|
BACK TO FRASER'S FRACTURED FICTION Adventures in Decorating, part 8by A. Fraser and J. Hontz
© Copyright 2005 A. Fraser and J. Hontz. All rights reserved. Gabby, tired and stressed from her ordeal, stumbled and almost fell, unable to keep up with the fleet of paw... foot werewolf. Mitch turned and caught her deftly before she could hit the floor. "Hotel door straight ahead," he said, easily supporting her weight, "and the car's right outside. Spence! Here!" He'd spotted the bookkeeper among the throng. "Right along with you, Shaggy," said Spence. He pushed open the hotel doors and held them for Mitch and Gabby to get out. They risked a look behind them. The guards were completely hemmed in by paparrazi. Possibly an armed ant could have gotten through. "Brilliant," said Mitch. Spence tried to look modest. He failed. He called Adele's cell phone. "We've got her, and we're on the way to the car. No pursuit, they can't move an inch. The lobby's wall-to-wall people." Spence listened then said, "Adele said to just go. She can't get through the crowd either. She'll make her own way home." Mitch helped Gabby into the front seat and squeezed into the back. There were shouts behind them. "Uh oh. Home, James!" "It's better than Velma," said Spence, and pushed the little Citroen as fast as it would go. _______ Armando dropped Julian's unconcious body. No time to kill the bastard, unfortunately, he had to get out of there. He pointed to the upset Fred and quivering Denis. "You're both dead!" Then he swang himself up through the broken skylight and was gone. "Fred?" Denis asked tremulously. "Who is this fellow?" He nudged Julian with his foot. "What is going on? Why did you tell me to strike the Worm Ourobourous?" "Denis," said Fred, "shut up. Help me get Julian down to his car. I will take him back to his hotel. You had better go into hiding. If Armando does not kill you, I just might." Denis, who was even younger than Fred, cringed. "What does this all mean?" he asked. "The great Worm Ourobourous is a phony, Denis. He is just a broken-down wizard named Armando. We have all been fooled." He sighed and tried to heave Julian up on his own. "Help me, you silly boy." Although Denis was scared and confused, he helped Fred drag Julian's limp form down to the car. But he refused to get in the car and go with Fred. He ran off into the night. Fred shook his head, and managed to drive the car back to Julian's hotel. With some effort, he started to drag Julian inside, only to find Mabel there in an instant. "Oh, step aside, junior," she said, not unkindly, and hefted Julian inside. "Really," she said to her unconcious employer, "this is getting to be a habit." Julian who was barely aware of his situation muttered, "Why is the world upside down...again?' Mabel turned to see the Scoobies returning with their freed hostage. "About time. Where's Adele?" "Right here," said an amused voice behind Mabel. "Oh, god, what happened to Julian?" "A champagne bottle delivered with some force," said Fred apologetically. "And Armando got away." "I will look after Julian," said Mabel briskly. "Adele, can you take care of Gabrielle? And you two," she looked at the triumphant Spencer and Mitch, "go to bed." ___________ Much groaning and muttering issued from the couch where Julian lay, a huge knot on his scalp and an icepack on it. Julian had never pretended to be the strong silent type. If he hurt the world knew it. Joshua and Gideon, on becoming conscious, heard that string of complaint and hurried out into the common area of the suite. Adele appeared then. Fred, who'd been sitting on the floor at Julian's feet, remorsefully blaming himself for Julian's sad state, said mournfully, "We need to find Denis." "Who's Denis?" "He hit Julian. It was my fault." Adele blinked, trying to make sense of that statement. Gideon commented, "Wise man, Denis." Josh almost choked. ____ In that private home in the Fauborg St-Germain, two vampires arose, bathed, dressed and poured and drank the evening's libation. They did so with some mild, good-natured bickering, like an old married couple. Jean was trying to get amourous again, but Genevieve stomped on him. "We must go back to Julian's hotel," she reminded him, "and see if they rescued that poor girl and captured Armando. Then I must go home; what on earth must Bertrand think of me, abandoning the chateau with two dead monks in it?" As if on cue, her cell phone rang. She listened for some length, occasionally replying, then ended the conversation with several repeated "mercis". "I do not pay that man enough," she sighed, looking at Jean. Jean grunted. If