Phoenix Rising 1 conclusion
When the children came downstairs the next morning, they found the adults
already sitting down to breakfast. Mrs. Weasley called out a pleasant, "Good
morning!" and set four more plates on the table. Mr. Weasley was drinking a cup
of coffee and reading the Daily Prophet. Blackmore was eating only some fresh
fruit and toast, but Bane was gorging himself on a plateful of sausages.
"Don't eat so fast or you'll choke to death, you greedy little pig," Blackmore
scolded, poking her familiar in his now-rounded belly.
Sirius's plate of eggs and sausages lay untouched while he glared at the couple
sitting across the table from him. Snape was working on a cup of coffee and a
couple of the pastries left over from last night's dessert. Lupin had a plate
heaped with eggs, sausages, and toast, and every now and then he would lift his
fork, but had trouble getting the food to his mouth, because apparently he could
not take his eyes off of Snape. He was beaming happily at his lover, and looked
healthier than Harry had ever seen him before: his face was unmarked, except by
the faint smile lines around his mouth and eyes; his blue eyes were bright and
alert; and his skin had a healthy flush to it--in fact he was positively
glowing.
Lupin attempted to stab a sausage with his fork, but missed since he wasn't
looking at his plate. "Will you please stop staring at me, Lupin?" Snape asked
irritably.
"Sorry, Severus," Lupin said agreeably enough, but didn't take his eyes off
Snape's face. Snape scowled and bit into an eclair. "You've got cream on your
face," Lupin observed, then helpfully reached over and brushed his thumb against
the corner of Snape's mouth to wipe away the cream.
"LUPIN!" Snape howled, turning red. He raised his hand, as if to slap Lupin's
hand away, then froze mid-gesture. He slowly lowered his hand back to the table,
and let Lupin wipe the cream off his mouth. "I do have a napkin, you know," he
said, in a sullen but subdued voice.
Lupin just smiled, slowly and sensually licking the cream off his thumb in a way
that made all four children blush deeply. Snape's face turned even redder as he
indignantly shouted, "LUPIN!" and Sirius, who had just taken a sip of his
coffee, choked and sprayed it all over the table. Fortunately, neither Mr.
Weasley nor Mrs. Weasley saw this, because Mr. Weasley's newspaper had been
blocking his view of the table, and Mrs. Weasley had turned away to get a fresh
pan of eggs and sausages.
"What's going on here?" she asked in a puzzled and suspicious voice.
"Nothing," Lupin said sweetly, his blue eyes wide and guileless. Snape snorted
but said nothing, and Sirius just scowled and wiped up the coffee he'd spat out
on the table.
"Behave yourself, Mr. Lupin," Blackmore scolded, but her eyes were dancing with
laughter.
Mrs. Weasley gave Lupin another suspicious look as she heaped the children's
plates with food, and said in a disapproving tone, "You really should eat
something a little more healthy for breakfast, Severus."
He scowled at her ferociously and snapped, "Stick to mothering the children,
Molly," then exclaimed, "Ouch!" as Lupin kicked him under the table.
"Be nice, Severus," Lupin said. "Besides, you should set a good example for the
children."
"Look who's talking," Snape said, giving Lupin a sour look.
"I don't know what you mean, Severus," Lupin said innocently, and actually
fluttered his eyelashes at Snape. Sirius choked on his coffee again. Snape
scowled and took another bite of his eclair, hastily wiping his mouth with his
napkin afterwards before Lupin could wipe anymore stray cream off his face.
Lupin just grinned and turned his attention to his own breakfast, tucking into
his food heartily.
"My, but you have a good appetite this morning, Remus," Mrs. Weasley said with a
smile as she poured some orange juice for the children, then sat down to her own
breakfast.
"The wolf is hungry," Lupin said, giving Snape a sly smile. Snape choked on his
food, and Lupin patted him on the back, saying solicitously, "Are you all right,
Severus?"
Snape managed to swallow, then gasped, "Yes, but I think I'll finish eating in
my room!" He picked up his plate and coffee cup, and left the table in a huff,
his black robes swirling around him. Lupin shrugged, feigning a look of innocent
confusion, and continued eating.
"'Remus was a good boy,'" Sirius muttered, repeating Blackmore's words from the
night before. "Hah!" He turned to Blackmore and said, "Remus is not the little
angel you think he is."
Blackmore just looked amused and said, "Severus needs to lighten up a little. It
won't kill him to develop a sense of humor."
"Oh, he has one," Lupin said between bites of food. "It's just a rather dark
sense of humor, that's all."
"His idea of a good time is handing out detention," muttered Ron under his
breath.
"Ron!" Mrs. Weasley scolded, and Lupin chuckled.
"I've always loved Severus's sharp Slytherin wit," he said.
"Is that what you call it?" Sirius asked sarcastically. "All those times he was
insulting us, he was just being witty? 'Sharp wit'--right; sharp like a knife!"
"Razor-sharp," Lupin agreed with a smile, and Sirius gave up, shaking his head
in disgust.
The children exchanged incredulous looks; surely Lupin loved Snape for more than
his 'sharp wit'. They were dying to ask him what that might be, but figured Mrs.
Weasley would squelch that line of questioning if they brought it up now. It
would have to wait until they could catch Lupin alone...
A couple of hours later, the children were sent upstairs to their rooms as the
Order members began arriving for the meeting. They protested that they were old
enough to attend as well, but their arguments fell on deaf ears.
"We fought the Death Eaters, Mom," Ron complained.
"And almost got killed doing so!" his mother said, glaring at him.
"Not to mention that you showed extremely poor judgment in running off to the
Ministry by yourselves," Snape pointed out coolly.
"They're not the only ones who showed poor judgment," Sirius said, giving Snape
a pointed look. They glared at each other.
"Upstairs! NOW!" Blackmore barked out, and the four children found themselves
running up the stairs before they knew what was happening.
"Both Snape and Blackmore at Hogwarts--boy, is next year ever going to be fun,"
Ron said sarcastically.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Very impressive, Branwen," Snape said as he watched the children scurry
upstairs.
"Why thank you, Severus," Branwen replied with a grin. "You're not so bad
yourself."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "I really feel sorry for your students next year," he to
her as they filed into the meeting room. "Try not to terrorize Harry and the
others too much."
Bane croaked with laughter, and Branwen patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Don't
worry; they're much tougher than you think, Sirius. They did survive five years
with Severus, after all. Well, four in Ginny's case."
"I heard that, Branwen," Snape said sourly as he took a seat at the table.
"I meant you to, dear," she said serenely, sitting next to him.
Lupin laughed as he took the seat on the other side of Snape, who scowled and
said, "Oh, shut up, Lupin."
Soon all the members had arrived, and Dumbledore called the meeting to order. "I
understand you have some important information for us, Severus?"
"Yes," said Snape, and everyone stared at him. The welts had faded considerably,
but were still visible on his face.
"What happened to you, Severus?" Tonks asked in concern. "Did You-Know-Who do
that to you?"
"It's not important, and furthermore, it's none of your business," he said
curtly. "As for my news, Gwydion Donner has just been appointed to a position in
the Ministry of Magic, in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Now that
the Dementors are no longer protecting Azkaban, the Ministry needs spells to
take their place, spells that will keep the prisoners from escaping. Gwydion has
been assigned to help develop those spells."
"Yes, I just heard about it myself," Shacklebolt said with a scowl. "It's like
putting the fox in charge of the henhouse!"
"There's got to be something we can do to stop him," Tonks said, sounding very
upset. "We can't let a Death Eater work at the Ministry!"
"It's not like there weren't several working there up until recently," Snape
pointed out.
"When I found out," Shacklebolt said, "I tried to convince the powers-that-be
that hiring Donner wasn't such a good idea, but Gwydion is a respected wizard
with a real talent for magical research. They won't fire him for no good
reason."
"If Severus testifies against him--" Tonks began.
"No," Dumbledore said firmly. "Severus would be in grave danger if he did, and
we would no longer have a spy in Voldemort's camp."
"Besides," Branwen said cynically, "it would be Severus's word against Gwydion's,
and Gwydion is much more popular than Severus. Nothing short of questioning
under Veritaserum will get Gwydion to admit the truth, and his family has too
much influence for the Ministry to obtain such a warrant."
"So we're just going to do nothing?" Tonks asked indignantly.
Goewin Donner said quietly, "I can testify against Gwydion if necessary."
"I'm sorry, Goewin, but your testimony would be worthless," Shacklebolt said.
"It's only hearsay, since you didn't witness the Death Eaters' meetings, but
heard about it secondhand from Snape."
"That's not what I'm talking about," she said, her face turning red. "Gwydion
once used unlawful magic, to bind another person against their will, in order to
facilitate a rape."
The room erupted with startled exclamations. "What? When?" asked a startled
Shacklebolt. Then seeing Goewin's red face, he remembered the rumors he'd heard
when she had married the much older Mathias Donner. There had been many wild
rumors floating about--some people said that Mathias had become hopelessly
infatuated with his young apprentice, others whispered that one or both of his
nephews had "dishonored" the girl, and that he was marrying her to save her
reputation. "Oh," Shacklebolt said softly, giving Goewin a sympathetic look. He
noticed Snape giving her a similar look; the Potions Master had been one of the
few people who hadn't looked surprised at Goewin's announcement, and Shacklebolt
recalled that he had been a friend of Ariane Donner's lover; he had probably
known the truth all along.
"The charges are too old to stick at this point, I'm afraid," Dumbledore said
gently. "I fear it would accomplish nothing, save to earn the enmity and
suspicion of the Death Eaters--and that might put Dylan at risk."
"Then what should we do, Albus?" Goewin asked softly.
"If we get rid of Gwydion," Dumbledore said thoughtfully, "Voldemort will
probably find another way to place a spy within the Ministry eventually. Perhaps
it is better this way; at least we know who the spy is, and can keep an eye on
him."
"I don't like leaving him in such a key position," Shacklebolt said with a
scowl. "He's going to use his position to break the Death Eaters out of
Azkaban."
"Of course he is," Snape said coolly. "That is why the Dark Lord wanted him
there, after all." Shacklebolt and several other Order members glared at him,
and he continued calmly, "But the Dark Lord would find a way to free the
prisoners even without Gwydion. It might be harder, and take longer, but
eventually he would find a way to do it. Let us consider how we might use
Gwydion, perhaps feed him misinformation..."
"Very good, Severus," Branwen said approvingly, and Snape smiled slightly.
"I still don't like it," Shacklebolt muttered.
"Nor do I," Tonks agreed. "But I suppose we have to make the best of it. Have
you any idea when the break-in is going to take place, Severus?"
"Not right away," he replied, "so we have some time to prepare. Gwydion is
afraid of being exposed, so the Dark Lord has agreed to wait 'a suitable
interval' so that Gwydion will not be a suspect when the prisoners escape. I
think we have at least a month, and probably more. The Dark Lord is in no rush
to free them; he is annoyed at them for allowing themselves to be captured, and
said it won't hurt them to 'cool their heels' in prison for awhile."
"Well, at least that gives us some leeway," Shacklebolt muttered.
"Oh, and by the way, the Dark Lord told Gwydion to find a way to shift the blame
for the escape to someone else, so I think it's quite likely that he'll try to
frame someone for it. One of his coworkers, or perhaps one of the guards."
"Lovely," muttered Shacklebolt. "Very well, we'll be on guard."
"Anything else, Snape?" wheezed Elphias Doge.
"Nothing except that the Dark Lord is very distressed to learn that Branwen is
both alive and will be teaching at Hogwarts again." Branwen smiled wickedly, and
Snape warned her, "He's ordered me to keep a close eye on you, and to try to
discredit you."
"By all means, go ahead and discredit me, if it will pacify the Dark Lord," she
said cheerfully. "People have been saying nasty things about my family for
generations."
"He's a little afraid of you, I think," Snape said. "He was quite put out that I
couldn't give him any details about your disappearance."
Branwen's playful expression quickly turned sober. "I'm sorry if that caused you
trouble, Severus," she said quietly. She paused to think for a minute. "You
can't tell him the whole truth, of course, but feel free to hint that I used
Dark Magic or summoned a demon."
"If you were whisked off by a demon, how did you escape?" Snape asked
sardonically.
"Hmm," she said thoughtfully, then brightened. "Perhaps I was not hiding from
Voldemort, but from the demon I summoned. I fled while he was tearing apart the
Death Eaters."
"For fourteen years?" Snape asked skeptically.
"Demons have long memories," she said. "Or...perhaps the demon was dazzled by my
beauty," she grinned, "and took me as his lover." She received several wide-eyed
looks of horror and fascination from her fellow Order members. "I spent fourteen
years as his leman, but eventually he tired of me and sent me home." Snape
raised an eyebrow. "Well, you and I can discuss it in more detail later, and see
if we can come up with something convincing..."
"I don't think you should come up with too pat a story," Lupin said. "You should
remain a little mysterious, and besides, Voldemort will expect you to be
suspicious of Severus; it would be out of character for you to confide too much
in him."
"Very good, Remus," Branwen said, as if praising one of her students. "We shall
come up with a few tantalizing hints to throw to the Dark Lord; let me think
about it some more."
"With your imagination, maybe you should take up a second occupation as a
novelist," Snape muttered. "Your last idea sounded like a lurid romance tale..."
"'I Was a Demon Lord's Love Slave,'" she laughed. "Has a nice ring to it."
Shacklebolt cleared his throat impatiently. "Anything else?"
"Are you making any headway on your diplomatic missions, Remus?" Emmeline Vance
asked.
"Not much," he admitted. "The Japanese wizards are still a little leery of
getting involved. Right now they're doing divination rituals, seeking signs and
portents to tell them whether they should ally with us or not." Professor
McGonagall gave a disdainful little sniff at that remark, and Lupin smiled.
"Their seers seem to be a little more talented than ours," he said. "Certainly
more accurate than Professor Trelawney. Professor Kamiyama's granddaughter
definitely has the true Sight." He smiled again, remembering Miyako's
declaration that he and Snape were bound together by a mystical red thread,
which meant they were destined to be lovers.
"Well then," Sirius said a little dubiously, "let's hope their visions tell them
they should join us. If they have any sense, they'll realize Voldemort is
eventually going to be a threat to them, too."
"As for the non-humans," Lupin sighed, "they remain suspicious. They want proof
of our goodwill before committing themselves to our cause." He turned to
Dumbledore and said urgently, "The Ministry really needs to make some
concessions to them, or there's a very strong chance that they'll turn to
Voldemort instead. Why should they risk their lives for us, if they're still
going to be treated like second-class citizens at best?"
Dumbledore sighed wearily. "Believe me, I am trying, but it takes time to undo
hundreds of years' worth of prejudices."
"Time we don't have," Sirius said impatiently. "Voldemort will run right over
the Ministry while they're wasting their time debating endlessly in their little
committees!"
"The changes we are proposing will alter the very fabric of our society,"
Dumbledore replied, "so naturally they are frightened--"
"Well, the changes Voldemort intends to make will be a lot worse than granting
equal rights to non-humans!" Sirius exclaimed in frustration.
"Yes," Dumbledore agreed gravely, "and that is why, in the end, I think they
will give in."
"Let's just hope it won't be too late by the time they wise up," Sirius said
darkly. "Voldemort will likely be making overtures to the non-humans as well,
and you can bet he won't waste time organizing a task force or a fact-finding
committee..."
"Yes, things tend to get done a lot faster when you can kill anyone who
disagrees with you," Snape said dryly, and Sirius snorted and actually smiled,
albeit cynically.
"Well, I have obtained an exemption for Remus to teach at Hogwarts," Dumbledore
said, "and it is likely the anti-werewolf legislation Umbridge enacted will be
set aside entirely." The Headmaster smiled, his eyes twinkling, and added, "Umbridge
was not a Dark Wizard, but she was a pawn of Lucius Malfoy, and I don't think
the Ministry would like that information to be made public."
"Blackmail, Albus?" McGonagall asked, raising an eyebrow, but there was a faint
smile playing around the corners of her mouth.
"If that's what it takes," Dumbledore said firmly. He was still smiling
pleasantly, but there was something hard and implacable in his eyes now.
There were a few other minor items to discuss, and then the meeting was
adjourned. As the other wizards filed out, Snape went over to have a quiet word
with Dumbledore.
"The Dark Lord has been in a bad mood of late," he said, then gestured at his
face. "He did this, because he was displeased by the lack of information I had
for him."
"I'm sorry, Severus," Dumbledore said, looking concerned.
"I wasn't fishing for sympathy," Snape growled. "Although for my own safety, I
would like to have more substantial information to pass on next time."
Dumbledore nodded. "I will provide you with some rumors that will hopefully
appease Voldemort."
"But I fared better than my fellow Death Eaters who had nothing to offer him
today," Snape continued. "He inflicted curses worse than mine on them, including
Bellatrix Lestrange." He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. "She was
always the most loyal of all the Death Eaters, but yesterday she looked
frightened...and resentful."
"Interesting," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard.
"It's highly unlikely that any of them will turn on the Dark Lord, however
resentful they might be," Snape cautioned, "for they fear him too much."
