Besides, he thought, glancing back at Pearl, secret agents get way more babes!
"So, Pearl, why is it exactly that you have to go clear back to the Scarlet Moon Empire? That place isn't very hospitable from what I hear. Surely you didn't travel all the way here alone?"
Pearl looked vague. "I barely managed...besides, I must save my people!" She flashed her now-familiar maidenly look of determination.
"Uh....you aren't some princess down there or something, are you?" Fitcher asked nervously. If anyone found out that he was escorting a princess, he would be finished! Princesses were automatic targets for violence and evil plots. Especially those wearing pink, Fitcher noted. Thankfully, Pearl had exchanged her ratty pink dress for a cheerful, sky blue sun dress that was equally skimpy before leaving Muse. She also had a pretty matching satchel to carry her belongings in.
"No, I'm not a princess, silly!" she said, giggling. Fitcher sighed with relief....that was much less of a burden on his shoulders.
Slowly but surely, the paved roads winded down into small dirt paths, heading towards Coronet, the fishing village to the south. Fitcher felt a twinge of reminiscence, and kicked off his shoes, putting them in his pack, and walked barefoot like he had when he was a kid.
Then he felt a twinge of guilt....he hadn't been to Coronet in a long time, nor had he visited anyone he knew there for a while either. After all, his hometown wasn't that far away from Muse...so what had kept him away? Well, his job came to mind. No worries about that anymore!
As they drew closer to Coronet, Fitcher felt a childhood flashback coming on.
He remembered his life as a child---the immense poverty, never having enough to eat, no friends and homeless half the time. His parents barely brought in enough to live on, but they had been content enough.....until the day the soldiers came. They had raided their small shack of a home, stealing food and then burning the home. Then, despite his pleading, they had killed his mother, and then his father, and then his cat called Scruffy, and then some random old lady. He had screamed in terror, knowing that he was next. In a flash of light, he had been killed....or so he thought. He had been cast into the sea, washing up weeks later on a craggy outcropping. There, he had been found by the leader of a monastery, and had lived his life out as a lonely monk until----
Holy angst!!! Where the heck did THAT childhood memory come from?!!! His childhood hadn't been like that at all!! Fitcher scratched his head, wondering where that flashback had come from. No, his childhood had been considerably more peaceful. They had been well-off enough to live in a decent home, and his mother had always given him cookies for snacks. No soldiers had come, no houses had burned, no one had died. Well, his cat Scruffy HAD died, but that was because of a freak accident with his best friend Freddy and a borrowed Fire Rune.
Fitcher pushed away all his memories; he was sure that his parents would bring up the most embarrassing ones once he arrived at their house.
Ah, THAT was it. That was why he stopped frequently visiting Coronet. Because his parents lived there, and they could be very annoying if they tried. Or even if they didn't try. Fitcher remembered his mother and father being much more pleasant when he was smaller, but that might have been because they hadn't been pressuring him to marry when he was ten years old. But they didn't wait long after that, though.
"Uh, Pearl...." Fitcher began. "Coronet's my hometown, so we'll probably have to visit my parents before we live, or they'll never forgive me. Okay?"
Pearl smiled.
"Oh, that'll be peachy-fun!" she said happily. She skipped merrily along ahead of him, humming a tune about butterflies and rainbows. Fitcher unsuccessfully tried to avoid staring at her very ample curves as she skipped along.
The two of them walked into Coronet, absorbing all the sights and sounds. There weren't many, but they were there. Sounds of fishermen talking about the day's catch, women gossiping idly outside the inn, children running along merrily. It was home.
"It smells like fish!" Pearl said, wrinkling her nose cutely.
"Of course it does. This is a fishing village, mostly." Fitcher replied. He couldn't imagine a Coronet that didn't smell like fish.
"Where's YOUR house?" Pearl asked eagerly, like a small child who asks "why" every second.
"Right down that little dirt lane over there," Fitcher said, pointing. "That's where my parents live...."
They walked through the dusty streets, avoiding people carrying heavy crates around. At the little dirt lane, Fitcher turned and walked down it, realizing how long it had been since he came here. It seemed like such a long time! Had he really been that absorbed in his work? He walked past Freddy's old house, and the old houses of his other friends from childhood. Finally, they came to his own house. Still that same old cottage, with its neatly tended flower garden in the front and full vegetable garden on the side. He marched right up and banged loudly on the door. After a few moments, the door opened, revealing an older woman with graying hair and spectacles inside. Her face lit up.
"Fitcher!!! What a wonderful surprise!!" she cried. She kissed him on the cheek, and then yelled into the house. "Gerald, Fitcher's here! Get out here!"
A sound of reluctant grumbling came from within the house, and then an old man came to the door, sneering over his glasses.
"What kept you, boy?" he demanded with a smile. He gave Fitcher a hug, and then waved him into the house.