he hadn't known Bertrand was a happily married man with several small Bertrands, he would have resented the estate manager's relationship with Gen. "He has looked after things, then?" he asked. "He has installed new and better security alarms on all the doors, found the little cousins somewhat bruised and bound, but otherwise fine, in an outbuilding, and, how did he put it? Oh, yes, 'taken out the garbage' he found in my bedroom." Bertrand, of necessity, knew what Gen was. He probably hadn't been very surprised to find two dead monks in the chateau. "Then you do not need to go home tonight," said Jean hopefully. "I still should..." she began. "One more night. We shall go and see them at the hotel, and then come back here and make love." She smiled and granted him a kiss. "Yes, all right," she conceded. "But _first_ we go and see our dear friends." "Julian is not my dear friend," said Jean darkly. Gen just sighed. "Try to behave," she warned him. "Viens." They vienned. _________ Everyone was now gathered in the main room of the suite. Julian had taken a shower and discovered being upright was no longer problematic. Gabrielle, who'd slept all day, was now awake. She'd had a shower, and a long serious discussion with Adele regarding exactly what everyone was. Yes, what, not whom. She eyed the vampires with new-found respect and avoided Spence's puppy-dog eyes. Mitch's wolfish ones were far easier to deal with. Fred had drawn a map. The interior of the loft they'd visited the night before. "He won't have decamped?" Julian asked. "I doubt it," said Fred. "He's supremely confident, which is how he's talked so many of us to doing his bidding." Julian commented dryly, "Yes, I know." Julian spared a moment to assess Jean, who was standing a little apart, obviously in a snit that he wasn't in charge of things. Julian had dealt with the sort often enough before. All right, make use of it. "Here's what we do," Julian began, and laid out a plan that was elaborate in concept but quite simple in execution. Everyone had a role. And, most importantly, Jean got to be the star. It still bothered Jean that it was Julian's plan but having the starring role, almost, almost, made up for that. -------------------------- Meanwhile, Armando was deploying his own forces. The lower circle idiots to the fore, his trustworthy inner circle the real game. He frowned as he remembered how brilliant Julian could be. After all, Julian had posed as a little drug-addled prostitute for several months. It still grated on Armando's temper that he'd not seen through that. He'd been blinded by Julian's beauty and his willingness to indulge Armando in all his more, uhm, eccentric preferences. Ostensibly it was for money. In reality... He had to believe Julian had enjoyed much of it. Yes, he must have. When they'd parted all those years ago it had been bloody and very nearly deadly. This time he'd make sure the bastard was totally, irretrievably dead. __________ The Light Side of the Force, if one could so consider a battered mage, a sexy young witch, four assorted vampires of varying ages and temperaments, a foxy werewolf, a clerk, a driver, a cook and a young, converted ex-monk, set off singly or in groups towards Armando's hideaway. Ole. "Now this," Joshua commented to his hubby as they moved stealthily through the streets of Paris, alert for the Relic Guardians, "is what I always thought of the Brotherhood as doing." "See?" Gideon replied. "I told you things would get exciting if you stuck around long enough." "I should still be the one in charge," Jean grumbled. "I have the military experience." "Julian was a general," replied Spencer. "What rank were you?" For some reason, Jean became very preoccupied in tying his shoelace and didn't seem to hear the question. "Captain," said Gen. "I could have risen higher," Jean said defensively, "if I had not happened to become a vampire." "Oh, I see, so your lack of promotion is my fault?" "I never said that!" Spencer was trying very, very hard not to laugh. He caught Gen's wink and lost it. ---------------------- "Just you and me, together, alone, finally," Mitch said to Adele. "Of course, I hadn't really envisioned us going on a mission after a mad mage magically meddling muddled monks." Adele snorted. "Silly wolfie. Now where is Gabby?" Gabby, driving the car Julian had rented, pulled into a parking spot a couple of blocks away from their target. She was to be held in reserve. Mabel and her Uzi being in the back seat. Mabel had complained bitterly of this, you understand, but once Julian had pointed out that stealth was a major component of