"But now they see that their loyalty is not repaid in kind," Dumbledore said,
"and a decrease in morale among the Death Eaters can only benefit us. Thank you,
Severus, and please continue to watch for signs of discontent. This could be
very useful..."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
The children peered over the second-floor banister, saw the wizards departing,
and figured it was safe to go downstairs. They heard concerned murmurs about
"the Ministry" and "Azkaban," but all conversation ceased when they spotted the
children coming down the stairs. Professor McGonagall smiled and nodded at them,
and Tonks cheerily waved at them as she left, but no one stopped to speak to
them.
"They treat us like kids," Ron muttered resentfully.
"We ARE kids," Hermione pointed out.
"We're practically adults," Ron protested. "We'll be graduating in a couple of
years. And we fought the Death Eaters--"
"Shh," Hermione hushed him, seeing Snape talking to Blackmore and Lupin. Ron
fell silent, and they listened, hoping to overhear something interesting.
"I've got to go to Diagon Alley to pick up the ingredients--" He broke off,
seeing the children watching from the bottom of the staircase, glared at them,
and finished, "--for that potion."
"Wait a minute, Severus," Blackmore said. "Those welts are still visible; let me
cast a quick glamor on you." She muttered a charm under her breath and flicked
her fingers in Snape's direction, and the welts vanished.
"Impressive," Lupin murmured, as Snape examined his hands and nodded.
"Is a--what did she call it--a glamor that hard to cast?" Harry asked.
"Normally, no," Hermione answered. "But she did it without a wand, and that is
impressive!"
"Thank you, Branwen," Snape said, and then left.
Lupin headed upstairs, smiling at the children as he passed by them. They looked
at each other. "Now's our chance to talk to Lupin when Snape's not around,"
Ginny said eagerly.
"I'm not really so sure I want to hear the details of Snape's love life," Ron
said, making a face.
"Well, I'm going to talk to him," Ginny said in a determined voice. "But you
don't have to come if you don't want to."
She and Hermione started after Lupin. Harry and Ron hesitated for a moment, then
Harry said, "Well, I am curious to know why Lupin puts up with him--and you know
how smug the girls will be if they know something we don't."
"True," Ron agreed, and they hurried after the girls.
"Professor Lupin," Hermione was saying, "could we talk to you for a moment?"
"Of course," he said with a smile. "Why don't you come up to my room?"
Lupin's room was neat and simply furnished. There was a bookcase filled with the
sort of magical texts one might expect a Hogwarts teacher to have, but also
foreign language texts and dictionaries, novels, Japanese comic books, and
suprisingly, a portable CD player and a stack of CDs on the bottom shelf. The
empty spaces on the shelves were decorated with small wooden figurines of foxes
and wolves; a pair of wolves--one brown, one black--were tied together with a
red cord that was wrapped around their necks. On Lupin's desk were more books,
rolls of parchment, and the jeweled music box that had provided the music
Blackmore and Snape had waltzed to last Christmas. Another reminder of that
Christmas hung on the wall above Lupin's desk: the scroll Snape had given him,
of a simple black ink drawing of a wolf.
"Have a seat," Lupin said, taking a seat at his desk. "I'm afraid I only have
one extra chair, but you can sit on the bed, if you don't mind."
Ron turned a little red, having a fleeting image on Snape and Lupin sharing that
bed, which he quickly tried to push out of his mind. He hastily took the free
chair, and the girls and Harry sat on the bed.
"What can I do for you?" Lupin asked cheerfully.
"Um..." said Ginny, blushing furiously, suddenly shy despite her curiosity.
Hermione felt a little tongue-tied as well, but it didn't seem like anyone else
was going to speak up, so she said, "Well, um, last night was kind of a
shock..."
"Yes, I'm sure it was," Lupin agreed, a mischievous twinkle in his blue eyes.
"I'm sorry if you were startled, but I really wasn't expecting Severus
to...ah...be so demonstrative." He grinned widely as the children blushed. "But
I'm glad he did, because I was tired of hiding it, and I believe the four of you
are mature enough to understand the need to keep it confidential."
"Yes, sir," Hermione said, her face still pink. "But...we were wondering...you
see, it was such a surprise, because we thought Professor Snape hated you."
"Well, he did and he didn't," Lupin said, still grinning. "It's rather
complicated. Branwen told me she explained a little of it to you last night...?"
"A little," Hermione replied. "She told us that the two of you, uh, 'grew close'
when she teamed you up on that class project, and we know that Professor Snape
turned against you because of Sirius's prank..." Lupin's expression sobered
slightly. "And she told us that Professor Snape created the Wolfsbane Potion for
you, and that you two got back together when you were teaching at Hogwarts."
"Is that really true?" Ron finally blurted out. "He acted like he hated you! And
he got you fired!"
"Why did you forgive him, after that?" Harry asked in a quieter voice.
Lupin sighed. "As I said, it's rather complicated. And Severus would be upset if
I shared certain...er...personal details with you."
"It's just..." Harry stumbled over his words, trying to find a polite way to
phrase his question. "It's hard to understand why you, um, like Professor Snape
so much when he's so...um..."
"When he doesn't seem to treat you very nicely," Hermione finished.
Lupin smiled at them. "Surely by now you must have realized there is more to
Severus than what you see on the surface. The sarcasm, the insults, the outward
bluster--to some extent it is a cover; he does need to preserve the fiction that
he is a Death Eater, and Slytherins are taught not to reveal their true emotions
too easily, for fear of being manipulated--or so I am told." Ron and Harry still
looked skeptical, and Lupin admitted, "And part of it is his real personality.
He does not suffer fools gladly, and he can hold a grudge till Judgment Day, but
he has his good points, too." Lupin smiled nostalgically. "When we were in
school, I was impressed by his passion for knowledge and his sharp Slytherin
wit. And I loved the way he would always swirl his robes around him whenever he
wanted to make a dramatic exit." The children looked at him as if he had lost
his mind, and he laughed. "Well, it's a bit hard to explain; Sirius and the
others never understood either, no matter how many times I tried to explain it
to them. Maybe it was because Severus let down his guard with me, and let me see
a side of him that no one else saw. We both felt a little lonely and out of
place at Hogwarts, I think, for different reasons...perhaps our pain drew us to
each other."
The children were silent for a long moment, then Harry finally asked, "If he
hated you all those years because he thought you were in on the prank, what
finally changed his mind?"
Lupin paused, seeming to choose his words carefully. "I thought he hated me,
which he did, but he also still loved me at the same time. If I had known that,
I would never have let him go so easily." Lupin's blue eyes looked sad and
haunted. "But I began to suspect, when I began corresponding with Naoto Kamiyama,
the creator of the Wolfsbane Potion, and he told me that he had an anonymous
collaborator who worked at Hogwarts. I knew Severus was the only person at
Hogwarts capable of making such a potion. Even so, he could not let go of his
anger towards me when I began teaching there, until one day near the full moon I
grew very sick and almost fainted in his presence." Lupin smiled tenderly. "That
was, you might say, the turning point. His concern for me overrode his anger.
But we kept up the pretense of being enemies, so that his cover wouldn't be
exposed."
"And when he got you fired?" Harry prompted.
Lupin sighed, pushing his hair back from his face. "Well, he didn't exactly get
me fired...I resigned. But I know what you mean, Harry. He has always hated
Sirius, especially after that prank, and he believed that I had betrayed him by
helping Sirius."
"How could you forgive him?" Ron demanded.
"Because I love him," Lupin said softly. "And because he was genuinely
remorseful about it. He acted rashly, but I know how badly Sirius hurt him, hurt
us both, when he broke us up by sending Severus to the Shrieking Shack. And
because I know I hurt him too, even though I didn't mean to, even though it was
for a good cause, to save an old friend from a wrongful imprisonment. We forgave
each other. That is what it means to love someone, Ron. People only live
happily-ever-after in fairy tales. In real life, even people who love each other
very much will have arguments, and hurt each other on occasion. But if you truly
love them, you don't keep score of your grievances. Surely you have argued with
your siblings and your friends from time to time, but you still love them, don't
you?"
"None of them ever did anything that bad to me," Ron started to protest, but
Hermione interrupted.
"Don't you remember how you and Harry had that stupid fight over how you
wouldn't believe that he didn't put his name into the Goblet of Fire?" she asked
impatiently. "But he forgave you, even though you basically called him a liar.
He didn't even make you apologize." Ron turned red.
"And I heard how many of your friends and classmates thought you were lying or
crazy when you said Voldemort had returned after the Tournament," Lupin said
quietly to Harry. "But in time they realized the truth, and you forgave them."
"I suppose," Harry muttered.
"Well," Lupin sighed, "you don't have to like Severus. I suppose very few of his
students do." Despite his words, he looked a little disappointed, and Harry
somehow felt guilty although he wasn't sure exactly why. "But try to keep in
mind that there is more to Severus than meets the eye, and that he is a man of
honor. He has risked his life to spy on the Death Eaters, both now and in the
past. And however badly he treats you, Harry, however much he hated your father,
he has still worked very hard to protect you because of the debt he feels he
owes to James--and because, however little he shows it, he cares about his
students. He would never let harm befall a child in his care if he could prevent
it."
The four children stared dubiously at each other for a moment, then Hermione
said, "Well, he did stop Crabbe from choking Neville to death when we were all
being held in Umbridge's office."
"Yeah, but he said it was because he didn't want to have to fill out 'a lot of
tedious paperwork,'" Ron muttered.
"Yes, that sounds like Severus!" Lupin laughed. "He would die of embarrassment
if anyone caught him performing a good deed for altruistic reasons!" In a more
serious voice he said, "And don't forget that Severus helped to create the
Wolfsbane Potion for me, and that he risked his own life to save Sirius, for my
sake. Don't be fooled by that sinister act he puts on, because it is an act, and
not the real man. He is bitter and cantankerous, but also brave, honorable, and
loyal." Lupin smiled. "Try to keep that in mind, the next time he gives you
detention or docks points from you in class, or says--" Lupin mimicked Snape's
deep, threatening voice. "--'I swear I'll kill you for that!' Because he's said
that to me many times, and he's never yet followed through on it! And I've never
heard of any of his students mysteriously disappearing, either."
Lupin laughed, but Hermione noticed his eyes flicker briefly towards the stack
of books on his desk, and she stood up and said, "Well, I'm sure you must have a
lot of work to do, Professor. Thank you for taking the time to talk to us."
"Well, I do have many preparations to make before school starts," Lupin
admitted. "But I am always happy to talk with you."
As they stood and prepared to leave, Harry said, "I'm really glad you're coming
back to Hogwarts, Professor Lupin."
"We all are," Ginny said earnestly, and Ron and Hermione voiced their agreement
as well.
"Thank you," Lupin said, smiling at them warmly. "I'm looking forward to
teaching all of you again."
"Maybe Professor Snape will be nicer next term, since he'll be happy that
Professor Lupin will be at school with him," Ginny said hopefully after they had
left Lupin's room.
"Hah!" Ron snorted. "I wouldn't bet on it! He and Lupin were together the first
year Lupin was teaching, don't forget, and he was as nasty as he's always been.
I still don't understand why Lupin likes him, but as long as they aren't making
out in the halls, I'll be happy!"
Ginny giggled. "Don't worry, it's supposed to be a secret. Besides, I'm sure
they wouldn't want to traumatize any impressionable young students!"
"I feel plenty traumatized," Ron grumbled as Ginny and Hermione laughed at him.
He and Harry exchanged a look of disgust and said, "Girls!"
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Snape began working on the Mind Restoration Potion in the room he had claimed in
the house as his workroom. Black had not raised any objections since he also
used it to brew Lupin's Wolfsbane Potion. He was pleased when Branwen offered to
help him, because the Mind Restoration Potion was incredibly tedious and
difficult to brew: if the ingredients were not prepared properly, were added at
the wrong time or in the wrong proportions, if the cauldron was not kept at just
the right temperature, if the potion was stirred too much or too little--the
slightest mistake would render the potion useless, wasting a great deal of money
and weeks of work. Also, a few of the ingredients were poisonous if used in too
great a quantity; not that Snape would care if he accidentally poisoned Gilbert
Donner, but the Dark Lord would probably be upset with him...
"I appreciate the help, Branwen," Snape said. "It's a royal pain to brew, even
worse than the Wolfsbane Potion. And while I don't mind putting in the effort
for Lupin's sake, I do mind wasting my free time on the Donner brothers."
"Well, you have to do the actual brewing," Branwen replied, "but at least I can
help you prepare the ingredients. I have a minor talent for Potions, but there
are only a handful of wizards in the entire world who are able to make this
potion, and you are one of them, Severus. I am very impressed; you have truly
earned the title of Potions Master." Snape preened, looking pleased with
himself. But his pleasure was short-lived, because Branwen added, "You know, you
might consider having Hermione help you prepare the ingredients as well."
Snape scowled. "She's only a student. And we aren't supposed to be involving the
children in Death Eater business."
"Well, you don't have to tell her what it's for," Branwen said. "And she's
certainly capable enough. I've watched her work, and she's always very careful
and precise. Besides, you had Dylan help you with it at Hogwarts, didn't you?"
"Yes," Snape said sullenly. "But Dylan knows when not to ask questions. Miss
Granger and her friends suffer from an overabundance of curiosity and a severe
lack of common sense."
"Well, it's your decision, of course," Branwen said indifferently. "But it would
give you a little more free time for the Occlumency lessons, and of course more
time to spend with Remus..." She kept up that casual demeanor, but there was
just a hint of mischief in her green eyes. "You might also consider allowing her
to assist us on the Wolfsbane Potion, since that is not a secret."
Snape didn't like the idea, but it was tempting, since every minute he spent
with Lupin was precious to him. "I'll think about it," he growled, and Branwen
didn't press him further.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
One evening after dinner, Lupin and Sirius stayed behind in the kitchen to do
the dishes, and Hermione saw Snape wander off to the drawing room alone. The
other children gathered together in Harry's room to play a game of Exploding
Snap, but Snape had been in a fairly good mood at dinner, and Hermione saw a
rare opportunity to ask him some questions she'd had about the Advanced Potion
Brewing textbook he and Lupin had given her for Christmas. She retrieved the
book from her room, and found Snape sitting on the couch in the drawing room
reading a book of his own.
"Professor Snape?" Hermione asked hesitantly.
"What is it?" he asked irritably.
"I have a question about the Prophecy Potion. It calls for belladonna, black
hellebore, and henbane, but aren't those all poisonous?"
"We haven't covered that in class," Snape said, frowning and looking a little
alarmed. "I hope you aren't thinking about experimenting with it! It's extremely
dangerous, and can only be safely made by a very experienced potion brewer."
"I know," Hermione replied. "Don't worry, I would never do anything so foolish.
But I was reading about it in the book you gave me for Christmas--"
"It was Lupin's gift, not mine!" Snape snapped.
"Yes, all right, Professor Lupin's book," she said agreeably. "But I was reading
about it, and I was curious, does this potion--and the other Divination-type
potions in the book--really work? Professor Trelawney never mentioned them--"
"Professor Trelawney is a fraud," Snape said sourly.
"Well then, wouldn't she want to use potions like these to help her see real
visions?" Hermione asked. "Or are these potions fraudulent, too? But you
wouldn't have given me a book on fake potions--"
"I didn't give you the book, Lupin did!" Snape snapped again.
"Yes, but about the potions--"
"Oh, very well," Snape grumbled. "I see I'll get no peace until I explain it to
you." Hermione very cautiously sat next to Snape on the couch as he muttered
something about how Dumbledore ought to be paying him overtime. He took the book
from her and opened it to the page that covered the Prophecy Potion. "You are
right that belladonna, hellebore, and henbane are all poisonous in the wrong
dosage," he said, in that haughty, didactic tone he used in his classroom as
Hermione listened attentively. He seemed to find her attentiveness gratifying,
or at least mollifying, and he relaxed a little as he continued to lecture,
"That is why they should only be handled by an expert, or under the close
supervision of an expert. If you will recall, hellebore was an ingredient that
you used to brew the Draught of Peace in class last year."
"Yes, sir," Hermione murmured.
"Can you tell me the properties of hellebore, black hellebore in particular,
Miss Granger?"
She obediently recited, "Black hellebore should be handled with extreme caution,
as it is poisonous. In small doses, it can be used to treat nervous disorders
and hysteria, and also acts as a purgative. In higher doses, though, it acts as
a violent narcotic."
Snape almost--though not quite--smiled. "That is what these three herbs all have
in common, Miss Granger, besides being deadly poisons: they are also all
narcotics. Henbane in particular has long been associated with witchcraft and
prophecy, but I suspect many of the 'visions' those who imbibe this potion see
are more narcotic trances than true prophecy."
"Then the potion doesn't work?" Hermione asked.
"I didn't say that, Miss Granger," Snape said impatiently. "The purpose of the
narcotics is to open up the imbiber's mind and make him or her more receptive
to...er...the spiritual emanations or whatever it is that causes foresight and
prophecy. Being too grounded in logic and the mundane details of our daily lives
seems to work against the Divination process." Snape looked a little sour. "In
general, I don't think too highly of Divination, but I have met a few--a very
few--true seers. This potion does seem to help someone who already has the gift
more easily access their powers, or to awaken a latent talent that has not yet
manifested, but I'm not convinced that it will work on someone who has no talent
for Divination at all. The problem with prophetic visions in general is that
they tend to be vague and difficult to interpret to begin with, and the problem
with this potion in particular is that it is even more difficult to determine
the difference between true visions and drug-induced dreams. Still, it is an
interesting potion, and quite challenging to make." He flipped a few pages over
in the book. "But see here, this recipe is also interesting. It is less potent,
but also less dangerous."
