"...I don't want to be a chef, Dad..." his son, Sheena, said in such a way as to not hurt his father's feelings. "I told you, I want to become a Knight..."
"But the Kingdom--" Lepant said dramatically. There was little that Lepant said that did not involve dramatics. As a man whose self-proclaimed 'official' title included Former Adventurer and Hero, he was obligated to be as dramatic as possible.
"It's a restaurant, Dad..." Sheena sighed, trying not to roll his eyes. "It's not as if it's an actual Kingdom..."
They were standing outside the very restaurant about which they spoke, called appropriately enough, "Lepant's Kingdom of Cuisine". Located on the eastern edge of Highway Village in Matilda, it had actually become fairly popular for being just a crazy business venture of a former adventurer. Sheena looked at his father, who had an insane grin on his face. He was half-expecting him to be disappointed, although he had told him before that the restaurant business was not for him. For one, that creepy chef's hat would totally cramp his personal style, thus making babes shun him and making him a loser. He didn't want that---not that his current reality was much different.
Sheena himself looked more like his mother than his father. He was tall and thin, and had brownish-blond hair with brown eyes. He was wearing a loose, baggy green shirt trimmed with brown, which looked almost too small for him around the stomach area, coming up slightly short. He wore it that way, of course, to show off his 'marvelously toned abs' to the chicks. Chicks loved marvelously toned abs. He had somewhat tight black pants on, which was also a clever part of his babe-attracting plans. He also wore some large brown boots which had been Lepant's at one time, and were just a bit too large for him. But he figured they made him look buff, or something. The finishing touch was a polished blue rock he wore on a string around his neck--a trinket from a good friend of his.
"Ahhh, a Knight. So, you really want to go through with that, eh?" Lepant said with an all-too-familiar Lepant-Twinkle-of-Reminiscence in his eyes.
"Yeah...I think I'll make a good Knight of Matilda. It's..er...an honorable profession." Not to mention, he thought to himself, Knights get babes galore. Chicks can't resist that uniform! Lepant laughed heartily and slapped him on the shoulder.
"Wonderful! I knew this day would come! The moment you could first walk, I knew you wouldn't settle for being a mere cook! No, my boy, ADVENTURE calls! It's in your BLOOD!" Lepant said.
"I...guess so. I mean, right, Dad, adventure calls." Sheena said. He had to escape this conversation before it turned into a full-blown flashback.
"I remember back when I was an adventurer, we used to..." Lepant said with a sigh. Too late!
"Sorry Dad, gotta go. Mom's calling!" Sheena lied, walking swiftly away from the restaurant and into the village. Lepant didn't even notice. He just kept on talking.
******
Sheena could scarcely believe he was sixteen already. Sixteen, and he was 100% man-god! Of course, all the girls in Highway Village begged to differ, quite adamantly in fact. He didn't know what was wrong with all of them. He was obviously handsome as they came. Charming and witty, too. They were all crazy, that was all. Who needed them, anyway? Not Sheena! ...Actually, he did want them to like him, but for some reason, they didn't. He couldn't figure it out--years of chasing them and flirting couldn't have turned them off to his manly charms, could it? Naaah.
He strolled through town, ignoring the many glares from a large percentage of the teenage girls around, and from some of their mothers, too. Yeesh, what a reputation he'd gotten. He wasn't THAT bad. Okay, maybe he was a little. But he was tolerable, right? Well...sometimes he could be annoying, he admitted. But...damn. He just counted himself lucky that everyone liked his parents.
Ah, his parents. What a story that had been. His father, Lepant, had in fact been an adventurer in his youth, traveling around the Scarlet Moon Empire with his intrepid band of destiny-bound teens. That was sixteen years ago. Then, as Sheena understood it, some megalomaniac had burned Lepant's village, killing everyone and everything. Lepant had survived, and vowed revenge. Tracking the culprit north into Jowston, he had lost the trail at Matilda, and strangely enough, settled down there. Of course, that had been in large part because of his mother, Eileen. A priestess of the 'Hilini' faith, she had offered Lepant spiritual comfort in his time of tragedy.
Sheena had been the result of that 'comfort'. And so, they had married, Sheena had been born, and Lepant had opened his restaurant. End of story. But not anymore! Sheena thought, Cuz now I'M here to valiantly rescue some BABE who will worship the ground I walk on! Yes, the SHEENA chapter of family history was about to be written! Watch out, world!
