Here is the frightening abduction story of one victim's encounter with a Space Teddy:
"I have been kidnapped by a Space Teddy before. I tried to use the Coke machine in the teacher's lounge (where I believe a secret nest of Teddies resides) and a Teddy caught me. I explained that the drinks were 15 cents less so I could get two for a dollar, but my plea was of no use. It was against the Rules, and if I break that Rule before too long I'll be stealing cars and shooting the president. He detained me for a while, but his extremely advanced brain could not take the lack of stimulation so he released me. PLEASE do not leak my identity to the government or I may be persecuted for my advanced knowledge of the species. Thank you."
This story has been examined by legendary Space Teddy expert Yaz McBootm, and he says: "This chilling story is indisputable proof that there exists a race of higher beings within the Hollow Earth. These beings are slowly but surely infiltrating our society. Upon examination of the victim, I determined that he did indeed experience an encounter with one of these beings and that he was in NO WAY making this story up. I have been careful not to alert the government, because when they find out, our source will be 'accidentally' wiped out."
Thanks for sending in the story. If any other faithful readers of the Oswego Picayune have abduction stories, please share them with Investigative Reporter Yaz McBoo tm . Thanks again, and Jon, don't worry, your identity is safe with us!
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