| Welcome to Geordies Stories 2006 |
| ...................Newsflash...................... Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that three Brazilian soldiers had been killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the colour ran from his face and he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally he composed himself and turned to Rumsfeld and asked...... "Just how many is a Brazillian?" |
| Global News |
| ...............................Strange, ButTrue?.................................... In an American hospital's Intensive Care Unit patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday mornings at 11am, regardless of their medical conditions. This puzzled he doctos and nurses and some even thought it had something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths always occured around 11am Sundays, so a team of worldwide experts was assembled to investigate the incidents. The next Sunday morning, just before 11am, all of the doctors and nurses waited nervously outside the ward to see for themselves just what the deadly phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and oher holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. When the clock struck 11, Pookie Johnson, the part time cleaner, entered the ward, unplugged the life support system, so he could use his vacuum cleaner. |
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| First Picture of the Trapped Miners |
| ..........AUSTRALIAN NEWS............... A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough. After a few swconds it became apparent that she was in real distress and two locals, Kenzie and Brian turned to look at her. "Kin Ya Swalla?" Kenzie asked.... The woman desperately signalled NO!!!!! "Kin ya Breathe?" Brian asked. NO NO!! she signalled. With that Kenzie got up, walked round behind her, lifted up her dress and yanked down her knickers. He then got down on his knees and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her arse. This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction shot out of her mouth and she began to breathe again. Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a big swig of his beer. Brian said in admiration. "Ya know Kenzie, I've heard of that Hind Lick Manoeuver but thats the first time I've seen it done!! |
| ............................MORE AUSSIE NEWS............................ Shiela, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards she did the splits and "suction-cupped" herself to the floor. She yelled for her husband, "Bruce, Bruce!!" He came running in. "Bruce I've bloody suction-cupped myself to the floor" she said. "S'truth!" He said, "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go over the road and fetch my mate Cobber" They both came back and tried to pull her up. "We can't do it mate" said Cobber. "So we'll just have to try Plan B". "Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "Whats Plan B?" "I'll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her", Cobber said. "Spot on!" Bruce said. "I'll stay here and play with her nipples!" "Play with her nipples? Not exactly a good time for that mate!" Said Cobber. "Nah" Said Bruce, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough we could slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are cheaper!" |
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| Will ya still need me? Will ya still feed me? When I'm 64 |
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| Undercover Police Operations have revealed this German venue for organised soccer violence. |
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| Fitness comes and fitness goes but implants last forever...... |
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| Oh where Oh where is Monica when we need her? |