Charles and I have been friends for fifteen years, I met him when I was at university and he was in high school. He had only recently come out and was dating a friend of mine. We have been friends ever sence. He is handsome, athletic, intelligent and engaging. But he is also unsure of himself.
I know that with his relationship having just fallen apart that he was vunerable. During dinner he thanked me for being a good friend. He appreciated the fact that when he was in a relationship I didn't push him to spend more time with me. But was available when he needed me. I appreciated the centiment but thought that that was what anyone should do. We all know how we ourselves are when we first start a new relationship. Though we may love our family and friends we have absolutely no time for them at least through the first months. Any friend that doesn't recongnize this and gets angry at the new lovers is being stupid to think that friends will have top priority when a relationship is just beginning.
So I felt a little ashamed, he had complemented me on something that I thought should automaticly be expected but knew that in another area I had fallen quite short. Let me see if I can explain how I felt and behaved. Somewhere along the way I convinced myself that because he is blessed on all these different ways that if he is complemented to often it would go to his head and that it was my duty as his friend to save him from this folly (pretty conceited of my huu) So I seldom complement him on how he looks or his athletic achievements. I knew that he was less self assured when it came to his own education and he felt therefore his intelligence and I would treat him as if he was as intelligent as he truly was and not talk down to him as many others did and as he expected. Along with those qualites i mentioned earlier there is something about him that makes peoplea think he is naive and needs protection. An example is that for years he wouldn't keep up with curent events because he felt they were over his head. He would tell me this after he wouldn't participate in conversations when when we would be discussing the issues as if we truly knew what we were talking about and knew the answers to the worlds problems. I would ask him why he hadn't participted he would tell me how he felt.
Geoff get to the point:
So I felt ashamed about how I had treated him in the past, I have as of late been trying to change my ways. Unfortunately I lapse back into old habits sometimes. this is all in reference to hour trip to Jeff city. At the end of the day when he and his team had won the turnament he asked me if I was impressed with his playing. I said something along the lines of "not really I knew you were pretty good" -- How pompus can I get.
And this has what, to do with sunday's dinner?
So on Sunday when he thanked me I told him what I had done and how I felt. I proceeded to let him know that I am impressed with his playing, not only of volleyball but also his tennis. He has natural athletic abilites and would be good at what ever he tried.
I have decided to redouble my efforts to be supportive and much less critical. This is a time when he will really need a friend and I entend to be the friend that he already thinks I am.
Until next time. Geoff