their attack she'd acquiesced grudgingly to being in the last wave. Julian had also been forced to promise her first dibs on the kitchens at both Armando's residence and in the halls of the Worm Oro... Ori.. However the hell it was spelled. Gen and Jean peeled off down one street, Josh and Gideon down another. Spencer and Fred slipped into a nearby Indian take-away and after a heated conversation with the owner and the handing off of some very large denomination euros, the owner turned the sign in the door to "Ferm�" tossed the keys to Spencer and hurried home to his wife, four kids and mother-in-law. He hadn't looked happy. He'd been enjoying football in the relative quiet of his store and knew full well he'd miss the rest of the game. Once the owner was gone, Spencer broke out a laptop, plugged it in to the wall outlet for power and fired it up. He opened a program that brought up a schematic of the Hall of the Worm in detail. Spencer had pulled it off the Paris website and then added in the usage of the rooms as Fred had described them. Nearby streets were marked as well, and tiny blinking lights appeared at various points surrounding the building. Spence pointed to two: "That's Joshua and Gidsy. Oh, god, Adele has me doing it too. There's Gen and the ass," he said pointing to two other blinking lights that seemed to be gaining in elevation. "I gather they aren't having a problem reaching the roof." Fred shook his head in wonder. "Elaborate set up." "Julian robs museums and banks for kicks." Fred's mouth dropped open. "He mostly gives the stuff back. He's got a low tolerance for boredom." Fred was wise enough to refrain from further comment. Until he watched as the two dots marking Jean and Gen reached the roof. "Doesn't Jean know they will be expecting an attack from the roof? After all, that's how Julian and I got in at his flat." Spence grinned. "Of course. Hopefully Gen has enough control over his enthusiasm to keep him from getting himself killed permanently, but Jean is just the sort you send out on the suicide missions." Fred looked worried. Spence shrugged. "If things go as planned, Jean will live to try to stick a blade into Julian's middle." Meanwhile, they saw Adele and her wolfie's blinking lights move into position just across from the back door to the Hall. "Where's Julian?" Fred asked. Spence sighed. "He ditched his tracking device before we even got out of the car." --------------------- Julian had indeed ditched his tracking device. It was better the others didn't know where he was. The element of surprise would be far more profound this way. Well, except for the smell. The Paris sewers were easily the worst in Europe. He held his nose and sloshed onwards. He'd found the old entry to the building, an entry that had been plastered over. He waited, the noise that would ensue would be his cue to blast through the floor and up into the main room of the Hall. ----- Spence checked his watch. Six minutes to the hour. Then he spoke into his mic. All the others wore identical tiny receivers and would hear his quiet words: "All in place. Adele, Mitch, go!" They grinned at each other and rushed towards the Lair of the White Worm. Mitch kicked the door open, hoping like hell for the element of surprise, while Adele shouted "Press!" Astounded men of varying ages stared at them from under inked sigils. While all attention was on the doorway and the two young people there, Spencer spoke again. "Gen, Jean, your turn." Sparkling, splintering glass, falling in a sharp, short shower, announced the arrival of Crusader Rabb... uh, Jean. He landed on top of one of Armando's most trusted inner circle monks. One down, 60 to go. Gen followed him in a slightly more lady-like manner, frowning as several monks seized crossbows. Jean knew what, fortunately, the monks didn't. A crossbow is not a weapon meant for accuracy. It tends to shoot higher than it is aimed. It is meant to be used to fire an iron-tipped quarrel with some force into the nearest enemy to give the bowman time to duck behind a convenient pikeman and reload. When shooting a mere sharpened wooden bolt, unless it is being fired by a trained vampire slayer, it tends to more or less spit the projectile out and let it rattle to the floor. Many of the Guardians lost their nerve completely, what with the press at the door and vampires crashing through the roof. Spence had now dispatched Gideon and Josh to the front door. Monks attempting to escape that route met two more vampires. Josh was normally a friendly, easy-going chap whom almost everyone but the most rabid homophobe liked... but tonight he