Part 11

 

Buffy remembered a time when she was a little girl. She was always adventurous, and always getting into trouble. She used to love to twirl around in her little dresses. Spinning and watching her dress flare out around her would keep her mesmerized. One time, when she stopped twirling, the ground had been moving so fast. Spinning… and she reached out a hand to touch it, but it kept going, and she lost her balance.

 

Falling… the world spun around her and she couldn’t hold on.

 

She felt a little like that now. Here, on the decks of the ‘Titanic’, as it shot closer and closer to its final doom.

 

The cold, blackness of the ocean.

 

And Angel would go down with it.

 

She could barely look at him… she knew that she was spinning and if she reached out to grab him… he wouldn’t be there.

 

“What… what did you say?” she practically choked on the words.

 

“I…” Angel trailed off, knowing that he couldn’t lie to her. Staring at her helplessly, he shrugged.

 

She shook her head. “No. NO! That’s crazy. You at least have to try… I mean, look at the people in the lifeboats, there’s barely anyone getting in. I saw them letting in some men before, maybe you could go on one… I mean it shouldn’t be that hard…” Buffy babbled, eyes wide.

 

“Buffy… it’s okay,” he interrupted gently.

 

She stared at him with her mouth agape. “It is certainly NOT okay! How can you just stand there and tell me that it’s okay?”

 

“Look, love, I’m not sure but I think that I can still…”

 

“You think that a ship will rescue us?” she asked in a hopeful voice. “Maybe there isn’t a lifeboat shortage! Whom did you hear this from?”

 

“A pretty reliable source.” Buffy frowned and opened her mouth. Angel rushed to continue, “Buffy, you need to calm down…”

 

“Yes,” interjected a gruff voice.

 

Buffy looked up suddenly. “Giles!” she exclaimed. Reaching out, she hugged him. Pulling away, she put on her best slayer poker face. “What do we know?”

Giles avoided her eyes. “Angel’s right… there aren’t enough boats.”

 

Buffy stared at him for a moment. She didn’t want to believe. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to. “Oh,” was all she said.

 

Angel and Giles exchanged a meaningful glance over the top of her head. “Buffy… I realize that this may be a bit of a shock, but you need to remain calm. There are things we can do… it isn’t lost for Angel and I.”

 

She shook her head, images of herself falling as a girl. “Yeah? Like what?”

 

Angel swallowed. “Buffy, I’m a vampire.”

 

Buffy stared at him, not sure what he was trying to say. “You’re going to suck everyone in your way dry?” she asked doubtfully.

 

Angel looked at Giles and shrugged. “I mean… I’m fairly strong. I’ve never heard of a vampire jumping in to the Atlantic before, but for the most part I’m fairly immune to most temperatures…”

 

Giles frowned, thoughtful. “I suppose that’s true. However, there is no telling what prolonged effects to being exposed to those kinds of temperatures could do.”

 

“Just because I can’t feel it doesn’t mean it isn’t doing anything,” Angel mused.

 

Giles nodded. “Precisely. But being a vampire I’m sure that you have a much better chance of surviving a long period of time exposed to frigid water than most people.”

 

Buffy watched the exchange, head turning back in forth. “Wait!” she commanded harshly. Two pairs of eyes looked in her direction. “You’re telling me that Angel, because he’s all supernaturally, or whatever, can survive in those kinds of temperatures better than most people?”

 

“That’s assuming that a ship doesn’t come to rescue us in time,” Giles responded. Buffy rolled her eyes and gave him a pointed glare. “But, yes,” he answered. “That’s the gist of it.”

 

Buffy nodded and folded her arms over her chest. “Then it’s all settled. I’ll put my mother on a boat, Giles will sneak on the same one, and then, I, as the slayer and a supernatural creature, will stay here with Angel and we’ll both brave the cold waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Together.”

 

Angel and Giles stared at her like she had just claimed to jump off the Eiffel tower.

 

Buffy stood. Arms folded over her chest, eyes glaring, poster ramrod straight, she silently dared them to argue.

