jo is so bored she is being driven towards insanity. Oh, never mind that. She’s already there, and has been there for quite some time. But anyway, she’s been staring at the computer all day long. Her brain cells are being depleted at record speed!
So, disregarding everything that happened in the last episode, pretend that we all got sucked up by the tornado and taken to a magickal place - a completely deserted island that we’re not even sure exists. But whose fantasy is it...?
*sun, sand, surf...palm trees, clouds, weird birds, big flowers, and ridiculously blue water*
jo: It’s like...some kind of wonderful dream...
Sarah: It tastes just like I dreamed it would! *licks the sand*
Hyde: Where the hell are we?
jo: Hyde, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Hyde: no...
jo: Oh. Well...
Hyde: What...
jo: YOU CAN KISS ME WITH IT! *chases him around the island*
Gackt: Well. What do you all have to say for yourselves?
Yuki: What?!
Gackt: “What”, is that all? Not an “I’m sorry, my lord!” or maybe just a simple apology?! HUH?!
Yuki: Ken, hold me, I’m scared!
jo: DEAR GOD, PLEASE, NO!!
Hyde: *falls over out of breath*
Gackt: You people disgust me! *swishes cape* I am so out of here.
Sarah: Gackt, wait! ...sigh...
jo: Well, you guys...I think we’ve learned a few very important lessons here today...or last night. Or whenever it is.
Hyde: Oh, really? Have we now?
jo: Yes. Hyde, you should stop smoking: Lesson 1. And Lesson 2...we should all listen to Yukihiro next time he comes crawling out of the trash.
Yuki: For your information, I didn’t even have to get in the tra–
jo: Lesson 3: Don’t make Gackt mad or you’re one man down! One very *hot* man down.
Sarah: True...
Sakura: WORD!
Sarah: -_-;
jo: And never let Sakura get his hands on the white stuff.
Ken: Haha! Good one!
jo: and that goes for Ken, too.
Ken: Hey...
Sarah: Um...where’s Tetsu?
Tetsu: *appears behind her* I’m right here...
Sarah: *eep* T_T
jo: totally cool! You gotta teach me that one, te-kun–
Tetsu: Silence!
jo: Oh, I love it when you’re forceful! *glomp*
Sarah: Hey! Tetsu!
Ken: Oh, get a stable!
Sakura: Stable...heheh...
Ken: heheh...
Hyde: *stare*
Ken: What?
Yuki: Well, I think we should go find Gackt.
Sarah: Yeah, we–wait a minute...what for?
Yuki: He’s hot.
jo: Go, Yuki! XD
Sarah: ...O_O
Hyde: Well, he’s got a point.
Ken: True dat!
Sakura: WORD!
Hyde: Please! I can only take so much gangster-reference in one episode...my god...
Ken: Sorry.
Sakura: go on, brush ya shouldas off, we cool dawg, we cool.
Hyde: I’m not...a dog...
jo: That’s right! You’re cuter than one! *huggle*
Hyde: Ok, I’m ready to go home.
jo: No way! This is the perfect honeymoon!
Hyde: What?!
Tetsu: I said SILENCE! Fall to your knees, before I release the hounds!
Sarah: Ok, it was alright at first, but now he’s just scaring me.
Ken: Me too...
Sakura: Me seven.
Meanwhile...somewhere deep in the hot, steamy jungle...
Gackt: *pant* Going...to die... *pant* Unable...to...form...complete sentences! Must have...water! *rips off his cape* Jesus, that thing’s hot... *takes off shirt*
jo: *appears* .
Gackt: What the...how did you...
jo: ._.
Gackt: *blink*
jo: o_o
Gackt: Fine, you can come with me, but *taking off other shirt* you–
jo: O_O *attacks*
Gackt: AH! HELP ME! SOMEONE, ANYONE! SAVE ME!
Back at the beach, everyone is sitting around when...
Sarah: Did you guys...hear that?
Sakura: What?! Was it the Fonz? He’s my role model!