looked as dangerous and unpredictable as Jean. Chaos ensued. Adele had produced a large microphone of the sort used for live broadcasts and was inventing ongoing commentary. "We're live from the Lair of the Serpent of Slime! A raid is now taking place. Here, you! Have you got a comment?" The innocent (mostly) novice monks quailed at the prospect of gendarmes crashing through the doors (many of them were out past their parents' curfews) so bolted for the door nearly knocking Mitch over in their haste to escape. Mitch, feeling slightly put out that he didn't have a monk or two to fight, but rather pleased to still have Adele all to himself, growled deep in his throat. Adele gave him an appreciative grin. Then several older monks came through a doorway and he had what he wanted. A melee! Roar! At the little used front door, Gids and Josh were waiting, none to patiently. Sure enough the door slammed open for fleeing minor monks and the two vamps slipped in. The interior was noisy, dark, and crowded. Apparently the electricity was off. Smart move, except that the vamps had night-vision to, pardon the expression, die for. Monks flew before they knew what hit them. Upstairs, Jean had batted away futile attempts to stake him and Gen with silly crossbows. But he was still less than pleased. No sign of Armando. And Jean would dearly love to be the one to take down Armando. He checked on Gen, whose hair was still in place and whose nails weren't even ripped. Yet several rather torn monks lay at her feet. She gave Jean a Gallic shrug. The rest of the monks retreated as Jean and Gen advanced on them. That was when the depths opened and Hell came out. The smell, oi! The entire building shook and suddenly the ground floor began to, well, not collapse downward but instead shoot up. A circle opened, and through it rose what could only be politely called effluvia. And a rather dirty and smelly Julian. He rose up as if he were a demon with invisible powers. Hmmm, maybe he was. He looked farther fearsome under all that dirt. The detritus shot upwards, up and up, breaking a circular hole through the ceiling and into the floor above, and then further upwards to where Gen and Jean were gracefully stepping out of the line of effluvial fire. As the last of the offal shot through the roof and off into the Paris skies, Jean peeked down into the hole. The floor below him appeared to be the current lair of the worm. Armando stood there, surrounded by heavily armed monks. These fellows looked fearsome and muscled. These weren't mere boys. Jean blinked when the smelly mage arose through the air from the bottom floor upwards, to land lightly on the edge of the destructive hole he'd made, to face Armando. Jean was having none of it. He leapt downward through the wide cavity and landed catlike on his feet next to Julian, who was, already, encircled. Gen had enough monks to keep her too busy to help. Josh and Gidsy couldn't get past the stairs, where monks were still heading downwards rushing to find freedom. Mitch had his hands full with the Adele. The cavity blown through the building had sucked her down into it as Julian flew by and Mitch was leaning over the hole holding her hand securely. "You'll be up and safe in a jiff," Mitch encouraged. Adele was too busy mumbling about how she was going to kill Julian herself, she'd now ruined one of her favourite pairs of jeans, to answer him. Not to mention the smell! And then, as the stream of boy monks eased, Mabel, Uzi at the ready, strode through the open doorway, looking like a rather short, grey-haired version of Rambo. With boobs. Gabby was behind her, clutching a tire-iron. Mabel fired a short burst into the air, making monks drop to what was left of the floor in fear... at least, what was left of the outer circle. The inner circle muscle men moved in, seeing two women. Yes, one had an Uzi, but they were still women. A fight on a level Jean could not sense was taking place in the seventh ring of Hell below the blasted floor. He knew magic was involved, but he saw only the results--Julian wincing as something hit him, Armando staggering back, sections of wall or ground dissolving as stray spells escaped. He tried once to get through to throttle Armando, but something he couldn't see picked him up and slammed him into a wall. Genevieve was busy wrestling a monk who'd decided to get more personal with a stake, and didn't see this happen. Amazing how a long piece of sharpened wood holds one's attention when it is being held between one's rather shapely breasts. But the monk in question was grabbed by the back of his cowl and literally