 

Angel got there first. “You can’t be serious!”

 

She snorted and advanced on him. “You don’t think I’m serious?” Angel took a step back, and Buffy came at him, jabbing a finger into his chest. “You don’t think I’m serious. Because I’m just a little girl who doesn’t know what she wants. Well you know what, Angel? If you think I’m going to be a good little obedient girl and let you sacrifice yourself without me, you have another thing coming.”

 

Giles grabbed her arm, and tried to pull her away from Angel. Buffy shook his hand off easily, really getting angry. “You can’t just make decisions like that and expect everything to be fine! You can’t tell me to get on a lifeboat because there’s a *chance* that the cold water of the Atlantic won’t effect you. You can’t do that!”

 

“Buffy, calm down!” Giles cried, but she ignored him.

 

“Buffy,” Angel said quietly, almost sadly. “Don’t be like this.”

 

About to shout at him, Buffy jumped suddenly when a loud noise like the shooting of a cannonball was heard.  Fireballs of light shot up into the sky, and then fell gently into the ocean.

 

“Rockets,” Giles said.

 

“Look! A SHIP!” A lone voice cried in the crowd, louder and more meaningful then all the others. Silence covered the deck as everyone turned towards the ocean. Buffy turned her head just in time to see the faint twinkle of lights off in the distance. Her body sagged with relief, and grabbing Angel’s hand, watched the lights with newfound hope shinning in her eyes. She sucked in a breath as the lights came closer. And closer. And closer.

 

And away. The ship went away. It wasn’t going to rescue them.

 

“Oh god,” she murmured under her breath.

 

Angel squeezed her hand. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” he promised firmly.

 

****

Joyce Summers didn’t know how long she had been sitting in the gymnasium for. The lights were too bright, the heat too warm, and the smiles too cheery. She wanted out. She wanted her daughter back. She wanted to get back to her warm bed.

 

None of those things happened.

 

A laugh rang out from beside her. Cards flew rapidly, drinks were downed, and jokes were told with smiles.

 

And Buffy still didn’t come back.

 

Joyce was a tiny woman. When asked what was going on, most hired personal patted her hand, assured her it was all right, and urged her to get onto a lifeboat immediately. She was tiny, but she wasn’t stupid. She knew that something was terribly wrong.

 

Knowing that she couldn’t stay and do nothing, Joyce put on a brave front. It came easier than she thought it would, nothing at this point could have stopped her from finding her daughter.

 

As soon as Joyce left the warm shelter of the gym, she almost wished she hadn’t. Stepping out onto the cold deck was like stepping into another dimension. Fear, thick, wide, penetrating fear was everywhere. On everyone. Written on faces, written on gestures, and heavy in the air.

 

Joyce felt her breath woosh out of her. It was like being crushed by a boulder. Her chest felt heavy, and drawing in a breath was struggle.

 

Woman cried, holding onto their husbands. Children cried, holding onto their mothers. Joyce jumped when a hysterical woman was forced away from her husband and into a lifeboat. A baby screamed with discomfort as her crying mother tried to rock her to sleep. The band, the band with their shiny new instruments ordered specifically to entertain the first class aboard the ‘Titanic’, played through it all. Never wavering. The sound could be heard wafting down through the misery and the fear.

 

Somewhere Buffy was out there. Amongst all that confusion and pain, she was there. And Joyce had to find her. Because she knew, Joyce knew, what it was like to be young and in love. She knew what she had been like when she was Buffy’s age. And she knew how stubborn she could be.

 

Joyce could feel the fear in her stomach, pooling, collecting, gathering, screaming at for her to find her offspring before it was too late.

 

Buffy started to cry.

 

She couldn’t help. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want him to see her cry. She knew that if she cried, she would be weaker. She knew that he wouldn’t listen to her as well as if she was calm and collected.

 

But she cried.

 

Looking around, seeing woman torn away from their husbands, she could feel their pain all too well. She was scared, more than she could ever remember being in her life.