Hermione looked down at the page he was pointing at and read the list of
ingredients. "Bay leaves?" she asked, startled. "I thought those were only used
in cooking."
"It's a relief to see that you don't know everything after all, Miss Granger,"
Snape said dryly, though without much venom, and Hermione blushed. "Yes, they
are quite tasty in a stew, but they were also used by the priestesses of Apollo
in ancient Greece to induce prophetic trance..."
Sirius was apparently in a generous mood, or perhaps Branwen had been lecturing
him again, because he had seen Lupin shoot a wistful look at Snape as he walked
off, and offered to finish the dishes alone. He was scowling a little, but
seemed sincere, and Lupin wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He
followed Severus to the drawing room, and to his surprise, found Hermione
questioning him about a potion. Lupin watched from the doorway, smiling, as
Severus tried to brush her off, then grumpily gave in and began explaining how
the potion worked to Hermione. The irritation vanished from his voice as he got
absorbed in his lecture, and Lupin grinned; it seemed that Severus's passion for
knowledge overrode his grudge against Gryffindor, and besides, he didn't really
hate Hermione as much as he liked to pretend. Severus bent over the book to
point out something to Hermione, causing his sleek black hair (shiny, not
greasy!) to fall forward over his shoulders, exposing a patch of white skin on
the nape of his neck. Lupin growled softly, and before he knew what he was
doing, he had glided forward, slipped his arms around Snape from behind, and
gently planted his lips on that enticingly exposed spot of skin...
"LUPIN!" Snape shrieked, his head jerking up as the book went flying into the
air and landed on the floor with a loud thump. Normally Hermione would have been
upset to see a book be so abused, but she was staring wide-eyed as Lupin
tightened his hold on Snape and began nuzzling his hair. "Dammit, Lupin," Snape
said, trying to free himself from the werewolf's grip, "we had an agreement,
remember?!"
"No," Lupin murmured, finding it difficult to think clearly. He sighed, pressing
his face against the side of Snape's neck. The werewolf growled contentedly,
inhaling the sharp but not unpleasant herbal scent that clung to his lover's
robes.
"You promised not to molest me in public," Snape hissed through gritted teeth as
his face turned red.
"I can't help it, Severus," Lupin said, gently nipping at Snape's neck. "Not
when it's so close to the full moon, and you're sitting there looking so
deliciously handsome..."
Hermione's eyes were bugging out; none of the texts she had read on werewolves
had ever mentioned anything like this!
"Damn it, Lupin, not in front of the children!" Snape struggled to free himself,
but Lupin was much stronger than he looked--one of the few benefits of his
lycanthropy. Lupin growled in his ear, and there was a very feral look in his
pale blue eyes. In desperation, Snape shouted, "BRANWEN!"
The sorceress came running into the room, asking anxiously, "What's wrong--?"
Then she caught sight of the Potions master struggling with the over-amorous
werewolf, and burst out laughing.
"I'm glad you find this so amusing," Snape said sourly. "But when you're done
laughing, could you PLEASE get the wolf off of me before I decide to kill him?"
Still laughing, Branwen firmly grasped Lupin's arms and pulled him off of Snape;
the werewolf whined in protest. "Behave yourself, Mr. Lupin! There are
children--well, a child--present."
Lupin struggled a few moments longer before her words sunk in. He blinked and
looked at Hermione, who was blushing deeply, looking both curious and
embarrassed. "Sorry," he said sheepishly. "The call of the moon seems to be
especially strong this month."
Intellectual curiosity won out over embarrassment, and Hermione asked, "Is that
really an effect of the full moon? The books I've read don't say anything
about--"
"That is quite enough, Miss Granger!" Snape roared. "The mating habits of
werewolves is not an accepted course of study at Hogwarts!"
Hermione quickly picked up her book and fled the room; it was obvious that Snape
was no longer in any mood to teach her about potions, although she was now much
more curious about Lupin's unusual behavior, which unfortunately Snape was even
less likely to want to discuss...
"Upstairs, Mr. Lupin," Branwen ordered, and the werewolf obediently headed to
his room.
"I think we may have improved the Wolfsbane Potion a little too much," Snape
said darkly. "I may have to start adding a sedative to it at this rate!" Branwen
began laughing again. "Laugh all you like, Branwen, but if he starts acting like
this at Hogwarts, I swear I'll turn him into a rug!"
Branwen just smiled wickedly and said, "Well then, you had better keep him
satisfied enough that he doesn't have to seek you out in public."
Snape turned beet-red, then turned on his heel and stalked out of the room,
Branwen's laughter echoing behind him. {I should have known all along that she
had demon blood!} he thought to himself sourly.
"How do you expect to keep this a secret at Hogwarts if you can't control
yourself?" Snape asked, glaring at Lupin as he entered their room.
"Sorry, Severus," Lupin said with a sheepish grin. "The wolf just kind of took
over."
"If you don't behave yourself, I'm going to add a wolfskin rug to my office
decor..."
Lupin didn't look the least bit intimidated. "It's all your fault, you know," he
protested. "You just looked so enticing, with the nape of your neck
exposed...you know how much I like that." He growled softly. "And you've been
very busy lately," Lupin added, thrusting his lower lip out in a mock-pout. "The
wolf has been feeling neglected. That is your duty, after all--to keep the beast
under control."
"I suppose it is," Snape agreed, his anger, as always, melting away in the heat
of desire. "But I'm going to make you pay for embarrassing me in front of the
girl."
"Please do," Lupin purred, looking not one bit abashed. In fact, his eyes were
bright and a little glassy, and he smiled, a feral and hungry grin, baring his
teeth at Snape.
"Bad wolf," Snape scolded, but he couldn't stop his lips from curving up into a
smile.
In response, Lupin tilted his head back, exposing his throat. "Then I submit to
you, my pack leader," he murmured.
"Dammit, Lupin," Snape growled, licking his lips. "You know I can't resist you
when you do that!" He took Lupin in his arms and bit down hard on the soft skin
of Lupin's throat.
Lupin moaned wildly. "You know I can't resist YOU, when you do THAT!" he panted.
He bared his teeth again in that wolfish grin that Snape loved so much...
Snape lost all semblance of control, shoving Lupin down on the bed and tearing
at his robes; he had obligingly worn one of his old, thin, much-darned robes,
and the cloth very satisfyingly gave way, and soon wound up in pieces on the
floor. But at this rate, Lupin was soon going to run out of those old
robes...well, he could always patch them back together again--but not too
securely, of course.
{Which one of you is the beast?} Snape's inner voice asked in amusement, but
Snape just laughed. He supposed that he had become nearly as much a slave to the
full moon and the wolf as Lupin, but he really didn't care. He joyfully embraced
his werewolf lover, willingly giving himself up to the beast (whichever one of
them that might be), the moon, and desire...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Snape and Lupin missed breakfast the next morning because despite a pleasantly
exhausting evening of lovemaking the night before, the wolf woke up "bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed"--as Snape put it (although Lupin laughingly pointed out that
the full moon wasn't till tomorrow night)--and feeling quite amorous. But
finally Snape crawled out of bed and got dressed, pleading hunger, exhaustion,
and the need to work on the Mind Restoration Potion.
"Don't go, Severus," Lupin murmured, as he came up behind Snape, slipping his
arms around Snape's waist and nuzzling his neck.
"Cut that out, Lupin," Snape growled.
"Don't you like it?" Lupin pouted.
"Yes, I do, but the Mind Restoration Potion has to be tended at regular
intervals. Besides, I've told you before, that I'm not as...ah...resilient...as
a werewolf."
Lupin laughed affectionately. "I thought you were doing just fine!"
"Yes, but I do need some time to rest in-between," Snape said dryly. "I wonder
if all werewolves are insatiable as you are?"
"I don't know, but I had better not catch you messing around with any other
werewolves, not even for the sake of scientific curiosity!" Lupin said sternly,
baring his teeth playfully at Snape.
"I love it when you're jealous, Lupin," Snape purred.
"You had better not purr at me like that, Severus," Lupin warned, "or you'll
never get out of this room!"
Snape hesitated for a moment, then reluctantly said, "Duty calls. I really do
have to tend the potion soon, or it'll be ruined, and I'll have to start all
over again."
"Very well," Lupin sighed. "But maybe after lunch...?"
"After lunch, I'm all yours," Snape promised, bowing over Lupin's hand and
kissing his fingertips in a courtly manner.
"I like the sound of that," Lupin said, grinning wickedly, and Snape hastily
left the room before his resolve could falter. It was then that he decided to
follow Branwen's advice and let Granger help them with the potion. If she was
going to pester him with annoying questions anyway, then he had might as well
put her to work. Besides, if the wolf was going to be so demanding, then he
needed every bit of spare time he could scrape together.
He went to the kitchen to get a bite to eat, and found the girl helping Branwen
and Molly clean up after breakfast, and imperiously commandeered her services.
She looked surprised, but obediently followed him and Branwen to his workroom,
while Molly watched them leave with a bemused look on her face.
Snape locked the workroom door behind them. Granger stared at him nervously
while Branwen raised an eyebrow. Snape scowled and explained, "I don't want
Lupin sneaking up on me again, especially when I'm working on the potion!" He
certainly didn't relish the thought of explaining to the Dark Lord that the Mind
Restoration Potion had been ruined because an over-amorous werewolf had startled
him while he was mixing it.
"As you wish, Severus," Branwen said calmly, although she seemed to be fighting
back a smile. Bane, sitting in his usual perch on her shoulder, cawed loudly.
Snape glared at the raven; he could swear the damn bird was laughing at him.
"And make sure that bird stays out of our way!" he snapped. Bane cawed
indignantly, but Branwen whispered something to him, and he sullenly flew off
and settled down on top of a shelf in the corner of the room.
"You will assist Professor Blackmore in preparing these ingredients," Snape said
to Granger in his usual curt voice. "You will follow our instructions, precisely
and to the letter, because the potion will be useless if the ingredients are not
prepared properly, do you understand?"
"Yes, sir," Granger said obediently. "What potion are we making?"
"That's none of your concern, Miss Granger," Snape snapped. "You will merely do
as you are told, and you are not to gossip about your work here with anyone, is
that clear?"
"Yes, sir," Granger repeated.
If Snape had been thinking more clearly, he might have phrased his words more
carefully, but he was still slightly distracted by thoughts of Lupin. If he had
ordered Hermione not to speak about the potion at all to anyone, she would have
obeyed, however much she wanted to discuss it with her friends. But to Hermione
there was a difference between "gossip"--frivolous talk, spreading rumors for
the sake of mere entertainment--and a serious discussion about life-and-death
matters that affected her and her friends personally...
Branwen could almost see the wheels turning in the girl's mind, but she merely
smiled, and said nothing to Severus.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
The next day, Snape was kept busy tending the potion and his werewolf lover. He
was supposed to give Potter another lesson, but decided to postpone it until
after the full moon had passed. He spent the entire day either in the workroom
or in Lupin's bedroom, forbidding his lover to leave the room even for meals; he
brought up trays of food from the kitchen for them. He was absolutely not going
to give Lupin another chance to molest him in front of the children again.
However, as the sun was beginning to set, the Mark on his arm began to burn--he
had been summoned by Voldemort.
"So soon after the last meeting?" Lupin asked anxiously. "Severus, this could be
dangerous--"
"It would be more dangerous to ignore his summons," Snape said grimly. "I'm
sorry, Remus, to have to leave you on the night of the full moon--"
"I'll be fine," Lupin said. "I'm more worried about you. Please be careful, my
love."
In spite of his apprehensions, and the somber mood that had fallen over them,
Snape smiled at the words "my love"; it still seemed like a miracle to him that
Lupin actually loved him. "I will," he said, giving Lupin a quick kiss. "The
potion's been working fine for two years, so there shouldn't be any problem with
the transformation, but Branwen is here in case--"
"I'll be fine, Severus," Lupin repeated firmly. "Go, before he grows angry with
you for being late. But--" His voice dropped to a whisper. "Come back to me,
Severus."
"I will, Remus," Snape said softly. "I love you. I'll be back as soon as I can."
"I love you, too, Severus," Lupin said, and Snape left.
To his infinite relief, Voldemort had not summoned him for punishment, or
because he had found out Snape was a traitor. Bellatrix Lestrange was badly
wounded--she was almost white with blood loss, and covered with numerous deep,
bleeding scratches and puncture wounds. {Bites and claw marks?} Snape wondered.
The potion Snape was making called for some rare and dangerous-to-obtain
ingredients, such as dragon scales or blood, and the potions that the Dark Lord
himself sometimes experimented with called for even stranger substances. Perhaps
Bellatrix had been gathering potion ingredients for their Master, but it didn't
really matter, at least not to Snape.
"Should I return home and bring some healing potions, my Lord?" Snape asked.
"I've given her what we had on hand," Voldemort said. "She needs something
more." He frowned down at the wounded Death Eater, looking very angry, and Snape
was grateful that the Dark Lord's anger was not directed at him. "Not that her
life is worth saving," Voldemort sneered, " but I am rather short of followers
right now..."
"Please, Master," Bellatrix whispered.
"What would you like me to do, my Lord?" Snape asked.
"Cast a Sanguis Sanatio spell to heal her," Voldemort replied. "You did it once
before, with great success, to save Bellatrix's husband, ironically enough."
Snape bowed his head to hide his surprise, and said obediently, "Yes, my Lord."
He quickly squelched the brief surge of fear he felt; could it really be a
coincidence that Voldemort was ordering him to perform the same spell he had so
recently cast to save Sirius Black? But now was not the time to think about
that, nor could he stop to think about the time he had been forced to drain a
Muggle captive's life-force in order to save Rodolphus Lestrange. Snape let his
emotions drain out of him, and looked up at his Lord through cold, black eyes,
the very picture of a loyal and ruthless Death Eater. "Who will be the
sacrificial victim?" he asked indifferently, as if it were of no more importance
to him than deciding whether to have bacon or eggs for breakfast.
Voldemort grinned, and the assembled Death Eaters cringed in terror, for this
time there were no Muggle captives present. The Dark Lord let his crimson eyes
rest briefly on each black-robed figure, then sighed and said, "Unfortunately, I
can't afford to spare any of them. Take a little from each of them, and we shall
hope that will be sufficient to restore Bellatrix."
As far as Snape knew, no one had ever attempted such a thing, and he wasn't sure
if it would work, but he was not stupid enough to express such doubts to the
Dark Lord. "Yes, Master," he said, projecting an air of confidence. "Who will be
first?"
No one looked eager to step forward, but finally one figure did, pulling up the
sleeve of his robe as he knelt down beside Snape and Bellatrix. Snape looked
briefly into the Death Eater's eyes, which were all that were visible behind his
mask; it was Rabastan Lestrange, Bellatrix's brother-in-law, and the only one of
her comrades apart from her husband--who was presently imprisoned in
Azkaban--who might be willing to risk himself for her sake. Voldemort handed
Snape a dagger, one with an ornate hilt carved in the shape of a serpent, and
Snape made a shallow cut on Rabastan's wrist, lifted his wand, and said, "Sanguis
Sanatio!" Rabastan's blood dripped into his sister-in-law's mouth, and she
swallowed, eagerly and convulsively. Some of the bloody wounds on her body began
to fade. When Rabastan began to turn pale, Snape broke off the spell and said,
"Next!" The other Death Eaters were still hanging back reluctantly, and the
healed wounds began to reopen. "Quickly!" snarled Snape.
Voldemort grabbed one of them at random and shoved him forward. The robed figure
dropped to his knees beside Snape, whimpering pathetically. "Give me your arm,"
Snape said impatiently. Wormtail thrust forward his silver hand, and Snape
snapped, "Your other arm, you dolt!" Still whimpering, Wormtail extended his
left arm, and Snape slashed it across the wrist, more deeply than he had
Lestrange's. Pettigrew screeched in pain, but Snape held his arm firmly in place
over Bellatrix's mouth, and cast the spell. Vindictively, he let Wormtail bleed
much longer than he had Rabastan, not so much because Peter Pettigrew had been
one of his childhood enemies, but more because he couldn't stand the way the
sniveling little coward kept whimpering and whining. Snape didn't like any of
the Lestranges, but at least they weren't cowards. Finally, when Pettigrew was
sheet-white and almost ready to faint, Snape broke off the spell and shoved him
away. "Next!"
As Pettigrew crawled away, sobbing and moaning, Voldemort said sharply, "The
next person who hesitates will offer up ALL of their blood for the spell, and
not just some of it!"
After that, the remaining Death Eaters all but trampled each other in the rush
to step forward, though one pair of gray eyes glared at Snape hatefully--Gwydion
Donner, no doubt--and a second pair of gray eyes--Gilbert Donner--stared at him
in terror. Snape wondered if Gilbert still thought his restored sanity was worth
the price of joining the Death Eaters, or if his former dull-witted state now
seemed like blissful oblivion. He quickly worked through the remaining Death
Eaters; the final one was Narcissa Malfoy, whose eyes no longer looked proud and
haughty, but frightened and almost humble. Although their ranks were much
reduced, it seemed that the blood offerings of the remaining Death Eaters had
been enough to save Bellatrix. She was not completely healed; there were still
half-healed scratches on her skin, but they had scabbed over and stopped
bleeding, and she was breathing evenly, some color restored to her pale face.
