| Disclaimer: I don�t own these characters, I don�t pretend to know all the ins and outs of Law & Order � I�ve just started watching it & I�m picking it up as I go. But the story & ideas are mine� please don�t sue! I W a n t L o v e A Jack/Nora story by Rhonda* �I want love, but it's impossible - A man like me, so irresponsible - A man like me is dead in places - Other men feel liberated. I can't love, shot full of holes - Don't feel nothing, I just feel cold - Don't feel nothing, just old scars - Toughening up around my heart. But I want love, just a different kind. I want love, won't break me down, won't brick me up, won't fence me in. I want a love, that don't mean a thing - That's the love I want, I want love. I want love on my own terms - After everything I've ever learned - Me, I carry too much baggage - Oh man I've seen so much traffic. But I want love, just a different kind. I want love, won't break me down, won't brick me up, won't fence me in. I want a love, that don't mean a thing. That's the love I want, I want love. So bring it on, I've been bruised - Don't give me love that's clean and smooth, I'm ready for the rougher stuff - No sweet romance, I've had enough.� Part Ten � Unexpected Family Thursday 25th May Summer may not have fully erected itself but there was no doubt that it was on its way, Nora could smell it on the breeze and feel it in the behaviour of those around her. That sense that soon it would be time for a vacation, she hadn�t spoken to Jack about where they should go but she�d been planning various things in her mind, little scenarios. This would be the first time in years she hadn�t travelled alone, or at the very least tagged along with friends, which always made her feel awkward. They�d been together for five months now, give or take a few weeks, and to be honest she couldn�t remember living in that huge apartment without him. Of course he annoyed the hell out of her at times, he never tidied his work away, she had her office which he had kind of moved into and his files and research and books were continually scattered over the floor � they�d had some real arguments over that. They had a spare bedroom and at the moment she was considering turning it into an office for him. She wanted it to be a surprise, but it was damn hard to arrange anything with him there. It wasn�t as if they needed the room, nobody ever stayed over and they had no children. His daughter was far too old for sleepovers plus Nora doubted she�d ever want to stay there anyway. She turned another page of the book in front of her and realised she�d not even read it; she marked the page and put it down on the coffee table. It was almost ten and she was getting tired, she pulled herself up from the sofa and went into the spare room, there was a wonderful view from this room, right over the park. The night was quite clear and she could make out certain star constellations as she looked out, something her Grandad had taught her when she was a child, funny she�d remembered them all these years. She pulled the drapes together and looked round the room, it was a fairly decent size, a desk and chair could easily fit in front of the window, so he could look out while working, and there was room for a bookcase or two. There were certainly possibilities; perhaps she�d mention it when he got in. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, she�d been living here a few years now and she�d never done anything with this room, wasn�t that strange. Perhaps subconsciously she�d left it bare for a reason, the possibility that one day she might become a Mother, that idea was long past, she couldn�t visualize herself being pregnant now. And plus she didn�t think Jack would be too keen on having a little baby ruining their routine, neither did she for that matter. Some people just don�t get to be Mother�s, she said to herself, it�s the way life goes. It wasn�t as if she missed it, not every waking moment of the day like some friends she had. But occasionally when she saw a sweet little girl with her parents or when those with children went on about how wonderful it was she�d wondered what if. She heard the door open and shook herself from her reverie, turned the light off and left the room. �Hi.� She called as she poured Jack a drink. �How�s Lennie � how was the game?� He came into the lounge and almost fell into a chair, she passed him his drink and he drained it in one. �What�s wrong? Did Lennie take a lot of money from you?� He didn�t smile and she realised something was really wrong. �What, what�s happened?� He looked up at her. �I�I don�t know where to start.� He leant forward resting his elbows on his knees. �Five, six years ago I dated this woman, Laura. She came into the bar tonight, meeting someone I assume, I said hi and she practically ran out. So I followed her, she was getting into this car and in the back there was this little girl.� �So?� �God Nora, the girl must have been five.� Nora collapsed onto the couch her hand over her mouth, she couldn�t tear her eyes away from him, didn�t know what to say or what to think either. She breathed deeply. �You think, she might be yours?� The words weren�t loud but he heard. �I don�t know� but what if she is Nora. What do I do?