvious what was going to happen and that you're just some girl he was with until the next city. Your defender said people need to chill and shut up because they're just wishing it was them with Nick." I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I see another link and quite a few girls posted their pictures of me for people to see.
"The black girls give Nick props for dating a black girl." I roll my eyes,
"Have I started a race war?" She laughs,
"Even if someone had a problem with it they wouldn't say it after a couple of girls got ripped for saying maybe Nick wants to be black. They said they were kidding but hey, you know." I could never handle dating Nick and I give credit to every girl who has ever tried,
"Damn, did you guys go to a club?" My stomach drops as I wonder what was said about the club, but it also brought back the awful memory of those girls,
"Yeah, why?"
"This girl said she had a friend who was at the club and you guys were dancing real nasty on the dance floor that you were practically having sex." I sigh,
"That's bullshit, we were dancing to reggae." She squeals,
"Oooh sexy." I nod and smile,
"Yeah but it wasn't nasty."
"Someone posted she saw Nick and Larry taking you to the airport. It must have been, she said, because you had your bags and that they came back without you. Why didn't you tell me you went to Vegas? Did he fly you out?" Here was the question and what am I to say,
"No he didn't. Eric invited me. I didn't see Nick until my second night there. I wasn't going to but Eric brought him to my room. Nick didn't know either until I opened the door and we were looking at each other. I don't know why I didn't tell you." We spent the rest of the time talking, catching up. Nick hasn't called Marnie and doesn't return her messages. It turns out she was the one who let Chris know I was there in Vegas from reading about it on the internet.
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Mixed Feelings
Chapter 66