"She will survive," Snape said coolly as he pocketed his wand, "but there might
be some scarring."
"It will be a reminder of her foolishness and carelessness," Voldemort said,
sounding satisfied rather than displeased, and Snape repressed a sigh of relief.
"You did well, Severus," Voldemort said approvingly.
Snape bowed low. "Thank you, my Lord."
Voldemort dismissed all of the Death Eaters except for Snape, whom he asked to
remain behind, and Bellatrix, who was in no condition to move. As Narcissa left,
she whispered to Snape, "Please look after Draco at school."
"I will," he said quietly. "Let me know if you need anything."
"Thank you," Narcissa whispered, in a tone of sincere gratitude that Snape had
never heard her use before, and she Disapparated along with the others. He
turned back to Voldemort and asked, "How may I serve you, my Lord?"
"Since I have used up our current supply of healing potions, I wish for you to
make more."
"Yes, Master," Snape replied. "I have a good supply already on hand in my office
at school. I can bring it over tonight, if you wish."
"That will not be necessary," Voldemort said dismissively, looking unconcerned.
"You may owl it to me in the next day or two."
"Yes, Master."
"I would also like you to prepare some Sleeping Draught and Polyjuice Potion."
"As you wish, my Lord."
"Oh, and by the way, Severus, have you been in touch with young Mr. Rosier this
summer?"
"Yes, my Lord," Snape said without hesitation. It was better not to lie, in case
he had been spotted on the Donner estate, although he taken care to Apparate and
Disapparate within the house, out of sight of prying eyes. "I have been writing
to Ariane and Dylan, and I have stopped by the house a few times to visit the
boy. But since your return was revealed, Mathias Donner has increased the
protections on his estate, and has watched me carefully during my visits. He is
suspicious, of course, knowing of my past, but suspicions are all he has, or he
would never let me anywhere near his great-nephew."
"You know, of course, that Dylan is one of us now?" Voldemort asked in a casual
voice, but his eyes were watching Snape carefully.
"Yes, my Lord," Snape replied calmly. "The boy informed me."
"You do not disapprove? I know you thought he was too young..."
"It is not my place to disapprove, my Lord," Snape said respectfully.
"That is right," Voldemort said sternly, but he looked pleased. "And how is our
young friend adapting to his new status?"
Again, Snape settled on a mixture of truth and falsehood for his reply. "He was
very frightened at first, but I think I have been able to reassure him. It is
easier, now that I no longer have to hide my status from the boy, or avoid talk
about his father's Death Eater days. He idolizes his father, and is eager to
prove himself to be as loyal and worthy as Evan." But he knew Voldemort would be
suspicious if he portrayed Dylan as being too eager, so he added with a sly
smile, "And he is quite anxious to protect his mother. He loves her very much;
it is one of his few weaknesses." Voldemort already knew that, so revealing this
fact would do no further harm. "He has remarkable self-control and ambition for
so young a child."
Voldemort looked very smug. "You see, he is not too young, after all!"
"Clearly I was wrong, my Lord," Snape said humbly; it was time to throw in some
flattery. "I bow to your greater wisdom, Master," and literally bowed low to the
Dark Lord.
"What a silver tongue you have developed, Severus," Voldemort laughed, but
again, he looked pleased. "Do you think it will be possible to smuggle Mr.
Rosier off the estate during the summer?"
Snape hesitated. "It would be very difficult, my Lord," he said carefully. "But
if you command it, I will find a way to do it."
Voldemort gave him an approving look. "No whining, no protests that it cannot be
done--very refreshing; that is what I like about you, Severus." Snape bowed
again. "But I think that will not be necessary," Voldemort decided, after
thinking over the matter for a few moments. "No point in arousing his
great-uncle's suspicions; the boy will once again be under your control at
Hogwarts in less than two months, after all."
"As you wish, my Lord," Snape murmured, being careful to show none of the relief
he felt.
"That is all, Severus. You may go."
Snape bowed and Disapparated.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
The children, along with Sirius and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, had just sat down to
dinner, when a plaintive howl echoed through the house. It was a very eerie and
haunting sound.
"What was that?!" Ron asked, dropping his fork.
"That was Remus," Sirius said, with a look of concern on his face.
"Tonight is the full moon," Hermione pointed out.
"Yeah, but I thought the Wolfsbane Potion was supposed to keep his mind human,"
Harry said anxiously. "It's not normal for him to howl like that, is it,
Sirius?"
Hermione exchanged a look with Ginny. She had told Ginny about how "the call of
the moon" had affected Lupin in the drawing room last night, but had not
mentioned it to the boys since they insisted on acting so squeamish and immature
about Lupin's and Snape's relationship.
"No," Sirius answered Harry, frowning, and rose from his seat. "I'd better go
check on him."
Mrs. Weasley looked alarmed. "If he missed taking his potion, if he's not
safe--" she started to say.
"Everything's fine," Blackmore said, walking into the dining room. "He's just
lonely and worried, that's all. Severus was..." She hesitated, glancing at the
children and then at Mrs. Weasley. "...called away," she finished.
"Was he summoned to a Death Eater meeting?" Harry asked.
"Harry!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed, glaring at him. "I told you before, there are
things you children do not need to know!"
"But Mum--" Ron started to protest, but Blackmore cut him off.
"Molly, like it or not, the children have already been exposed to danger, and
likely will be again. Voldemort does not discriminate by age; he will show no
mercy to them because of their youth. And they aren't stupid--they know that
Severus is working as a spy, and that only a summons from the Dark Lord would
have forced him to leave Remus's side on the night of the full moon." Mrs.
Weasley opened her mouth but before she could speak, Blackmore turned to the
children and said sternly, "And you need to understand that there are some
things we cannot share with you, things that would put the lives of Order
members in danger if they were revealed."
"We know how to keep a secret!" Ron said indignantly.
"I'm not saying you would reveal it on purpose," Blackmore replied. "But if the
Dark Lord managed to break into Harry's mind, or if one of you were captured and
tortured--"
"BRANWEN!" screamed Mrs. Weasley, and Mr. Weasley said nervously, "Now, now,
Branwen, there's no need for that kind of talk around the children--"
"Yes, there is," she said firmly. "They need to understand the dangers and risks
involved in working with the Order. You want to become part of the Order--well,
it is time you learned that it is not all honor and glory, that there are risks
and responsibilities involved as well."
The children had all turned pale. "We know that," Harry said quietly.
"Especially after what happened in the Ministry. But...we are already involved.
Voldemort's been after me ever since I started at Hogwarts."
"I know, Harry," Blackmore said in a more gentle voice. "And that is why your
lessons at Hogwarts are so important; they will teach you how to protect
yourselves. You cannot become full-fledged Order members until you are strong
enough to defend yourselves against the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters, and
until you understand that each Order member may be called upon to sacrifice his
or her life someday."
The children turned even paler, and Ron and Ginny stared at their parents in
something close to horror, as the realization sank in that their parents were
not just "Mum" and "Dad" but Order members who were risking their lives in the
battle against Voldemort. Mr. Weasley had already nearly been killed last year
by the giant snake, after all...
"Enough, Branwen, please," Mrs. Weasley whispered tearfully, as Mr. Weasley put
an arm around her.
"I know you never sugarcoat your words, but you've made your point, Branwen,"
Sirius said quietly. Blackmore nodded and gave Mrs. Weasley an apologetic look,
and sat down at the dinner table without another word. There was an awkward
silence, but then Sirius cleared his throat and asked, "Maybe I should go
upstairs and check on Remus?"
"I was going to stay with him," Blackmore said, "but he practically pushed me
out of the room. I think he wants to be alone right now. But maybe after dinner
you can take a plate up to him and see if he wants some company."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Lupin informed Branwen about Severus's summons, and she stayed with him as he
transformed. She petted him in a comforting manner, and scratched behind his
ears, but it just wasn't the same as having Severus with him. He threw back his
head and howled mournfully before he could stop himself, then gave Branwen a
sheepish look.
"I know you're worried, Remus," she said. "But hopefully Severus will be back
soon. And I think he'll be safe; the Dark Lord still needs the Mind Restoration
Potion we're working on, after all."
Lupin wasn't really reassured, but he appreciated the attempt, and gave her face
a friendly swipe of his tongue. She laughed, and he butted his head against her,
pushing her towards the door. Gratifyingly, she seemed to understand the wolf
almost as well as Severus did. "Are you sure?" she asked. "You don't want me to
stay with you?" There was no point in her missing dinner, and Lupin was going to
fret no matter what, so he barked and nudged her towards the door again. "All
right," she said, pausing to give him one last scratch behind the ears. "But
come downstairs if you change your mind." She left, making sure to leave the
door slightly ajar, since the wolf was unable to grasp a doorknob.
Lupin paced around his room in restless circles, his claws clicking softly
against the floor. He fought back an urge to howl again, not wanting to scare
the children. Severus had left a spare robe draped carelessly over a chair, and
Lupin buried his nose in it and inhaled deeply, feeling a little comforted by
his lover's scent. He grasped the hem of the robe firmly with his teeth, pulled
it down to the floor, and curled up on it contentedly, like a puppy sleeping on
a favorite blanket. He made little snuffling noises as he pressed his nose
against the cloth here and there, picking up various scents--Severus's own
scent, of course; the sweet scent of lavender; the sharp, unpleasant smell of
aconite; the slightly pungent, spicy scent of rosemary; and a slightly acrid
scent that made him sneeze--hellebore, better not inhale that too deeply! Lupin
remembered Severus telling Hermione last night that it was a narcotic. He barked
out a small laugh; Severus probably wouldn't be too happy to come home and find
an intoxicated wolf in his room! Feeling much better, Lupin continued to snuffle
along the length of the robe, and caught the scent of brown sugar and chocolate.
He shoved his snout into a pocket, discovered a crumbling but still edible
chocolate chip cookie, and happily munched on it. It was probably a treat for
Bane that Severus had slipped into his pocket and forgotten about; the raven and
the Potions Master seemed to have forged an odd friendship the day they had been
left behind together when Lupin and Branwen had gone out to meet Harry at the
station. Lupin's mouth dropped open in a grin. Bane and Severus were really
quite similar when you thought about it: cloaked in black, they acted menacing,
but were more bark than bite.
Suddenly, Lupin's ears pricked up as he heard the front door open. He jumped up,
shoved the door open with his front paws, and ran downstairs.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Harry and the others were just finishing dinner when they heard a loud thump,
like something--or someone--falling to the floor, and then a loud shriek.
"That was Severus!" Molly exclaimed.
A moment later, they could hear the portrait of Mrs. Black screaming, "Filth,
scum, traitors, and beasts--begone from the house of my fathers!"
Everyone ran down to the entrance hall, for once ignoring Mrs. Black as she
screamed curses and insults at them. They found Snape lying flat on his back in
the hall, struggling with a large brown wolf.
"Oh my God!" Ron shouted. "Lupin's attacking him!"
"Was there something wrong with the Wolfsbane Potion?" Harry asked, reaching for
his wand, but Sirius grabbed his arm to stop him.
"He's in no danger," Sirius laughed. "Not unless you think Remus is going to
tongue him to death."
The children looked closer, and saw that the wolf was not trying to bite Snape,
as it had first appeared, but enthusiastically licking his face. Snape had
grasped the ruff of the wolf's neck, and was trying to wrench Lupin's head away
from his face, but without much success. "AARGH!" Snape howled. "Get off of me,
you crazy wolf! Stop drooling on me!"
Although Sirius had made it clear that he disapproved of his friend's
relationship with Snape, he seemed to find this scene vastly amusing, and
doubled over with laughter. Blackmore was laughing also, and Mr. Weasley
chuckled while his wife stared at her fellow Order members as if they had all
gone mad.
"Damn it, Black, don't just stand there!" Snape snapped. "Make yourself useful!
Argh!" He spluttered as Lupin's tongue swiped over his face again. "Get him off
of me!"
"Are you saying you want help from me, Sevie?" Sirius asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Branwen!" Snape called, but his former teacher was too busy laughing to assist
him or scold Sirius.
"Well, I suppose I do owe you one," Sirius conceded. "And I really hate being in
your debt."
"Don't think this makes us even!" Snape said, glaring at him. "I hardly
think--argh, stop that, Lupin!--that getting your best friend under control
compares to my saving your worthless hide!"
Sirius grinned down at Snape. "Do you want my help or not? Most people would
consider wrestling with a werewolf to be a very dangerous--"
"JUST GET HIM OFF OF ME!!!" Snape shrieked.
"Sirius!" Blackmore scolded weakly, still laughing.
"Oh, all right!" Sirius finally relented, and grabbed Lupin and tried to haul
him off of Snape. However, that turned out to be more difficult than he thought
it would, because the wolf was very strong, and was so relieved to see its mate
home safe and sound, that it did not want to be budged from where it was lying
on Snape's chest. Finally, he grabbed Lupin's tail and yanked hard on it.
Lupin yelped in pain, sat up abruptly, and turned to give Sirius a reproachful
look. "I think your boyfriend would like to get up off the floor, Moony," Sirius
said dryly.
Lupin looked down at Snape, who glared at the wolf and shouted, "Get off of me,
you mangy, flea-bitten cur!"
Lupin gave Snape an apologetic and slightly sheepish look, licked his face one
last time, then rolled off of his chest and allowed him to stand up. Snape wiped
his face on his sleeve and glared down at Lupin, who barked happily and wagged
his tail.
"HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME?!" screamed Mrs. Black. "FILTH, SCUM, BY-PRODUCTS OF--"
"Dirt and vileness, yes, yes," Snape finished in a bored voice. "Not to mention
half-breeds, mutants, freaks, perverts, and beasts." He stomped past the
portrait, Lupin following close on his heels, still wagging his tail.
Ginny and Hermione walked past the portrait, ignoring Mrs. Black's screams as
they giggled together. "Wasn't that cute?" Ginny laughed.
"I think it was disgusting!" Ron said, as he and Harry followed after the girls.
"So who asked you?" his sister retorted.
Blackmore was still laughing so hard that she could hardly walk. Sirius bowed
and gallantly offered her his arm. "May I escort you back to the dining room,
Milady?" She grinned and linked her arm through his, leaning on him slightly for
support. "So, how many times do you think I have to save Snape from Remus before
we're even?" Sirius asked, and Blackmore just continued laughing.
Mrs. Weasley shook her head and walked down the hall, muttering, "You'd think
they could behave like adults and set a proper example for the children..."
"Oh, it's not all that bad, my dear," Mr. Weasley replied. "Look on the bright
side, at least Severus and Sirius were cooperating for a change..."
"Hey!" Mrs. Black shouted. "HEY! COME BACK HERE! YOU CAN'T IGNORE...me..." Her
voice trailed off into a disgruntled silence. She glared at the empty hallway,
and the curtains swung shut over her portrait in a rather miffed manner.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Snape had intended to go up to their rooms, but the wolf caught the scent of
food and headed for the dining room; now that he knew his mate was safe, Lupin
discovered that he was starving. Snape reluctantly followed him, muttering
something about "a wolfskin rug" under his breath.
Lupin jumped up, placing his front paws on the table as he sniffed eagerly at
the remains of a joint of beef Molly had roasted for dinner. Ginny and Hermione
giggled as Molly swatted Lupin's nose lightly with her apron and said, "Get down
from there, Remus! I'll make you a plate." Lupin laid back his ears and sank to
the floor, looking chastened, as the girls giggled again and Snape scowled at
them.
Molly sliced several thick slabs of meat for Lupin and set the plate on the
floor. "For Merlin's sake!" Snape said indignantly. "You don't expect him to eat
off the floor like a dog, do you?!" Molly flushed, and Snape bent down to reach
for the plate, saying, "We'll eat upstairs--" He broke off mid-sentence, because
apparently Lupin had no qualms about eating on the floor, and was hungrily
devouring his meal.
"You must be hungry, too, Severus," Molly said pleasantly, fixing him a plate,
and Snape sullenly took a seat at the dining room table, glancing down to glare
at the wolf every now and then.
Branwen said, "Well, there's really no need for him to hide in his room, since
everyone knows he's a werewolf, and he's perfectly safe since he's been taking
the Wolfsbane Potion all week." Snape turned his glare on her, and she smiled
sweetly back at him.
Lupin licked his plate clean, then jumped up on the table again. "Damn it,
Lupin, get off the table!" Snape snapped. "If you're hungry, all you have do is
say so!" Lupin barked at him cheerfully, and lovingly swiped his tongue against
Snape's face. "Cut that out!" Snape said, wiping his face on his sleeve.
Sirius chuckled. "I think maybe he wants the bone?" he suggested, and Lupin
barked, wagging his tail.
Most of the meat had been sliced off it, but there were still many juicy scraps
clinging to the bone. Snape set the platter that held the bone and the remains
of the roast beef on the floor, and the wolf began gnawing on it contentedly.
Snape looked down at him sourly and muttered, "I think I need to talk to
Kamiyama about altering the potion..."
