Welcome to Probably Too Much Information

Well, it's not like you can't go to the picture pages and see I've got a few pounds I could stand to lose, so at least this page shows I'm doing something about it.

I've almost always been heavy. Starting in the second grade and compounding weight every year since then. Truth be told, the weight has been my shield from the world. I didn't have to worry about relationships or anything like that because I was fat. And who likes the fat girl? So I worked on my mind, reading, school, more reading, college, more reading, yet more college and finally I decided I needed to change. That was about ooooh '97? '98? I started living a little and found out that alot of times it really doesn't matter if your the fat girl, people will like you anyways. And, after going to a few Sci-Fi Conventions, I emerged from my "shy" shell and started to really have fun. Now most people I know can't ever imagine me being the wallflower and it makes me laugh.

So, I'm happy with myself, I'm married, and I have a great education. Why am I now a Weight Watchers member? Actually I've been on quite a few diets ever since I was in Jr. High. Some worked for a bit but then I was right back to gaining back what I'd lost and more. Even tried Weight Watchers during my first year of college. Lost some weight but wasn't able to stick with the whole plan of so many protiens and starches and such that was WW at the time. Even tried exercising and watching my calorie intake thru the net but that too passed. When I was younger the weight didn't really matter and I could still walk miles and dance the night away. Now that I'm approching my mid thirties, its a different story. I have aches and pains and even get out of breath on occasions. The last diet I tried was Atkins with both my husband and I doing it together. And it worked, at least until I missed shopping and cooking for a couple of days in a row and then it was back to square one.

This past September I was part of the Middle Eastren Dance Ensemble for the first time performing at the Renaissance Festival here in Michigan. It was at that time I knew I needed to get healthy. My pant size had been steadily increasing and when I finally pulled out my scale I was topping 225 pounds. DAMN! So on September 14th, 2004 I logged onto Weight Watchers Online and I've been working it since then.

This time I know I'm going to make it and I'm going to keep the weight off. Why? Because Weight Watchers now has a program I can live with. I'm on their "Flex Plan" where food is given a "point" vaule based on the number of calories, fat grams and fiber grams in a serving and, based off your weight, you're given a total number of "points" you can eat for a day. Then they allow you 35 extra "points" a week to use as you wish. Top that off with being able to earn "Activity Points" for exercising and I have yet to end a day hungery. Now, don't get me wrong, there have been a few weeks when I've gone over the alloted points due to one problem or another but I'm literally taking it one day at a time. I'm not going to throw up my hands and say, "Well I've gone over my points for the day so I might as well call the whole week a wash and start fresh Monday"! Nope, I've learned to forgive myself and see it as a small setback for the day and then to continue on with the program.

So that's my thoughts for right now, and I'll be updating with photos as I go. Right now I've got the "before" picture of me in my Ren Fest Garb and my New Year's Eve pic where I'm down to 211. Go Me!

-Kirsten

Here I am just before I joined at 225#.

New Years '05 at 211

And that's where I was until I was on the Weight Watchers message boards and saw a post to someone who was struggling for normaleating.com and I went to the site. After reading that and remembering all the wonderful articles I had read by Geneen Roth in my monthly Prevention I decided to let go of dieting. I canceled my Weight Watcher membership on 3/19/05 and started to legalize. I picked up Geneen Roth's When Food is Love at Borders and read it in 2 days.

I realized that I had a lot of issues I was still dealing with from my childhood. And that, despite my accomplishments, I still felt I wasn't good enough to be loved.

Food comforted me, it didn't hit me when I did something wrong, it didn't require me to be "good" to be loved, it didn't tell me that it would let me die before it gave up it's god, it didn't compare me to my brother or sister, it didn't expect me to be tough and not cry, and it didn't laugh at me or scream at me.

Food became the love I so desperately needed when I was a lonely, abused and powerless child. It hurts to write that. And I know I�m going to be hurting a lot more before this is done. But be done it will be.

Anyways, for my friends and people coming here this probably isn�t the �Rah! Rah! I Can do it!� that you were thinking, but it is what it is.

I�m looking forward to being free.
-Kirsten

[Go to General Pictures} [Go to Wedding Pictures] [Go back to the main Photos page]
[Go Home]