| MARCH CONTINUED |
| 3/16/02 I think it is the 16th anyway...it's Saturday, am, and it's 63 degrees already. It's going to be a gorgeous day. Gary is still in the hosptial. MRI of brain is negative/clear. That means no melanoma has spread into his brain. He has some crazy infection going on somewhere...they are still unsure what is really is. Another blood culture has been taken, the last one was positive. It can get pretty detailed so I won't go into specifics. He does have a urine infection, but they still think there is something else going on. Possibly pneumonia, intestinal....His pain has been controlled very well. He is on a self controlled morphine, meaning when he needs it he just pushes the button. He hasn't really needed it only taking to just go to sleep. nnnnnnnrjhrehehtrety r ytuy4rut4ytu43 ty4yiytytt7y5y5yyy6y7 That was Devan. She is helping me. Gary is also on anitbiotics and still fluids to help him get re-hydrated. They plan on keeping him for the weekend. Becuase his MRI is clear, it is the liver spread of the melanoma that is making him so sick...nausea and vomiting. They are giving him some very good anti-nausea medication by IV as well and that is working wonderful. I have been very pleased with the care he has been getting here at the local hospital. I am not very happy that he was not admitted on Tuesday when we visited his oncologist. He was sick then, he should have been admitted, he could have had 2 days less of all this pain and nastiness. I will visit that issue next week. He has unplugged the phone at the hospital, and really doesn't care to see anyone. Except me. He is miserable. He just doesn't feel right. I have to get going, I'm taking him some music, my friend called me last night and gave me a great idea. Head phones and Boston. That will help him. Settlement is set for the 1st. I have lots to do. Enjoy this beautiful day, where ever you are. This is still so wrong. Thank you for all the notes and e-mails. I have read them , I just haven't had a chance to respond. A couple of notes from the bb I must reply to, I can't wait. Two people live within a few hours of here. I'll update soon....Shelly |
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| 3/17 Still in the hospital. Is off IV morophine, can take it by mouth if needed. Still has low grade fever, still on IV antibiotics. Red blood cells dropped today, he is anemic. They are transfusing him tonight. They would have done this sooner, lab is just backed up. He is doing pretty well. A little nervous about this transfusion. But he was getting sleepy and no problems developing, so I headed home. He should come home tomorrow. We will see. Will no more about what the next week brings tomorrow or Tuesday. I'm tired. Spent a lot of time with the kids this weekend. They needed me...There is a lot going on in their life right now. One day at a time. We were accepted into our church today as new members. That was really nice. They are very supportive there. I'm tired. So many people have shared that they are praying for Gary, keep it up. I think it's working. With all the bone involvement he has...he should be in pain all the time. He's not, so something is working. Til next time, Shelly. Hey, yeah, the phone is still unplugged...he's so funny |
| 3/19 Gary came home from the hospital yesterday. He slept most of the day and most of the night. He is weak, still has nausea. But throughout the day today he has perked up a bit. Spoke at length with Gary's oncologist in Philiadelphia, yesterday. His melanoma is wide spread, even up into the bone in the skull, not brain, skull. So he has mulitple lung, liver and bone mets. Red blood cells have dropped probably due to an internal bleed, not chemotherapy. Surgery is the only thing that will repair it, surgery is not an option. He is not a candidate for any other type of therapy. He is terminal. A referral to hospice has been made. There isn't anything left for them to do but keep him comfortable...pain free and without nausea and vomiting. He can still get up and down, use the restroom, he is just very tired, weak and sort of miserble. Hospice was here today and they will come again tomorrow. Yeah, it's quick, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way though. I have greived for along time already. I am releaved. Yep, thats what I said. Finally, someone knows how sick he is and they are going to help him feel better. I was shocked, but I wasn't. Can't believe it was/is happening, but yet knew it was inevitable. I think he thought he had the summer, I'm not sure thats the case. Since this is my page, I can say what I want. This is my therapy. I hope it goes by fast and quick. I guarentee that you wouldn't trade places with him...not a single one of you. And if you have ever seen someone die of cancer, you know its not pretty. That is the one thing I know I can't handle. I can't watch him suffer, in any way. I can't explain it. It just tears my heart apart. All though it's already in two pieces, I can't physically take it. It makes my shake and I start to cry and I feel his discomfort, pain whatever. It's not going to be that way this time. I know it. I just know it. Theres where all my positive, optimistic thinking has been. Realistic about what was/is going to happen, optimisitc that it will not be a normal, cancer death. That's were my hope is. My hope is also with my Dallas. She cried for the first time on Sunday. She drew a picture for daddy. It's called, "The Grave". There is a stone, daddy laying there and a picture of her, crying and she is 14. Not sure where that 14 came to play, but she can't stop thinking about daddy when she passes a cemetary. She has asked several questions, but this was the first time she expressed and shared tears. I just put my arms around her and told her it was okay to cry, and cry to you just don't see me. Only God knows if or when he will die. DEEP. These kids are killin' me. We haven't mentioned to her about hospice and what it means, this is just all something she has figured out on her own and asked quesitons about. She's a smart cookie. So is the other one.You might not think that because she's 2, but...I think she might be touching on genius. Just kidding. We're doing okay. Really. One day at a time... I am taking a leave from work, something had to give. My boss has been terrific. I feel so much better now. I can focus on my husband and my kids. Unreal. So beautiful. Wipe your tears, make room for mine. Love you, Shelly Lyn |
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| Daytona Beach, February 14th, 2002 |
| Thanks again to our race crew for a dream come true. |
| 3/26 Good morning. I have been super busy. We are closing on Thursday, and moving Friday and Saturday. I am excited, sad, anxious and tired. So many emotions. Dallas and Devan and I, and maybe Cindi, are spending the night, in our sleeping bags on Thursday night. That will be fun. I am close to being packed. I have to re- arrange some items in the sheds, they are being moved Thursday. Yes, I think I have enough help. Gary had a decent week, until yesterday. He ate pretty good, and left the house twice. That over did it though. Yesterday he slept the entire day. He had much more pain than before and vomited last night. Pretty sick yesterday. He is very weak, just can't seem to get up. Hospice nurse comes today. Must get the kids out the door, laughter and always love....Shelly |