Shayna was dancing around in one of Bill�s shirt and a pair of socks when the doorbell rang. She ran over and turned off the radio before looking through the peephole. Her stomach dropped at the sight of him standing there, she wasn�t ready to handle talking to him. She took a deep breath and opened the door. He looked up at her and she could see his eyes looking over her body before finally landing on her face. His hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were hunched over. She stood to the side and let him in, making sure her face revealed she was not thrilled with his arrival. He stood and waited,
�Have a seat.� He smiled nervously and sat on the couch,
�Thanks.� She nodded and went into the bedroom and put on a pair of sweatpants; she didn't want him to get the wrong idea. She sat down on the chair,
�So, what do you want?� There was no way she was going to make this easy on him. He nodded his head slowly as if giving himself a pep talk in his mind,
�Look, I�m sorry if I did anything to make you mad.� She frowned,
�If you don�t know what you did you shouldn�t be apologizing.� He sighed,
�Why are you giving me such attitude?� Shayna stood up.
�If you don�t want anything can you leave? I have things to do Nick.� He stood and walked over to her,
�What is your problem? Why are you being so cold?� She looked at him and shook her head,
�Nick, we�re over ok? No more�no more late nights, no more sneaking around�no more cheating.� He nodded his head,
�I agree, no more. Shayna, I love you. I want us to be together. Please.� Her eyes widened and she shook her head slowly,
�No, especially after the way you treated me the last time we were together.� She snorted at the look of confusion on his face,
�Figures you didn�t think you did anything wrong. You made me feel like trash. You made me feel bad about myself. I already felt bad because I was doing something wrong; I already felt cheap�but that shit you pulled�with Bill and the phone.� He walked over and stood directly in front of her,
�I don�t know why I did that�I�m sorry, I never meant to make you feel bad or hurt you.� She looked down and whispered,
�Its over Nick�and right now I don�t even want to be your friend�we need some time apart.� He grabbed her by the shoulders,
�Look Shay, I�m sorry�I don�t know why I did it, I�m sorry. I�ve been thinking about us a lot lately and I want us to try and make it work again. I know I want to be with you�I figured it out�I want you back. I�m not happy-� She shook herself out of his grasp,
�Oh, that�s why you want me back? You aren�t happy�you�re lonely? Too bad, I moved on and I suggest you do the same.� He ran his hand through his hair,
�Why are you acting like this?� She turned her back on him; she couldn't handle seeing the pathetic look on his face and the tears that had begun to form. There was no way she was going to fall for it again. He just didn�t understand sometimes and she was tired of trying to make him. Her eyes closed and she sighed as he wrapped his arms around her from behind,
�I didn�t spend enough time with you before, I know that now.� He turned her around and the tears fell down his face. She shook her head and became angry at not only him but herself for that moment where she almost fell back into that same trap,
�No, no way. You always did this. You would mess up, then you would cry and say how sorry you were and I would end of comforting you like you were the one who was hurt or done wrong�I�m not falling for that shit again.� He pulled away and she whirled around when she heard a loud noise. He had slammed his fist on the counter,
�What the fuck do you want from me? I�m trying here and you�re acting like you don�t even care anymore�this isn�t easy for me, but I love you.� She watched as he shook his head and swallowed back the tears. Maybe he meant it this time, maybe he was going to change. There was a part of her that wanted to be back with him but she owed herself an opportunity to go on without him and find whatever it was that she couldn�t find with him.
�I don�t want anything from you. Nick, we were together for a long time and we weren�t that happy. I think back and the relationship wasn�t bad maybe it was the people in it�maybe we aren�t that good together.� He sighed,
�How could you say that? We had fun, we loved each other�you can�t tell me you don�t still love me Shay�or you wouldn�t have been with me�why were you with me?� She looked around and ran her hand through her hair. She loved him, that�s why she was with him; she wasn�t going to tell him that so he could use that against her.
�Nick, we both wanted it to happen-� He snorted,
�What Shayna? He doesn�t do it for you so you were just using me? Is that it?� She gasped as he grabbed her arms, he wasn�t violent and she wasn�t scared, but she was so nervous about this whole situation,
�Yes Nick, it was sex ok? I thought that was all it was for you too and if it wasn�t then I�m sorry. I never meant to lead you to believe it was more than what it was.� She fought to hide the tears,
�You made me feel bad about myself. That�s not love. Bill has never made me feel that way. I know we�ve had our crazy times but you�ve never made me feel dirty. I missed making love and that�s not something you know how to do anymore it seems.� He sighed,
�Is that it? That�s what you need me to do?� She shook her head,
�No, its over�I want to be with Bill�its too late Nick.� He shook his head, walked over and picked up his keys. She felt bad as she watched him shake his head the entire time, she didn't want to hurt him,
�Nick?� He held his hand on the doorknob and stopped but didn�t turn around; he simply waited,
�I�m sorry.� He didn�t say anything; he just walked out and never looked back. She flopped on the couch and held her stomach; she thought she was going to be sick.
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Chapter 44