My Thoughts

It's at times like these where I wish I had someone to share this experience with. If I would have to move into the new place, it would be nice to have a girlfriend to share the experience with. If we didn't live together, it would still be fun to have a privacy that I currently don't completely have. I mean, when you have your own place, everything changes. It'd be nice to have someone waiting for me at home after work, or if not that, be able to cook supper or do something nice for that special someone in your life. Something I can honestly say I haven't done much, even though I should of. I guess for me, it's just not something I typically visualize while still living at home. Having my own place would solve that.

Well if it doesn't happen now, my new goal is to be living on my own by January/February of 2006. If I don't have to move into this place, I'm aiming to buy a second property by that time. Well wish me luck. I hope everything turns out good, as far as girlfriend and home goes.

Of course, I miss what we had. Every now and then I would think of her and relive moments we shared, stuff like that, stuff anyone going through a breakup experiences. It was great and I didn't expect it ending so soon. But also, I keep wondering if this whole "fate" or "what's meant to be" is what happened here. For a long time, I've wanted to take a chance into real estate and after the breakup, I decided to go for it. So was it meant to be this way? That a breakup was needed for me to take this path in life of becoming a landlord? Or was it just all coincidences? I don't know what to believe. All I know is that I lost the opportunity to be with someone really great and it hurts. I wish things could be different. Maybe now that I've bought my first property, fate will allow my love-life to fall back on track?

I guess it's true what they say, about just being patient, and not going out to look for it because it'll happen when you least expect it. Which is what happened to me since I met her at my Men's ball banquet where usually the girls there are someone's date. But I couldn't be happier on how things turned out.

Well with summer approaching, I am only playing hockey once a week now. I can't wait for ball season to start. With summer coming, my enthusiasm for life is increasing as I look forward to many things: pool parties & BBQs, ball games & trounaments, jamming sessions & camping trips! Oh summer, bring it on!

But I have to admit, I did have fun on New Years Eve. I guess you can say I had a date, it was my friend Chantal. And I was top 3 in a limbo contest that night. Woohoo! hahaha, it was fun.

Well with the new year starting, it's time to get back to searching for a job. And I guess you could say my preoccupations in picking up have went away. After I had a talk with a friend, it just hasn't been on my mind anymore. I'm not saying I don't want anyone, but it's just not a priority anymore, I'll just wait and see where things go.

Second thing on my mind is that I have some great friendships here, I've got a ball team, hockey in the winter and it'll be hard to let it all go. But most of all, in some ways, I feel like I'm beginning to like someone. I'm not sure if I'll ever have a chance with her. If I do, the last thing I'd want is have to leave. And I just hate it because if I have to leave, I could be throwing away a chance to be with a really great girl. I just wish I could tell her or figure out a way to find out if she feels the same way about me. At least then, if I leave, I won't have any regrets or be stuck wondering if I missed out.

Finally, the last thing on my mind is New Years Eve. My relatives are throwing a party at 2 Thumbs Up in Chemmy and I'm trying to invite my friends, but some of them already have plans, so it kinda sucks knowing they won't be around. Also it sucks not having a date yet. Not that I'm really looking for one, but it'd be nice to have someone to kiss at midnight. Then again, it ain't New Years Eve, so there may be hope for me yet.

Then again, I'm hoping to find the right words to match the feelings I was having at the time I composed this song. I don't know about everyone else, but a song means more to me when you can just feel the feelings of the composer.

Another thing on my mind, which I find funny, I was talking to a friend earlier tonight. She's only been single for a little while, and every week, I can probably add 1 more guy who's trying to win her heart. And I'm sitting here, wow, I've been single for over a year, and I have nothing to show for it. How does she do it? lol... Then again, maybe there are a few girls out there who like me where I just can't tell they're interested. Or maybe they're involved with someone else. Maybe I'm just blind because I'm waiting for the girl with whom I/I'll feel those sparks of attraction when I'm in her presence. Either way, I can't do anything more than to keep being myself and wait for my turn to come.

LOL that reminds me of a joke one of my friends once said: "In Kapuskasing, you don't lose your girlfriend, you just lose your turn!" :P

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It feels good knowing they believe in me and I hope they'll be there if/when I launch this project. Some of these people mean a lot to me. Their opinions and their support does make a big difference in my life. And I hope they'll get to see the young successful man I hope to become. There's one man I wished could be there the day I launch this project, and it hurts to know he won't be there. I know he's always been proud of me, and I know he's watching over me. But really showing him what I could accomplish would of been something I would of liked to have been able to do.

Uncle Rej, you may be gone, but you are not forgotten.

So tonight, I'm sitting back, reliving my own memories of that day, remembering watching it unfold on the news as well as honoring those who weren't so lucky that day. I wish it's a day that the U.S. will never have to live again as well as all other nations of the world such as our own.