"Wait....who's this?" he said, polishing his glasses to take a...much closer look at Pearl.
"Hi! I'm Pearl. You must be Fitcher's parents!" she said, smiling happily. Fitcher's mother gazed disapprovingly at Pearl's outfit, then smiled.
"Come in, Pearl, and you too, Fitcher. I made cookies." she said. Fitcher walked into the house, followed by Pearl, then Gerald and Fitcher's mother. Gerald seemed to be very interested in something on Pearl's behind. Fitcher's mother elbowed him.
"Sit down, dears. I'm Elmira, Fitcher's mother, and this is Fitcher's father, Gerald." said the kindly old woman, gesturing to an old kitchen table. Pearl sat down.
"Fitcher, where are your manners?" Elmira said. "You haven't given me a hug yet!" Fitcher sighed and walked over to embrace his mother.
She looked displeased.
"Fitcher, when was the last time you bathed? No hugs until you take a bath!" she said sternly.
"Aw, come ON, Ma...." Fitcher protested feebly.
"Bath!" his mother said. Fitcher sighed and trudged into the back room, where a tub of water lay ready, as if awaiting his arrival. He grumbled, pulling off his clothes and sloshing into the bath. The truth was, he hadn't bathed in a while and was glad to, but he just didn't want his parents to get the wrong idea about Pearl while he was gone. He was also prayed that Pearl didn't spill the beans about his job, as a secret agent. For all his parents knew, he was a high-ranking government worker and they were content with that. He could hear Pearl chatting happily with his parents as he dumped water over his head.
After he bathed and dressed, he hurried out into the living room---how much had Pearl said?
"Oh, that's so funny!" Pearl laughed. They continued giggling as he came into the room.
"Hello, Fitcher." Elmira said.
"Good to see you clean for once." his father said from his easy chair.
"Fitcher, did you really used to have an imaginary friend, who you SANG to?!!" Pealr said between laughs.
"N-no.." Fitcher lied, turning very red. The truth was, he had had an imaginary friend, but the singing part had been greatly exaggerated by his parents...or so he accused.
"What was his name?" Pearl asked, smiling mischieviously.
"Nothing!" Fitcher said quickly, but Gerald nudged Pearl.
"I think it was George the Monkey-Man..." he said.
"That's Georgio." Fitcher corrected automatically, then kicked himself mentally for doing it. Damn his father's stupid tricks! He went to any lengths to embarrass him!
Pearl kept giggling, and then the laughter subsided. Elmira went into the kitchen and then came out with a tray of cookies and some tea. She served the cookies and poured tea for everyone.
"Oh! This is wonderful!!" Pearl exclaimed, eating her cookies and sipping her tea. "I've had tea like this before once, in Antei." Elmira looked intrigued.
"So, Pearl, where are you from?" she asked curiously.
"The Empire." she said vaguely.
"What are you doing with a lug like our son?" Gerald asked. Elmira elbowed him.
"Now Gerald, he's a very nice boy and you know it!" she reprimanded. Fitcher felt himself turning red again. He wasn't a child who needed his mother to defend him!
"Uh, I'm escorting her to the border. It's a job assignment." Fitcher said quickly.
"The border?!" Elmira said with horror. "That's so far away!! Why would they make you go that far? You could get hurt!"
"I can take care of myself, Ma." Fitcher insisted.
"Pshaw!" his father said. "What about that time when that girl beat you up at school?" Fitcher put his head in his hands. Did his father have to mention EVERYTHING?
"Girl?" Pearl giggled.
"Dad, that was a long time ago!" Fitcher said angrily. "I'm better at fighting now!"
"Then why didn't you join the State Army like I wanted you to?" Gerald demanded.
"Now, now..." Elmira said. "Everyone calm down, that's all behind us." But she looked bothered by something. After a few moments of silence, she voiced her concern.
"Fitcher, why don't you settle down with a nice girl and get married? We want some grandchildren before we pass away, you know." she said gently.
"I don't know any 'nice girls', Ma..." Fitcher said irritably. Pearl shot him a look of maidenly hurt, followed by a look of absolute sorrow with a pinch of hatred. Maidenly pinches of hatred were the worst kind, and most potent.
"Except Pearl, that is..." Fitcher added quickly. She then turned back into her completely happy self again. Elmira perked up and looked at Pearl with interest.
"So, Pearl, what do you think of Fitcher? He really is a nice boy, you know..." she said. Fitcher quailed. Not only was he not a boy, but his mother couldn't have sent a more blatant message had she added "Hint, hint" on the end of it.
"He's very valiant." Pearl said with a smile.
"Valiant?" his father coughed, suppressing a laugh. "Foolishly overconfident, perhaps..."
