It IS a burlap sack! Sheena marveled. How the heck did I get stuck in here?
Oh well...not much to think about, really. It was just a matter of valiantly drawing Kirinji and cutting a hole in this smelly prison. Except, he noted with dismay, patting at his sides, he didn't appear to have the sword with him any longer.
Well, crud... he wondered to himself. Now what? And...what happened to Haley and Ozzie? Oh, and Kent, he supposed, although he truthfully would not be heartbroken to find out that Kent had mysteriously been swallowed up in a gaping sinkhole in some freak accident.
Maybe yelling would help matters, he figured. Though yelling and squealing were generally activities engaged in by flailing damsels in distress, knights using the tactic was not unheard of.
"Hey, you dumb jerks!" he cried thrashing around, "Let me outta here!!" His cried went seemingly unanswered.
Atop his winged mount, Solomon the hatchling dragon, Grundy the goblin reveled in his mighty victory.
"Mwahaha!" he cackled giddily, "The Lady will be most pleased with me for this one, Solomon! I shall surely gain her favor!" The dragon snorted indignantly.
"Whaaat? Why, of course I realize you helped too, you nincompoop!" Grundy snapped. "But surely you concede that the bulk of the plan was mine, and mine alone!" Turning his neck, the baby dragon cast a glance back at the four huge sacks that he was dragging from the end of his tail, and growled.
"Well, I know that." Grundy spat. "It's not my fault I had to get all four of them! They were threatening me, remember?? If I had only taken the Boy, then his friends would have followed us!!"
"Grrrr." Solomon grunted.
"Oh, you think so? How would you have liked it if they had thrown rocks at us, eh?" Grundy said with a sneer. Solomon shook his head, not liking that idea. "I thought as much. Now pick up the pace! We must hurry to the west before those angry villagers catch up."
Solomon growled annoyedly, but complied.
******
Sir Mornican rode at a quick pace on horseback with Clark riding behind him, bearing down on Clark's frantic wife who had taken off from Rockaxe Castle on foot. They were riding eastward along with Sir Kladahar, another Red Knight of Matilda.
"Lois, Lois!" Clark called from the horse as they caught up quickly with the panicked woman.
"Clark, something happened to Kent up there, I just know it!" Lois wailed. Sir Kladahar shook his head.
"There's no way to be certain at this point, madam..." he said gently. Lois gave him a steely glare.
"I am a mother, Sir Kladahar! I have a certain instinct about these things, you know. My Kent ran off looking for adventure, and then, for the first time I've ever seen in my life, Mount Rakutei explodes like that? Would you call that coincidence?!"
Clark, though privately relieved that Lois didn't seem quite so taken with the young Knight at the moment, tried to calm his wife's temper.
"It could've been something else, a fluke..." he suggested.
At that moment, Grundy and Solomon ambled past the Knights and parents without a word, the goblin humming a cheery traveling song while the dragon pulled four very conspicuous body-sized sacks behind him.
"Kent is ON Rakutei, Clark! I can feel it in my BONES! In my HEART! In my SOUL!" Lois proclaimed. Mornican and Kladahar regarded Grundy and the dragon with a very wide stare.
"Uhm..." Kladahar began, but lost his voice. Solomon grunted.
"Yes, yes, I know it's the two we knocked out on the road!" Grundy announced rather loudly in reply to his steed. "They're of no consequence now! We have what we want!!"
If Solomon had been capable of slapping himself in the forehead, he surely would have. Lois lost her train of thought and stared at the two passing monsters.
"Excuse...me...?" she said uncertainly.
"Just a second there, chum." Mornican addressed the goblin. "Where do you think you're going? What's in the bags?"
Sheena, hearing voices, decided it was time to scream again. His voice had gotten somewhat hoarse from repeatedly trying it with no results a while back.
"Heeeeeyyy! Lemme out, help, help!" he croaked, flailing around in the sack.
"T-that bag's talking...there's someone trapped in there!" Kladahar said with alarm, drawing his sword. Grundy squealed in protest.
"N-no, no, no, sir Knights!!" the goblin shouted. "You're making a grave mistake! I've done nothing wrong!" Solomon responded to that with a snort of skepticism that was cut short by Grundy's kick to his side.
