Minutiae: The Epic Saga

 

The People

 

The Narrator: a narrator (obviously!) who is not Henry Higgins

The Narrator’s Wife: the narrator’s wife (gee, that was a brain-twister, wasn’t it?)

M. Gisquet: the prefect of police who cannot be found anywhere

 

Javert: an obsessive policeman chasing after all the other characters

Marius Pontmercy: a foolish young man

Cosette Fauchelevant: a foolish young woman

M. Gillenormand: Marius’ grandfather and legal guardian

The nameless mad scientist: one of the other characters in disguise who randomly experiments on the other characters, and is the leader of the Cult of the Magical

Kangaroo Talismans

 

The Jets – a gang

Jean Valjean: a convict who kidnapped a hamster and was thrown in jail for 19 years, but was released and is now being pursued by Javert

Roger the Shrubber: a shrubber who sometimes turns up as the narrator when the real narrator (who really really truly is in no way Henry Higgins!) is not

available

Brother Eustace: the Keeper of the Holy Hand Grenade

The Knights Who Say Ni: the keepers of the sacred words

 

The Sharks – a rival gang

M. Thenardier: a dealer in illegal vacuum cleaners

Eponine Thenardier: his older daughter

Azelma Thenardier: his younger daughter

Gavroche Thenardier: his son

the tooth fairy: his wife

Satan: the ruler of Hell whose face may never be seen

Judy Garland: Satan’s superior

 

Les Amis – a boy-band turned Canadian freedom fighters

Enjolras (lead singer): very blond and marbly leader

Grantaire (lead guitarist): drunk cynic who is in love with Enjolras

Combeferre (background vocalist): a philosopher who recently traded psyches with Joly as a result of one of the mad scientist’s experiments

Joly (jazz pianist): a hypochondriac who recently traded psyches with Combeferre

Courfeyrac (electric guitarist): a playboy

Laigle (bass): a bald college drop-out who is in love with Joly

Feuilly (lyricist): a young man whose goal in life is to free Poland from a hideous tyrant: the soap manufacturers! He was recently eaten by a mouse

Jean Prouvaire (flutist): a young poet obsessed with pretty flowers

Bahorel (drums): a bully who flunked out of college and now acts like a two-year-old as a result of one of the mad scientist’s experiments

One Haans Pfall: a new recruit who just wants to sing…

 

various Drunken Townspeople, Weird Old Men, Lord of the Rings characters, platypuses, and Bunnies

 

The Place

 

Place: Regina, the capital city of Saskatchewan, Canada

Time: 1825

Background: It is a time of political turmoil in Canada. The toothpaste manufacturers are taking over the country, having recently murdered the president to gain power. Gangs run riot, kidnapping poor helpless hamsters from their beds. A young boy band realizes their destiny has come: they must rebel against the government and end the madness and bring about a new dawn of hope, peace and truth. Their leader: Enjolras. Their cry: “Vivez les poles!” [running translation: Long live the stoves!]

 

Backward Ho!                                                                                                                                                                                                         Onward Ho!