Endnotes for “Shadow
Though it Be”, Chs. 1-13
The shadowy figure (a
woman, she realized) moved aside politely…I’m told this figure was mistaken
for Anya, but really it’s only an unidentified female Wicca.
a badly-mauled Trianon
Press William Blake without the slipcase…I don’t know if such a book can be
unaccounted for, but I’ve handled Trianon Press Blakes before, and a battered
one would indeed be a shame.
I believe she already
knows you… Shades of Boo Radley, anyone?
3rd September 2000…This is wrong; I don’t think Giles had acquired the
magic shop by this date, let alone open it.
I just needed a date for the fall of 2000 and picked one out of the air,
as it were. Whatever date corresponds
to the period of time just after “Family” is the right one.
Can there be something
substantial to go with the tea?...Elisabeth’s situation roughly corresponds
to that of Mary Russell in The
Beekeeper’s Apprentice, which Elisabeth has read; probably one good reason
why she associates Giles with Holmes several times in the course of the fic.
clickety-clickety,
like an abacus…The abacus is a reference to Xander’s one-liner in “The Dark
Age”; the image, I confess, I owe partially to the odd and slightly off-putting
paragraph of Possession in which Ash
holds his lover and thinks of her brain under his chin as a Darwinian
masterpiece.
Siddhartha…All I
remember of this book is the wandering of its protagonist, and I kept thinking,
Is this supposed to be significant? The
East mystifies me, but Giles has an affinity for it, so I put this speech in
his mouth. It’s too close to the bone
for Elisabeth because the overall tone of Hesse’s book, as they both know, is a
sense of dispossession and loss and the subsequent search for recovery.
and a variegated orb…Not
an Orb of Thessala; that’s a paperweight.
And the Lord God said
to them, ‘You may eat of the fruit of all the trees in the garden, but of the
fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil you shall not eat, for on that
day you shall surely die…Elisabeth is quoting Genesis 2:16-17.
shoved at the back, an
album of famous arias…No doubt Giles has destroyed his copy of La Boheme after Angelus used it in his
grisly setup of Jenny Calendar’s death scene (“Passion”), but I imagine him
keeping the album of famous arias, albeit as far from his immediate attention
as possible. It’s this album that
reminds Elisabeth of that terrible moment in Giles’s life and causes her to
tread lightly whenever she handles his LPs.
Giles was pushing
vegetables around in a large sauté pan…Something he was also doing in
“Amends,” when Angel shows up at his door.
the Mudville nine…
“Casey at the Bat,” of course.
perhaps he had armed
himself with a crossbow…As he did when Angel showed up at his flat in
“Amends.” Elisabeth has clearly been
thinking about the strained relationship between Giles and Angel this evening.
she took them into the
kitchen and washed them…I am told that this is where I start idealizing my
Mary Sue into something that is completely not myself, but I stand firm in my
own defense. When I am not at home, I
most certainly do volunteer to wash dishes.
Underline, exclamation point, exclamation point. Exclamation point. In addition, I have often resorted to tactile housework of this
kind to ward off a panic attack, which is what Elisabeth is attempting to
do. Otherwise, I am perfectly content
to let Elisabeth’s character diverge from my own, as it is bound to do
eventually.
I haven’t any
tranquilizers, unfortunately…I’m not quite sure why he doesn’t, given the
trouble the set designers have taken to portray Giles as a borderline substance
abuser in times of trouble and distress.
Possibly he has taken them all and not renewed his prescription, as at
the moment he is treading water trouble-wise, and not in dire need.
Is the paper clean?...Elisabeth
is unconsciously taking part in a common Sunnydale practice, that of scanning
the local media for disturbances suggestive of Hellmouth activity.
doff thy scruples and
deny thy name, and I’ll no longer be a martinet…Elisabeth should not be
surprised that Giles can quote and misquote Shakespeare for his own
purposes. The source is Romeo and
Juliet II.ii: “O, Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy
father, and refuse thy name, or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, and
I’ll no longer be a Capulet…Romeo, doff thy name, and for that name, which is
no part of thee, take all myself.”
Only the dead know
Sunnydale…This, and the foregoing dialect in italics, is a nod to Thomas
Wolfe’s story “Only the Dead Know Brooklyn.”
The phrase takes on an ominous significance when applied to the
Hellmouth. I doubt that Giles has read
Wolfe’s story.
a very serious-looking
young man with spiked black hair…Presumably Willow’s Wiccan friend, who was
at one time helping her try to de-rat Amy.
Unless he was killed and I don’t know about it.
she hurried up the
rest of the steps and knocked on the closed loft door…Certain shots of
Giles’s flat in the series indicate that his loft is actually an open platform
that appears to be only big enough to admit a small bedroom suit, and certainly
not encompassing a bathroom. This
contradicted completely my conception of Giles’s flat for the story. So I compromised: Giles’s upstairs loft has a small door, and a bit of stone coping
along the upper rail for privacy, but it does not have a bathroom. When he wants to shave upstairs, as he does
in this scene, he carries hot water in his ewer up to his washstand, which he
has moved upstairs from its position near the kitchen door in “The Dark
Age.”