"Oh, really? Why is it that your sacks of goods appear to have voices, then, mister..." Mornican accused.
"Grundylicious!" Grundy said shrilly. "Now stand down, Knights, and let me pass! I have most important official business to attend to!" Kladahar advanced on the nearest wriggling sack.
"Would kidnapping be that business by any chance?" he asked acidly. Grundy gave him a toothy smile.
"Nonsense. It's a....burlap cruise. These people are customers! They bought and paid for this trip, and you wouldn't want to disappoint them!!!"
Burlap Cruise? Sheena thought dubiously. How incredibly far out can you get? Those Knights will never buy that!
"I've never heard of such a thing." Mornican said.
"It's the newest craze in Greenhill!" Grundy said lavishly. "If you like, I can sell you a ticket. It's a wonderous lesson in humility, nature, and the world!" To Sheena's horror, from what he could hear, the Knights actually paused to consider it.
"I'm not...sure about this. It seems awfully fishy." Kladahar said, narrowing his eyes at Grundy. Grundy and Solomon both flashed a toothy grin of pure innocence---if you can consider teeth as sharp as theirs to be at all innocent.
"What if we were to open up these sacks and see just how satisfied these 'customers' of yours really are, eh?" Mornican threatened casually.
"No!" Grundy said fiercely. "That would interrupt the entire experience! They would hate you forever. Peace, tranquility---"
"LET! ME! OUT!!!" Sheena screamed unmistakeably. Kladahar frowned at Grundy, and bent to untie the sack.
"Rrrrrgh..." Grundy muttered. He suddenly sprang from Solomon's back and landed squarely on the back of the knight's head, clawing greedily at his hair in anger.
"Surprise attaaack~!" he cheered, attempting to hurt the young knight by the force of his tiny body alone. Kladahar seemed more annoyed than hurt.
"Get off my head!" he shouted, attempting to pry the goblin's grimy limbs from his face. Solomon gave something resembling a shrug and sunk his teeth into Sir Mornican's behind.
"Gaaaaaaah!" the elder knight screamed, in pain.
"S-stop that, stop, you monster!" Lois cried, alarmed. She grabbed her husband's hand-axe and hit Solomon with it like a paddle, rather than using the blade-edge of the weapon. The baby dragon roared angrily and released Mornican, turning on the frightened parents.
"Cook them and eat them, Solomon!!!" Grundy piped, keeping a firm hold on Kladahar's head.
Things were not going so well, Sheena guessed from within his burlap prison.
The baby dragon was about to oblige when his master stopped him.
"Waaait, Solomonnn!" Grundy wailed. "I have a better idea." He sprang from Kladahar's head back onto the dragon's back, and drew his dagger. "Stop, Knights! I have a deal to make, I know what you want." Kladahar smoothed his hair down and Mornican rubbed his posterior, both looking puzzled.
"What we...want?"
"Yes! I can see from the way you escort these Angry Villagers that I have obviously taken someone close to them!" Grundy reasoned. "Therefore, I shall release their next of kin. Am I correct in this assumption?" He grinned evilly.
"Uh...well...we were searching for our son..." Clark said slowly. Lois shook her head defiantly.
"I'm sorry, but my Heart, Soul, and Bones tell me that OUR son is on Mount Rakutei." she said.
"That doesn't matter. He probably, erm, paid for his ticket since then. He's in onnnne of these sacks, I'm certain. Only he could have parents as bothersome as you and your Knights." Grundy said distastefully. Lois began to get excited.
"Y-you really have Kent? Give him back, at once!" she cried.
"No. Not unless those Knights leave me alone and let me continue my Burlap Cruise to the border with the other...paying customers. Well?" the goblin said.
"Oh, Sir Kladahar...!" Lois appealed. The knights considered.
"We...we can't just let you go, if you really have kidnapped someone, you little vermin." Mornican said darkly.
"Vermin?!" Grundy shrieked.
"If he has the child, we can get him back and pursue the little runt with more knights later." Kladahar whispered.
"Hmph. Very well. Now give us their son." Mornican demanded.
"As you wish, Sir Knights." Grundy said sarcastically, negligently severing one of the ropes that attached the sacks to Solomon's tail. He lowered his squeaky voice. "Now, go, Solomon!" The dragon lurched forward suddenly, dragging the other three bags behind him as they raced down the western road towards the Matildan border.
