Disclaimer: These are the views of Gentle Domme only.
What is dominance? Basically, dominance is having control over some or all aspects of a partner's [sub] life. This comes in a variety of experiences which include, but are not limited to, sexual, 24/7, emotional, and financial.
I consider myself a gentle domme. What does this mean? This means that I do not use force, violence, or humiliation of any sort to control my subs. I believe you can get more with honey than vinegar, although I recognize many subs need to feel loved by other means. That aspect of the lifestyle is not for me.
Giving over one's control to another is the ultimate trusting relationship which takes a lot of time and energy before reaching this point. As a gentle domme, I recognize the one really in control is the sub [and I am one of the few online or RT who I have found to actually admit to this]. She decides when enough is enough by using her safeword. [Safeword is a word agreed upon before entering into a D/s relationship or scene. When this word is spoken, the domme knows the sub is uncomfortable and to stop.]
I have been a sub and a switch [one who goes both ways from domme to sub]. I have been into the humiliation, physical pain,etc. scenes in my younger years. I think this type of relationship is easy to achieve, actually. The more difficult ones are those that delve into one's emotional life and psyche. That is my fetish/turnon. My niche is taking the sub places emotionally she only dreamed about going, but was afraid to try. Yes, it can be scary and I don't recommend this to everyone. However, I am a professional counselor and have been trained in such matters. Before embarking on any aspect of the D/s lifestyle, one must become familiar with it in readings and talking with others. Two great websites are Castle Realm and RebelGent's Home Page.
I also believe in more of an egalitarian relationship with my subs. I look for the positives and potentials and help them recognize their strengths. I will admit that I find very few subs who wish to go this route. They usually shy away whenever I let them know I value their judgements, values, ideas, dreams...although, those few who dare to try, I find it very rewarding in the fact that subs tend to submit to me easier once this threshold has been crossed; thus, I become the dominant one. They know through my words and actions that I will not misjudge them and will honor,protect them in all aspects of our relationship.
Do you have any comments or ideas about what I wrote? Please let me know. I am particularly interested in learning what subs have to say about my views. I will also be willing to post replies--with prior permission, of course.
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