Fitcher shot his own patented glare at his father, but it had no effect, seeing as they were used to it. He had used the glare more when he was a teenager than any other time in his life, but he was coming close to beating his record if his parents didn't stop being....parenty.
"Oh, no, he's very brave." Pearl insisted calmly. Gerald shrugged.
"Fitcher, will you be spending the night, or is this just a day visit?" his mother asked.
"We'll stay overnight, but we have to leave early tomorrow morning." Fitcher replied.
"Why so early?" his mother asked.
"I told you, we have to go south. We need to catch a ferry to Kuskus." Fitcher explained.
"That's so dangerous! Are you sure you won't reconsider??" Elmira persisted.
"We'll be all right, Mrs. Elmira." Pearl reassured. "With Fitcher around, no one will dare attack us!" She gave a warm look of confidence to Fitcher. Gerald rolled his eyes.
"I think you're crazy. Joining the Army is one thing, travelling alone to the Empire of all places is just plain stupid." he said disapprovingly.
"The Empire isn't that bad," Pearl said defensively. "Not in some parts." Gerald rolled his eyes again, but said nothing.
"I'm going to go for a walk, okay?" Fitcher said, standing up. "You want to come, Pearl?"
"No thanks, I'll stay here for now." she demurred. He shrugged and walked out of the room, to the entryway. He grabbed his staff----Nok-Nok had given him a new one----and went outside.
Fitcher walked along the dirt path, heading back into the main town of Coronet. He had had enough of his parents for the time being, he needed a nice walk by himself if he wanted to survive his overnight stay. He decided to walk down to the docks and see what time the ferry left in the morning. The docks were a slightly more rough part of town, though they were nothing compared to the slums of Muse. He fervently hoped that there were no evil underground hideouts here in Coronet, but he was fairly sure there wasn't. If there had been, he and Freddy would have found them all when they were kids. Fitcher walked down into the docks part of town, where burly fishermen rushed around with crates and nets full of fish, and workmen pushed carts of goods around. He remembered always coming down here to play as a kid, purely because his mother didn't want him to.
Suddenly, sounds of a struggle came from behind one of the warehouse buildings. Fitcher walked faster, curious as to what was taking place. Coronet was an almost eventless town. He turned the corner and saw a muscular man robbing an old lady.
"Ohh! Help, I'm being robbed! Thief!!" the old lady screamed, struggling against the mugger.
"Hey, stop that!" Fitcher yelled, spinning his staff clumsily. The mugger glanced over at him and laughed.
"What can you do, you scrawny punk?" he chuckled. The mugger forgot the old woman for a moment and stomped over to Fitcher. He raised his fist, and slammed Fitcher in the side of the head. He was knocked over by the swing, and his head was spinning.
"That'll teach ya, punk." said the mugger smugly, and he turned back to the old lady.
"Ohhh, nooo..." she cried.
Fitcher struggled to sit up, looking around frantically for something to hit the mugger with. He couldn't find his staff, it had been knocked out his reach. He scrambled over to a large rock, and picked it up. He heaved it up and threw it at the mugger's head. It missed and hit him in the shoulder, but it still produced the effect he wanted. The mugger turned angrily towards Fitcher, and began stomping over to him again.
"I'll pound you to a pulp!!" he raged, beating his fists together. The old woman looked around wildly for a way to help her 'savior', and finally got a look of confidence on her face. She began mumbling something under her breath.
"H-hey, isn't that your girlfriend over there?" Fitcher said, wildly pointing at something far far away. The mugger grinned, without most of his teeth.
"Nice try, punk! Now you die!" he said, hefting an oil keg into the air. Oil keg? How had that gotten there? Fitcher scrambled under the mugger's legs and grabbed his staff, jumping to his feet. The mugger turned around, grinning----just in time to see the old woman raise her left hand.
"Flaming Arrows!" she cried, and the emblem on her hand glowed fiercely. Fitcher smiled with satisfaction, until it dawned on him what she had cast on the mugger, who was still holding the oil keg.
In Coronet that day, they said that the explosion could been seen at least half a mile outside of the town. They mentioned how it was amazing that the scrawny, would-be hero had survived, along with the old lady, although it had been a little harder to fish her out of the water. As for the mugger, his appendages never were the same again, a few of them not existing anymore.
"How could you DO that?!!" Elmira demanded angrily, for the third time, at the dinner table that night. "Getting involved with a mugging like that! You---"
"I could have been killed, I KNOW!" Fitcher bellowed. "How was I to know that the psychotic old lady would have a Fire Rune?! I thought she'd at least have enough sense to NOT cast fire on something containing OIL!" He scowled and continued eating his food.
"I think it was very brave," Pearl said, with a look of maidenly admiration. "Fitcher, you're so heroic and manly!"
Fitcher couldn't deny this, of course. He was manly and heroic. That was his job. He was also muscular and extremely dashingly handsome, but he figured he could excuse Pearl for forgetting those details right now. She was defending him from his parents, after all.