heaved off of Gen. She looked up in relief as Josh extended a hand. "Can't let that happen," he quipped, helping her up, "that's a nice blouse." Josh's cheek was bleeding and his own shirt was torn, but he looked like he was having the time of his life. "Merci," said Gen, spinning on her heels and taking down another monk without even thinking about it. "Where is Gideon?" He pointed. His oh-so-staid-and-proper hubby was bouncing a cowled, sigiled head up and down on top of the drafting table, much as one might dribble a basketball. "I think that poor guy used a no-no word," Josh grinned. "Faggot, I believe it was." "Oh, dear," tsked Gen. "Have you seen Jean?" Josh shrugged. "No." Mitch gave one mighty heave, and Adele came up safely, but swearing a blue streak as a jagged edge tore her jeans further. "Julian is so paying for these!" she exclaimed. Mabel had shot at the brawny monks coming towards her and Gabby. The chauffeur had laid a couple flat with the tire iron. The monks reassessed their opinion of women, especially with another woman systematically decimating their number with apparent ease. Jean shook himself and stared at the magical combatants. It looked very unpleasant in there. There were... shapes in the air. Eyes. Fangs, and not vampire ones. Armando screamed, and Julian looked like he was crumpling. Three of the inner circle monks, Armando's most trusted henchmen, were creeping along the floor, trying to get to Julian. One of them was carrying a gun. They didn't seem to see Jean, or else had dismissed him as out of action after that slam into the wall. But Jean was a vampire. The monk with the gun died before he knew what hit him. The other two tried to scramble to safety, only to find that vampires move like smoke--and strike like meteors. About that time Armando began to rise in the air. He was struggling, screaming epithets at Julian, yelling for monks to help him. There weren't any. Armando hung there for a time, then exploded. Bits of body flew everywhere. Julian crumpled. Jean sighed, but made no further complaint as he lifted the mage and leapt lightly back to the upper level. Not one monk was left standing. The younger set had all mostly fled; a few were unconcious or being helped into that state by Mabel and Gabby. The inner circle ones were all dead. Some had fang marks on wrists or upper arms... a vamp's gotta eat when a vamp's gotta eat. "Jean," said Gen, hurrying to his side and assessing the damage to her knight, then to Julian. "Can you hear me, Julian?" she asked. "Darling," he said, blinking up at her. "Je suis tres desole." "Pourquoi?" "Jean loves me more than you," Julian murmured. "Look how tenderly he holds me." Gen caught Julian before Jean could dump him on the floor. "Gendarmes!" Mitch called out. Wolfie hearing had caught the sounds of sirens in the distance. "We'd better get out of here." "But the relics," Josh objected. "All those ones Armando was collecting. We can't let the gendarmes find those...where are they?" "Safe. I wasn't wasting my time in that sewer you know." "Oh," Josh said. He kept forgetting magic users could multi-task. --------------- Fred and Spence were waiting by the car as the bedraggled and smelly adventurers rushed out, just in front of the gendarmes. Gabby had the car running. Julian was unceremoniously tossed into the back seat. Josh, Gideon and Adele climbed in too. Mabel and Mitch got in the front and the car sped off. Gen and Jean were headed to his place for much needed baths. Their arguing could be heard. "I should have strangled that miserable weasel." "Yes, dear." "Why did you have to catch him?" "He was already damaged, Jean." "Hmph." She took his hand, merde and all. "You were magnificent tonight," she told him. "You have earned a knightly reward." His eyes lit up. "After a bath," she continued. Spence and Fred melted back into the shadows. They were making their way to where Spence had left his Citroen when "Pssst," came from one of the shadows. Fred looked up, Spence hefted his laptop like he was thinking of using it as a weapon. A thin good looking young man stepped cautiously out of the shadows. "Denis!" Fred yelped and rushed to embrace Denis, who, to his credit, bore the embrace without holding his nose. Fred had gotten too close to the rest of the advenurers and bore some of the evidence of the battle. "Merde," Denis muttered. "Yeah, I'd say so," Spence said with a laugh. Then added, "You two boys be okay?" Fred's and Denis's headed bobbed happily. Come by tomorrow night. We'll party," Spence said. The two walked off and Spence, alone, drove back to the hotel. |
