| It was an unusually cold August evening, an evening that made your nipples hard; when history was made. Yes, that is right; the first ever Gay Hamilton Awards took place. The vaginas shone down that wonderful evening on August 29th. A night that was fun, exciting, and what true friendship is all about. The Who's Who A formidable turn out attended this pretigious event held at the Fabulous Benzinger Estate in Manitowoc. Emcee of the evening, Shaun, was there naturally. He was also up for 14 friggin' awards! Rivaling the host's 14 nods, was Miss Korey who arrived slightly past punctual with Lauren, whom was up for five, and Lori, up for four. Of course, the dark lord and lady of the manor attended, Mason being nominated for 8 golden flute-a-phones, and Jenny nominated for eleven. Who else? Danielle arrived last minute after tearing it up with a rousing rendition of "Chain of Fools" at the County Fair. Also Audri and Lynn attended sans babies. Another attendee was the gracious Val Bohman. Although not nominated, she came to show her support for everyone. And also to help present. Gotta make them work. What else are they good for? Am I right? Who didn't show? Due to scheduling conflicts, Kim and Rachel were unable to attend. Also due to prior obligations, Bernice was not able to attend. Finally, Shannon was not able to attend due to last minute baby business. Fashion a la Gay The fashion at the GHAs can be summed up in two words. Shabby chic. Style winners of the night? 1. Lauren. She was simply sexy in a floor length, paisley, strapless with simple jewelry that made her look absolutely stunning. 2. Jenny. With her dirty dancing inspired number, Jenny sizzled in this vibrant red dress with a plunging neckline. 3. Mason. All black shirt, tie, and pant. It was timeless and sexy. 4. Lori. Harkening back to old movie star glam, Lori wore a curve hugging strapless black dress with a sensual slit up the side. Who are the losers you ask? 1. Audri. Someone forgot to dress up. Audri looked like she was getting ready to head off to a Seatlle alt-rock festival. 2. Shaun. Yeah, looked like he dressed in the dark. A fashion felony of the highest degree. 3. Korey. It was totally hot seeing her black bra through her red top. Idiot. The Host The host of the 2004 Gay Hamilton Awards is what really made the show. Shaun had a wonderful, strong, thought provoking style that made the audience feel welcomed and warm. Not to mention that he is quick on his feet. The key point of the awards where this was demonstrated is when a technical problem came about; and by technical, I mean Lynn spilling her glass of wine on the floor. Not to leave a moment of dead air for the camera, Shaun went into what is now called "the panic jig". Yes, what was glamourized by Ashlee Simpson was actually invented by Shaun that very special night at the awards. With that swift thinking, Shaun saved what could have potentially created a boring moment. Kudos Shaun. Kudos. The Truly Hilarious Some of the funniest and truly classic moments came from audience commentary from their seats. One person who made this into an art form was Korey. The most hilarious? When Shaun was presenting the Honorary Vaginal acheivement award, he made reference to tenants living inside certain vaginas. Korey then shouted, "They never pay on time!" That's hot. Other moments that were side splitting included the acceptance speeches by some winners. Mason gave a great speech for winning Most Likely Headed to Prison. "Now I may be most likely headed to prison," he said, "but it is still not too late for you to follow the same path." He then went on to describe his various transgressions committed in the past. And in the present. Another acceptance speech that was exceptional was the joint speech given by Lori and Korey for winning Most Non-Prompt. Basically thanking all that makes them late, from faulty alarm clocks, to nights of excessive drinking, and of course, blaming each other. What are roommates for? The Truly Touching The one and only touching and heartfelt moment of the evening came when Shaun presented the honorary Survivor Award to Lynn. Emotionally driven, Shaun tearfully choked out the words of presentation to an honestly shocked and speechless Lynn. "I don't know what to say," Lynn said to everyone, "I just don't want to stop hugging you!" she proclaimed to Shaun as they shared a long embrace. The audience gave a standing ovation. Thankfully, the host conducted this train back into action by shouting, "Let's get this show back into the gutter where it belongs!" The Winners Okay, I know this is what you all have been wondering so here you go. The winners from the 2004 Gay Hamilton Awards are as follows: Most Scatterbrained: Shannon and Kim; Most in Need of Style Tips: Korey; Smells the Best: Shaun; The Luckiest: Lauren, Most Spontaneous: Korey; Most Anal Retentive: Jenny; Most Vain: Shaun; Most Non-Prompt: Korey and Lori; Most Likely Headed to Prison: Mason; Loosest Cannon: Kim and Korey; Most Proper: Rachel; Most Willing to Take Risks: Korey; Most Psychotic: Shaun; The Loudest: Kim; Most Provocative: Lori; The Slickest: Audri; Most Practical: Jenny; Most Outside the Box Thinker: Korey; Most Fashion Forward: Lauren; Who Needs a Day Named After Them: Korey; Most Intellectual: Mason and Shaun; Most Talented: Danielle and Korey; Most Congenial: Shaun; The Wittiest: Korey; Most Likely to be Infamous: Shaun and Korey; Most Likely to be Famous: Shaun; Who Can Turn the World on With Their Smile: Shannon; Most Outrageous: Korey; Most Pessimistic: Shaun; Most Optimistic: Bernice and Shannon; Honarary Awards: Vaginal Achievement Award: Korey; Survivor Award: Lynn |
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| Highlights from GHA '04 |
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