"Watch out, dear!" came his mother's voice, a second too late. Sheena, lost in his thoughts, had just collided with a stack of crates. His mother was standing over him, already waving her little staff she always carried, to make sure he was okay. She had hair like spun gold; wavy hair that framed her kind and caring face. She almost never frowned, and even more rarely raised her voice. She was clad in a loose, flowing white robe, tied around the waist with a silver string. Her brown eyes practically oozed kindness and warmth. She wore a simple pair of sandals, and carried a wooden staff.
"Sheena, are you all right?" she asked. "Perhaps the Oath of Healing..." Eileen raised her staff and began to mutter, but Sheena was already on his feet.
"I'm fine, Mom...I just wasn't watching where I was walking, I guess." he said, more embarrassed than hurt. He scanned the area---had any babes seen him do that? Well, apparently not. The group of girls laughing hysterically across the street were obviously watching some other comic spectacle. He brushed himself off.
"Mom, what are you doing in town anyway...? Aren't you supposed to be at the temple right now?" Sheena asked. Eileen, you see, was not only a priestess of the 'Hilini' faith. She was the High Priestess. The leader. In fact, she had made the entire religion up herself. She had always said that when she was fourteen, the spirits came to her in a dream and told her to make such a religion, and that it was her 'destiny'. Her religion hinged on the belief in four 'levels' of existence on the planet---the First consisted of the very elements, the earth, and nature. The Second were the animals and sub-humans, such as fairies and lizardmen. Within the Third Level were the humans, elves, dwarves, kobolds, and other such creatures of higher intelligence. Finally, the Fourth was the very force of the universe, and the gods. Most people considered this to be some quackery that came to Eileen in a drug overdose or something, but Sheena, having grown up around these beliefs, didn't really give it a second thought.
"I came to tell your father something. Is he at the Kingdom?" Eileen said. Sheena nodded.
"And where are you going, Sheena?" she asked.
"Home." Sheena said.
"Beware the influences of the Black Tree, my son." she said, as she always did. The 'Black Tree' represented the purest form of evil and temptation in Eileen's faith.
"Sure thing." Sheena said. It was only the 800,000,000th time she had told him that in his lifetime. "And YOU watch yourself too, Mom." Unlike warnings of fairy-tale-esque Black Trees, his warning, he felt, actually carried weight---his mother was narcoleptic, and had the tendency to fall asleep at the most inopportune times and places, such as heavily crowded areas. She smiled at her son, and walked on. Sheena continued towards his house.
He was met by a happy sight---the two people in Highway who could not only stand him, but considered him a 'friend'. On the right, leaning against a barrel, was a teenage girl who gave the impression that she didn't care what anyone thought of her. It was a pretty accurate impression. She had chin-length red-brown hair framing a pretty face that she didn't consider pretty at all. She had gray eyes, and wore a simple blue shirt and pants that were nearly identical to Sheena's, only slightly shorter. Haley Curtowe, the only girl in Highway Village who could stand him. He had used to like her, in the same way he 'liked' other girls, but a few bruises and death threats had changed that emotion towards her. Now, they were just friends.
On the left, standing in the dusty road, was a teenage boy. Somehow, Sheena had avoided murdering this boy only because they had been best friends all their lives--otherwise, considering recent events, Sheena might have considered him steep competition for babes. He was handsome. He was intelligent. He had a girlfriend (Sheena almost had killed him for that one). And he wasn't quite as slender as Sheena, since he had done a little body-building exercise over the summer. He was clad all in black---black shirt, pants, boots, and a recent addition---a black cape. All this managed to perfectly match his black hair, and made his blue eyes stand out, too. It was sickening. How come HE got all the babes? Sheena was just as good-looking! Just as charming! Just as modest! Well, perhaps not the modesty. But dammit, that shouldn't have mattered!
"Hey, Sheena, we heard you ran into a bunch of boxes. Don't tell me you've become FULLY brain-dead, already?" Haley asked sarcastically.
"HEY!" Sheena protested vehemently. "Who told you guys that?!"
"Zelda told me," the boy said.
"Geez, Ozzie, don't you talk to anyone else?" Sheena said. Ozzie had recently begun dating a local girl, Zelda, and hardly talked about anything else these days.
