| Disclaimer: I don�t own these characters, I don�t pretend to know all the ins and outs of Law & Order � I�ve just started watching it & I�m picking it up as I go. But the story & ideas are mine� please don�t sue! I W a n t L o v e A Jack/Nora story by Rhonda* "I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here. I don't want to move a thing; it might change my memory. Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want, but I can't hide. I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe, until you're resting here with me. I won't leave, I can't hide, and I cannot be, until you're resting here with me. I don't want to call my friends; they might wake me from this dream. And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been. Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want but I can't hide. I won't go, I won't sleep, I can't breathe until you're resting here with me. I won't leave, I can't hide, and I cannot be, until you're resting here with me." Part Eighteen - Here with me Sunday 21st October Nora dragged herself up from the sofa at the sound of the doorbell and quickly tied her dressing gown, who the hell was visiting now, at 9 in the morning when she looked like crap? She leant on the door for support as she took the catch off, she felt so weak at the moment, lack of sleep she supposed. "You look awful." "Gee thanks." Nora stepped back from the door allowing Anita to come in. "I bought doughnuts." She said shaking a paper bag. "I assume you haven't eaten." Nora shook her head. "Slept at all?" "Not really." "No wonder you're not well. Nora it's been a week now, I know it's hard but you have to at least try and move on, let him go." "I can't; I can't just turn my feelings off." She collapsed into the chair Jack always sat in and curled her legs beneath her. "I miss him, you know I practically begged him to stay, how demeaning is that." "If you ask me he should be the one begging for forgiveness. You make one lousy mistake and he just gives in and walks out. How many mistakes has he made in his life." "I know all that and some days I think to hell with him if he has so little respect for me that he can't even try and work this out... but it's so hard seeing him every day and he just blanks me, hardly even acknowledges I exist. It seems so surreal, for us to have been so close and then suddenly I'm completely shut out." Anita handed her a mug of coffee. "He's a man, who knows what goes on in their heads. But you've survived broken relationships before, you will again." "But this time I don't want to - I love him." Anita sat on the coffee table in front of her and took her hand. "I wish I could make it better for you. I notice you haven't moved his things." Nora looked round the room, his books were still on the shelves, a picture of him and Lolita together, and she knew his paperwork was still all over her office floor. "I keep hoping he'll just come back." "Well don't let him!" Anita shouted. "Hell Nora you're not a weak woman who needs a man to survive. If he comes back make it�s on your terms not his, he has to apologise." "So do I. God this is so hard, I don't want to be some dependant female, that's not me, but I just can't stop feeling so low." "Then try harder. You get up everyday and shower and dress as sharp as ever and you go into that office and you kick some ass and be the best god damn DA this county's known ok." Nora smiled despite herself. "What would I do without you?" "Sit here and feel sorry for yourself." Nora leant forward and hugged her friend. "Oh stop that, and get dressed, I'm taking you out to do some shopping and cheer you up." * * * * * Monday 22nd October Nora stacked her notes together and looked out at the rain, funny how the weather seemed to reflect her mood. She wasn�t looking forward to this, she knew Jack and Serena would be there any minute to update her and she also knew how awkward it was going to be. She�d read through Jack�s report about a hundred times, how ridiculous was that! Add to that the fact she felt an absolute wreck, she knew she looked terrible too, which somehow made everything worse because he�d know she wasn�t coping. So many times she�d wanted to call him and beg him to come home; she�d heard he was staying with Lennie and a couple of evenings she�d begun walking that way until she�d realised how stupid she was being and turned around. She�d been on her own before; lived alone all her life just the occasional date and brief relationship but nothing ever compared to what she felt for him. And yes she felt guilty but she was angry too that she meant so little to him he could walk away so easily over one kiss. The office door swung open and Serena strode in laughing at something Jack was saying and Nora instantly felt jealous. "Morning Nora." The young woman smiled. "Morning." She looked towards Jack but he had already sat down blanking her. "Are you alright, you look very pale?" Serena asked. "I�m fine, just a little tired." She drank the last of her water. "Shall we begin." "Sure." Serena sat down across from her