Meanwhile, Molly served dessert--a rich chocolate cake with sour cream frosting,
and Lupin looked up from his bone, sniffing the air with interest. "Isn't
chocolate bad for dogs?" she asked, hesitating over whether or not to give Lupin
a slice.
"He's a werewolf," Snape pointed out in a slightly testy voice. "They're almost
impossible to kill by normal means; he isn't going to be poisoned by a little
chocolate."
Which was just as well, because he was cadging handouts from the girls, who were
feeding him scraps from their plates, giggling as he licked cake crumbs off
their fingers. Ginny began scratching the wolf behind the ears, and Snape
snarled, "He's not a pet dog, you silly girls!" But Lupin's mouth was hanging
open in a canine grin, his eyes half-closed with pleasure, and his tail was
thumping happily against the floor. "Traitor," Snape muttered under his breath,
giving Lupin a dirty look, and he could have sworn that the wolf winked at him.
Snape ate his dessert, glowering as the girls petted and cooed over the wolf as
if he were indeed a pet dog. Branwen fed Bane half of her piece of cake; Molly
didn't bother to express any concern over the raven, who seemed to have a
cast-iron stomach. Having polished off his mistress's dessert, Bane hopped along
the table and eyed Snape's plate hopefully. "Oh no, you don't," Snape growled,
and Bane tried to look hungry and pathetic, without much success--Lupin was much
better at it, judging by the way all four children were now slipping him bits of
cake under the table. "And don't look at me like that! You're practically too
fat to fly as it is, anyway!" Bane couldn't really make puppy-dog eyes the way
Lupin did, so he settled for being annoying, and sat down in front of Snape,
staring at him unblinkingly, until the Potions Master finally gave up and shoved
his plate towards the bird.
{Potions "Master," hah!} Snape thought to himself peevishly. {I can't believe
I'm letting myself be bossed around by a bird and an overgrown dog!}
Finally, after the last crumb of cake had disappeared, Lupin was content to
follow Snape upstairs. Snape found his spare robe lying on the floor, and
complained, "You've got fur all over my robes!" Lupin leaned against him
lovingly, and proceeded to get fur all over the set of robes he was currently
wearing as well. Snape heaved an exasperated sigh. "So now you want my company?"
he asked dryly. "Are you sure you don't want to go back downstairs and beg
doggie treats from the brats?"
Lupin just looked up at him, his blue eyes filled with amusement, and Snape
could almost hear him thinking, {You don't have to be jealous, you silly git!}
As if to reassure Snape of his love, Lupin jumped up, placing his front paws on
Snape's chest, and licked Snape's face affectionately.
"Stop that!" Snape said, but he couldn't completely hold back his smile. "That's
how you knocked me over the first time!" For a change, Lupin listened to him,
and dropped back to the floor. Snape decided that he ought to encourage that
obedience, and reached down to scratch the wolf behind the ears, although he
grumbled good-naturedly, "If you don't behave yourself, next month I'll put you
on a leash!"
The wolf licked his hand, and attempted to look contrite, but Snape doubted that
his threat had made much of an impression. "Well, why should you listen to me?"
Snape sighed. "No one else in this house does." He sat down on the bed, and the
wolf jumped up beside him and flopped down in his lap. Snape sighed again, this
time with contentment, and stroked the wolf, running his hands through its
thick, soft fur. This was what he liked most about the nights of the full moon:
being alone with Lupin, and knowing how much the wolf loved him and depended on
him. It had become a habit, almost a ritual, a special moment shared only
between the two of them. That was why he had been so put out earlier; not
because Lupin had embarrassed him in front of everyone--again--but because he
didn't want to share this moment, this night, with anyone. Well, to be honest,
he hated sharing Lupin with anyone, period. As if sensing his thoughts, the wolf
looked up and gazed at him tenderly, then gave his face a gentle swipe with its
tongue. Snape laid his face against the top of the wolf's head for a moment,
feeling warm fur beneath his cheek, and murmured in a barely audible whisper, "I
love you, Remus."
The wolf's ears twitched; Lupin, like all canines, had excellent hearing. He
could not reply in his present form, of course, so he settled for giving Snape's
face another gentle lick.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Snape woke up the next morning, feeling Lupin's warm, human body pressed up
against his, and his hand reached out and touched silky hair rather than fur.
"Good morning, Severus," Lupin said, smiling at him sleepily.
"Good morning, Remus," Snape replied, appreciatively watching Lupin's lithe body
as the werewolf yawned and stretched. "I hope you intend to behave yourself
today," Snape said, striving--with rather limited success--for a stern tone of
voice; it was difficult to sound angry when Lupin was lying next to him looking
so beautiful. "The full moon has passed, so you can't blame your behavior on the
wolf." Lupin just gave him a mischievous grin and licked his face. "LUPIN!"
"Sorry, Severus," Lupin giggled. "I couldn't resist." He loved teasing the
Potions Master, and he especially loved that he was the only one allowed to get
away with doing so.
Snape glared at him blackly, and mumbled under his breath; only about half of
his words were audible: "Incorrigible beast...keep you on a leash...wolfskin
rug..."
Lupin just laughed and nuzzled Snape affectionately, saying "Don't be so grumpy,
Severus."
Snape ignored him, grumbling, "I'm going to have to talk to Kamiyama about
changing the potion; it seems to be having some unforeseen side-effects--"
"There's nothing wrong with the potion, Severus," Lupin said, looking more
serious now.
"Then why were you acting so wolfish last night?" Snape complained.
"No--'wolfish' is the wrong word; you were behaving more like a pet dog!
Honestly, Lupin, begging for scraps at the table and letting the children pet
you--"
Lupin interrupted his tirade in a quiet voice. "I was a little silly and giddy
last night," he admitted. "Partly because I was relieved to see that you were
all right, but also..." He hesitated, and Snape ceased his grumbling and fell
silent, waiting patiently for Lupin to continue. "All my life, I've hidden away
during the full moon," Lupin finally said. "Even after I started taking the
Wolfsbane Potion, and was no longer a danger to anyone, even after everyone knew
I was a werewolf, I always spent the night of the full moon locked up in my
cottage or in my room, letting no one but you or Sirius or Branwen see me. Last
night was a great relief--Molly and Arthur and the children saw me in my beast
form, but they didn't care. I didn't frighten or disgust them. You don't know
how good that felt, Severus, to be able to be with people in my wolf form, and
not have them scorn or fear me."
Whatever lingering irritation Snape might have felt instantly dissipated,
replaced by a sense of mingled tenderness, disappointment, and guilt. He knew
how much Lupin had feared and loathed the beast within, so he should be happy
that Lupin had found friends who loved and accepted him for who he was. But he
also felt a little disappointed--he had always felt smugly superior to those
narrow-minded bigots who scorned Lupin for his lycanthropy, but at the same time
he had secretly been grateful for their prejudice. It had made him feel special,
to be the only one who was willing and able to accept, even embrace, Lupin's
inner wolf, to be the only one that Lupin was able to trust and depend on.
Lupin's fear and loneliness had served to bind them closer together, and now he
felt a little resentful that he was no longer quite as special, no longer the
only person that the wolf could trust. And then of course he felt guilty, for
having such selfish and petty thoughts...
Lupin saw conflicting emotions fighting for dominance on his lover's face. "What
are you thinking, Severus?" he murmured, reaching out to caress Snape's cheek.
Snape caught Lupin's hand as it touched his cheek, and held it in place, closing
his eyes for a moment as he leaned into the caress. "I'm thinking that I'm a
little jealous," he confessed, looking shamefaced. "I always liked spending the
nights of the full moon alone with you, just the two of us. It made me
feel...well...special, somehow..."
"Oh, Severus," Lupin said tenderly. "You ARE special to me! You created the
Wolfsbane Potion for me, and made it possible for me to safely be around people
in my wolf form. You loved me--all of me, including the part of me that I had
always feared and hated. Many people tolerate me in spite of my lycanthropy, but
you were the first one who didn't just tolerate the wolf, but embraced it. You
healed me, Severus; you made me whole." He leaned in close, close enough so that
Snape could feel Lupin's breath on his face. "I love you, Severus," Lupin
whispered. "The wolf loves you. You will always be first in my heart. You will
always, always, be special to me."
Snape breathed a small sigh of relief, feeling the guilt and resentment draining
away. "I love you, too, Remus," he whispered back, then grinned. "Both of you,
the man and the wolf." Lupin grinned back at him, exposing his sharp canines. He
playfully licked Snape's cheek in wolfish fashion, then kissed him gently on the
mouth, a long and lingering kiss. Snape put his arms around Lupin and pulled him
closer, returning the kiss, which quickly turned heated and a little less
gentle.
They did not make it downstairs in time for breakfast.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
"So what's this secret project you've been working on with Snape and Blackmore?"
Harry asked Hermione one night when all the children had gathered together in
his room.
Ron made a face. "Working with Snape during summer vacation! That's even worse
than detention!"
"I don't mind," Hermione said cheerfully. "It's quite interesting, really."
"But do you have any idea what the potion is for?" Ginny asked impatiently.
"Why's it such a big secret?"
"Well, I've been forbidden to 'gossip' about it," Hermione said, "so we can't
discuss it outside of this room--"
"Gee, that's too bad, I was planning to owl Malfoy with the information," Ron
said sarcastically. "Come on, Hermione, you know we can keep a secret!"
"I don't know what it is, exactly, but I can make an educated guess, judging
from the ingredients," Hermione said. "He's had me chopping up ginger, and I saw
him add armadillo bile to the cauldron--"
"Those are ingredients for the Wit-Sharpening Potion!" Ginny exclaimed. "We
worked on it in class last term."
"But why would that be such a big secret?" Harry asked dubiously.
"It's not a Wit-Sharpening Potion," Hermione said, a little smugly. "But you're
not far off."
"Can't you just tell us?" Ron grumbled, but he knew she was going to stretch out
her story for the sake of suspense, or perhaps just because she enjoyed
lecturing. {She would probably make a good teacher,} Ron thought darkly. {It's
no wonder she's gotten so chummy with Snape and Blackmore recently!}
"But he also had me dicing black hellebore roots," Hermione continued, "and
that's not an ingredient for the Wit-Sharpening Potion."
"We used hellebore in the Draught of Peace," Harry muttered, still remembering
how he had ruined his potion by forgetting to add that particular ingredient.
"Isn't that supposed to be poisonous in the wrong dosage?" The thought had
occurred to him more than once over the years, that perhaps Snape was trying to
poison his students...
"It's a narcotic," Hermione said in a didactic tone, "sometimes used to treat
nervous disorders. We've also been distilling oil from rosemary flowers and
leaves."
"Um," Ginny said, her forehead furrowing in thought, "the properties of rosemary
are...let's see...I think I read that it was used in love potions, but of course
we aren't allowed to make those at Hogwarts..."
"That's because rosemary is a symbol of fidelity," Hermione said, "but it's also
supposed to improve one's memory."
"So Snape's making some kind of memory potion?" Harry guessed.
Hermione just smiled smugly and continued, "I've also been chopping up ginseng,
which increases alertness and reduces stress, and valerian roots. And I saw
Snape add dried primrose petals to the potion.
Harry thought hard; it had not been that long since he had studied for his
O.W.L.s. "Primrose and valerian are healing herbs, right?"
"Right!" Hermione said, grinning at him approvingly. "I've also been grinding
coriander seeds and dried lavender leaves..."
"Isn't coriander just a cooking spice?" Ginny asked.
"It's used in certain healing potions," Hermione replied, "particularly ones
that treat mental disorders. And lavender can be used to treat hysteria."
"So is it a memory potion or a healing potion?" Ron asked impatiently.
"Both," Hermione said, looking very pleased with herself. "But not just any
simple healing potion! Snape's been very adamant that the ingredients have to be
prepared just so, or the whole potion will be ruined. And it's not only herbs
that we've been preparing; Blackmore has been grinding up gemstones to put in
the potion: chrysolite, pearls, amber, moonstones, amethyst, jade--"
"Merlin's beard!" exclaimed Ron as Ginny's eyes went round with amazement.
"That's some expensive potion!"
Harry remembered the essay he had done for Snape on the properties of
moonstones. There were several different things the gem could be used for, but
one in particular stood out, keeping in mind what most of the herbs Hermione had
named had in common. "Moonstones provide mental clarity," he said slowly.
"Exactly!" Hermione said, giving him another approving smile; Harry
half-expected her to award points to Gryffindor. "So does amber. Pearls are
believed to increase wisdom, and chrysolite is supposed to cure insanity. The
properties of amethyst and jade include restoring calmness and balance to the
mind--"
"Dammit, Hermione!" Ron finally shouted in frustration. "Will you just get to
the point and tell us what the potion is?!"
Hermione gave him a slightly offended look, then sighed and said, "Oh, all
right!" She took out the fat, leather-bound textbook Snape and Lupin had given
her for Christmas. She opened it to a page near the end of the book and pointed
to it. Her friends gathered around, reading over her shoulder.
"Mind Restoration Potion?" Harry asked. "I've never heard of such a thing!"
"Nor I, till I read this book," Hermione said. "But that's not surprising,
because it's very difficult to make. Only a Master-class potion brewer--like
Snape--is capable of making this potion. It takes over a month to brew, and very
precise instructions have to be followed every step of the way, or the potion
will be ruined. Not only that, but it's very expensive to make--"
"No kidding," muttered Ron, "with all those gemstones it calls for."
"--and some of the ingredients are very rare and difficult to obtain. The herbs
and gems can be purchased easily enough, providing you have sufficient funds,
but it also calls for things like Jobberknoll feathers--"
"Used in Memory Potions and Truth Serums," Ginny said thoughtfully.
"--and the blood or scales of a Chinese Liondragon."
"Why does it have to be a Chinese dragon?" Harry asked curiously.
"Well, the book doesn't say," Hermione replied. "But in Asian folklore, dragons
are renowned for their wisdom. There are a few even weirder ingredients listed,
but you get the picture. All the ingredients have something to do with memory,
wisdom, intelligence, or healing--particularly mental healing. I haven't seen
Snape add the feathers or the dragon's blood to the potion yet, but he has some
in jars in his workroom, and they're not supposed to be added till the later
stages of the potion-brewing, anyway."
"So what exactly does this potion do?" Ron asked, peering more closely at the
book.
"It heals magical damage inflicted on the mind," Hermione answered. "Like the
Memory Charm that backfired on Professor Lockhart."
"Then why didn't they use it on him at St. Mungo's?" Ron asked. "Surely he could
afford to pay for it, even if it is expensive."
"Because the effect is only temporary," Hermione explained patiently. "And not
many people are willing to go through the time, expense, and effort of making
the potion for a temporary cure."
"So why would Snape be making this potion?" Harry wondered out loud, frowning
thoughtfully. "And why does it have to be a secret? Is it something that he's
doing for the Order, or something that he's doing for the Death Eaters?"
"Neville's parents are in St. Mungo's," Hermione said. "I've been wondering if
this potion is for them..."
Ron snorted. "Like Snape would go out of his way to help Neville!"
"Not to help Neville, no," Hermione agreed calmly. "But if the Longbottoms had
information the Order could use, Dumbledore might have ordered him to make it."
"Hmm," said Harry, thinking it over for a minute. "Maybe. But the Longbottoms
have been out of commission for years; why is it suddenly so important to cure
them now? No, I think maybe it's something to do with the Death Eaters."
"Why would You-Know-Who want Snape to brew a healing potion?" Ron asked
incredulously. "I would think he'd be more likely to have Snape make him some
poisons!"
"Maybe one of the Death Eaters got injured in the battle at the Ministry," Ginny
suggested.
"I hadn't thought of that," Ron admitted. "Could be. And some of those Death
Eaters are probably a bit balmy after spending so many years in Azkaban with the
Dementors sucking out their memories."
"Sirius was in Azkaban, too, and he's fine," Harry said defensively.
"Yes, but he wasn't affected in quite the same way," Hermione said soothingly,
"probably because he was innocent."
"And Sirius was acting a little unhinged last year," Ron muttered under his
breath.
"He's not crazy!" snapped Harry, glaring at his friend. "He was just frustrated,
from being cooped up in the house all the time!"
"Yeah, that would probably drive anyone a bit batty," Ron hastily said in an
apologetic tone. "I'd go nuts myself with Mrs. Black's portrait screaming at me
all day!"
"Anyway, Sirius seems fine now that his name has been cleared and he can walk
around freely," Hermione added, trying to avoid an argument between the two
friends. Harry did tend to be a bit touchy and protective about Sirius...
"That's right," Harry said firmly, but his anger faded at the reminder that his
godfather was finally a free man, and he smiled.
"I'm impressed, Hermione," Ginny said, changing the subject, "that you were able
to figure out what the potion was from the type of ingredients you were
preparing."
Hermione grinned, looking flattered. "Well, it is a long and very unusual list
of ingredients," she said modestly. "It's ironic, because I never would have
been able to figure it out if Snape hadn't given me this book!" She turned to
Harry and Ron, saying, "I can loan it to you, if you like."
"Study?" Ron asked in disbelief. "During the summer?!"
"I'm sure you can handle that book, Hermione,"Harry said dubiously. "But it's a
little advanced for Ron and me."
"That's why you should start studying now," she replied, giving each of them a
stern look. "You both applied to Professor Snape's N.E.W.T. class, didn't you?
