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I like da intatainment up in hea. Specially when we gets the goods on all tha hot celebs. Dey don't call me Scoops fo nuthin. Yo if ya'll want, meet round back of my works and I'll sell ya tha real goods. I gots all the latest in tha showbidness merchandise!! Yo and if that bitch Rhonda come showin' her face 'round here, you tell her you ain't never heard of Double Scoops Johnson or Uptown Da Ronnie. Yo get ya news on!!

Denver, CO - In a publicity stunt gone horribly awry, the former cast members of Full House were engulfed by John "Uncle Jesse" Stamos's old mullet. The mullet, which had been last seen around 1991, came out of nowhere as the cast was performing their hit road show, "Full House and Me on the Road." The mullet blanketed the cast as Dave Coulier was delivering his hit line, "Cut it out." The crowd of thirty were in awe. Said one area women, "I have never seen a mullet of that magnitude come out and take out this amount of washed up celebrity crap. I am in awe."

"What can I say, I am 100% pure man." Those are the lines of one A.C. Slater. Mario Lopez grew up surrounded by poverty. In fact, his family was so surrounded by poverty that they gathered all of their sacks of money and moved to Hollywood, where they would be more likely to fit in. Mario Lopez

fit in so well that he landed a role in the hit show Saved by the Bell. He quickly overshined the show's star, Zach Morris. Some say it was his ability to deliver lines with perfect timing, but he insists it was his "enormous muscles" that people

loved. Lopez and Morris settled their 'ratings disputes' when they teamed up to tackle the one person who overshined both of them on the show. That's right, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech. Perhaps the biggest story behind the scenes of Saved By the Bell, was Mario Lopez's romantic interludes with fellow cast member Mr. Belding. When reached for comment, Mr. Belding claimed, "I just fell in love with his smile and personality." Lopez resonded, "Nope, it was my enormous muscles." Mario Lopez realized that there probably wasn't much of a career left for him on a high school show when they filmed the graduation special. Then, he was surprised to hear that the show was going to continue with Saved By the Bell College Years. When notified of the continuation of the series, Lopez said, "I am going to need a new wardrobe. Those old shirts won't fit around my college - sized humongously enormous muscles." Mario Lopez died on May 21, 1999. The cast mourned.

Denver, Co- In sad news today, Rick Moranis has been given AIDS in a Pro-Amatuer Celebrity Fellatio Tournament. The giver of the AIDS to Moranis was a one Mr. T. When reach for comment, Moranis replied, "It was all for charity. I didn't know Mr. T was so dirty." In response to the comments, an apologetic T replied, "I sure pity that fool." The infection hasn't slowed Moranis down though, as he took time between the production of his newest movie, "Honey, I Gave The Kids A VD.", to portray Richard the Third in Shakespeare's "Romeo And Juliet." If you insist on going to see the show, be warned: Moranis has been known in past shows to spit fire at the audience, AIDS ridden fire that is!

Denver, CO - Denver native Cameron "Wheels" Somers has filed a lawsuit against Burger King for slandering of name, defemation of character, and conglamerating with his municiples. Cameron has been going by the name "Wheels"

since he lost his legs at the age of three in a freak dodge ball incident. When his friends started calling him "Wheels" he was relieved because it was a much better nickname than, "Cripple", "Good Ol No Legs", or "Handicameron". Yes his life was returning to normal, when Burger King started to run their Kid's Club ad campaign that included a certain wheelchair clad member who went by the name of "Wheels". Shocked, Somers, rolled his crippled self to the nearest phone and called his mother. While sobbing like a little girl...a handicapped little girl, Cameron explained the situation. Peeved like any pre-menopaused woman, his mother immediately fled from the police and hired a lawyer. The lawyer, Ponkil McDasterdam filed the suit and claimed, "Handicameron will win!"