This story could go on and on for many pages... The panic anxiety got worse the more I drank, and looking back now, it seems as a miracle I could get an education and a good job there. I worked almost four years there, got divorced as I couldn't keep up with this maniac, but I kept on drinking. I sometimes think of all the energy and strength it took out of me, to keep up the job, the drinking, forcing myself to go by bus each day although I suffered from severe anxiety attacks. I could have used that strength for something better
After four years I decided to move back to my hometown - thought everything would be fine when I was home. The classical mistake... You can't move away from the problem that's within you. Of course nothing got better - it got worse. Met another man, very nice, and much better scilled in hiding his alcoholism. Another move...north this time. Almost ten years had passed since the first move, and now things really started to get serious. I was in hospital several times, finally got the DT:s. My test results were disasterous, blood pressure, everything. I had a lack of trombocytes amongst others.Oddly enough my liver status wasn't the worst.
In spite of all this, I managed to take a one-year-course to become a medical transcriptionist. I almost missed it though, I was away drinking for a long period, but the took me back, and my grades were really good. Sitting in a class room was pure torture, with my panic syndrom that just got worse over the years. It's still another miracle that I made it.
At the university hospital they had a special clinic for people like me there, with a wonderful staff of great patience. I'll always remember them in gratitude. I was probably there at least seven times, during a period of two years, but finally there came a Last time, and I'll pay that day a page of its own here.