"Shut up. At least I have a girlfriend." Ozzie retorted.
"Hey, now. The chicks love me. They're just too busy fighting to the death over who gets to date me for anyone to decide." Sheena said. Haley made a retching sound.
"You both make me sick. I don't know why I hang out with you guys." she said. Sheena shrugged.
"Say...Ozzie...where'd you get that stupid cape?? It makes you look like my DAD, for goodness sake." he asked.
"Zelda made it for me." Ozzie said, stars in his eyes.
"She said it made him look 'sexy'." Haley said, rolling her eyes. "I almost threw up." Haley couldn't stand Zelda, that was a well-known fact. Sheena had tried to impress her a couple times, but of course, she had rejected him. Ozzie, who hated to hear trash talked about Zelda, made an attempt to change the subject.
"So, Sheena, when were you going to go to Rockaxe to apply to become a Knight?? You promised we could come with you, remember?"
"Yeah, I know. I think I'm gonna go tomorrow morning." Sheena said. He had been planning on applying for the position for a couple weeks, but he hadn't gotten around to it.
"Great. We're coming along, like it or not!" Haley said. "I haven't been to Rockaxe since I was little. It'll be fun."
"I haven't been in a long time, either." Ozzie said. His uncle was a Matilda Knight, but he and his sister, Oz's mother, had had a falling-out, and they hadn't visited him in years.
"Y'know...I heard that all the women in Rockaxe Castle have, like, really big jugs, y'know?" Ozzie said with a grin. "I heard that they make 'em all eat these magically-altered herbs and stuff, and--"
"Oh, come ON. You guys are pathetic! You actually believe that load of horse shit?" Haley asked.
"Quiet, Haley." Sheena said, quite interested. Most other girls would have stormed off in disgust, but she was actually used to it. It wasn't the first time discussions of this nature had come up around her, anyway. She just frowned to show her disapproval and sat over on a barrel.
"Who told you that, anyway?" Sheena asked.
"Er, well, it was my older brother, all right? But he swore he was telling the truth this time!" Ozzie said, flushing.
"Why don't you ask your dad? He would know." Sheena said. He had to find the truth---if the women in Rockaxe had big jugs, then by god, he was going to Rockaxe to STAY.
"Hmph. Easy for you to say. Why don't you ask YOUR dad, if you want to know so badly?" Ozzie said.
"Yuk...I couldn't ask my dad something like that. He's ...much too forward with such information. He'd just talk about him and mom or something else gross like that. Bleh." Sheena said distastefully.
"Are you two quite finished here?" Haley asked. "If you want to know so badly, even though the very idea is ridiculous, we can find out tomorrow, when we GO to Rockaxe. All right?"
"Fine, fine." Sheena said.
"Well, I've got to go meet someone--" Ozzie started.
"Zelda?" Haley and Sheena said in unison.
"Shut UP." he replied, walking off.
"Hey, Ozzie, that cape makes you look soooo sexy~!" Haley called after him, laughing. Sheena laughed too.
"So, Haley, do you want to hang out for a while?" Sheena inquired.
"Sorry, Sheena, I've got work to do at home. But I'll see you tomorrow morning." she said with a wave. Sheena waved back, and walked on down the road to his house.
It was a nice little cottage, built by Eileen's father and Lepant when his parents were first married. It was no mansion, but hey, it's not like his family would ever rate owning a mansion. Sheena had often imagined what it would be like, living in a big house---guarded by armies of robotic servants, with a full staff and a vault and everything---maybe after he made it big as a Knight, he could carry his boobalicious babe of his dreams across the threshold of such a mansion, someday. For now, though, home sweet home would have to do. He walked past the ultra-embarrassing Beware of Adventurer sign his father had stuck in the front lawn, and wiped his feet on his mother's Welcome to Our Home (Unless You Are a Servant of Evil) doormat, going into the house.
"...Giovanni?" he called. No answer, he must not be home. Giovanni was the closest thing they had to a servant---some years ago, Sheena's mother had done him some tremendous favor, and he had spent all of Sheena's life repaying it. He helped at the restaurant, around the house, everywhere. Lepant had insisted on paying him cash for his services, even though he was paying back a debt. Sheena was suddenly tired--he had worked a long day at the restaurant, and figured he should get a lot of rest if he was going to Rockaxe the next day. He walked into his bedroom, and flopped down on the bed, slipping off his boots. He laid back and was asleep before he knew it.