 

The world was spinning. And it was getting faster and faster. She could barely see it, much less grab onto it. No stake, no holy water, no strength could help her now. She was the slayer, the chosen one, the one girl in all the world to stand against the forces of darkness. And none of that mattered.

 

So she cried.

 

And he held her. So tight. So tight that she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to breath, or cry anymore. But she didn’t say anything. She let him hold her, let him crush her. She wanted to feel him against her.

 

Forever. And never let go.

 

He rubbed her back, smoothed her hair, made shushing noises in her ear. He could feel her trembling, he could feel her hopelessness. And he wanted it to go away. He wanted to protect her and take her away from all of this. He wanted to promise that it was all going to be all right.

 

“Don’t leave me,” she begged. “Please…”

 

He closed his eyes. And held her. Just held her.

 

Giles watched on, face solemn, eyes guilty. He knew he was intruding on something intimate. Knew that this was their time. Their love. But he was her watcher, and he would watch till the bitter end.

 

Giles wasn’t getting off this ship alive. He’d long since realized that. It was a tough realization, and he hated the feeling of giving up. But he didn’t even know how to swim, didn’t know how to keep his head above water in the pool the ‘Titanic’ sported. He was going to drown as soon as he hit the water.

 

He knew that. And he accepted.

 

But he wasn’t, under no circumstances, abandoning this job. He was to guide the slayer. And he would. He was going to make sure that she got off this ship alive.

 

When Buffy’s sobs finished, she turned away from Angel. Giles saw her puffy eyes, saw the depths of blue, and saw misery. There was no more fire, no more warmth. He began to dread it. Perhaps she would make it off the ship alive, but the affects of it might kill her.

 

Especially if she lost Angel.

 

The fact jarred him. So little time the two had spent together, yet the importance of it… was so mind boggling. He became her strength, and guidance. She needed him. Giles feared, terribly feared, what the consequences would be if his slayer lost her angel.

 

He cleared his throat uncomfortably and Buffy fixed her haunted gaze upon him. “Please don’t ask me to get on this boat and leave you.”

 

Angel seemed to deflate. “Buffy, you need to, the world needs you to.”

 

“No it doesn’t!” she cried, but the anger was gone. “It doesn’t. One slayer dies, the next one is called.”

 

“It’s not going to happen like that!” Giles burst in, causing Buffy to jump. “Not you, Buffy. You’re going to grow old and die in a warm bed.”

 

She stared at him. “Not like I don’t put my life on the line every night, Giles.” She turned and looked at Angel helplessly. “Don’t you see? If I go with you we have a chance, together. If you don’t make it… I’ll die anyway.”

 

Angel stared at her for a beat of silence. It scared him, the intensity of her gaze. The love that he saw deep and fierce in her eyes. No one had ever cared about him like that before. It scared him because he knew what he felt for her, and there was no way, no way, that he was going to let her stay on this ship as it sank.

 

“No,” he said, his voice deathly firm. His eyes were hard, determined. He wasn’t going to let her persuade him. “You’re getting onto a lifeboat.”

 

“He’s right, you know.”

 

Buffy looked up. “Mom! What are you doing here? Didn’t I tell you to wait in the gym?” The slayer’s voice held a funny pitch, her words were spoken slowly. She trembled a little like she was in danger of losing a hard worked upon control.

 

Joyce’s eyes flashed. “I came to find you. What are we doing? Why aren’t we on a lifeboat?”

 

Buffy gestured around her in a helpless sigh. “Mom… please… let me just… figure something out, okay?”

 

Joyce pretended not to hear. She looked around herself with a darkening expression. “Buffy, this isn’t a joke. This is serious. If you don’t get on a lifeboat now, you’re going to die.” Joyce paused, gulped. Looking over, she studied Angel for the first time, and nodded slightly. “Get her off this boat!” she said fiercely.

 

Angel gave her a long, cold stare. “I’m working on it.”

 

“Um, excuse me?” Buffy shouted. “Standing right here! And, also, perfectly in control of making decisions.”