You're going to have to study hard if you want to keep up. You didn't do too
well in Potions last year, and his advanced class is even harder..."
Ron groaned. "I can't believe I let you talk me into it, Harry! We could have
stopped taking Potions after fifth year!"
"It's required for an Auror," Harry said with grim determination. "And I'm going
to become an Auror and fight Voldemort even if it means taking classes from
Snape!"
"Snape hates us," Ron muttered, then added almost hopefully, "He'll never let us
into his N.E.W.T. class!"
"You managed to get decent scores on your O.W.L.s, so I think he will," Hermione
said, and Ron's face fell. "Besides, haven't you figured out by now that Snape
does whatever Dumbledore tells him to? He's never flunked you, Harry, no matter
how much he threatened to, not even when we helped Sirius escape in third year.
And he's still giving you Occlumency lessons, isn't he? Besides, like Lupin
says, I don't think Snape is as mean as he likes to pretend."
"Yeah, right," Ron snorted.
Hermione just smiled, remembering how Snape had told her the real reason why
Dylan had broken off their friendship.
"And why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?" Ron asked suspiciously.
"It's a secret," she said loftily. "Anyway, Professor Snape isn't so bad when
he's working. He's really taught me a lot about Potions, and he's not as rude
when Professor Blackmore's around. And when he gets caught up in his work,
sometimes he even forgets to be grumpy."
"That I'd like to see," Harry muttered skeptically.
"Well, you could ask if he'd allow you to assist, or just watch us brew the
potion," Hermione suggested helpfully. "Or maybe just ask him to give you some
extra tutoring--"
"No!" Harry shouted. "No more extra lessons with Snape! The Occlumency lessons
are bad enough!"
"Fine," Hermione sighed. "But just remember, if you want to become an Auror, you
have to pass Snape's class next year..."
"Let me borrow your book, then," Harry said reluctantly. "I'll study over the
summer, but I'm not taking anymore extra lessons from Snape!"
"Boy, I can hardly wait to start school..." Ron grumbled.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Snape had just given his report at the latest Order meeting, and an uneasy
murmur rose up around the table.
"What on earth was Bellatrix doing?" Sirius muttered with a frown.
"And we know Dylan is important to his plans somehow," Lupin said thoughtfully.
"But we still don't know why."
"I'm more worried about the potions he wants you to make," Shacklebolt said to
Snape. "Sleeping Draught and Polyjuice Potion...that implies he's getting ready
to break the prisoners out of Azkaban."
"Sleeping Draught to drug the guards," Tonks said musingly, "and Polyjuice
Potion to disguise the Death Eaters, I suppose. Of course, some of us don't need
disguises..."
She changed her face to look like Lucius Malfoy's, and Snape said sharply, "Cut
that out, Nymphadora!"
Tonks sighed and changed her face back to normal. Snape never called anyone but
Branwen by their first name, so she supposed he was only doing it to annoy her.
Probably he was still miffed about her walking in on him and Remus; it was
certainly not out of any particular fondness for her. He had made it clear that
he didn't like her--well, actually, he didn't seem to like anyone but Remus and
possibly Branwen, but he had taken an active dislike to her for some reason.
Probably because she was (a) a Gryffindor, and (b) related to Sirius Black.
Snape had actually been one of her teachers at Hogwarts, although since she had
been neither troublesome nor talented enough in Potions to warrant special
attention, he had not singled her out for more abuse than he normally doled out
to the average Gryffindor--except when her clumsiness occasionally caused her to
knock over a cauldron or spill something in class. Then he had subjected her to
a few terse but scathing remarks, but he had always addressed her as "Miss
Tonks," even if in a rather scornful voice. It had been a bit intimidating,
dealing with him as a member of the Order, but she had reminded herself that she
was a full-fledged Auror, and that they were now adults and equals. She had not
been quite sure at first how to address him, but finally settled on "Severus,"
since "Snape" seemed a bit rude, and "Professor Snape" a bit too servile, since
she was no longer his student. Snape had given her a sour look the first time
she called him by name, but had made no comment, and for the most part had
ignored her up until now.
Well, she probably shouldn't provoke him; she had just been joking around, but
she suddenly recalled how often people in the wizarding world referred to Snape
as "Lucius Malfoy's lapdog," so she supposed that it was a bit of a touchy
subject with him. "Sorry, Severus," she said aloud. "I was just trying to make
the point that two can play at that game. If we could find out exactly when the
breakout is, we could lay a trap for them, maybe switch places with the
imprisoned Death Eaters...?"
Snape scowled at her. "The Dark Lord has said nothing to me about any breakout
attempt, and you would likely only get yourself killed, anyway."
"Tonks is an Auror," Sirius snapped, his temper flaring. "She can take care of
herself, Snape!"
"Yes, she can," Tonks said mildly. "I'm not a little girl anymore, Sirius; I
don't need you to defend me." Her cousin looked a little hurt, so she added with
a playful wink, "Not that it isn't nice to have a white knight ride to my
rescue, but perhaps you should be exerting yourself on behalf of more eligible
ladies, ones who aren't related to you!"
Sirius chuckled, and Snape muttered under his breath, "White knight, hah!"
Shacklebolt looked a little annoyed at their banter and sniping. "Well, we can't
just sit back and let them escape!" he said impatiently.
"If I learn more, I will of course notify you," Snape replied in an equally curt
tone. "But if the Death Eaters find a group of Aurors lying in wait for them at
their rescue attempt, the Dark Lord will probably be able to guess that I leaked
out the information, and I'd rather not be on the receiving end of a Killing
Curse."
"We can't let Severus's life be endangered!" Lupin said, looking alarmed.
"Then what should we do?" Shacklebolt asked in frustration.
"Gwydion Donner joined the Death Eaters reluctantly," Tonks said slowly, as an
idea occurred to her. "He only joined up to get the potion for his brother,
right? He's not exactly what you'd call loyal, and he's privy to the same
information you are, Severus, maybe more, because he works at the Ministry.
Maybe we can make it seem like Gwydion leaked out the information instead of
you..."
Snape looked startled, then gave her a look of grudging respect and almost
smiled. "Not bad," he conceded. "Very clever, in fact."
Lupin smiled with what Tonks recognized as relief and a fierce sense of
protectiveness for his lover, but to those who didn't know about his
relationship with Snape, that smile probably looked a bit vicious, because many
of the Order members were staring at the usually gentle werewolf with a look of
surprise on their faces.
"Won't that likely get Gwydion killed?" Dedalus Diggle asked nervously; he had
been one of those who'd had a hard time believing Gwydion had really joined the
Death Eaters.
"He's a Death Eater," Mad-Eye Moody said coldly. "He deserves whatever he gets."
Snape gave the former Auror an irritated look; privately, he agreed that Gwydion
Donner deserved no pity, but he didn't much care for the way Moody had phrased
it, or for the way Moody had pointedly looked at Snape when he said it.
"We will do our best to avoid any unnecessary deaths on either side," Dumbledore
said firmly, and Moody looked a bit disappointed. "But Severus's safety comes
first. And Gwydion Donner isn't stupid; perhaps if he finds himself in danger,
he'll come over to our side." Seeing Moody's skeptical look, he added, "If only
to save himself, and his brother."
"If you say so," Moody muttered, and the meeting broke up soon after that.
Lupin noticed that Snape had a brooding look on his face, and quietly asked,
"What's wrong, Severus?"
"Not here, Lupin," Snape said, his eyes darting towards the departing Order
members, and they went upstairs to continue their conversation in private.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
"What's bothering you, Severus?" Lupin asked again, when they were alone in
their rooms.
"It bothers me that the Dark Lord had me perform the same spell that I used to
save Black," Snape said, a hint of fear in his black eyes.
"But surely there's no way he could know," Lupin protested anxiously. "Is there
some way he can tell what spells you have recently cast?"
Snape shook his head, frowning. "No, not without a Prior Incantato spell, and
he's never touched my wand. I suppose it could simply be a coincidence, though I
don't normally believe in such things..."
"Is there some reason why he would call on you in particular to perform a Blood
Healing spell?" Lupin asked. "Can the other Death Eaters cast it?"
Snape thought it over, and said, "No, I don't think so," looking a little
relieved. Perhaps it really had been a coincidence, after all. "It's a difficult
spell to master, and it takes a very delicate touch not to kill the donor. He
can't afford to sacrifice any of his Death Eaters right now, and there probably
wasn't time to round up a Muggle or Muggle-born victim." Then the brooding look
returned to Snape's face.
"What's wrong, Severus?" Lupin asked in concern. "You...you didn't have to kill
anyone, did you?"
"Not this time," Snape said grimly.
"Wh-what do you mean, 'this time'?" stammered Lupin.
A look of guilt and shame crossed Snape's face, and he said quietly, "When I was
a Death Eater, back in the old days, Evan used to say that I didn't like to get
my hands dirty. My talents lay more in research and potion-brewing than
combative magic, or at least, that's what I let the Dark Lord think. That way I
could avoid going Muggle-hunting with the others, and I could tell myself that I
hadn't actually killed anyone--even though they used my potions to poison
people, even though they used the curses I taught them to kill and torture..."
"Severus," Lupin whispered, "you had to do those things, in order to keep them
from suspecting you. Without the information you passed on to the Order, even
more people would have died--"
Snape ignored him, continuing, "But I could convince myself that I had never
harmed anyone directly. Until the day Rodolphus Lestrange was badly wounded in a
battle with Aurors, and the Dark Lord ordered me to perform a Blood Healing
spell to save his life. The Death Eaters had captured a Muggle, and they held
him down while I cut his wrist and performed the spell. He screamed and
struggled at first, but soon he was too weak to move." Snape's voice was low and
hollow-sounding, almost emotionless, but Lupin could see the haunted look in his
eyes. "Lestrange was very badly hurt, and I ended up draining nearly every drop
of that man's blood to save him. I killed him, Lupin. Not Lestrange or Rosier or
Malfoy, but me. It doesn't matter that he was a Muggle, whom I had been brought
up to despise, or that the Dark Lord would probably have killed me if I had
refused to cast the spell. I became a murderer." Snape smiled bitterly. "I got
my hands dirty." Then his dark eyes turned fearful, and he asked in a subdued,
slightly quavering voice, "Do...do you still love me, knowing what I have
done...?"
"Of course, Severus!" Lupin cried, throwing his arms around Snape and holding
him tightly. "I told you before, I will always love you, no matter what!" he
said fiercely. "You did what you had to do, in order to survive!" Lupin looked
up, a slightly wild and desperate look in his eyes. "I told you before, when you
were feeling guilty about failing to save Rosier and Wilkes, that I would trade
their lives, trade a hundred lives for yours! You are my mate, my love, and I
can't bear to lose you, not even if it means sacrificing Gwydion Donner, not
even if it means sacrificing the life of an innocent Muggle!" He laughed
shakily, a sound that was closer to hysteria than mirth. "I suppose a proper
Gryffindor would never say such things, would never sacrifice an innocent
person, even to save someone they loved, but I don't want to be a proper
Gryffindor if it means losing you!"
Lupin began to tremble violently, and Snape held him tightly, finding himself
comforting Lupin instead of the other way around. His own feelings of guilt
vanished as he stroked his lover's hair and back, and whispered, "It's all
right, Remus, shh, love, it's all right..." His words didn't seem to matter so
much as his tone of voice, and he kept up a stream of soothing patter until
Lupin's trembling ceased. Snape's insecurities perpetually gnawed at him, making
it hard for him to believe that Lupin really loved him, no matter how much Lupin
assured him of that fact. But now he felt deeply touched and awed by what Lupin
had just confessed to him. Remus Lupin was the very epitome of a noble
Gryffindor, the kindest and least selfish person Snape had ever known. It was
not in his nature to wish harm upon anyone, even his worst enemies, and he knew
what it must have cost Lupin to admit that he would sacrifice an innocent to
save Snape. And finally, Snape began to realize how much Lupin really did love
him, and he felt ashamed for having caused Lupin pain, while at the same time he
felt a sense of ecstatic joy. He wanted to shout it from the rooftops--"Lupin
loves me!"--and laughed inwardly as he imagined his students and colleagues
reacting to the sight of a giddy, infatuated Death Eater dancing for joy atop
the roof of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. Then he looked down at his lover, who
still looked tearful and vulnerable, reminding him of the teenaged boy who had
pleaded with a stubborn young Snape for understanding and forgiveness after the
Shrieking Shack "prank," and suddenly giddiness gave way to tenderness and
remorse. "I love you, Remy," he whispered, planting a gentle kiss on the top of
Lupin's head.
Lupin's pale blue eyes widened, and he smiled through his tears. "Severus," he
said in a voice hoarse with emotion, "you've only called me by that name twice
before."
"I have?" Snape asked, slightly startled, and paused to think.
"The first time was in the Shrieking Shack," Lupin reminded him softly.
Snape looked even more startled. "You remember that? Even though you were in
your wolf form, with no Wolfsbane Potion?"
"I remember the madness of the wolf," Lupin whispered. "And I remember the sound
of your voice restoring me to sanity for just a moment. I will never forget
those words: 'Please, Remy, please'."
Snape was stunned into silence; he had no idea what to say. He knew that Lupin
had managed to overcome the wolf just long enough for James Potter to save his
life, but he had not known that Lupin retained the memory of that moment, that
Lupin still remembered the exact words that Snape had spoken.
"The second time," Lupin continued in that hoarse whisper, "was last summer, the
night you returned from your first meeting with the Death Eaters."
That night was still a bit hazy in Snape's mind, but he recalled making love to
Lupin on the floor of the werewolf's cottage, with no tenderness or gentleness
on his own part, but only raw desire and a frantic need to banish the taint of
the Death Eaters from his mind. And now he remembered how he had called Lupin's
name--no, Lupin's childish nickname, "Remy"--over and over again. Snape gently
reached out and touched Lupin's lower lip, remembering how he had kissed Lupin
with such force that his lip had split open and bled, remembering how he had
held Lupin so tightly that he had left bruises on his lover's body. But Lupin
had not complained, and had simply held him, and comforted him, and loved him.
"Remy," he whispered, and Lupin smiled, his blue eyes shining with joy even as
they filled with tears once more.
"Why do you never call me by that name?" Lupin asked softly.
"I don't know," Snape replied, feeling a little puzzled. He wasn't sure why it
seemed to be so important to Lupin, but apparently it was, so he thought about
it carefully. "I suppose because that was what Potter, Black, and Pettigrew
called you," he finally said. "It seemed to be something special that the four
of you shared, like your other nickname, 'Moony'. I wanted to be that close to
you, but I wasn't sure if I ever would be. And...I wasn't sure if I wanted to
be." Lupin looked hurt, and Snape hastily added, "No, of course I wanted to be
as close to you as Potter and the others were, but I was scared! Scared by how
much I wanted you, scared that you would reject me, scared to love you and give
you that much power over me."
"Yes, when we were children," Lupin replied patiently, and gently caressed
Snape's cheek. "But now?"
Snape sighed, "Old habits die hard, I suppose. I know I'm not exactly the most
romantic person in the world, and I know that sometimes I push you away when I
don't really mean to, but I am trying to change, and I do love you, Remus--"
"I know you do, Severus," Lupin interrupted with a smile. "I love you, too."
"Do you want me to call you 'Remy'?" Snape asked.
"Yes," Lupin admitted with a sheepish little smile that Snape found quite
endearing. "I'm not sure exactly why, but I do. It makes me feel closer to you,
somehow."
Snape smiled back at him warmly, the smile that eased the lines on his face, the
smile that Lupin loved because it was just for him. "All right, Lupin--I mean,
Remy," he said, a little awkwardly, but Lupin was pleased by the effort he made.
Then Snape's expression turned stern, but Lupin was not fooled. "But only in
private," Snape warned. "I'm not going to go around calling you 'Remy' at Order
meetings or at Hogwarts!"
"Well, 'Professor Remy' does have a certain ring to it!" Lupin giggled, and
Snape rolled his eyes. "But yes, in private is fine."
Lupin was beaming at him as if he had just hung the moon, and Snape marveled at
how little it took to please his lover. "Remy," he said, experimentally, and
watched Lupin's smile grow even wider.
"Have you ever had a nickname, Severus?" Lupin asked curiously.
Snape scowled. "You mean besides 'Snivellus' and 'Sevie'?" he asked
sarcastically, referring to the names that Black had used--and occasionally
still did--to annoy him as a student.
"Names that you liked, Severus," Lupin clarified, looking apologetic even though
he had never called Snape by either of those insulting nicknames.
"Not really," Snape replied, frowning. "Malfoy used to call me 'Sev'--still
does, actually--which I guess isn't really that bad, but he says it in such a
condescending way that I can't stand it." He blinked and looked more closely at
Lupin. "Why, do you want to call me by a nickname?"
"Not if it bothers you," Lupin said.
Snape knew that meant "yes". He repressed a sigh; it wasn't as if Lupin asked
for much, so he supposed he should indulge his lover in this one small,
irrational desire. "I suppose it's all right if YOU call me 'Sev,'" he said,
trying to hide his reluctance.
"Really?" Lupin asked, so eagerly that Snape smiled despite himself. "Are you
sure it's all right?"
"Yes, Remy," Snape said, suddenly feeling magnanimous.
"Sev," Lupin said, beaming at him again, and suddenly that nickname no longer
seemed annoying at all.