Hyde: Sakura, he’s a yank!
Sarah: So am I...
Everyone: *inches away*
Yuki: You...you lied to us...
Sarah: ...
Ken: Hey...did anyone just hear an unearthly scream...?
Sarah: -_-
Yuki: No.
Hyde: It sounded like Gackt...
Sarah: No it didn’t...
Hyde: Oh yes it did. You’ve never heard him scream like that? I guess he only does it in the–
jo: O_O
Sarah: Get back to your own scene!
jo: sorry...
Sarah: Well...it looks like a job for ME! *runs into the jungle*
Ken: That crazy yank...
Back in the jungle...
Gackt: RAPE!
jo: SHHHHHH!
Sarah: *appears* Here I come to save the day!
*poachers appear*
Poacher 1: Oh my god! That lesbian is being attacked by a...little girl?
Poacher 2: ...HERE WE COME TO SAVE THE LESBIAN!
Gackt: I’m a MAN!
Poacher 1: Yeah honey, that’s what they all say!
Poacher 2: *muffled laughter*
Gackt: Excuse me while I kick some ass.
jo: Of course.
Sarah: ...
Gackt: *mad karate skillz in action; poachers dead*
jo: Yay!
Gackt: Alright, continue molesting me.
jo: Right, now where was I....
Sarah: Hey, wait a minute! I’m gonna save you Gackt!
Gackt: You want to roleplay, too? Good, go get the others and we can–
jo: Gackt!
Gackt: What?
jo: You wouldn’t dream of it...
Gackt: I’m an extremely horny bishounen who will gladly do it with anyone who offers!
jo: And that’s why I love you! But–
Gackt: No buts!
jo: Hey, I’m the one doing the raping here, buddy!
Sarah: Enough! *points her finger out all specialy and is about to yell at them but then the earth rumbles and a huge mecha appears behind her*
jo: Sarah, you brought reinforcements!
Tetsu: *from the robot* FEAR ME!!
Sarah: I do fear you!
jo: Tetsu, you can stop now!
Tetsu: I will stop for no one!
jo: TETSU! BAD TETSU! ...I’ve got pocky! n_n
Tetsu: ...
jo: It’s coconut...Gackt: ARE YOU SERIOUS! *knocks jo to the ground, steals the coconut pocky and eats it ><*
jo: So much for that idea...
Sarah: sigh...TETSUYA OGAWA! GET YOUR SLIM/AVERAGE BUTT DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT YOUNG MAN!
Tetsu: YES MA’AM! T_T
Sarah: Now sit!
Tetsu: *sits*
Sarah: Works like a charm... :D
jo: He’s back to normal! XD
Gackt: Let’s hug him!
Tetsu: GACKT?! *runs*
Gackt: Why is everyone so afraid of me... I AM NOT A MONSTER!
jo: AHHHHHHHHHH!
Sarah: O.o
*the rest of the people appear*
Hyde: There you are! *dragging tetsu*
Sarah: Hey, you caught him...
Ken: You’re damn right we caught him, you think we’d let the little punk get away again?!
jo: IT’S ALL MY FAULT! I MADE TETSU INTO SOME KIND OF...WORLD-TAKING-OVER...MONSTER! PUNISH MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Gackt: *slap*
jo: No, I enjoyed that... Quick! Someone ugly, punish me!
Ken: *punch*
jo: HEY MOTHER FUCKER! *knocks Ken out*
Hyde: ...*cries*
Sarah: Nooooooo! *gives him a cigarette and he gets cool*
Sakura: Remind me again why I broke out of jail...
Yukihiro: Because you love us?
Sakura: Ha! Yukihiro, you were always such a joker...
So, after all that craziness, we went back to the beach where Ken had built us a house. AND OH MAN IT WAS SO NEAT-O! And we had to live on Coconuts...Gackt was in heaven. AND GACKT WAS THERE SO WE WERE, TOO!
The end...for now...
Be sure to tune in for the next episode of Backstage Pass, you stupid mother fucker.