Everyone should read quotes sometimes... maybe you won't repeat them, but it's like Cliff's Notes for life.
Montaigne (1553 - 1592)
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
I have a new philosophy, I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
Charles Schulz
I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building.
Charles Schulz
There is more to life than increasing its speed.
Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948)
Life is what happens while you are making other plans.
John Lennon (1940 - 1980)
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen
For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.
Johnny Carson
Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
When turkeys mate they think of swans.
Johnny Carson
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bathtoys were a toaster and a radio.
Joan Rivers
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their own children because they are more certain they are their own.
Aristotle (384 - 322 BC)
I never met a kid I liked.
W.C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
If I ever marry it will be on a sudden impulse, as a man shoots himself.
H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Last words of Pancho Villa (1877? - 1923)
He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas of any man I've ever met.
Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865)
The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.
Jorge Luis Borges
'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
W.C. Fields (1880 - 1946)
I drink to make other people more interesting.
George Jean Nathan (1882 - 1958)
Inflation has gone up over a dollar a quart.
W.C. Fields(1880 - 1946)
I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since the invention of the funnel.
Malachy McCourt
I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson
If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
Dean Martin
I tremble for my country when I refelct that God is just.
Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826)