| Parry Hotter and The Parody To End all Parodies |
| Once upon a time there lived a young boy named Parry. Why his parents had called him Parry he�d never know. Parry had never known his parents; apparently they were hippies who delighted in the worlds of free love, no showers, hairy armpits and those incredible highs. Assumedly they had been high the night they named him and then ran off to a nudist colony in the South of France. For years his grandparents told him that his parents were dead, anything seemed better than admitting their son and his wife ran around stark naked for the fun of it. Now everyone may think that this would prevent a young boy from having a normal life, but with Parry, things were quite the opposite. Living with his grandparents was really a blessing. He didn�t have to go to school because his grandmother didn�t want him mixing with the boys of the neighbourhood. This meant that Parry spent his days at home lounging about with his wide screen television, countless DVDs, the latest video games and endless supplies of junk food. (His grandparents felt they had to nurture the poor boy. If they didn�t it was quite possible he would end up a nudist like his parents and they just couldn�t handle the humiliation.) Without the need to have an unhappy relationship with his grandparents Parry had quite a good life, but like in all stories, one day, this was all to change. One sunny Tuesday Parry woke at around 8 O�clock. Since Parry was not a morning person he gave a grunt and rolled over. Falling into a slight doze, Parry started to dream, but it wasn�t the kind of dream he like to have, it was more of a nightmare. It would start out fine, beautiful country sides, tables laden with fresh produce, wine and cheese and bread, but then out of nowhere his mind would be filled with obscene amounts of human flesh. Parry saw more bits and pieces in those dreams than when he crept out of bed and sneakily switched on the adult channel whilst his grandparents were sleeping. Needless to say the sheer memory of his parents was haunting him. Those were no ordinary nudists; one had his eyes and the same shaped nose, the other pulled that face that he did when grandmother told him to stop watching TV. Parry resented them. Not for abandoning him, no, but for their constant need to be exhibitionists. Disgusting, immoral and worthless. Parry hated that he was the fruit of their loins, the result of their passion; unfortunately, as his therapist told him most children hated any thought of their parents being intimate with one another so his problems were no different to any other child in the world. He was ordinary, with extraordinary parents. Parry often liked to consider that he was psychic. He generally had his premonitions in relation to new DVDs or video games that his grandmother purchased for him. But even Parry�s psychic ability could not prepare him for this. Approximately one hour later Parry awoke again. This time he was even more disgruntled. There was a loud thumping at the front door, more than likely an evil door-to-door salesman. Parry had made up his mind stick his head out the window and yell some colourful language he had learnt whilst watching TV. He pulled back the covers, stepped gingerly out of bed and strode determinedly to the window, opened up the curtains, unlatched the window and took a big breath. No amount of dreams or television could prepare Parry for what he saw. Two grown people standing at his front door wearing their birthday suits. The woman looked up to Parry�s window; �Parry, is that you? Mama�s home!� Without going into too much detail let it be said that the arrival of Parry�s estranged parents had a rather negative impact. Grandmother fainted at first sight. Grandfather retreated to the study in search of his shotgun and Parry barricaded himself in his room. To his immense surprise his parents managed to appear in his room without any apparent effort at all, and without breaking down any doors or climbing up to his window�.. �Parry; you�re not a normal boy�� �Too right,� said Parry. �Who could be normal with you costing Grandfather Thousands of dollars for my therapy? Now get out of my room! I don�t want to see you. I have no parents, you�re dead to me.� What came to pass was so extraordinary Parry had trouble believing it for quite some time. As he got angrier and angrier he began to feel a swelling around him, he expected himself to be growing larger and larger too, rather like a large beach ball with limbs and a head, but Parry was wrong. He was not getting any bigger but around him a gigantic bubble was forming, not quite transparent so his parents could see what was happening. They started mumbling something to each other, thankfully for Parry, the bubble was providing a soundproof barrier and he couldn�t hear them. Now that he was encased in a giant bubble Parry thought it would be the perfect opportunity to fulfill his lifelong dream of jumping out his bedroom window. With the protective bubble around him it was perfect; there�d be something to break his fall. �So long suckers� he yelled and with two great leaps across the room and one giant jump, he was out the window. Falling to the ground. He looked up at his window to see the shocked faces of his parents. He threw his head back and laughed an evil laugh at his ingenuity and with that landed with a crunch, impaling himself on a tree branch. It is always best to look before you leap, especially if it is out a window into the garden. Grabbing his crotch in pain Parry fell out of the tree onto the ground. Unfortunately his protective bubble abandoned him in his hour of need. As his head landed on the grass he saw the faces of his parents and grandparents before he passed out; into a world where nudist parents did not exist. He could faintly hear the wizard being mentioned, but knew that his concussion was causing him to go crazy so thought nothing of it; which you all should know, is not the smartest of things to do when you are part of a story such as this one. The next time Parry awoke he was in what appeared to be a hospital but things looked somewhat different. His parents were bending over him, disgustingly, still nude. �Parry, son, just thought we�d tell you, you�re a wizard. We�re taking you with us to France where you�ll attend one of the finest schools in the world. Sorry we never told you sooner, but well, it happens.� A piercing scream reverberated throughout the hospital and Parry wished and wished that he�d wake up. Sadly for him he never did, he was wide awake and reality was beginning to emerge��. |
| Chapter One |