 

Angel moved to comfort her but a deathly glare from his love’s mother stopped him. Giles took the opportunity and put a restraining arm on his shoulder. “Let me talk to her,” he whispered.

 

Angel considered him for a moment, then slowly backed away. “Okay.”

 

Giles took Buffy by the arm and dragged her away. She scowled but went with him.

 

Angel and Mrs. Summer were left. Alone. Angel cleared his throat nervously. “Mrs. Summers.”

 

She glared at him suspiciously. This was the man that her daughter had fallen in love with. He looked older than her, she reflected somewhat wearily. Handsome, that was true. He projected a dark aura, though, and Joyce didn’t like it. He seemed all too mysterious. Buffy had called him Angel. No last name. Where was his family? Not just anyone had enough money to be able to ride first class.

 

Angel noticed the slight look of disgust on her face. “I love her, you know,” he stated right off the bat. “Although, if you don’t mind me saying so, this isn’t exactly the right time of be having a discussion about my intentions.”

 

Joyce narrowed her eyes at him. “True,” she snapped. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t have it.”

 

Sighing, the vampire with a soul shifted uncomfortably, wondering why he was being forced into a torture such as this. “This ship is sinking, Mrs. Summers.”

 

She shivered, surprised that Angel had spoken about the situation so bluntly. “I know. Any idiot can tell.”

 

Angel sighed. “There aren’t enough lifeboats for everyone to get in.”

 

Joyce’s mouth dropped a little, and she regarded him in horror. “What are you saying?”

 

“I’m saying,” Angel said grimly, “that the only way I’m going to live is to survive out there.” He looked out into the ocean and watched half filled lifeboats paddle away from the sinking ‘Titanic’. They weren’t hanging around, he realized. They weren’t going to come back for people who were left to swim in the frigid water. This jolted him, and he needed a minute before looking back at Buffy’s mother. “And the only way to survive out there is to have a good enough reason to survive. Such as a woman who’s important enough to get back to.” And, he thought, a little vampire strength added in.

 

Joyce sighed and looked down. “Buffy loves you.” Angel didn’t say anything, just regarded her solemnly. “I hope… I hope that will be enough to hang onto out there.”

 

Angel rewarded her with a half-smile. “It’s more than enough.”

 

***

“Buffy, I would have liked to think that I trained you better than this.” Giles was trying his best to ignore the slight dip of the ship that was getting noticeable with every passing second. He was trying to ignore the rockets that kept shooting up into the air, in hopes that a ship might see them. And he was also trying to ignore the sense that he was rapidly running out of time.

 

“What? You mean rushing off to save myself when others are dying?” she snapped.

 

“No,” he spat, “I taught you to do what was right and not to let your personal feelings effect your decisions.”

 

Her face was angry, determined. “I’m sorry, Giles. I won’t leave him… I can’t. If that makes me weak, fine. I don’t care.”

 

She turned her back on him, clearly signifying that she had made up her mind. Grabbing her arm, he forced her around and looked into her eyes with a growing desperateness. “I don’t know how to swim, Buffy. I’m neither a child nor a woman. The ‘Titanic’ will go into the ocean sooner than we think, and I will be going down with it. Now you will stop being stubborn and listen to me!”

 

Buffy gulped, shocked at the outburst, shocked at the reality that he presented before her. “Then… it only seems fair that I go down with—”

 

“My duty,” he interrupted sharply, “is to watch the slayer. Guide her, and give her the information she needs to survive as long as possible. It is not my job to bring her down with me.”

 

“I can’t do this, Giles!” she finally cried. “I can’t go out there without you and Angel. I can’t live in a world where I’m all alone.”

 

He softened and loosened the grip on her arm. “You won’t be alone,” he said firmly. “You’ll have to take care of your mother. Or, perhaps,” he mused, “she will have to take care of you.”

 

Buffy blinked back tears. “My mother is strong…”

 

“She’s strong for *you*. Without you… who knows?”

 

“I can’t go out there not knowing what will happen to him…” she murmured, almost to herself.