� He looked so abandoned. She forced herself to get up and go over to him; she knelt in front of him and took his hands. �I�m here no matter what.� He didn�t say anything. �Look the first thing we should do is find out for sure if she is yours there�s no point you getting emotional and angry until we know for certain.� �I�m not angry.� He shouted standing up. She got up and watched as he stalked round the room. �It doesn�t look that way.� Still he was quiet; he leant against the window and looked out. She went up behind him. �Tell me her name and I�ll find out where she lives, we�ll start proceedings, ask her for a blood tests or something, whatever it is we have to do. I�ll take care of it.� * * * * * Tuesday 11th June Jack screwed the letter up and threw it in the bin; he could hear Nora in the kitchen banging around and smiled to himself despite his bad mood. Could she ever learn how to be quiet while cooking and not break every pot in there? He looked in the mirror and straightened his tie before going through to her, he didn�t feel like talking but knew she�d want to, she wanted to share everything and as much as he appreciated it right now he just needed some space. �Good morning, I�ve made bagels for you, and cream cheese.� She smiled holding a pot up. �I�m not really hungry.� He sat down and poured himself a coffee. �Ah, fine.� She sat herself down and started to eat. �Did the letter come?� �Yeah, the last place she was known to be living in was Elmira� �So what do you want to do now?� �God, I don�t know do I. There�s no permanent address so we can�t track her down with stupid letters and phone calls. It�s useless.� �It�s not my fault.� �I know, I�m sorry. I didn�t mean to, it�s just so difficult.� �You think I haven�t noticed. Look we�ll travel over there if we have to and find her on foot. Just stop this, taking it out on me.� He didn�t say anything. �Fine, silence. Forget it I�m going to work.� �You don�t understand, I might have a five year old daughter I don�t know anything about, you can�t know how that feels.� �That�s because you won�t tell me.� She pulled on her coat. �I�ve got to go, we�ll talk later.� * * * * * Jack spun himself round in his chair and looked towards Nora�s office, but her blinds were shut. His head was spinning, he couldn�t remember ever feeling so bad, no hangover had ever come close to this. It was all getting so complicated, the possibility that he might be a father to a child he�s never met, never knew existed, he didn�t even know her name for gods sake. He couldn�t understand how a woman could do that to him, deny him the right to know about her. Of course then there was the likelihood that the child wasn�t even his, that Laura had been seeing someone else while she was with him. He couldn�t even remember why they�d stopped seeing each other, it didn�t strike him as being an extraordinary relationship, just moved on and chalked it up to experience. He dragged himself up and looked out to the sun soaked city streets, how come the people out there seemed so free from troubles? He needed to take his mind off this whole mess, needed some release. He looked at his watch, it was only 3.15 but he�d had enough for one day. He explained to Serena that he was going home and marched into Nora�s office. She was also standing by the window, probably suffering from the same thing he was. She seemed so sad at the moment, he gently closed the door but she didn�t turn to him. His eyes traced the line of her body, up from her ankles, her legs, her hips swaying in the long black skirt as she walked towards him. She looked good; he realised it had been weeks since he last touched her, he wondered if she missed it. �What�s wrong?� She whispered sitting back down at her desk. He shook his head and looked straight at her, how her hair fell over her face when she leant forward, how soft her skin looked, he mind flooded with the memory of how sweet it tasted. �I�m going home, will you come with me?� �It�s not even 3.30, I can�t just walk out, I�m working.� �Nora we need to talk.� �I thought we agreed our personal life was going to interfere with work.� �I think the circumstances have changed don�t you.� �Don�t raise your voice at me.� He leant on her desk and closed his eyes. �Ok, I�m sorry. Please come with me.� She looked down at the work in front of her, seemingly considering it. �You go, I�ll be there as soon as I can.� * * * * * Jack paced the apartment; he was racking his brains trying to remember anything from the days when he had dated Laura. He couldn�t believe there wasn�t no permanent address for her, he remembered she liked to travel quite a lot, he wondered how the child adapted to that. But she always seemed to go home in the end, he had vague recollections of her talking about this one place she loved to stay at, to her it was home he supposed. But he couldn�t remember names or addresses or even people she might be connected with. He went into Nora�s study, she had a map on the wall and he stood gazing at it trying to jumpstart some idea of where she might be. It was ridiculous, why couldn�t he just forget about it, they�d been alright without him for five years, why start messing things up now? He didn�t need another kid, the first one was more than enough, and he was too old to be playing around with things like that � wasn�t he. He sat down at Nora�s desk and began reading some of the books in front of him; they were all on child adoption cases, or the rights of parents, past cases etc etc. He heard the front door go and went out to greet her. She was hanging her coat up when he came toward her with a couple of the books in his hand. �Sorry I took so long.