"But please don't ever call me 'Sevie'!" Snape pleaded.
"Whatever you say, Sev," Lupin laughed, slipping his arms around Snape's neck.
"You like that, do you, Lupin?" Snape grinned, raising an eyebrow.
Lupin leaned in close and whispered in his ear, "Yes, Sev."
Lupin's warm breath against his ear sent a shiver down Snape's spine. Yes
indeed, "Sev" was sounding better and better all the time--as long as it was
Lupin who was saying it, and not Malfoy. Well, two could play at that game...
"Remy," he purred into Lupin's ear.
"Sev," Lupin groaned.
"Remy," Snape repeated, fumbling with his and Lupin's robes.
"Oh, Sev!"
"Oh, Remy!"
They spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, saying nothing but each other's
nicknames over and over again...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
The summer was winding down to a close, and both the children and the Professors
began preparing for their return to school. Snape had finally finished brewing
the Mind Restoration Potion, which was ready to be bottled and sent to the Dark
Lord. He grudgingly admitted to himself--but no one else--that Granger's
assistance had been quite helpful. And Dylan and Potter seemed to be progressing
well enough in their Occlumency lessons. Dylan was still doing better than
Potter, but at least Potter seemed to be making a real effort at his lessons,
and the Dark Lord no longer seemed to be invading his dreams, which was a great
relief.
An even greater relief was that Lupin finally seemed to be completely content
now that they had "gone public" (as Lupin put it), and shared
nicknames--something that was trivial to Snape but obviously meant a lot to
Lupin. The werewolf was happy and relaxed, and no longer tried to "molest" Snape
in public--although he was quite ardent with his affections in private, which
suited Snape just fine. And privately, Snape had to admit that it was easier and
more relaxing not to have to sneak around and hide their relationship, although
he was a little irritated by Tonks's knowing grins and the way Ginny Weasley and
Hermione Granger would sometimes giggle when they saw Snape and Lupin together,
although they would quickly fall silent and look properly cowed when Snape shot
a glare their way. On the other hand, their relationship obviously irritated the
hell out of Black, which Snape found very amusing, and when the children weren't
around, Snape would unbend enough to kiss Lupin on the cheek or lay a hand on
his shoulder, which earned him Lupin's gratitude and made Black grind his teeth
in frustration. All in all, things were going quite well...
Almost too well, in fact, so Snape was not particularly surprised when one day,
Lupin received an ominous letter that put a damper on the last idyllic days of
summer. Snape had just returned from a shopping trip to Diagon Alley to pick up
some supplies for his classes, when he found Lupin frowning down at a letter
sitting on his desk. Snape peered over his shoulder and saw that it was written
in Japanese.
"What's wrong, Lupin?" Snape asked. "Did Professor Kamiyama send some bad news?"
Lupin opened his mouth to reply, but just then Branwen leaned in the doorway and
said, "The meeting starts in ten minutes, you two. You cut it a bit close,
didn't you, Severus?"
Snape scowled and retorted in a testy voice, "I made it back on time, didn't I?
I assure you I didn't forget that there was a meeting scheduled today!" The
worried look on Lupin's face eased slightly as he chuckled in amusement. "So
what did Kamiyama have to say?" Snape asked.
Lupin hesitated, then said, "We had better get downstairs. I'll tell you about
it at the meeting."
Snape shrugged. "All right, just let me get these packages put away and I'll be
right down."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
At first it seemed like there would not be much to discuss at the meeting. The
Dark Lord had not summoned his Death Eaters recently. Kingsley Shacklebolt
reported that Gwydion Donner was working diligently at his new job, and had
developed a promising new enchantment that he believed could be placed upon a
collar or bracelet which could then be locked around a prisoner's neck or wrist.
The spell would drain the mage's power, rendering him as helpless as a Squib so
long as he wore the enchanted item.
Lupin shuddered a little, and Snape felt guilty for having once jokingly
threatened to keep Lupin on a leash. A wolf would have a natural aversion to
being bound, particularly one who'd had to be restrained or locked up before the
Wolfsbane Potion had been invented. "A nasty spell," Lupin said. "And you can be
sure he will pass the information on to his Master. We may have to defend
against it ourselves one day." He rubbed his neck nervously and added, "I hope
the Ministry doesn't get the bright idea of using it on anyone they deem
dangerous, such as werewolves..."
Fortunately, Dumbledore was able to allay his fears somewhat, by reporting that
the anti-werewolf legislation had been officially revoked, and Lupin breathed a
sigh of relief.
A few other minor matters were discussed, and Branwen asked, "Does anyone else
have any news to report?"
"I do, Branwen," Lupin said softly, and she gave him a startled look. He held up
the letter he had been reading earlier. "I received this letter just before the
meeting; I had no time to discuss it with you or anyone else. It's from
Professor Kamiyama's granddaughter, Miyako." He read aloud, "Lupin-san, I have
been having disturbing dreams for some time now. I told you about them the last
time you visited: dreams of snakes and skulls. Warnings, I believe, of the
danger your Lord Voldemort poses to us all. But last night I had a different
dream, a dream of blood and roses. I dreamed of tangled, thorny vines, and black
roses dyed red with blood. I don't know what it means, but I sense great danger,
for you and Snape-sensei; please be careful. I will offer a prayer at the temple
for the two of you. Miyako."
"Dreams," Moody muttered dismissively, and several of the other wizards agreed,
but Dumbledore, Branwen, Goewin, Snape, and Lupin looked very concerned.
"Miyako is a true seer, Alastor," Lupin insisted.
Goewin believed him, because she had once had the Sight herself, before Gilbert
and Gwydion had stolen it from her, along with her virginity. "Do you know what
the dream means, Remus?" she asked.
Lupin shook his head. "No, I don't. But could it have something to do with
Dylan? Perhaps it's symbolic, the roses standing for 'Rosier'?"
Snape looked very troubled. "The Rosier family crest is a rose," he said. "And I
visited Evan's house a few times when we were younger. The grounds were covered
with rosebushes, but not ordinary ones. The roses were black--not dark red or
purple, but a true black, which is supposed to be impossible. They were quite
exotic, and much admired by the other pureblood families, and as far as I know,
they grew nowhere else but on the Rosier lands."
Shacklebolt, who had looked skeptical at first, began to look worried. "The
Rosier lands and wealth were supposed to be confiscated after Evan Rosier's
parents were killed. But no one was able to enter the grounds on which the
family manor stood. It was heavily warded with protective spells, which mainly
seemed to be placed on those black roses you mentioned. After the Rosiers died,
the roses grew wild, surrounding the house. Anyone who tried to enter the
grounds was attacked by the roses, their vines lashing out like whips. And the
thorns on those vines were very nasty; the Ministry agents who came to
confiscate the Rosiers' property were nearly killed. Fortunately, they had a few
Aurors with them, since they figured they'd have to deal with Dark Magic. They
tried cutting the vines, burning them, withering them magically--nothing worked.
Finally, the Ministry gave up and declared the property off-limits."
"Like the old fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty," Tonks mused.
"I doubt there's a princess waiting inside the manor," Snape said sarcastically.
"Severus, you have to protect Dylan!" Goewin cried out, her face turning pale.
"You can't let him associate with the Death Eaters anymore--what if this dream
was a warning foretelling his death?"
"That's not necessarily what it means, Goewin," Snape said. He was still
troubled but forced himself to keep up an outwardly calm demeanor. One of them
had to remain calm, after all, and besides, he didn't want the other Order
members to realize how much he cared about Dylan. "Prophetic dreams are
difficult to interpret, and you can rarely take them literally--"
"Don't lecture me about Divination, Severus!" Goewin snapped. "I was an Oracle
once, remember?"
Snape just nodded, taking no offense at her tone, because he knew it was fueled
by her fear for Dylan. "Dylan is a Rosier," he pointed out. "I don't think the
roses would hurt him. But..."
"But that must be what Voldemort wants the boy for!" Sirius finished excitedly.
"He wants to use him to get past the enchanted roses and into the house!"
Shacklebolt looked even more alarmed, and fear made him edgy as well. "Dammit,
Snape!" he said. "You were friends with Evan Rosier, you've been to his
house--do you really have no idea what You-Know-Who wants from it?"
Snape was less patient with the Auror than he had been with Goewin. "I wasn't
THAT close to Evan," he said waspishly. "We played pranks at school together, he
gossiped to me about his love life--but he didn't share family secrets with me."
"You joined the Death Eaters together," Moody growled, but fell silent after
Dumbledore gave him a stern look.
"I suppose the Rosiers probably possessed Dark Magic items," Snape said,
shooting a quick glare Moody's way, "but I don't know specifically what the Dark
Lord might want."
"Then maybe Goewin is right," Shacklebolt said. "If he intends to use Dylan
Rosier to get his hands on some kind of weapon, then we have to keep the boy
away from him."
"I think Goewin was more worried about Dylan's safety, Kingsley," Tonks said
quietly.
"Well, of course we want to keep the boy safe," Shacklebolt hastily added,
looking a little embarrassed.
But Snape was shaking his head. "No, we don't know how long we'd have to keep
Dylan in hiding. It could be years--"
"But Severus--" Goewin protested.
"I told you before," Snape said impatiently, but there was a hint of sympathy in
his eyes, "Dylan will be in more danger if the Dark Lord thinks he is a traitor.
If he does not answer when summoned, the Dark Lord will hunt him down and kill
him."
"Whatever happened to Karkaroff?" Lupin wondered out loud.
Snape shrugged. "I wouldn't be surprised if he's dead," Snape replied, not
sounding as if he cared much one way or the other, and Lupin frowned at him.
Snape scowled. "I told Karkaroff it would do no good to run, but he didn't
listen to me. He was a fool; no one is allowed to leave the Death Eaters."
Sirius nodded in grim agreement, remembering how his brother Regulus had been
killed when he realized what the Death Eaters were really about and had gotten
cold feet. Despite the seriousness of the conversation, Lupin had to repress a
smile; it was extremely rare to see Severus and Sirius agreeing about anything.
"Karkaroff's no loss," Moody muttered. "Ministry should've never let him out of
Azkaban." Then he looked at Snape and added menacingly, "Don't you forget which
side you're on, Snape!"
"Alastor!" Branwen said sharply, and Moody fell silent, giving her a resentful
and puzzled look. He had worked closely with her in the old days, so he had no
doubt of her loyalty despite her family's reputation. But he had never
understood why she had been so attached to her Slytherin students in general,
and Snape in particular.
The meeting broke up soon afterwards, with Snape promising to keep an eye on
Dylan, and Shacklebolt and Tonks saying they would try to learn more about the
Rosier manor and try to have the Ministry keep an eye on it.
"But discreetly," Snape warned. "We don't want word of this getting back to the
Dark Lord, or to Gwydion Donner, for that matter! And Gwydion works in your
department now."
"That makes it more difficult," Shacklebolt muttered, still looking peeved about
Gwydion being in the Ministry. "But we'll be careful."
Before Goewin left, she paused and said to Snape in a cold voice, "If anything
happens to Dylan, Severus, I'm holding you personally responsible!"
"Goewin--" Lupin started to call after her as she stalked out of the room, but
Snape shook his head.
"Let her go, Lupin," he said quietly. "She needs to be angry at someone, and it
might as well be me. And she's right, it is my fault; I should have been
watching him more carefully. I should never have let Lucius Malfoy get anywhere
near him."
"It's not your fault, Severus," Lupin said gently. "You couldn't be with him
every minute of the day. And Lucius Malfoy's son is Dylan's housemate. Even if
Lucius had been unable to get to Dylan on the Quidditch field that day, he would
eventually have found another way, perhaps have sent Draco to lure him out with
Ariane's ring."
Snape just shook his head again. "I promised Ariane I would protect him. I
promised myself--" He broke off his sentence when he realized that although the
other wizards had all left, Sirius Black was still in the room with them,
staring at Snape with a thoughtful look on his face. He scowled at Black and
quickly left the room, a concerned-looking Lupin following close behind.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sirius just sat there, feeling stunned. There had been genuine concern and
remorse in Snape's voice and eyes, and Sirius had never seen him show those
emotions before--at least, not for anyone but Lupin, Sirius grudgingly admitted
to himself. He knew that Snape was tutoring Dylan Rosier, and that he had
exhibited a certain protectiveness towards the boy when defending him against
Moody's suspicious, insinuating comments, but for the first time Sirius realized
that Snape really cared about Dylan, maybe as much as Sirius cared for Harry. It
was a very disconcerting thought.
First of all, Sirius realized, feeling a bit ashamed of himself, that he had not
been particularly concerned about the Rosier boy. Intellectually he agreed that
it was a terrible thing for a child to be forced to join the Death Eaters, but
emotionally he had remained detached. He had never met the boy, after all, and
he had never liked the boy's father. Evan Rosier had been a Slytherin, and in
Sirius's eyes, that alone had made him an enemy. To make matters worse, Rosier
and his friend Wilkes had been inveterate pranksters, and the objects of their
pranks were usually Gryffindors. And to top it all off, unlike Snape, Evan
Rosier had been handsome, charming, and popular, although there had always been
a sly, devious look in his dark eyes that everyone else seemed to overlook. He
had charmed students and teachers alike; even the terrifying Professor Blackmore
had occasionally laughed at his antics (although she also gave him detention
numerous times) and had allowed Evan to coax her into dancing with him at the
Yule Ball during their fourth year.
Actually, not much coaxing had been required. Bold as brass, Evan had strutted
right up to Professor Blackmore, bowed with a courtly flourish, and said, "Will
you grant me the honor of a dance, Milady?" A stunned silence had fallen over
the crowd as every person in the room held their breath, expecting Blackmore to
strike him down on the spot. Even old Dumbledore had looked a little worried,
and had slipped his hand into his pocket, as if to reach for his wand and
prepare to stop her from killing Evan or turning him into a toad. But to
everyone's amazement, Blackmore had just smiled, curtsied, and replied, "I would
be delighted to, good sir." She had held out her hand, and Evan, looking a
little dazed, had taken it and led her out onto the dance floor.
Evan Rosier had been the talk of the school for weeks afterwards, regarded with
awe by both the male and female students alike. The adult Sirius was now a
little chagrined to realize that he had been jealous of Rosier, although he had
refused to admit it at the time. He was used to being the most popular boy in
the school, along with James, and he had resented the Slytherin boy coming along
and stealing his thunder. Sirius had the advantage, being a Gryffindor, of
course, because the Slytherins were mostly disliked by the other Houses, but
Evan's good looks and charm to some extent overcame the reputation of his House,
and from time to time, one of his outrageous stunts would serve to vault him
into the spotlight over Sirius and James. And Sirius and James, of course, would
feel obligated to pull off something even more outrageous... {No wonder we got
so many detentions,} Sirius thought to himself, feeling a little amused, and at
the same time, a little ashamed of his pettiness.
Because of his dislike for Dylan's father, Sirius had assumed that the son was
much the same--at worst, a true Death Eater, or at best, someone foolish and
shallow enough to be ensnared by the Dark Lord's promises. {Like my brother
Regulus,} Sirius thought guiltily. Although he had told Harry that he had hated
his family, deep down Sirius had loved his younger brother. He recalled what
Branwen had said about Lyall Wilkes: "Lyall was not a bad boy, just very
gullible and easily misled." Now that he thought about it, Sirius realized that
his brother had been very much like Wilkes: cheerful and happy-go-lucky, but not
very bright. Regulus had believed all the rubbish their parents and Voldemort
had fed him about pureblood superiority, and had willingly joined the Death
Eaters. But he had never really been cruel or malicious, and had been horrified
when he realized that his Dark Lord expected him to murder people. Poor, foolish
Regulus had tried to leave the Death Eaters, only to find that Voldemort allowed
none of his minions to escape his grasp, save through death. {Maybe if I'd
remained at home, I could have persuaded Regulus not to join the Death Eaters,}
Sirius thought. {If I'd tried harder to stay close to him, maybe I could at
least have saved him after he left, by taking him to Dumbledore for protection.}
But Sirius had left home at an early age, and had not kept in touch with his
brother. He had loved Regulus, but had been jealous of him as well, for being
the favored son, their mother's pet, when nothing Sirius did was ever good
enough to please his parents. They had quarreled bitterly before Sirius departed
the family house--Sirius's words sharpened by jealousy and resentment--over
Regulus's blind obedience to their parents, and his sympathy for Voldemort's
ideals. So Regulus had not confided in Sirius, either when he joined the Death
Eaters or when he left them. Sirius suspected he could not have stopped his
brother from joining the Death Eaters, but he might have been able to warn him
how dangerous it would be to leave them. But by the time he had found out, it
was too late and Regulus was dead. At the time he had merely cursed his brother
for being a fool, but now he finally permitted himself to feel the sorrow and
guilt that he had repressed for so many years.