“Need a Little Sugar
in My Bowl”…I know this song thanks to Gaye Adegbalola, who performs it
with a great deal of gusto. Gaye,
however, is lesbian and felt more comfortable altering the original Bessie Smith
lyrics from “I need a little hot dog on my roll” to “I need a little jelly on
my roll.” I’ve never heard of a hot dog
roll, so I further altered the lyrics for my own convenience to “sausage”.
as my thoughts taxi
down the runway of my mind…this is lifted from an actual student
paper. Oy vey.
embargo on every
subject…This phrase of Jane Austen’s can be found in Pride and Prejudice, during the scene in which Elizabeth Bennet and
Mr. Darcy are walking together for the first time on the grounds of Pemberley.
Fortune favors the
brave…Besides being one of my more favorite aphorisms, it also becomes
prophecy in Buffy’s mouth in “Hush.”
“Are you drunk?” she
accused…Buffy is not being entirely unreasonable, given Giles’s behavior in
“The Yoko Factor” not so long ago.
my bride to murder on
my wedding night…One of Prince Humperdinck’s lines in The Princess Bride.
Sprouting eyes like a
seraphim…A reference to Warder, the wardrobe tech in Connie Willis’s To Say Nothing of the Dog. Though the point is arguable, I don’t think
you have to be time-lagged to love Buffy, however difficult and Warder-like she
may be at times.
The key…At this
point, only Buffy and Giles know that Dawn is a mystical key to the portal
between dimensions, and they are guarding that knowledge jealously until they
can find out Glory’s identity and agenda.
Elisabeth, who after all hasn’t watched Season 5 in a while, does not
know yet who knows what about Dawn; she doesn’t even know whether they’ve
discovered Glory’s name yet: another reason for her not only to tread lightly
in conversation, but also to eavesdrop at every available opportunity.
You played chess with
Spike?…Ever since the British invasion in Season 3 of first Gwendolyn Post
and then Wesley Wyndham-Price, Giles has been at pains to maintain a remnant of
his aloof-son-of-Albion reputation—a losing battle, of course.
Look at the whole
board…Like Jed Bartlet’s (The West
Wing), Giles’s chess instructions are the more infuriating for being
aggressively right.
just bloody stretch…Besides
being an entirely fitting speech for Giles, it also forms part of an anecdote
in Mark Buchanan’s section on spiritual disciplines in his book Your God is Too Safe. The anecdote refers to a difficult guitar
chord.
poised on the divide between
Air and Earth…As I see it, Giles was born under Gemini (an Air sign) with
Virgo rising (Earth, of course). That
covers, I think, his dualities and his tendency to worry very well.
See, I am doing a new
thing…A reference to Isaiah 43, in which God declares that something
greater than the Exodus is going to occur, and that in that act streams will
flow in the desert—in other words, that the impossible is actually going to
happen. Which is why Elisabeth thinks of
the passage when Giles kisses her.
I may have to hurt you…Robin Williams’s line on being
waked at oh-dark-thirty for his first day on the radio job in Good Morning
Vietnam.
For you are an
Englishman…Giles tends to lose patience with Gilbert and Sullivan.
Her hand waved,
searching for the right gesture…Anya’s gestures are sometimes appallingly
direct, especially when they refer to her sexual relationship with Xander—which
of course is responsible for her lateness, but Giles doesn’t want to know that.
Anya should be careful what she wishes for…Elisabeth,
of course, is thinking about the debacle of “Triangle,” which clearly has not
happened yet. To her dismay, Giles
responds to her remark by setting up the very situation that results in Olaf
laying waste to the Magic Box (neither the first nor the last of such
occurrences).
John Donne, perhaps?…Giles
is thinking more of the metaphysical and religious aspect than the lover’s
aspect of Donne’s poetry, which is why Elisabeth’s response is both startling
and inevitable.
turn around three times
and spit…Which is what Toby and Josh insist that Sam do when he counts his
electoral chickens before they are hatched, in Season 4 of The West Wing.
like a key in a lock…This
is the second time that Elisabeth has made an inadvertent reference to Dawn. This time, however, its impact is greater on
her than on Giles; after all, she knows what is to come where he does not.
A touch, a touch, I do
confess’t…Laertes to Hamlet, at the loss of a point in their duel.
Aren’t you going to
come at me with sticks?…A reference to Goliath’s taunt to the Israelite
camp, at the sight of young David coming out with only a slingshot: “Am I a dog, that you come at me with
sticks?”
sacrifice of paste…I
just couldn’t resist the pun with “sacrifice of praise.” Don’t hit me!
I’ll instruct you in the Mysteries of the Bone Folder…As
far as I know, no such mysteries exist; but they should.
Cheetos…Someday I’m going to write an anecdote in
which Giles is caught red-handed in a closet or bathroom with a large bag of
Cheetos.
a tall, narrow wooden
statue…The statue which is later the subject of a dispute of ownership
between Giles and Anya at the beginning of Season 6—but that is neither here
nor there.