Sheena could not believe his rotten luck! Not only had he been blatantly kidnapped before the eyes of the world, TWO Matilda Knights had let the little runt get away with it! Oh well...at least the bright side was, he got rid of Kent...
Solomon grunted informingly. Grundy's eyes widened as they sailed down the road away from the Knights and Kent's parents.
"W-what do you mean I cut off the wrong one?!!"
******
Lepant and Eileen were like any other romantic couple. Sometimes, they liked to spice things up in the bedroom---where they both were gathered at the moment. Sometimes, they did a little role-playing and whatnot.
However, in many ways, Lepant and Eileen were NOT like any other couple. And this was one of those times.
"Say your line." Lepant commanded. He was wearing his usual green-caped adventurer's outfit, however now he had traded in his chef hat for an odd looking, shaggy black wig. His wife, Eileen, was not only wearing an ill-fitting red wig and a cape, but was crumpled on the bedroom floor as if wounded, clutching a small neighborhood puppy that Lepant had 'borrowed' for the occasion. At a cue from Eileen, it eagerly scampered away and out the door.
"S-sir, I'm really uncomfortable with thi---" Giovanni began to protest. He had no idea why his master had invited him into their bedroom, but he knew that he didn't like it one bit. Especially the long blonde wig, tied into a pony-tail, that he had been forced to wear.
"Say it." Lepant said. Giovanni sighed.
"'Lady Eileen, you're bleeding.'" he recited with no feeling.
"Eileen! What have you done? Without you, the Liberace Army..." Lepant gushed passionately. Eileen coughed obligingly.
"I'm...so sorry, Lepant. It appears... I've chosen to be a woman...rather than commander of...the Liberace Army. I couldn't let that child die---"
"It was a dog." Giovanni protested with a pained look. Lepant glared. "...sorry."
"I'm a failure...as a leader..." Eileen continued.
"Don't talk, Eileen." Giovanni said with a smirk, reciting his next line.
"...And the rest of it?" Lepant demanded. Giovanni sighed--Lepant always ruined his fun.
"You'll reopen your 'wound'." the servant sighed.
"With more feeling, Giovanni." Lepant reprimanded. Eileen sat up.
"Lepant...this is ridiculous. Giovanni doesn't want to participate in this, and I have a headache." she said.
"That's because you're mortally wounded." Lepant said matter-of-factly. "Why, I remember a time when..."
"Excuse me, sir. Before you launch into another tale of daring adventure, may I remind you that Sheena is missing?" Giovanni said, cutting him off. Lepant's eyes flashed with anger.
"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"
"We...did, honey. Three---" Eileen said, but she suddenly fell asleep on the carpet. Giovanni finished for her.
"Three times, sir." the kleptomaniac concluded.
"Nonsense, my friend." Lepant insisted. "Well, we must rescue him from certain doom!" The adventurer-turned-chef stormed from the bedroom, leaving Giovanni to wonder whether he should savor the moment of quiet or follow his surely insane employer. He chose quiet.
******
Sheena, still being dragged uncomfortably along the road in a sack, was beginning to run out of ideas. He had yelled until he was hoarse, he had alerted the passing Matilda Knights---nothing. He idly wondered if he could appeal to the goblin's sense of natural decency.
"H-hey, let me out! Please, mister goblin dude, I..." he shouted. "I have to answer a call of nature!"
"No mating in my sacks." Grundy replied lazily. Sheena blinked. That hadn't been what he meant, of course, but...kinky.
"No! I mean, I have to...relieve myself!" he cried, hoping that the runt would fall for it. If he could get out for even a second, then perhaps he could grab Kirinji, and get a slight advantage. Heck, fighting the dragon barehanded would give him a better chance than being dragged along like he was!
"You're in for a wet trip, then." Grundy replied with a nasty chuckle. Sheena cursed inwardly. How evil could this guy get?! Then suddenly, he heard a distinct ripping sound, and almost thanked the gods---before realizing it wasn't his bag.
"H-hey, you little cretin, get back in there! You're going to mess it all up, you will!" Grundy shrieked, shaking his tiny fist.