Overwhelmed by grief, Sirius acknowledged that the second reason he had been
surprised by Snape's genuine concern for Dylan Rosier was that he hadn't really
believed that Snape was capable of feeling love--or any other unselfish
emotion--for anyone. This despite Branwen's and Lupin's protests to the
contrary, despite the fact that Snape had turned spy against the Death Eaters,
despite the fact that he had helped to create the Wolfsbane potion for Lupin,
and put up with Moony's exhibitionist displays of affection, despite the fact
that he had saved Sirius for Lupin's sake... Finally, Sirius reluctantly
admitted to himself that maybe, just maybe, he had been wrong about Snape. Yes,
Snape had behaved recklessly and thoughtlessly when he had turned against Lupin
after the Shrieking Shack incident, when he had joined the Death Eaters, when he
had exposed Lupin's lycanthropy at Hogwarts, and most recently, when he had
stopped Harry's Occlumency lessons, thereby making him vulnerable to Voldemort's
manipulations. But was Sirius himself any better? He had turned his back on his
little brother. He had gotten Lily and James killed by convincing them to make
Peter their Secret-Keeper, and gotten himself imprisoned because he had not told
anyone about the switch. He had behaved childishly this past year, hurting both
Harry and Lupin with his thoughtlessness and selfish complaints.
And...twenty years ago he had hurt and endangered Remus with his stupid "prank".
For the first time ever, Sirius admitted to himself that it had not just been a
"prank". He had wanted to hurt Snape, yes, and drive him away from Moony, but he
had also wanted to hurt Remus. Oh, he had not intended to get him executed,
imprisoned, or even expelled--typically, Sirius had not bothered to consider the
possible consequences of his actions. But he had wanted to punish Remus--and he
knew Remus would be hurt when Snape rejected him, as he was sure to once he
realized Remus was a werewolf--for sneaking around with that slimy git behind
their backs, for choosing Snape over his true friends. {For choosing Snape over
me,} Sirius silently corrected himself. He had never had romantic feelings for
Moony, but he had loved him like a brother, had loved all three of his fellow
Marauders like brothers. They had become his family, after his real family
rejected him, and he was fiercely loyal and devoted to them. And he had expected
the same loyalty in return....and at the time, he had felt Remus had betrayed
that loyalty when he fell in love with Snape. Sirius suddenly remembered what
Remus had told him last summer, about Snape being jealous and insecure, how he
looked at love as a finite thing, believing that if Remus loved Sirius and
Harry, there might be nothing left for him. With horror, Sirius realized he had
been no better than Snape: he had believed that if Moony loved Snape it meant
that he loved his Marauder friends--loved Sirius--less. He had not believed that
Remus could love them all equally at the same time; he had tried to make Remus
choose between them countless times over the years. Snape had made that choice
for them the first time, when they were teenagers, but Lupin had refused to play
that game as an adult.
Sirius felt deeply ashamed of himself, and began to weep--for his brother, for
Remus, for the stubborn, insecure, self-centered, thick-headed boy he had been.
That he still was, if truth be told...
The door swung open and Branwen called, "Sirius? Are you still in here?" He
quickly turned away and ran his sleeve across his eyes, but he could not seem to
stop sobbing, no matter how hard he tried. "Sirius!" she said, looking alarmed
and concerned. She sat down next to him and put her arms around him, saying in a
tender and gentle voice, "My dear child," and Sirius found himself weeping on
her shoulder as she stroked his hair, comforting him much the same way she had
comforted Lupin last year, when he had been lonely and overwhelmed by the wolf's
instincts when Snape had been unable to come to him as the full moon approached.
He did not tell her why he was crying, and she did not ask, but simply held him
and murmured, "Shh, Sirius, shh, it's all right..."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sirius never told Branwen what had triggered his emotional outburst the day she
had held him while he wept; he was too ashamed, and not quite ready to speak
those words aloud to another person. And though she must have been curious, she
did not press him; perhaps she was able to guess on her own, a little of what he
had been feeling. From the time she had been their teacher at Hogwarts, she had
always been quite perceptive--so much so that the students had fearfully joked
that she could read minds. Sirius occasionally wondered if she was versed in
Legilimency, but he supposed that could not be true, since Dumbledore had said
Snape was the only person other than himself who could give Harry Occlumency
lessons.
But mind-reader or not, for the rest of the summer, she treated him more kindly
and gently than she normally did, watching over him with a concerned look in her
eyes that was usually reserved for Snape. Part of Sirius was touched by her
concern, while another part of him was embarrassed and annoyed. Sirius did not
want Branwen to mother him; ever since he had been an Auror-in-training under
her supervision, he had wanted to win her respect. He wanted her to see him as
an adult and an equal, a colleague and friend--not a wayward schoolboy.
Shortly before school was about to start, when Snape was out of the house on an
errand, Sirius went up to Lupin's room. It was about twenty years too late, but
he owed his friend an apology...
"Hello, Sirius," Lupin said with a cheerful smile, which quickly changed to a
look of concern when he saw the expression on Sirius's face. "My, but you look
glum," he said lightly, although the worry in his blue eyes belied his tone of
voice. "What's wrong?"
"I...I just wanted to apologize, Moony," Sirius said awkwardly.
"For what?" Lupin asked, sounding puzzled.
"For sending Snape to the Shrieking Shack," Sirius whispered.
Lupin looked even more puzzled than before. "Why are you apologizing for that
now?"
"Because I owe you an apology, even if it's twenty years late," Sirius said,
hanging his head. "I mean, I've apologized before, but I wasn't really sorry,
and you knew it. But I am now. I'm sorry I hurt you, Moony."
"What brought all this on?" Lupin asked gently.
Sirius flushed. He wasn't quite ready to talk about his somewhat-revised view of
Snape yet. "I...I've been doing a lot of thinking," he mumbled. "All that stuff
they were talking about at the meeting, about no one being allowed to leave the
Death Eaters alive--it made me think of Regulus." Although talking about his
brother was difficult, it was still easier than talking about Severus Snape.
"Your brother?"
Sirius nodded. "I cut off all contact with my family, including Regulus. But
even though he was a fool, he was still my little brother. I should have kept in
touch with him, I should have looked after him--maybe I could have saved him
from the Death Eaters. But I turned my back on him. Now it's too late for me to
apologize to Regulus, but at least I can apologize to you." Lupin was staring at
him with a very thoughtful look on his face. "I always called Snape sneaky and
selfish, but I was just as bad. I let Regulus down. I let James and Lily down--"
"Don't go wallowing in guilt and self-pity," Lupin said, but there was a gentle
smile on his face.
Sirius ignored him. "And I let you down. I..." His voice faltered and he almost
couldn't get the words out, but he forced himself to continue. "I tried to hurt
you," he whispered. "Not just Snape, but you, because I was selfish and petty
and jealous. Because I was angry that you were seeing someone who was our
enemy--at least, I thought he was an enemy." Sirius, who had always been so sure
of everything, was no longer certain what was true anymore. "Because I thought
you were choosing Snape over us."
"Oh, Sirius," Lupin said sadly, shaking his head.
"But I swear, I never meant to put you in danger!" Sirius cried out. "I never
realized that you could be imprisoned or killed for what I did!" Then he flushed
and said, "Not that that's any excuse. I know saying 'I'm sorry' doesn't make up
for what I did, but I am so sorry, Remy--"
"I forgive you, Padfoot," Lupin said, still in that gentle voice, and embraced
him. They held each other for a moment, then Lupin let go of him and added
softly, "But there is someone else you owe an apology to..."
Sirius flushed again; he knew Remus was right, but it taken almost all of his
courage just to face his best friend, who was forgiving almost to a fault. He
felt like a coward, but something inside him quailed at the thought of facing
the sarcastic, bitter Potions Master with an apology. "I...I can't," he
whispered in a choking voice, his throat constricting with fear and guilt. "I'm
sorry, Remy, I just can't, not yet..."
He expected to see anger or disappointment in his friend's eyes, but Lupin just
gave him a tender little smile and embraced him again, saying, "When you're
ready, then."
Sirius left Lupin's room feeling very humbled and chastened. Remus had always
seemed so fragile and in need of protection, with his meek and gentle demeanor.
{When did he become so strong?} Sirius wondered. {Or did I underestimate him all
this time?} For the first time, Sirius thought that perhaps Remus's forgiving
nature was not a sign of weakness after all, but rather, a sign of strength...
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Before Branwen had departed for Hogwarts, she had cast a Summoning spell for
Sirius, although it was not so much a summoning as it was a call; she did not
try to summon a specific creature, but merely broadcast a message that there was
a house in need of a friendly spirit. No one was compelled to answer it--neither
Sirius nor Branwen believed in slavery--and the restrictions on the spell would
block out any creatures with ill-intent. What appeared in the middle of the
rune-filled circle Branwen had inscribed on the floor was a little round man,
slightly taller and much wider than a house-elf. "Round" described the creature
very well: he had a belly so round that he almost looked like a ball with limbs
and a head attached, and he had a plump, round, very cheerful-looking face. He
had bristly black hair, a large nose, and friendly brown eyes, and he was clad
only in what looked like a set of long underwear (a pale, faded yellow) and a
pair of tatty green slippers.
"Hob heard your call," the man said, a little nervously. "Does this house need
looking after?"
"Indeed it does," Branwen said, kneeling down to be on eye-level with the man.
"There are several wizards living in the house at present, and we have been
taking care of it ourselves, but soon we will be leaving, and the master of the
house--" She motioned to Sirius. "--will be all alone. And it is a bit much for
one person to handle."
"Taking care of houses--and people--is what Hob does," the little man said.
"You're a hob?" Sirius asked curiously, crouching down on the floor beside
Branwen. "I've never met one before."
"Hobs usually serve simple, common folk," the man replied, "not grand wizards."
Sirius snorted. "There's nothing grand about me, or my family, or this house."
"Wizards prefer to have house-elf servants," Branwen explained to the children,
who were watching wide-eyed, "because the elves are virtual slaves and cannot
leave unless their masters free them. A hob will leave if it is mistreated, or
if it is given clothes, of course." She gave Hermione a stern look. "If the hob
agrees to stay, you must not give him clothes!"
"No, no clothes!" the hob agreed fervently. "Clothes make Hob vain and full of
himself. They make him feel too proud to serve, and he forgets his duty to his
family, and leaves his house." The hob looked mournful. "And Hob has been
without a home and a family for a long time. The humans these days do not follow
the old ways, they do not leave Hob's gift beside the fire. They do not believe
in magic; even the children cannot see Hob."
"Normally, only young children and wizards can see a hob," Branwen explained,
"because it requires a belief in magic to do so."
"But he's not a slave?" Hermione asked suspiciously. "He can leave if he wants
to?" Branwen and the hob both nodded. "You'll pay him wages?" she asked Sirius.
"All Hob asks is that his gift be left by the fire every night," the hob said.
"A piece of buttered toast, a bowl of cream, or perhaps a little tobacco for his
pipe--"
"Smoking's bad for you--" Hermione started to say, but Ron elbowed her in the
side and said, "Shh! Do you want to chase off the hob?" She glared at him but
fell silent.
"--maybe even a nice tea cake with currants or a custard tart once in awhile,"
the hob finished, licking his lips and patting his round belly.
"Another person with a sweet-tooth!" Sirius laughed. "You should get along well
in this house! Snape and Bane already eat so much sugar I'm surprised their
teeth haven't rotted away. Well, Bane doesn't have any teeth, come to think of
it..."
"That's all you get paid?" Hermione asked indignantly. "A piece of toast or a
tea cake? You should pay him a decent wage, Sirius, in Galleons--"
"What would Hob do with money?" the little man asked, scratching his head in a
puzzled fashion.
"She is a Muggle," Branwen explained gently. "She doesn't understand." To
Hermione she said, "What a hob really wants is not money or possessions,
Hermione, but a place to belong and a family to look after. A hob does more than
just clean and cook; it makes a house, well...happier. It chases away bad
spirits that cause dissension and discord, and makes things run more smoothly.
The family in return leaves out a gift for its hob every night to show their
appreciation." She smiled at the hob. "A hob is like a living good-luck charm,
you might say."
"I have to warn you," Sirius said, "that this is a very big house--perhaps a lot
for one hob to handle. Though of course I don't expect you to take care of it
all by yourself--"
"Big is not a problem," the hob said firmly, looking a little insulted.
"The other thing is, well, there's no 'family'--it's just me."
"No children?" the hob asked, looking disappointed. "But I see four children
here--"
"They are only staying with me for the summer," Sirius said. "They are students
at Hogwarts, and must return to school in the fall. The other wizards staying
here with me are teachers at the same school, so they must leave as well. But
they'll come to visit during the holidays, or at least I hope they will."
The children promised that they would come visit during Christmas vacation, and
the hob cheered up slightly. "Well, Hob cannot afford to be too picky these
days," he admitted. "And you seem like a good person, Mr.--"
"Call me Sirius," Sirius said firmly. "Not 'Master' or 'Mister,' but just plain
Sirius." He held out his hand and the hob shook it. "And what name should I call
you by?"
"Hob is Hob," the hob said, as if stating the obvious.
"Very well, then," Sirius said with a grin. "Welcome to the family, Hob!"
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For about a week, the house was a cheerful and lively place. There was a great
deal of magic in the air; even the children were wizards, it seemed. Hob had
never lived with wizards before, and it made him a little nervous. The children
were kind, though, especially Hermione, although she did have some rather odd
notions--she kept talking about wanting to free the house-elves. What was a
house-elf supposed to do if it had no house to keep and no family to serve? But
she did knit him a little blanket for his bedding when he moved into a cupboard
under the stairs. It was a nice, cozy little space once he cleaned it out, and
the Master of the house--who insisted on being called by his name, Sirius--found
some Hob-sized furnishings up in the attic that had once belonged to some Black
child's dolls. But Hob's chosen quarters seemed to distress the boy Harry, for
some reason.
"You can't make him live in a cupboard, Sirius!"
"But that is where Hob always lives," Hob said, puzzled. "It is Hob's favorite
space, where he can hear the comings and goings of his family. It is a cozy
little cupboard; Hob likes it."
The adults led Harry away, gently comforting him and explaining things to him.
Hermione whispered to Hob, "Harry's aunt and uncle made him live in a cupboard
under the stairs for years; that's why it bothers him so much."
"A cupboard is home for a Hob, but it is not a place for a child!" Hob said,
feeling distressed himself. "What kind of people would put a child in a
cupboard?"
"Bad people," said Hermione darkly. "But don't worry; Harry's got us to look
after him now."
Hob shook his head; he didn't understand wizard ways, but these people seemed
like good folk. He liked Mrs. Weasley, who was always bustling about cooking
tasty things in the kitchen. And there was Lady Blackmore, who had summoned
him--he could not conceive of calling her "Branwen," although she told him that
he could. He wondered if the other residents of the house realized that Lady
Blackmore was not human; she had old magic, dark magic singing in her
veins--more power than a human, even one who was a mage, should possess. She had
an aura similar to that of a noblewoman of the Sidhe, or perhaps even a Dark
spirit such as a demon. And her familiar was no ordinary bird; he was some sort
of Dark creature bound in the shape of a raven. Yet there was no darkness in
Lady Blackmore's soul; he would never have answered her call, otherwise. She was
kind, if stern, and he could feel how much she loved the occupants of the house,
especially Sirius, Snape, and Lupin.
Snape was the one that Hob thought of as the Dark Man, because he was always
cloaked in black, and his mood was usually bitter and dark to match. Sirius did
not like him. But Hob soon saw that he was not as scary as he seemed: he would
often slip the bird-who-was-not-a-bird a treat when no one was looking, and
once, when all the wizards were talking and having tea in the drawing room, the
Dark Man saw Hob hiding in the shadows, and quietly laid down a cookie beside
the fire for him.
And the Dark Man's mood always lightened whenever Lupin entered the room. Very
odd folk, these wizards; there was Lady Blackmore, who was something more than
human, and there was Lupin, who was a wolf in the shape of a man. Yet he was not
scary at all; while Snape was full of darkness, Lupin seemed to radiate light
and happiness. He was cheerful and friendly, and always left out little treats
for Hob, even though Sirius, the Master of the house, dutifully left Hob's gift
by the fire every night.
Sirius seemed to be composed of equal parts of dark and light, as reflected by
his face, which was handsome, but permanently marked by lines of hardship and
privation, and there were hidden shadows in his dark eyes. He was mostly happy
and good-natured until his friends all departed for school, then he turned moody
and brooding. He was lonesome, Hob realized, so although Hob normally did his
work out of sight and did not show himself to his family (except, occasionally,
to the children), he remained visible and conversed with Sirius and took meals
with him, as his Master requested, and sometimes even played checkers or chess
with him in the evenings. Hob was not much good at such games; a hob lived in
the moment, and rarely thought very far ahead, but it was all right, because
Sirius seemed to want companionship more than he wanted a challenging opponent.
It was no wonder Sirius was so moody; the house was very dark and gloomy, so Hob
tried to brighten it up a bit. A touch of magic brightened the colors on fading
wallpaper, and he drew open the drapes and scrubbed the windows clean to let the
light in. He chased out a boggart who had taken up residence in the basement. He
made sure to fix any loose, squeaky floorboards that might wake the portrait of
Mrs. Black in the Entrance Hall, and had Sirius replace the old troll-leg
umbrella stand with one too sturdy and heavy to be knocked over by the Master's
kind but clumsy cousin, Tonks. Sirius seemed pleased with the changes, and they
settled down into a pleasant, if rather humdrum life. But hobs liked humdrum;
they liked peace and quiet, and did not care much for excitement and great
adventures.
But Hob should have known that a wizard's life was not likely to remain humdrum
for long...
(To be continued in
Part 2...)