| it's sunday, 8;30. He has slept for a bit, but up agitated as hell this morning. Who is he? Who has he become? See, this is where I'm starting to question, anger is setting in. I don't care how fair or not fair life is supposed to be. This, this turning into to someone that I don't know, that he doesn't know. HOw sad is that?I'm more upset and emotional because of what he is saying and how he is acting. I know it's not him it s the disease, but I'm here to tell you, it doesn't make it anybetter. It hurts, pretty damn deep. Need more ativan...talk to you soon, maybe. It's just not supposed to be this way. somedays you can only take so much. i am not strong right now my house is quiet, except for my whimpering. where is mercy? |
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| NICE<<<I just realized, it's Saturday, not sunday. Brook Logan, check your email! |
| May 13th, 2:17 pm Gary passed away at 9:30 this morning. Around 3:30 am, he began to have difficulty breathing.. I was with him, holding him, talking to him. This was much harder than I thought it would be. I will post final arrangements later. Shelly |
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| Gary R. Glover May 17, 1968 - May 13, 2002 |
| May 14th. There will be visitation Wednesday night at Short Funeral Home in Laurel, from 7:00-8:30, followed by a Thursday service at 11:00. There will be a gathering at our home afterwards. Saturday there will be visitation at Brown, Bender and Powers in Hornell, NY from 11:00 to 1:00, followed by the service at 1:00 and burial in Canaseraga, NY. Plans on a gathering...TBA. Donations can be made to Delaware Hospice, DuPont Hwy, Georgetown, DE, 19947 or the Melanoma Research Foundation, 23704-5 El Toro Rd, #206, Lake Forest, CA 92630. Note of amazement...received notice yesterday that I have had too much traffic on my website, causing the use of too much bandwidth, causing them to shut my site down yesterday for ahwile. Who knew? Thanks to so many you. I wish I had time to talk to each one you. It still doesn't seem real, this was a lot harder than I thought it would be. My body feels like it's in constant vibration mode, it's strange. Devan has had a rough day, can't quite stop whinning. Dallas is doing really well, I am proud of her. They have both already asked where daddy is. It's okay. Hangin in...Shelly |
| *******The Celebration of Life gathering will be held at the Hornell Moose Lodge, starting at 3:00. |
| Today is Wednesday, it is around the 26th or so. I returned from NY last Wednesday. I needed to come home. Now I think I want to go back. I do wish, right now, that he was buried here. I'll find another way, I know he's here...blah blah. Do I sound sarcastic? I'm pissed. I'm angry. I'm tired. Exhausted. I'm seeing red. I had not idea I would feel this way. It's very strange. It's real. It's real. I tried for so long to get from point A to point B, the best I could. Now, I'm at C. B is gone. I can't ever get any of that back...time. I'm so, sad...not even sad I can't explain it. My life has changed more in the last week, than ever before. My priorities have changed, my feelings have changed. Why didn't the world just stop for a minute? My love, my life, my soul...I'm so wounded. I don't want to be a mom right now. I want to go away, the end of the drive way is fine, but just be alone....scream, yell, weep. I just can't believe that this has really happened. My body is so full, yet so empty. Emotion. Please don't judge me, just listen. I sitll wouldn't have changed a thing, I would have loved him anyway. I have no regrets, only honor. But, it's not um, helping right now. I just need time. I"m not sleeping well. I'm trying, it just keeps going on and on, everything. Single mom...I'm a single mom! I know it's been done, not like this though. Lonliness, being held, starting over, meeting someone new...dallas wants a baby brother, how many times can I answer that question? A million.l Then you start thinking, my God, that could happen. It all makes my stomach sick. I'm only writing what I feel, honesty. If your looking for BS, you can get it elsewhere. I'm telling you about my heart, and whats in it. What it's feeling. NO right or wrong here , as Shelley would say. No manual. I just simply can't get it all out. You just can't imagine. I spoke at both funerals. One was enough. But, I had to. I wanted to. Remberence...sharing stories, if you missed it, I'm sorry you couldn't make it. Laughing, crying...it was beautiful. WE played our music. Ozzy did Gary proud with See You On The Other Side.... Best funeral I've ever been to. In my opinon the way it should be. There is too many thanks to give to those who have one way or another helped my family. Thank you all. I leave for Dover tomorrow. The race is on. Our camper is there. Tanya, Jim, Joe, Sherri, Kevin and Kerry are coming...just like last year. We camp right next to John, Ann, Lance and Cindi. Nothing has changed...well the plans haven't anyway. There will be a huge void there this weekend, that was his passion. If Bill wins, I'll just die. YOu all hug your family, hug your partner. It's not too late to change. Love to you, thank you for listening. Shelly Lyn |
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| June...thursday. Not much to say, just checking in. The race was really great. It was so much harder than I thought it would be, didn't Bill almost win...and Jeff Green crashed. I know he had something to do with it. Our friends are super, I vented and listened a lot. The girls are hanging in, they ask 3 or 4 times a day...just questions. I have had so much to take care of, filling out papers, making changes, etc. I go to social security tomorrow...survivors social security...Survivor, I suppose that's what I am. Life does go on, the sun has come up. Time to fly, or at least get up. I'm getting there. Thank you for your support. Still a small amount in love in my heart, Shelly |