"FREEEEDOOOOMMM~!" Kent cheered exultantly. "Now I can set the dragon free, too!!!" Sheena sighed. Great, let loose the one incompetent who had no chance of helping him.
Kent was running in excited, hyperactive circles while recklessly wielding what appeared to the goblin to be a flimsy pocket-knife.
"Solomon! I thought you disarmed him!!" Grundy squealed. The dragon grunted. "What do you mean, it was my job?! Disarming that kid was YOUR job! I distinctly remember telling you----aaack!" He shrieked and dove off of Solomon's back as Kent charged at him. The happy-go-lucky twelve-year-old landed square on the baby dragon's back. His eyes glazed over with happiness, but it was short-lived. The goblin drew his dagger and gazed murderously at Kent.
"Get OFF my dragon!!" Grundy screeched. He extended a palm. "Sword of Thunder!" Magical lightning energy swirled around and into the goblin's blade. He advanced dangerously.
"You're mean! Don't shatter my dreams!" Kent pouted, effortlessly kicking Grundy in the face and sending him careening off the dirt road.
"Kennnt! Kent!" Sheena called from the sack. "Let me out!!"
"Sheena, is that you in there?" Kent said from atop Solomon. "I'll save you!" Kent scrambled over to where the teens' weapons had been tied to the knotty mass of ropes. He hefted Kirinji in his arms.
"Good, Kent, good!" Sheena encouraged from in the bag.
"I suppose I should just stab lots of big holes in it?" Kent said, holding the sword blade-down with two hands.
"No!!" Sheena cried.
Wonderful. Now I'll get mutilated too.
******
Killer Rune Crystal...check.
Leather armor...check.
Half-eaten bagel...check.
Longsword...(heh, 'long', kinky)...check.
How To Win At Cooking Contests, by Fu Tan Chen, ...check. Yes, Lepant was packing the essentials for his journey. Ah, nostalgia---suck packing reminded him of leaving on his first real adventure at the tender age of fourteen. The world had been such a mystery then, back in the Scarlet Moon Empire. But it had only been fleeting happiness, before his whole world fell apart.
"I shall find you!" Lepant announced to no one in particular, "And I shall wreak sweet vengeance!!" He clenched his fist defiantly, and grimly set about gathering the rest of his goods. Now, where had he put that Medicine?
"Looking for this, sir?" Giovanni inquired, holding up a sack with several potions in it.
"Aha, there it is. Thank you, Giovanni. I wonder how I could've misplaced it so easily?" Lepant said cheerfully, taking the medicine and depositing it in his pack.
"No idea." Giovanni said vaguely. He glanced out the window. "If you're starting off today, you'll surely be outside when night falls." Lepant shook his head defiantly.
"I must! For Sheena!" he said. "This is just like the time when the feared beast, Romandos, invaded the peaceful kingdom of the tiny, pacifist---"
"That's nice, sir." Giovanni said. "Will you be taking Eileen with you?" Lepant frowned, glancing in the direction of his bedroom.
"She can watch the restaurant and the shrine in my absence, Giovanni!" Lepant declared. Giovanni gulped.
"Er...wasn't I to watch the restaurant...?"
"Of course not, old boy. You'll swipe all the tips. You're coming with me!" The grinning adventurer slapped Giovanni heartily on the shoulder.
"I'll...get my things." Giovanni sighed, turning to go back to his own room.
"Make sure they're yours." Lepant warned good-naturedly. Chuckling, he returned to packing his own goods. His eye caught a glimpse of a portrait on the wall, and he sighed. He stood up and walked over to it, dusting it off.
"My sweet..." he whispered to the portrait, which was of a beautiful woman--not Eileen, however. "What happened to you will never happen to your namesake, I promise. I shall avenge!" With one tragic look cast back at the woman's picture, he turned dramatically with a swish of his cape...and promptly tripped over his pack, falling face-first into a lovely present the puppy-dog had left behind on his carpet.
"Aaaaaaaah! Vanquished!" he moaned.
******
With a quick downwards thrust that surprisingly didn't gut him, Kent slashed open the sack Sheena was imprisoned in with Kirinji. Like a butterfly coming out of a tight cocoon, Sheena emerged into the bright sunlight. Of course, most butterflies don't have to deal with rampaging infant dragons and irate goblin-creatures when they emerge from cocoons.
