Please help me. My head is all fogged up and I really need some help making things clear. I feel that I am dedicating an unusual amount of time to men that are not interested in me. While men that are interested in me, I push aside. I'm diligently working to entertain unavailable men, I guess in hopes of swaying their fancy? If after my repeated attempts of entertaining men fails to provide me with the amount of attention that I require, only then do I take into consideration how they feel about me. Before long, I will shout, cry, scream yell and ridicule until I receive the proper about of attention that I require. But it isn�t not like I�m all bad. Before I resort to childish temper tantrums, I start with my "I will be your greatest friend" routine. It�s starts out like this: 1.) I position myself in his life in a way that makes me irreplaceable. Like meeting friends or family. Then do I something �memorable� for his friends or family. This could be offering a simple gift or advice. Just something simple and unexpected. 2.) Then I offer to do some favor for the man that he really wouldn�t feel comfortable asking any one else to do. The �hide the body� phase of my ultimate take over. 3.) I start to bring gifts, a dinner I�ve prepared specially for him, a television episode that he would have missed if I hadn�t been thoughtful enough to record. That sort of thing. 4.) This is the part that is very delicate, the �have sex with no strings attached� phase. The temper tantrums only start when I realize the 4 phases really weren�t providing me with the amount of attention I had hoped to receive. I start analyzing how I was treated in during the greatest friend phase, and how likely it was that during this phase I wasn�t really appreciated. As a result of my discovery of how unappreciated I feel (in retrospect, I never really feel unappreciated during the actual 4 phases) and then I take a stand. I articulate very clearly what should have happened in each situation to prevent my feelings from being hurt. Then I leverage the guilt he feels from not realizing how insensitive he was for more time, and attention to be focused on me. This really does work for a little while, but people don�t really like being made to feel bad. So that�s where it ends and I have no idea how to reassemble a normal friendship out of the crap I have created. I�m aware of 3 men that I have followed this pattern with. The first time was with Chrisatan and lasted 4 years. Only now that I am 2 years removed from the relationship can I even begin to consider hearing his name mentioned. The second time I experienced myself falling into this pattern was in my relationships with Greenbay Boy. We did end on good terms. That is mostly due to the fact that he moved to Greenbay mid 4 phase cycle. I�m currently on the down cycle with Robot Boy and I�m desperately trying not to ruin a friendship that means a lot to me. Now I know that all of this sounds clear, almost that it would appear that I methodically plotted this out. This isn�t the case; I�ve just recently done some soul searching when things Robotboy was telling me started sounding familiar. Most of this actually occurred to me just the other day with my sister. I felt like a complete failure when the conversation fell flat, and I couldn�t keep her laughing. It�s not like I can�t have a stable man in my life to be in an adult relationships with, it�s that I don�t find those types of relationship satisfying. I need a certain level of drama to feel complete and I can�t even begin to speculate why. A coworker once told me that I had low self-esteem. I thought she was completely out of line. As far as I could tell people with low self-esteem were fat, unpopular, had bad skin and sat around whining all day about how unlikable they are. This isn�t me. I take care of myself, I�m fun, and I go out. How could I have low self-esteem? After typing these thoughts, I�m starting to wonder if my coworkers assessment of me was correct. If you have any advice on how to change my behavior so that I can maintain a healthy relationship with Robot Boy, please email me at: Save RobotGirls relationship with Robot Boy Click here to view the abvice that was sent to RobotGirl |
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