� �What�s all this?� He asked holding the books up. �Research, I thought it was best we knew every angle just in case.� �We haven�t even found them yet and we don�t know she�s mine.� �But we will find them, and besides we need to be prepared.� �Why are you getting so wrapped up in all this, it�s my problem.� She stopped short and simply stared at him. �Funny I thought we shared our problems.� She picked up her briefcase and went to the lounge. �If you don�t want to share your problems then why did you want me to come home early � if not to talk.� �I�m sorry, I didn�t mean it to sound like that. I just don�t want you worrying, not just yet, not until we know for sure.� �So I�m expected just to sit back and watch you suffer. These past few weeks have been hell do you know that. You won�t let me in, you won�t tell me what�s going on in your head, how you feel about all this. You�re treating me like some stranger who�s intruding on your life; you�re a different person. I feel useless; like I�m falling to pieces.� The tears she was trying to hold back fell and she covered her face as she sat down. He just stood and watched as she cried, he wasn�t sure what to say or do. He looked at the books in his hands and felt guilty for turning her good intentions against her, why did he have to be such a complete bastard. He dropped them on the floor and knelt in front of her taking her hands from her face and resting his forehead against hers. �I�m sorry.� He whispered. �I didn�t mean to hurt you. I�m no good at this, I told you that. It�s right about this time it all goes wrong and I walk away.� She leant back and pulled her hands from his grasp. �Is that what you�re going to do � leave. Because if you are please just tell me, don�t keep me hanging on.� �I don�t want this to end.� He pulled her back to him and kissed her. �I love you Nora.� He whispered against her lips. She opened her eyes and watched him. �You never say that.� �I should tell you more often. I love you.� He kissed her again. �I love you, I love you, I need you.� She was crying again. �Why can�t you just accept my help?� �I will, I will.� He was kissing her neck now like some impatient school kid, his hands pushing her skirt up. �I�ve missed you.� He said against her skin. She closed her eyes, she knew this wasn�t the way to sort out the argument, they needed to talk more, but hell she�d missed him too and just the sound of him saying those things to her was causing those feelings in her stomach. She let him lie her back against the couch and continue his game; right now she could just be passive and enjoy the feel of his love. Her shoes dropped off and his fingers ran up her stockings, he was going too fast he knew that, but he wouldn�t last. He kissed her mouth again and ripped open her shirt sending buttons everywhere, her hands were travelling down, if she touched him there it would all be over. He held her hands tight as he opened the fastening himself and parted her legs with his knees; he once again thanked every god there was for bringing this woman to him. She lifted her head up to kiss him and urged him on with her foot digging in the back of his leg, how come he�d got it so lucky that somebody like her would let somebody like him have her? He told her again how much he loved her and she moaned in response, pressing her body against his, he wouldn�t make her wait any longer. * * * * * He was lying on top of her, his heart pounding against her chest, soft kisses tracing down her neck, words she couldn�t decipher coming from his lips. He�d never been like this before, so emotional. She ran her hand through his hair. �Did you have a point to prove?� She choked out, her throat felt dry with screaming. He came back up to her face, worried. �I didn�t hurt you did I?� She shook her head. �No, but I don�t think my top will recover.� He smiled. �I�ll buy you a new one.� He kissed her again but she pulled his head back to look at her. �Jack stop this, we need to talk, as good as this all is, and as much as I�ve enjoyed you saying what you have � we really need to talk.� �Not now, let�s just be us again for a while, we�ll talk about the problem later.� He kissed her hands. �I need this right now, to feel loved.� �You are.� She smiled. She pulled herself out from under him and stood up, and he watched as she removed the last of her clothing. �I�m going for a nice long bath to relax � are you coming?� He remembered a time when she was embarassed to be naked in front of him, but not now. �Of course.� She went off toward the bathroom. It felt so good to be comfortable with her and to know she felt the same, there was nothing more fulfilling than knowing she cared about him. He dragged himself up and looked again at the books on the floor, he�d find a way through this, she�d help him. ***** Part 9 Stories Part 11 |