She studied his face, searching for the slightest trace
in his expression of a Messiah complex…Giles does tend to suffer
from Messiah complexes at times, but given his habit of downplaying his own
authority, the tendency is rarely tragic in and of itself.
You’re trying to tell me something, and I’m crackin’ wise…cf.
C.J. and Sam of The West Wing, “Mr. Willis of Ohio.”
young intellectuals
are the easiest to put into a hypnotic sleep…Elisabeth is underlining the
parallel between this passage and a similar passage in A Letter of Mary.
What is the color of
things in dark places?…One of Reason’s riddles for the Freudian Spirit of
the Age, in C.S. Lewis’s The Pilgrim’s
Regress.
This chapter was particularly difficult to write, especially
as I’d had no idea of its going so horribly wrong when I first conceived the
notion of Elisabeth and Giles doing a meditation together. As I think back on it from about twelve
chapters’ distance, I was really wrung out after finishing this scene, and had
to back away from the story for a while.
Catharsis hurts. Nevertheless,
it has proved to be good for the plot, as it unites the two of them under
disaster without implicating either of them in any wrongdoing, and wakes Giles,
poor thing, to the pitfalls of offering Elisabeth his wholesale patronage.
Also, it's mere coincidence that "Chapter 11," shorthand for bankruptcy in the U.S., is the chapter of Elisabeth's spiritual bankruptcy. The things we don't plan....
Time to go to sleep…A line from Giles’s dream sequence in “The
Dark Age,” spoken as the demon Eyghon is summoned. At the moment Elisabeth can see little difference between
external and internal demons.
Take my picture steal
my soul…A reference to a
King/Keaggy/Denté song of which the chorus is:
“I am neither this nor that/I’m not here nor there/I am in between
something and somewhere.”
you really were a prat to make that deal with Adam…Elisabeth’s
being damned annoying here—brassy, officious, and facile; but they’re my own
worst faults, and I decided to leave this exchange the way it is, especially as
I couldn’t bear to part with the payoff of the Kipling line.
Giles gave him a slow blink which conveyed perfectly the
clement displeasure Elisabeth had been trying for earlier…Giles can also be
officious and facile, but he’s older and has learned to hone it into a mere
look of devastating sarcasm—when he wants to.
Giles…reached for his wallet, thumbed with maddening
slowness through the bills inside, and finally held one of them out between two
indolent fingers, his eyes cast up from his downturned face…like some odd
combination of Martin Sheen and Lauren Bacall…I’m really proud of this
passage. I think of ASH doing The
Lauren Bacall Look with a dash of Jed Bartlet thrown in, and I have to
giggle. It’s a wonder Spike (the
recipient of the Look) doesn’t swoon on the spot.
I like Earl Grey, but some brands put too much bergamot
in…Namely, Twinings. But I suspect
Giles of liking Twinings’s version of Earl Grey, along with the other flavors,
which are quite good.
Let it be the way it is…The legacy of Lady Julian to
me in my illness, dramatized in Elisabeth’s predicament. This was another chapter that was difficult
to write.
I have preserved all
your tears in my bottle…A
reference to Psalm 56:8: “Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into
thy bottle: are they not in thy book?” (KJV), or (BCP): “You have noted my lamentation; put my tears
into your bottle; are they not recorded in your book?” Elisabeth’s response is a refusal of cheap
comfort, but also a ducking of the more costly comfort that she is not ready to
accept.
Oh canst thou not minister to a mind diseased?…Macbeth
V.iii.49ff. I looked up the reference
to this phrase, and found the subsequent lines so germane and appealing that I
gave them to Giles, thereby ensuring my reputation as a quotemonger of the
first water, when really, really, I’m just a sham. Though I’m quite proud of Elisabeth’s response: “Therein the patient must minister to
himself…Let’s watch television.” I
crack myself up.
Giles, who was using his fingers to clean out the
lemon-curd jar…mmm, lemon curd.
Lemon curd will render the stodgiest Wesley-type incapable of resisting
the temptation to lick the jar. I feel
another anecdote coming on.
Elisabeth got up to take a bathroom break…People have
to pee in the Buffyverse sometime, just as eventually Harry Potter will have to
take a bath.
These things are bound to come, but woe to him by whom
they come…cf. Luke 17:1ff, Matt. 18:6ff, Mk. 9:42. Neither the first time nor the last that
poor Giles feels like this.
his fingers, incisive like a scholar’s and paradoxically
gentle like a soldier’s, continued to stroke her hair…A very clumsy
adaptation of C.S. Lewis’s description of Bardia the soldier’s hands in Till
We Have Faces, combined with Laurie R. King’s description of Holmes’s hands
at the end of The Beekeeper’s Apprentice. There’s got to be a better way of capturing both images at
once. I just haven’t found it yet.
Boy, this is
tiring. I’m going to continue this in
another document later.
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