 

Giles gave a little smile knowing whom she was referring to. “He loves you, Buffy.”

 

 “I know.” She sighed, “I can’t… I don’t know…”

 

He nodded. “I understand.” Giles looked out at the people shivering and crowding the boat deck. “You can’t save any of these people, but by saving yourself, as the slayer, you will save many more.”

 

“Until I die… without my lover or my watcher.” Numb, Buffy followed her watcher’s gaze. All those people… they might all die, freeze to death, in only a couple hours. People she knew, people she loved. They would die. And she would be expected to go on to save others. Alone.

 

“Give Angel a chance. I believe that he will do what is necessary to get back to you.” Giles reassured.

 

“He’d have a better chance if I was with him.”

 

“Then he would be forced into having to worry about your safety as well as your own,” Giles argued. “Angel’s strong, and his will to get back to you is stronger. And as long as he knows your safe, he will be able to remain calm.”

 

Buffy quietly listened to what Giles told her. He was right, she knew. It would be easier for Angel to go on if he didn’t need to worry about her. “But then I would have to worry about him,” she whispered, “I won’t be able to remain calm.”

 

Giles took her hand, squeezed it. “And that’s why you love him.”

 

***

 

When Buffy and Giles slowly walked back to them, Angel noticed that she was pale. He could tell, just from the way she chewed her lip nervously, that Giles had gotten through to her. Buffy would get on a lifeboat. Looking into her pale face, and haunted gaze, Angel wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good thing.

 

But at least she would be safe.

 

If anyone could be considered safe, he reflected darkly. Being out in the middle of the ocean was preferable to being out in the middle of the ocean in a sinking ship. But not by a whole lot.

 

Buffy took a deep breath and looked at her mother, trying her best to avoid Angel’s penetrating stare. “We need to get on a lifeboat, Mom,” she said, trying her best to sound cheerful.

 

Joyce gave a crisp nod. “Good.”

 

Buffy tried to give her mother a mock glare, but it fell short. “I hope that you were nice to him while Giles and I were talking.”

 

Angel reached over to take Buffy’s hand. “Of course she was nice. I think it runs in the Summers’ blood.”

 

Buffy rewarded him with a small smile. “I’m not happy about this, you know,” she whispered.”

 

“I know.”

 

Buffy still wouldn’t look at him. “What if…” she swallowed, “I know you say you can’t feel temperatures acutely… but what if…”

 

“I freeze to death?” Angel answered stoically.

 

She closed her eyes, hating the sound of those words. “I guess.”

 

Angel moved backward with the intent of moving out of the ear shot of his slayer’s mother and watcher, but before he could, he found himself interrupted.

 

By Riley Finn.

 

Despite dire circumstances, despite the fact that he was about to say good-bye to Buffy, despite the fact that he may very well die within the next couple of hours, Angel still couldn’t quite keep away his sneer. Riley didn’t notice. Instead he stopped in front of Buffy huffing and puffing like he had just run a hundred miles.

 

“Buffy…” he wheezed. Glancing over, his eyes fell on Joyce, “Mrs. Summers. I have news…” he paused for breath, “I have news. I feel it my duty to report that you women will want to get onto a lifeboat as soon as possible.”

 

“Really?” Angel growled dangerously.

 

Riley looked at him, squinted. “The ship is sinking!”

 

“Thank you, Riley,” Joyce quietly interjected, “we realize that—”

 

“And there aren’t enough lifeboats!” he added triumphantly.

 

Four pairs of eyes stared at him like he was parading around the deck and singing in his underwear.

 

[Buffy found her voice first. “Look, Riley… there isn’t any easy way to say this, I know that you had feelings for me… but…”

 

He shook his head. “No! Buffy don’t you get it? I love Cordelia now! She’s way more of a champion than you’ll ever be! She even glows white! Can purge people of evilness just by looking at them! H-ll! She can even ascend to heaven because of all the wonderful things she has done this year! Why would I have feelings for you?”

