The Rant
My recent move to college has, naturally, taken up a lot of my time, so much so that my poetry output has severly suffered. There are some songs I'm working on, but progression can best be described as slow, and even, I daresay, haphazard. That, and the 'B' key on my keyboard is wobbling, for some reason.
Anyway, with no (current) poetry output, this leaves room for something I always wanted to do, but never thought of doing seriously. WELCOME , ladies and gentlemen...
... to the RANT!!
The premise is simple; I pick a topic and rant and rave about it. Usually my rants will be critical, negative, derogatory and other pleasant things Disney brainwashes kids with. The criticism will, more often than not, be destructive, rather than constructive, and my e-mail address is always open to hate mail. Nobody ever mails me, anyway.
I had intended to make my first Rant on Avril Lavigne, but upon retrospect, I figure she hasn't bugged me enough to be honoured by a Rant. That, and for some weird reason, the Rant I had written out didn't get saved, and thus is lost. For now, anyway. But today I have something even better for you. Today's Rant, the Rant of February 21st, 2003, will be on...
People On The Internet
Or, Pre-pubescent Obnoxious Terminal Idiots
Huh? Yes. People. Out there. People who think that just because they have an opinion they're qualified to express it. People who, if not for the freedoms of the Internet, would remain stuck in their Slipknot-loving, 9-5 blue collar jobs. Ah well.
But what's wrong with People On The Internet, you ask? Well, let's clear this up, I'm not against all people on the Internet. Heavens no. To do so would be folly, not to mention time-wasting, energy-consuming, etc. I'm against those people whose knowledge of English is limited to four letter words (oft mispelled); who replace the letter "s" with "z" in a half-assed attempt to sound cool and avant garde; who rely on every kind of homophobic insult imaginable (but not racist, that's politically uncool, man) to get their point across; people blinded by how right they are that any differing viewpoint sux dik and is soooooooo fucken gay. You know the type. They'll tell you to download the latest piece of Slipknot garbage ("coz its so fuckin heavy man"), yet lambast Linkin Park's latest ("wtf is up with that paino shit?"). Not that Linkin Park shouldn't be lambasted, but these People On The Internet lambast Linkin Park for all the wrong reasons.
But let's give this missle a more specific target. We have area, now let's have location. The other day I was browsing through the Song Board at the excellent Encyclopedia Metallica . The Song Board is basically a place where people come together to discuss the lyrics and music of Metallica's various songs. A good idea, don't you think. I, being the avid Metallica fan I am, decided to go in and offer my two cents. Five minutes in that place was enough for me to decide that those two cents were faaaaaaaaaar too valuable.
What was wrong? Simple. People On The Internet. That's what was wrong. People with the sadly mistaken impression that having an opinion gives them free reign to let the whole world know about it. People who don't bother to back their statements up with anything other than "metallica are godz man!!!!!!!!".
Don't get me wrong. I love Metallica. They've screwed their career up in certain places, but even then, I find myself liking what they've done with it. I love straight-out thrashers like "Disposable Heroes" just as much as I love the mellow, introspective "The Unforgiven II". Having said this, though, I'm fan enough to admit (and know) when they really screw up on something. "Ronnie" sucks. "2 x 4" is terrible. "Fuel" is embarrassing. "Devil's Dance" is cringe-worthy. "Better Than You" is laughable. And yet, would you believe it, I actually get a kick out of listening to them sometimes. But it's the kind of kick you get when watching a really lame sitcom like "American High". Fun for 30 seconds, then you wonder why you bothered.
I can hear you think. You asking, "So if you like these songs, even if they're bad, what's wrong with other people who like them?". Well, I hope you're asking that, anyway, it gives me an excuse to go on with my Rant. As I said earlier, people would post messages on the Song Board (much like a discussion forum), talking (and being just barely legible) on some such song, usually limiting their "arguments" (and I use that word lightly) to "best fucken metallica song ever,period", when anybody with half an ear drum and half a brain cell would know that a song like "Ronnie" would never make it to a Top Ten of Metallica. Some blasphemer went so far as to say that the music from Load and Re-Load was even better than the music Metallica made in the 80s. And to think, they crucified Christ instead. I know, Christ's death was salvation, but c'mon, with idiots like People On The Internet out there, you gotta wonder sometimes...
(At this point, my apologies to anyone who has not heard any of the songs mentioned hitherto or in the proceeding paragraphs. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, all this might have seemed boring and over your head. Suffice to say, if you keep reading, thing's'll make sense as I go on.)
What gets me is that these people don't really listen to the song. Some idiot (no names mentioned) even went so far as to say that the opening riff for "Ronnie" is 'tallica's best yet. I'm wondering what the hell [James] Hetfield (lyricist/songwriter/singer) was smoking when he came up with that riff. What is it trying to be - pseudo-country-hard rock-blues? From Metalica? Anybody notice something wrong here? Well, obviously the People On The Internet don't, they follow with almost Marilyn Manson-like devotion. The same People On The Internet also spoke (well, tried to) of how Hetfield's lyrics were really dark and foreboding. Well, the subject matter (school shootings) isn't something to be happy about. But like most of the lyrics of the Load and Re-Load albums, Hetfield's lyrics are uninspired, boring and contrived:
"Story starts
Quiet town
Small time boy
Big time frown
Never laughed
Never played
Different path
Lost his way"
--Metallica, "Ronnie"
Believe me, it gets worse. You can tell a song is bad when it has nothing better to start with than "Story starts". I like to think my own "Afraid of the Dark" does a slightly better job.
Then again, I'm not one of the People On The Internet.
People On The Internet at the movies - page 2