"Give me Kirinji, quick!" Sheena gasped, taking the family blade from the boy.
"Don't you dare hurt the dragon, Sheena, or I'll...I'll hit you!" Kent growled in a voice that tried to be threatening, unsuccessfully. In the interim between Kent grabbing the sword and Sheena's escape, Grundylicious had regained his seat atop Solomon.
"No, no...this cannot be, it's unacceptable! You, boy, Sheenah, get back in your sack! I haven't delivered you yet!!" he shrieked.
"Oh, right. I'll just do that, then." Sheena said.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"You're lying."
"No I'm not. Close your eyes."
"...really?"
"Close 'em."
"Oh, fine..." the goblin muttered, closing his eyes. Sheena couldn't believe the twit had actually believed him! Seizing opportunity, Sheena bent down to the last sack, and began cutting a hole in it.
"Are you back in your bag yet?" Grundy asked, blinded.
"N-not yet. No peeking, either." Sheena said nervously as he worked to free the sack's inhabitant. He ripped the hole wider, and it appeared that Haley was inside.
"Waaaaaait. If you're getting in, why does it sound like you're ripping things open??" Grundy asked suspiciously.
"No reason." Sheena lied, hefting the prone form of Haley into his arms. Man, she weighed more than she looked! Apparently she was still unconscious from when Grundy had initially bagged them.
Solomon growled urgently.
"What?! He's freeing the others?!!" Grundy shrieked, his eyes snapping open. The goblin was practically foaming at the mouth.
"Uh...Kent! He's gonna kick the dragon. Bite him!...or something." Sheena suggested hastily. Kent obliged, gnashing his teeth and leaping at the furious pipsqueak, actually attempting to take a chunk out of him. The pre-teen and the goblin wrestled fiercely for control of Solomon, while Sheena hurriedly carried Haley to a slightly safer spot beside the road. It was then that he realized that there was someone missing.
"Where's...Oz?" he murmured, puzzled.
Where's Oz, indeed. He had, in fact, been freed from his own burlap prison by two people so eager they looked as if they were opening holiday gifts. But they had not been looking for Ozzie.
"Y-you aren't Kent!" Lois said sharply after opening the bag. Clark echoed her sentiment.
"Kent...?" Ozzie mumbled, trying to get his bearings. Where the hell was he?? He suddenly recognized the man and woman staring at him as Highway Village's resident milk-delivery service.
"...Have you seen Kent??" Clark asked urgently. Ozzie blinked and looked around him. He still appeared to be in Matilda, that was a good sign. However, there was no sign of his friends or that weird little impish villain who had snatched them all.
"He was with us..." Ozzie offered.
"Us?"
"Yeah...Haley, Sheena, and I..."
"Quickly, Clark! We have to hurry....!" Lois cried. It took a moment before she realized she didn't know where to hurry to.
"Think, Lois. If Kent was with them, that means he's still in one of those sacks the little creature was dragging." Clark reasoned.
"Right, let's go!" Lois cheered, charging off. Clark followed at a less-chargey pace. Ozzie sat, pondering whether or not to follow the two parents.
Soon, his decision to move, at least, was made, as an extremely large figure pounded down the road, threatening to crush him. He dove off the path and watched in amazement as the large, bulky fellow lumbered along his way, with mounted Matilda Knights in pursuit.
It was only after a moment that he realized the huge man was outrunning the horses.
******
Sheena could have sworn they were winning. With the combined efforts of the overzealous Kent, and his own attempts to keep Solomon at bay with Kirinji, they were beginning to get the upper hand! Sheena couldn't have been more pleased with himself. Usually he only got the coveted upper hand in such sporting events as Chickening Out or Running Away. Now he was in true combat!
...Just his luck, there didn't seem to be any scantily-clad female gladiators around to congratulate him. Nuts.
Then, of course, Lady Luck dropped her dice in the toilet of fate, and all hell broke loose. Thundering up to the scene of the struggle was a very, very large man. He had dirty blond hair that was wound in a long, crude braid over his shoulder, and was clad in ragged clothing, as if he had just escaped from slavery. His skin had a blueish tint to it, and his muscles bulged. He had an unfriendly face and unfriendly, blood-red eyes, and an unfriendly axe hung at his hip. He was quite definitely outrunning several Matilda Knights who were pursuing him on horseback.
