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Canadian Humor

Americains.....

From a transcript of a radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10 Oct 1995, between a US Navy vessel and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland:

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, divert YOUR course."

Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Missouri. We are a large warship of the US Navy. DIVERT YOUR COURSE *NOW*."

Canadians: "We are a lighthouse. Your call."

Signs You May Be A Canadian

1. You stand in "line-ups" at the movie, not lines.
2. You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk"
3. You understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine"
4. You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
5. You drink pop, not soda.
6. You know what it means to be on pogey.
7. You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!!"
8. You don't hold your hand on your breast when you sing the national anthem.
9. You can drink legally while still a 'teen.
10. You know that francophones, anglophones and allophones are not electronic devices.
11. You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
12. You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel to and has good cigars.
13. When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it instead of telling them to stay out of it. 14. You're not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex and don't want to know if he has!
15. You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
16. Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
17. You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
18. You sit on a couch not a chesterfield - that is some small town in Quebec!
19. You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
20. You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
21. You know that Thrills are something to chew and "taste like soap".
22. You know that Mounties "don't always look like that"
23. You read rather than scanned this list.

Canadian Temperature Conversion (click here)

Life as an Albertan

1. "Vacation" means going to Calgary for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

5. You use a down comforter in the summer.

6. Your grandparents drive at 100 km/h through four meters of snow during a blizzard, without flinching.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

8. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled. (That is Grande Prairie)

10. You know both seasons: Winter and construction.

11. You are bundled up in three sweaters, a parka, ski pants, a touque, two pairs of mittens, boots past your knees in 3 feet ofsnow in a -35 (-8000 with the windchill) blizzard, your eyelashes are frozen together, your nose is running, you can't feel your toes, and you still stop at 7 Eleven for a Slurpee on the way home.

12. You actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Alberta.