and handed over a thick file. "Now this is what we�ve got so far on Mr. Edison; clean cut character it would seem, not even a parking ticket." Nora stared down at the notes trying to concentrate but the truth was she felt sick; her throat was dry and she got up to refill her glass. She gripped the edge of her desk as her stomach lurched, she hadn�t eaten properly for days, and closed her eyes as her head began to spin and blackness filled her mind. Jack was out of his chair in a second and by Nora�s side; her head was bleeding where she�d hit it as she fell. He easily lifted her up, her body comfortable resting in his arms. He lay her down on the sofa and Serena slipped a cushion under her head. "Get a cloth or something for her head." Jack ordered urgently. He took hold of Nora�s hand and began to gently tap it. "Nora, it�s Jack, can you hear me. Come on wake up." She slowly opened her eyes and instinctively reached to touch her head. He pulled her hand back. "How are you feeling? You collapsed and banged your head." "I feel sick." She whispered. "And dizzy." "Ok, I�m gonna get some paramedics." "No, I don�t want�" She tried to sit up. "Hey slow down." "I don�t want them to know." She gestured towards the window. "Alright I�ll take you to the hospital, where are your keys?" "In my bag." She jumped as Serena came back in but Jack squeezed her hand and she relaxed again. Serena wiped the blood from her forehead and knelt down by the sofa. "How are you feeling now? You scared me." Nora smiled at her. "I�m sorry, it�s probably nothing." "We�ll see." Jack interrupted. Serena silently watched them, the way his hand still gripped hers ands his eyes never leaving her face and wondered once again why they�d ever broken up. "Do you think you can walk, it will be obvious if I carry you down." "I�ll try." "You can lean on me." Serena said helping her up. "Thank you." * * * * * Nora lay on the white bed staring at the ceiling; everything was so sterilized and silent and somehow calming. She�d been asleep and had no idea for how long or where Jack had gone to; and she lay perfectly still listening for his footsteps. She remembered the feel of his hand in hers and thought how dull and empty the days had been since he�d moved out; how very lonely, did he feel the same way was the question. The door opened and Jack entered followed by the Doctor she remembered speaking to earlier. "Good to see you awake Ms. Lewin." She sat up and tried to look confident. "I hope you�re feeling a little better." "Much better thank you. Can you tell me what�s wrong?" Jack sat quietly in the corner watching. "Certainly, it�s very simple really, you�re exhausted." "That�s it!" The Doctor laughed. "It may sound straightforward but it�s actually pretty serious. When was the last time you had a proper meal or even a full nights sleep?" Nora shrugged embarassed. "I don�t remember." "Ms. Lewin you�re an intelligent woman and you know what happens if you continue to neglect your own well being. I suggest you take a few days off and treat yourself to a well-earned rest. We�ve treated the cut on your head and it should be fine but if you experience any dizziness don�t hesitate to come back." "I won�t." "You can leave whenever you�re ready, just try to take care of yourself." He smiled reassuringly and left. Nora looked up towards Jack. "I guess I�ve just had my wrists well and truly slapped." "That could be my fault, I asked him to lay it on." Why?" "To prove a point, you�re not wonder woman, this has been coming for a while." "I�m beginning to realise that, thank you for staying with me." "Don�t mention it." He got up and went to stand next to her. "I feel kind of responsible anyhow." She looked down at her folded hands. "This year�s been a real rollercoaster, for both of us and the past few weeks�" "Have been hell." She offered looking up. "Yeah I know." "Do you realise this is the most you�ve said to me in weeks?" "What do you expect Nora? I can�t simply forgive and forget it�s not that easy. I gave our relationship everything, revealed more about myself to you than I ever have before with any woman." "I know that, that�s why I can�t understand why you just walked out, didn�t even try to talk to me." "Because you hurt me, and also because I�m not sure I can trust you anymore � I know that might seem selfish but it�s how I honestly feel." She willed the tears away and squeezed the bed cover. "It was one lousy kiss Jack, I know I made a mistake but we can�t go on like this." "I know, work�s been terrible so I�m willing to try and at least be civil. Whatever happens I�d like us to try and be friends." "The oldest break up line� and what about beyond that?" "I don�t know, not yet anyhow." Nora closed her eyes and felt his touch her shoulder. "Are you ok?" "Yes, I will be, we needed to have this conversation though." He nodded. "I�ll leave you to get dressed and then take you home." She smiled as he left and then quickly wiped her eyes. At least now she knew for sure, whatever consolation could be found in that. * * * * * Part 17 Stories Part 19 |