"Lozzamer!" Grundy cheered. "Where have you been, you ugly brute?" Kent halted his assault on the goblin and stared wide-eyed at the man---at least he resembled a man---towering over them.
"H-halt, villain! Release those children!" stammered a White Knight of Matilda from atop his horse. The huge man finally spoke, in a deep voice.
"Got held up in Rockaxe. Well, Grundy? What does the Lady desire?" he boomed.
"Stun the children and strap them to Solomon. Kill all the others." Grundy commanded coldly. Rather than balking at the severe orders, Lozzamer merely shrugged and picked up his battle-axe.
"That is an order from the Matilda Knights! Halt, or face the penalty!" Sir Kladahar barked. Lozzamer ignored him and advanced on the mounted soldiers.
One of the mounted White Knights spurred his steed forward, only to be knocked out of the saddle by a crushing blow to the head from the gigantic man. Grundy cheered shrilly. Sheena stood there, stunned, unbelieving.
Who was this...this hulk? And why couldn't Sheena have rippling muscles like that?!
Belatedly, Sheena remembered his Earth Rune once more. He was almost reluctant to use it again--he had used it quite often lately, and he was beginning to feel the drain it put on him, using all that magic energy. That and the blow to the head he had suffered earlier were beginning to make him weak-kneed. Seeing Lozzamer cut down another White Knight, however, made him reconsider. He needed protection.
"...C-C...C-Copper Flesh!" he choked out, afraid that if he spoke, the brute would come after HIM. There was a golden flash as the emblem of his rune sparkled in the air, and then he felt a slippery metallic sheen cover his skin. Well, that was a little defense...
"Halt, at once!" Mornican, a Red Knight, commanded. He and Kladahar had drawn their swords, but had yet to attack Lozzamer.
Sheena realized he couldn't just stand there quivering in his boots! Something needed to be done! After all, a girl might've been watching. He hoisted Kirinji, and decided the least he could do was make some kind of offensive effort against Grundy.
"Yaaaaaaaaaah! Perish, spawn of...you dumb goblin!" he cried, charging blindly at Solomon and Grundy. His final thoughts flashed through his head.
Dear gods...I sound just like my FATHER..
"For the honor of the Red Knights of Matilda!" Kladahar bellowed, shooting forward on his horse. Mornican led the attack on the huge beast-man, his blade gleaming as he swung it in the air.
Lozzamer would have none of that. With a few swift strokes of his battle-axe, he hewed down three advancing Knights, including Mornican. The elder Knight fell in a bloody heap near his horse, staining the grass the color of his tunic.
"Mornican!!" Kladahar screamed. He turned his steed towards the calm hunk of muscle, who was still casually maiming the remains of one of the horses.
Kladahar charged forward, and Sheena could honestly say after that day that the young knight would've been dead as a doornail if not for Kent. The pre-teen threw a huge rock just as Lozzamer made to swing his axe, pegging the giant-man in the back of the head. The distraction was sufficient enough for Kladahar to slip past and fall ungracefully off his horse, though he wasn't able to get a proper strike in.
"Who threw that??" Lozzamer growled, eyes glinting.
"Stop right there, Lozzamer!" Grundy piped. "Stun them, immediately. You've done enough---we need to escape, now." Lozzamer nodded, and turned to look at Kent. Something in his eyes flashed, and Kent became stiff as a board, falling to the ground as if he had been struck. Still sporting the same bored frown, Lozzamer turned his steely gaze on Sir Kladahar, immobilizing the knight.
"H-hey!" Sheena cried. In a moment of brave stupidity, he ran over to Lozzamer, and swung Kirinji at his head, aiming to kill.
"Don't hurt that one!" Grundy called shrilly. "That's the Lady's prize!!!" The hulking man-giant shrugged boredly, and merely flashed his stare into Sheena's eyes.
The would-be-knight felt his joints stiffen like stone, his eyes glazed over, and suddenly, he knew no more...
However, soon the news of the incident spread swiftly across Matilda, especially when the Matilda-Greenhill border patrol was found dead the next day. Everyone knew, and whispered tales of ferocious demons and dragons and kidnappings.
Everyone knew, that is, except Lepant.
