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Dave's Automotive Anomalies
My Gemini Vans
~ The FeralVan '97 ~ Page One ~
Holden TD Gemini van built 04/78
VGS-425 |
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Back to my homepage |
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My first Gemini van was dubbed 'The Feralvan' by Olivia, a female friend of mine. She didn't quite appreciate that one didn't have to be a stinky feral to own a panelvan, and she also pointed out that the mural was very suspect. Very "Shaggin' Wagon" was the term she used. After much debate, the name somehow stuck. I even started doodling pictures of it during my boring business college classes (that would be all of them), and giving the pictures the title of 'FeralVan '97'. |
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Being a young bloke and a bit of a hoon, it wasn't long before bits got replaced with faster bits. As seen in the photos on the previous page, the front was an acceptable height, but the poor car's arse was higher than a hippie. I had started calling Gemispares in Adelaide for advice and parts for the car, and asked them if they chopped springs. They DID do that modification, but only on cars that would not be seeing any registered road use, if you know what I mean. So chopped they were, and the car sat at a more reasonable level. It still handled like a go-kart, so I was happy. |
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Other modifications undertaken to the FeralVan included shaving the head for higher compression. The head was allegedly ported slightly, and uprated with TX-model Gemini valves and Holden V8 valve springs. Not sure if I was taken for a ride or not, but the car went a little harder than it did, so again, I was happy. However, the looks I got when I entered Gemispares workshop for the first time did not impress me. There was mirth, and it appeared to be at my expense. |
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left: The FeralVan was good at carving up smooth dirt roads at the Yorke Peninsula. |
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The FeralVan's Checkered Past |
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It turned out that the FeralVan had lead a wide and varied life around Adelaide. It first came into the hands of the Gemispares crew many years ago as a parts-getter. No doubt thrashed by all-and-sundry who worked there, the car left their hands in undercoat-grey, with the muralized panels attached - but not before one Gemispares employee managed to fall out of the back of it and onto the road. Trying to cool down his hotdog, no less. |
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Dennis Mobbs at Gemispares had a pretty good show car in the 1980's. It was a red TE-model Holden Gemini panelvan, and it did the show rounds as Li'l Malibu. Li'l Malibu had many things that make a good '80s show car - chrome and shitloads of it, a perspex bonnet to show off said chrome, it was dumped at the front, high at the back and sported a mural of a palm tree on its side panels. On its roof was a roof-rack and black vinyl. Sound familiar? |
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For some reason, Dennis decided to fit the panels with murals to his parts-getter, and the car was sold with them still on it. For Li'l Malibu, its days of show 'n' slow were over, and the same car is now the Gemispares drag car. Once black but now orange, with chrome Welds wheels, a TG-model front and a turbo the diameter of an LP, its been known to run 9s at Adelaide International Raceway.
And the parts-getter disappeared from their lives... until... |
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Gemispares was, for a time, next door to a used car yard. Of course, out of all the car yards in Adelaide, the little van, now painted red to match the mural, had to show up next door. I believe Dennis went to see the guy who ran the yard, and said that the car had been his, and that whoever buys it should come and see him for a fair price on servicing and repairs. He did, after all, know the car fairly well. The dealer did just that when a lady bought the van off him. She was a prostitute, and had a policy that Dennis don't call her - she'll ring to see if the car's ready when it's being fixed. I found an empty condom packet under the spare wheel the day I bought the car - I still wonder if the up-and-coming prosti used it as her mobile office... |
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The car disappeared again from Gemispares' circle, and eventually found its way into the hands of an aspiring TAFE student in Victor Harbor. The FeralVan had some serious problems that were not apparent when the car was bought - the front beam running behind the windscreen had been butchered to make room for the sunroof, and there were various holes everywhere; in the rear metal window panels (to make way for bubble windows that never eventuated), in the load area floor (perfect for stashing drugs) and behind the seats (for stashing more drugs). So I blame the TAFE student for those problems, although they could have been done by anybody in the Adelaide Metropolitan Area and beyond. |
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Brian Edwards bought it from the TAFE student to lug his Surf Lifesaving gear around in. There was plenty of sand in the back when I got it, so he wasn't lying. After a couple of years, I guess Brian realised that his Skyline would do just as good a job, so he put a 'for sale' sign in the windscreen of the car and parked it across the road from his deli, waiting for someone like me to show up and check it out. |
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And that's how the car came back into the Gemispares circle again, although briefly. I rang up one day searching for a right-hand panelvan window winder. Mine had snapped, sending the window crashing into the door, unable to wind up. The guy on the phone was less than helpful. I'm big on customer service, so when I ask and the fella on the phone goes "Nuh," rather than "Sorry we don't have one in stock", I wasn't impressed. Then, I asked if he could get one in, but he suggested I go and find one at a wreckers. Well, they're a wreckers, but they lost my business after that. I rang Just Gemini Spares and asked if they had one. They did, and were more than happy to fit it, so I went there for a time after that. |