 

Angel looks on, wide eyes. “Riley! You’re so right! Why waste my time on Buffy? I should have loved Cordelia all along! Behind all the rude, snide, mean comments, a deep, deep person was hidden. I mean, really, Cordelia! She’s… she’s… she’s like a saint!”]

 

*cough*ifeelbetter*cough*

 

Buffy found her voice first. “You’re right, Riley,” she managed to stutter politely. “The ship *is* sinking.” Her eyes softened as she regarded him. “Go… go spend some time with your parents, okay?”

 

Riley blinked at her. “You’re not grateful that I gave you this news?”

 

Angel stepped in front of Buffy. “Finn,” he spat like it was some kind of evil word, “I suggest you leave. Now.”

 

“Angel… don’t…”

 

Angel didn’t even turn around at the sound of Buffy’s voice. “We have some unfinished business, boy,” he drawled.

 

Riley puffed up his chest. “You better be careful, someone might mistake you for an evil creature.”

 

The vampire snorted. “If that someone is you, I don’t really have all that much to worry about.”

 

Riley bristled. “I’d be careful about what you say, *old man*.”

 

Angel let out a low growl. “What? Are you going to give me the same stunning performance as the last time we met?”

 

Joyce leaned over to whisper in Buffy’s ear. “Dear, I believe that they’re fighting over you.”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Naww….”

 

Riley looked at Buffy. “Do you want me to turn this guy to dust for you?”

 

Buffy sighed and looked at her mother. “Maybe just a little.”

 

Giles ticked his eyes to his watch in a warning, and Buffy suddenly remembered their dire circumstances. Groaning under her breath, she took a step between the two men. “Both of you shut up!” she shouted, looking at Angel, “I would have expected better from you!” Glancing at Riley she scowled at him as well. “And you! You come here to tell us that we need to get into a lifeboat and you still get into a fight? If we survive this than do your manly brawl… hell, I’ll even watch. But now is *not* the time!”

 

Angel and Riley broke apart with matching guilty faces. Biting her lip in an effort to calm her beating heart, Buffy turned back to Riley. “Go and be with the people that matter most to you,” she commanded in a barely controlled voice.

 

Riley stared at her with a falling expression. “I made sure that Cordelia got onto a boat.”

 

[Buffy managed a small smile. “DieCordeliadie!”]

 

Buffy managed a small smile. “I’m glad,” she said sincerely. [Didn’t say that I was, though….]

 

Riley took a step closer to her, but Angel came to Buffy’s side in an instant with a warning look on his face. Riley took a step back. “You should do the same,” the commando pointed out quietly.

 

Buffy grasped Angel’s hand. She let out a long, shuddering sigh. “I have to.”

 

Riley looked at the two of them, nodded. Giving a little wave, his turned and disappeared into the crowd.

 

“What if we never see him again?” she asked as she watched him go, actually almost afraid of the thought.

 

Angel gave a wry chuckle. “I think I’m the wrong person to ask that question to.”

 

“I’m serious.”

 

“I don’t know, Buffy… I just don’t know.”

 

She took that in, accepted it. Turning to look at him, she forced herself not to cry. He was so handsome, and looked so strong. And she was scared… so scared. “I need…” she gulped, “we need to say good-bye.”

 

“No, not good-bye.”

 

“Never good-bye,” she amended. “But… maybe, see you later?”

 

“See you later,” he agreed.

 

Looking up at her mother and her watcher, Buffy tried in vain to hold her panic down. “We’re going to talk… be back in a few, okay?”

 

“Buffy you don’t have…” the rest of Giles’ words were garbled as another rocket was launched into the sky and exploded. Buffy couldn’t help but notice that it was like a hundred little pieces of stars falling down towards the ship. Almost like it was spelling out its final doom. The fall of the ‘Titanic’ down towards the ocean.

 

“A lot of time,” she finished for him, once the noise had passed. “I know. Just…” she paused, wiped at her eyes, “give me a chance to say my see you laters, all right?”

 

He sighed. “Take as much time as you need.”

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