"Just because a woman says you're brave doesn't mean that you have to go out and kill yourself trying to prove it." Gerald muttered. Fitcher used up another patented glare on him; he was going to run out of those soon!
After dinner, they all went to bed, some of them more angry than others. Fitcher was sleeping on the couch, Pearl was sleeping in his old room, and his parents were in their room. Before sleeping, he lie awake for a while, thinking.
I'm not trying too hard...am I? he thought pensively. Of course not! Manly secret agents are supposed to save damsels in distress, even if those damsels happen to be old and wrinkly and pyromaniacs. It was just the way it was. Having settled this, he drifted off to sleep, and didn't dream of toads the whole night. Well, mostly because his dreams involved painful death by burning, but he didn't mind too much....
In the morning, Fitcher woke up and got dressed. He tied his red bandana around his forehead like always, and went to breakfast. He was surprised to find Pearl already up.
"Good morning, sleepy-head!" she said. "Oh...your clothes are all scorched. Don't you have any more?"
"Good morning," he returned, "And not really. Maybe Ma will let me borrow something." He sat down at the table.
"Aren't you hungry? I fixed some porridge." Pearl asked. Fitcher shook his head.
"Being burnt up takes away your appetite." he said.
"But you ate dinner last night..." she pointed out.
"Realizing that you're still alive after being burnt up produces an appetite. I'm just not hungry now." he explained. She shrugged, and began eating her porridge. After a while, Fitcher's parents woke up and came out to eat. Elmira scolded Pearl.
"Pearl, you didn't have to do this...I would have made breakfast for you. You are our guest!" she said.
"That's okay, you got to sleep in this way." Pearl said.
They sat down and ate for a while longer, and then started chatting.
"How long will you be gone, Fitcher?" Elmira asked worriedly.
"I don't know. I've never been to the Empire before, so I don't know how long it'll take." he replied.
"What about currency?" Gerald asked. "You have to be on top of things, you know. If you haven't already exchanged your potch for bits before you get to the border, those Imperials will suspect something. Imperials don't need a good reason to kill someone, you know."
"We'll be fine, okay?" Fitcher insisted. "Pearl can handle the currency, right?"
Pearl nodded.
"I think so!"
After their talk, Fitcher said his goodbyes and left the house with Pearl. His mother had begged him not to go, as he knew she would, and his father had reminded him of how crazy he was, but he had insisted and left. But, of course, his mother hadn't let him leave until she gave them a box of cookies, wrapped in plain brown paper. She had also given him some new clothes, which happened to be black pants, no shirt, and a thick, white, hooded cloak. It reminded Fitcher sorely of Leknaat. He wondered where the batty woman could be now.
"It was nice of your mother to give us some cookies," Pearl said as they walked towards the area of docks that wasn't scorched and blown apart.
"Yeah, I guess..." Fitcher said. "More for me to carry, though." The docks were crowded today, especially near the ferry to Kuskus. People were getting on and getting off, and shuffling around in a hurry, as if they were all going to implode if they didn't accomplish whatever tasks they had in mind in time. Just as they neared the boat, Fitcher collided with a woman clad in a thick green cloak. He dropped his cookies on the ground, and bent to pick them up.
"Watch where you're going! You made me drop my package! This is a very important package, you bumbler!" the woman raged, scrambling to get her package. She grabbed it and hastily hurried off into the crowd leaving the docks. Fitcher picked up his box of cookies and dusted them off.
"What a grouch." he mumbled. They climbed onto the ferry, and tried to find a comfortable seat for the journey. They ended up sitting on the hard wood planks, but thankfully the journey to Kuskus was not a long one. Before they could depart, however, an old woman ran frantically onto the boat.
"Oh, there you are!" she cried, addressing Fitcher. He realized that this was the pyro from yesterday who had blown up the docks.
"Uh, what do you want?" he asked.
"I just wanted to thank you for saving me!" she said.
"You came all this way just to thank me?" he asked incredulously.
"Well, no..." she said, looking guilty. That couldn't be a good sign. "I was wondering....since you're so strong and capable....could you escort me back to Radat?"
Fitcher quailed. Escort this walking stick of dynamite to Radat? It wasn't part of his mission, but he felt obligated for no good reason.
"I...guess so. Radat's on our way, anyway." he said reluctantly.
"Oh, thank you so much! I'm Phanny." the old woman said cordially, shaking his hand.
"I'm Fitcher. This is Pearl Lione, who I'm escorting to the Empire." he said. Pearl smiled and shook the woman's hand.
"Nice to meet you both." Phanny said, sitting down next to them. She cringed. "Oh, my bad back!"
Fitcher cringed as well, but his back was just fine. This was going to be a looonng journey.
