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| June 2, 2002 My lil sis is gonna go to Cedar Point morrow and once again I get left behind. Shes always been smarter than me, and it does make me feel bad, but still I dont say it very often but I love her, if sumpin happened to her i would be devistated. I wanna do sumpin special for her so when she gets into her money purse morrow she'd be surprised but I dunno what I can do...Well other than that, what else is goin on in Jess's life...Nuthin much really, the Bryan/Jessica saga continues...I talked to my Mandy today, shes like my best friend in the world, shes been there for me through everything, even when things got really bad, Im sure she knows what I mean when I say Im sorry for not believing when I should've...I miss seein her all the time though, its been almost 3 weeks since Ive seen her....but anyways, Brandon wont die, or stop tryin to convince me that fuckin him would be a good thing...EWWWWWW...ok Im over it...then theres Kyle and Chris E. we all know I have a thing for Kyle but this thing with Chris is new, I dunno where it even came from... Mandy wants Lee who in turn wants her(there goin out), Brandon is with Miranda(there madly in love its sick), Kyle wants Angie, Ashlee and Billy are obsessed with each other, Bryan wants me(as always, not necessarily a bad thing), Chris i dunno about...for all i know he might not want anyone, Angie wants Mark?/Shane?/Kyle?, Mark im not sure about, Shane wants Angie, I want Kyle?/Bryan?/Chris E.? ...its like a horrible Soap Opera type deal weve got goin on...everyone is all fucked up in this situation and were all keeping secrets from everyone thats gonna haunt us and someone is gonna find out and make everything even more complicated...i dunno maybe i look at things from the wrong point of view, but from the way i see it...were all fucked everyway but the rightway...its not cool...well this journal entry should give u a pretty good idea of my fucked up life, if ya got any questions about it then ur gonna have to e-mail me or sumpin cuz i cant sit here all nite tryin to sum it up into a lil page like this...its that bad...*muahz & hugglez* thanx for visitin and keepin up on my boring ass life!!! June 5, 2002 its been awhile since ive gotten on and updated cuz of exams and all but i had time tonite so ya know. i got called a dike today!!! how lovely!!! its ashlee's fault. i cant believe she did this. i thought she was a friend and trustworthy at that!!!!! im gonna have to put my story on here i guess its pretty good. i dunno i might ill decide later. my sis wants me to make a sequal to it already lol! hehe well im outty peace yall. June 7, 2002 ive been slacking off lately when it comes to workin on my site sorry everybody. so much for justins so called party! he had the gates locked and everything!!! lol! anyways, nuthin much to talk about anymore life is the same as always. i missed out on Pauls party tonite but its no big deal well it is but still i mean its not too big considerin Bryan came over and stayed with me for awhile so it was ok, oh yea by the way i'm going out with Bryan again! this makes for 11 tries, hopefully this time we can get things to work out, but there are a few things that have been bothering me about him lately, like how he always wants to lick me or when he gets really close to my face, it kinda freaks me out...well i gotta go! love yas! *muahz & hugglez* June 23, 2002 ok i know i know i need to start workin on my site more...my bad...anyways...i had one of my pathetic episodes last nite...sumpin that happened with me and Bryan made me think about this whole situation last holloween...not cool...but yea im ok i mean i cry over it sometimes but life goes on...i mean i know i gotta tell him the whole story and all but im just afraid of his reaction...i mean its not REALLY bad but its not all ya know...sumpin i talk about or ever thought i would tell anyone anything about...but things with Bryan are different now...i dunno when im not holding him or touching him i miss him...i know its pathetic, but i cant help it...juss when i was gettin the playa rep too....damn...im workin on stayin up all nite too im sure it wont be too hard...i mean damn i woke up at 6 only 3.5 hrs last nite 4 the nite before whats one nite with no sleep!!!! oh well not like anyone cares... i mean im the forgotten child so ya know how it goes...Bryan, Mandy, Ashlee, i love you so much you 3 mean so much to me you dont even know...i mean ive never thought i had any real friends but then there was Bryan, love ya babe, i mean he loves me more than life itself, i cant believe i ever hurt him...and then Mandy, i dunno where i would be without her, shes been my best friend for the past 2 yrs...Ashlee and me met this year, its been really fun, shes always hyped up and happy, i know its prolly juss for show but still...love ya guys so much im really happy ur part of my life...i been up since 6am so...ya know...anyways its 1:10 am now so im doin good so far...well love yall peace *muahz&hugglez* June 24, 2002 hey look im updatin more often again!!! joy! lol! im in a mood right now im not exactly sure what kinda mood but it is a mood...yea im like in hate with my family they really anger me...they were going to go out for ice cream last nite but then my mom said no cuz i wasnt there...the only one that said anythin bout me bein gone was my mom...but ya know when i got home my mom and sis were up and they both gave me attitude...when my dad got home tonite i dint talk to him till i had to cuz i was on the phone and he interupted...i dunno my parents called my best friend a sleeze...that really pissed me off...but ya know what i dont care...they're never gonna tell me who i can and cannot hang out with...i hate them...i hate em all...anyways...................i spent all day yesterday with Bryan which was tons of fun...i dont needa go into details...but then today when i called him back i think i woke him from a nap...my bad dint mean to... i ate a lil for dinner a lil bit ago...and i slept well last nite...did you know that if you drink lots and lots of water to make urself full you pee alot??? yea i do now...lol....well im out nuthin else to say...*muahz&hugglez* July 25, 2002...12:44 am hey its been awhile since i updated but i havent had time...my bad...i know but still, alot of things have happened, for one i been busy with Bryan, love ya tons n bunches babe, then about a week n a half ago my great gramma had a stroke so i havent been able to get on lately cuz of all the phone calls we been gettin my mom is at the hospital everyday, ive gone twice, i know i should go more but i get sick to my tummy in hospitals, im goin again in the mornin, shes gettin alot better now, im tryin to convince Bryan to go but i know he dont like hospitals at all either...last nite i went to the fair with Bryan, Mandy, Chris, Steph, Robert, Mark, n Angie. alot of bad bad shit happened there too not cool i thought i was gonna haveta take Angie out, but thas a long story so im not gonna go into details...someone that used to go to school with us got into a car accident n died on the 23rd, which is totally not cool...too many ppl have been dyin from school...then last nite Bryan n me got engaged, i was totally shocked i was sooooo not expecting it...he used his class ring like in that one country song, he said he was really nervous, i could tell sumpin was up but i wasnt sure what i was kinda scared and worried it was sumpin bad but it wasnt thank not god!!! i dont want anythin bad to happen with us, i dunno what i would do without him...anyways i have the ring on a chain that i wear now...well i think thas all...toodles!!! *Muahz&Hugglez* |
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