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Accidents... |
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Most young blokes, especially those with a bit of a lead foot, will experience an accident through lack of experience coupled with a need for speed. Fortunately, my biggest accident occurred in 1995 in my Mum's 323. I simply lost it in the wet one night with shitty, balding tyres, and fishtailed into the gutter. It could have been worse - the car bounced from the gutter (airborne) and landed on the road. If it had gone up the gutter, we (me and my mate Phill) would have kissed a Stobie pole (that's a concrete and steel telegraph post for you interstate and international readers - environmentally friendly - no trees involved, but they don't bend too easily). The car would have been a write-off, and we probably wouldn't have remained the good looking lads we are today (uh, yeah). |
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My second and so far only other major accident was a fair bit more dopey than that, and can't be blamed on bald tyres, nor on inexperience. Just stupidity, really. I had fitted mags to the car, but had 13" stockies on the back so I could do some burnouts and stuff on really cheap tyres. I had been fanging around the place with Whiskey in the car, when I took a corner near my house with the tyres squealling. I thought it was good fun, and I decided to go around the block and take the same corner again, then head home. Unfortunately, the second time I went around, there was a Police car coming the other way. They put their lights on, but being so close to my house, I decided to leg it home. Mistake. A Gemini cannot outrun a Police car. It has probably happened (in fact it has happened - Whiskey did it in his TE sedan) but not when the Police are that close. |
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I hooked it left into a side street and gunned it all the way down, then I had to make a right-hand turn. Whiskey had taken off his seat-belt in readiness to bolt out of the car and run. I took it at monumental speed, and knew as the tail swung out wildly that if we missed the gutter, we'd make it and if we hit it, we wouldn't. Of course, we hit the gutter. The car swung around 180 degrees to have us facing the gutter we'd just hit. The power was still down, so we took off like a rocket towards the kerbing. Fortunately, we'd lined up with a driveway, and went clean up it. However, I was presented with new challenges. I could hit the garage in front of me, or I could hit the tree in the front yard, or I could aim between the pair of them. I aimed for the gap, but on a warm October night, the owner of the house was watering his garden. Amazingly, the car pulled up nicely in front of him without crossing his path. Of course, he wasn't going to test my brakes, so he jumped out of the way anyway. |
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above: click on the photo for a larger version of the FeralVan toasting some tyres. |
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Whiskey jumped out of the car and bolted down the street. He passed about three houses when he just stopped and stuck his hands in his pockets and tried to act casual, like he'd done nothing wrong. I got out and dropped to my knees with my hands in the air. I was half expecting the cops, who'd pulled up moments after me, to pull out guns and tell me to spread 'em, but they realised I had given up quickly.
I was breath tested twice, because they couldn't believe I done something so stupid without being under the influence. Truth be know, I'd smoked a couple of cones earlier on which probably clouded my judgement somewhat, but I guess the main reason I ran was because my licence, still P-plates, had only one-demerit point left on it, due to a previous speeding fine. |
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Fortunately for me, the man who I almost ran into was very philosophical. He told me that his son had spent time in jail and had paid for his crimes. While mine wasn't quite criminal and I wasn't going to jail, he told me that I'd be punished and that was OK by him. No harm done, see ya later. I was thankful for his relaxed stance, as one of the cops felt the need to constantly drill me for being an idiot. By the time I was booked and had given a statement, I said to the cop, "Are you finished getting stuck into me now? Because whatever you tell me isn't going to make me feel any worse - I can't feel any worse than this, OK?" He told me to go and sit in my car to think about what I'd done. As if I could think of anything else. |
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above: It didn't have the best paint job in town, but it looked good occasionally. Looks OK in the early morning light at Barcoo Road, West Beach. Click on the pic for a larger version. |
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The damage to the car was minimal. Once stock rim was severely dented, and my rear axle and differential had been pummelled. My rear panhard rod wasn't quite so straight either. All up, a second hand rear axle assembly cost me about $300 installed. But the cost to my pride and freedom was worse. |
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After consulting some useless people at Legal Aid, then a nice lawyer who does a single consultation free for RAA members, I went to court with short hair, no goatee and a very demure attitute. I told the judge I was sorry and that I was an idiot and I knew that. He said he was going to punish me more severely, but upon hearing my remoseful plea, he gave me the minimum punishment for my offence, which was Driving in a Manner Dangerous. I was fined $400 and lost my licence for six months. Six long months of commuting from West Beach to Salisbury every day for work wasn't fun, but gave me a chance to listen to my Discman more and catch up on some tunes... |
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~ on to ~
~ FeralVan '97 ~ Page Two ~ |
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