That night, Sheena had an odd dream. He was alone in the darkness, and odd colors were swirling all around him. He tried to move, but was rooted to one spot. He saw, of all things, his father, and a beautiful babe, being tortured by some dark figure. Suddenly, they vanished, and he was in a field of flowers, surrounded by herb-enhanced boobalicious chicks from Rockaxe. He woke up with a start. He wasn't sure what to make of it. But somehow, he managed to go back to sleep, and for the rest of the night, his sleep was dreamless.
******
The next morning, Sheena got up and dressed. His mother was at the table in the kitchen, asleep face-first in a bowl of porridge. Sheena got himself some breakfast, and woke her up.
"Hmm? Oh, my! The dark spirits have attacked me with some foul glop!" Eileen gasped.
"It's porridge, Mom. You fell asleep." Sheena corrected.
"Oh! So I did. Thank you, dear." Eileen said, wiping up her face. Lepant came into the kitchen.
"You've got breakfast in your hair, my dear." he said. He picked it out with his fingers, then licked the same fingers. "Ah! Luscious. You have made it all the more sweeter, my love." Sheena tried his best to ignore this spectacle as he ate. Lepant then took some freshly baked rolls and stuffed them into his cape.
"I'm going to the restaurant, Sheena. Are you working today?"
"No, I told you, I'm going to Rockaxe today." Sheena said.
"Rockaxe!" Eileen cried. "That's so far away! Oh, my poor baby, will you be all right going by yourself?"
"I'll be fine, and I'm not going alone. Haley and Osmond are coming." Sheena said.
"Good, good. It's best to go in groups when on a quest, you know," Lepant said, launching into another story, "When we attacked the Dragon of the Banner Mines, there was no way we could have taken it alone. I mean, those teeth! And plus--"
"Not everything is some adventure of destiny, you know, Dad." Sheena said. "I'm just going to Rockaxe."
"Ah, but to become a Knight! I'm so proud of you, son! Knights are the very PINNACLE of DESTINY! Why, any day now, you'll start having Visions of Destiny, then People of Importance will appear, and before you know it, you're scaling the Tower of Death to save a Princess!" Lepant said, getting far too excited. Sheena was about to deny all this when he remembered his dream.
"Er...well...I did have a really weird dream last night..." he said. Eileen said nothing, having fallen asleep again, but Lepant stopped short.
"A 'weird dream', you say?" he asked.
"Yeah. There was this babe---" Sheena started, but before he could go any further, Lepant burst out laughing.
"Ah!" he said with a smile. "I remember such dreams, my son. Yes, there's nothing to worry about---when I was your age, these dreams of lust would haunt my subconscious, as well--flitting around just out of my reach, those dreams! How arousing they were, the nymphs and such cavorting near my---"
"I have to go!" Sheena cried, freaking out. He ran outside the house, where he collided with Ozzie.
"Ow!" he said. "Where are YOU going in such a hurry?"
"I was just leaving..." Sheena said with disgust.
"Without us? I don't think so. Haley's waiting in town, but we're still going with you, you know." Ozzie said.
"I wasn't running from YOU." Sheena said.
"Did your mom make that stew again? You look sick." his friend said, giving him a sidelong glance.
"N-no." Sheena said, trying to hold down his breakfast. "L-let's just go."
"Now you're talking! Oh...er...and...I kinda promised Zelda...that she could come, too...." Ozzie said guiltily.
"You what? Now we have to watch you two go at it the whole time! It's not fair, you getting to make out with some babe while I'm stuck with thoughts of..." Sheena cried.
When I was your age, these dreams of lust...
"Wow, are you okay? You just turned green, dude."
"I'm fine." Sheena insisted.
And he was fine. He was on his way to Rockaxe, land of big-breasted-hotties! And there, he would become a Knight, and win the heart of some breathtaking damsel, and he would be loved by everyone! Yes, except for the fact that Haley and Ozzie would be arguing the whole time, and Zelda would be annoying the hell out of him and making out with Ozzie and not making out with Sheena, he was GREAT! Now, he need only find a large rock, to knock those terrible thoughts of his father out of his head. What a way to start off the day!
